Thursday, September 5, 2024

Calamity of Snakes

Calamity of Snakes (1982… or 1983)

Runtime: 86 minutes

Directed by: William Cheung Kei

Starring: Kao Yuen, Lo Pi-Ling, Wei Ping-Ao, Ou-Yang Sha-Fei, Chou Chung-Lien

From: Chi He Film Company/Kee Woo Film (H.K.) Co.

 
Those that are virulently against animal cruelty, please stay clear of Calamity of Snakes. I’ve known of this picture from Taiwan for awhile now. On a whim, this was experienced via Arrow’s streaming site. This was despite the foreknowledge that many snakes would be shown killed on camera. Boy does it ever: skinned alive, chopped by shovels/knives, flattened by construction equipment, sliced via samurai sword, lit ablaze, killed by a mongoose, etc. Perhaps you can wish for a curse on the film’s producers a la the curse that was marked on the heels of this film & their minions for killing a literal pit of snakes rather than lose any time on luxury apartments being built.

The rich A-hole boss DEMANDED that building be done in 8 months and by gum that’ll happen. Who needs the proper authorities to safely dispose and relocate them, right? Big mistake. The wacky residents of those apartments-including an overweight woman who is constantly the source of fat jokes, to the point that there’s a visual joke comparing her to a hog-will have a really bad time in the final act. Note that literally hundreds of snakes are shown throughout; of course some are rubber but many are clearly alive so if you are more petrified of them than Indiana Jones & have ophidiophobia, this will be more terrifying to you than The Exorcist.

Calamity of Snakes was designed to be absurd. Besides the lo-fi effects of snakes obviously being tossed onto the ground/someone via unseen hands, on two occasions the viewer witnesses the delight of giant pythons flying around in the air and using its own body as a weapon as if it’s a martial arts opponent. There is a literal battle in a warehouse which was a treat. The snake deaths are regrettable, especially when the movie lingers on it.

Otherwise, this is a wacky picture not to take that seriously-what a fiery finale. After all, it is filled with soundtrack tunes, a tune from the album that the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra did of classical music in a disco style, and a song from The Alan Parsons Project, all unauthorized. I mean, two songs from The Dawn of the Dead, two from Maniac, For Your Eyes Only, The Eyes of Laura Mars… thankfully, some random person on YouTube noted all the examples of this as I couldn’t have ID’ed them all myself.

Those that want to view something wacky and desire something from a foreign country for whatever reasons, Calamity of Snakes could be for you. One last note: those that believe the English title is simply proclaiming a group of the same animal like a murder of crows or a gaggle of geese does… incorrect. There are several different words in that case, such as pit or den (which would have worked here) but I can’t explain why they choose calamity besides it being a great word in general. The original title translated in English I looked up on two different sites and both are hilarious:

RUM SNAKE WAR
UH HUH, SNAKE FIGHTS

Both are applicable to this film…

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