Expend4bles

Expend4bles (2023)

12% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 110 reviews)

Runtime: 103 minutes

Directed by: Scott Waugh

Starring: Plenty of people who I feel sorry for that they were in this abomination

From: Lionsgate

Somehow this travesty was even worse than I was led to believe. The unenviable task of having to see Expend4bles (what a “great” title) couldn’t be put off for any longer. I felt obligated to as the first three were viewed theatrically; unlike many, I enjoyed the first two for being the silly nonsense they were. After all, the villain of 2 was Jean-Claude Van Damme as JEAN VILAIN. The action delivered so I was happy… despite those films not being quite like the actual 80’s action flicks I’ll always love. 3 was disappointing, and not just because the PG-13 rating was astoundingly stupid; the story was lame crap. After enduring 4, the memories of 3 suddenly shine brighter…

Even before I’ve heard all the negative opinions in the past week, it was a film I had strong reservations about. The trailers were WTF bad, although I always say that those can be misleading. “Megan Fox in a prominent role” was a bigger issue for me. Instead of writing paragraphs explaining why she is loathed by me, instead I’ll mention that she is someone despised both personally and professionally. She can’t act and in terms of personal preferences, she has had as much plastic surgery as a Kardashian, meaning that by now she barely looks like a living, breathing human being so just having to look at her was a painful task. Turns out, even worse than that was the loathsome character she played.

As for the plot—who cares, really? The movie didn’t seem to care all that much about the crap it was presenting. Things happen that you’d expect in a bad direct to video action film-including focusing the action on only several different locations, there are audience-insulting “plot twists”, the end. The fact that Expend4bles uses more than one 2023 movie trope that I find to be awful was incredibly disappointing. 

Most disappointing, though: the “special” effects. The Flash had some moments that looked horrid, but they weren’t always atrocious like what was presented here. I couldn’t believe the film was allowed to be released in this state. The claimed production costs were 100 million dollars, which made the CG all the more shocking. AFAIK, the reason why the budget is so high is because the production has been in gestation since shortly after the third film was released. Although, the “money laundering” theory I’ve seen bandied about can’t be ruled out…

What a charmless, miserable experience this was. Many of the actors didn’t even look like they particularly wanted to be there. The story was astoundingly bad; I ended up not caring about most of what was on screen. Compounding the problem was that with the action, it was shot too close & was too shaky, so that sucked. It looked like Tony Jaa and Iko Uwais did some cool things, but I can’t say that w/ authority. The new characters made little impact; it was the script leaving them out to dry rather than the actors. The final 10 minutes in particular made me angry. But I’ve said too much about what is truthfully one of the worst movies I’ve ever endured theatrically; I raise my pinkie finger towards it!

 

Flaming Star

Flaming Star (1960)

Runtime: 91 minutes

Directed by: Don Siegel

Starring: Elvis, Barbara Eden, Steve Forrest, Dolores del Rio, John McIntire

From: 20^th Century Fox

If only Elvis had the chance to do more serious motion pictures such as this Western. Before it leaves the Criterion Channel at the end of September, I wanted to see one of Presley’s films which weren’t goofy cornball efforts. A Western from Don Siegel where Elvis was half Native American and the conflict came from his mixed family & how each side in an escalating conflict is upset with them because they’re a mixed family; they’re supposed to “pick a side”… I was intrigued.

Specifically, white John McIntire has a Kiowa wife (Dolores del Rio); white Steve Forrest and Elvis are half-brothers. Both sides of the equation are three-dimensional characters yet both also do some heinous things against the other. The Burton family (hilariously, Presley’s character is PACER BURTON) is stuck in the middle, just trying to mind their business out on their ranch in the middle of nowhere, Texas-mainly filmed in Utah; scenic vistas are usually on display-but each side attempts to pull them in.

Flaming Star is a serious drama where besides the opening credits song, Elvis only sings one other tune… and that’s at a hootenanny birthday party where a silly song is sung. Otherwise, it is a downbeat picture where both sides discriminate against the family and poor Pacer is torn apart by having such mixed emotions. As long as you understand that it’s still 1960 and thus most of the Native American parts are played by Caucasian or Hispanic actors, this is a fascinating Western which doesn’t have happy answers to what is almost a Kobayashi Maru sort of situation where every option for the family is a bad one for them.

It's a shame that Elvis wasn’t able to have more opportunities for complex roles such as this (allegedly, BRANDO and SINATRA were first speculated for the half-brother parts) but Col. Tom Parker is to blame for all those fluffy inconsequential pictures he did after this. Alas, at least I saw a Western for the first time in ages and it was nice seeing familiar faces like Ford Rainey, L.Q. Jones & Richard Jaeckel.

Room 13

Room 13 (Zimmer 13) (1964)

Runtime: 90 minutes

Directed by: Harald Reinl

Starring: Joachim Fuchsberger, Karin Dor, Richard Haussler, Walter Rilla, Siegfried Schurenberg

From: A few different European companies

What a peculiar krimi film this was. As I haven’t watched one of these in awhile, I’ll briefly explain that these were German movies based on mystery novels from Edgar Wallace which usually had light horror elements. Here, the impact it had on Giallo was more pronounced; after all, there is a gloved killer who uses a razor and at one point a topless woman in a club is slashed in the neck. Not only does the viewer briefly see her bare breasts, so do we the blood spraying on a curtain. The earlier films I’ve seen weren’t like this.

Otherwise it was largely the same that I’ve come to expect, except for the fact that two different plots are smushed together. A detective gets involved in a case where besides the Giallo killer that is really only focused on for a few scenes, gangsters get a nobleman involved in a train robbery plot. There aren’t too many red herrings and regrettably, it was rather early that I deduced the killer’s identity. That thankfully did not leave a bad taste in my mouth as I tried to figure out how the slasher’s plot coincided w/ the train robbery plot, and why Karin Dor has a weird reaction to seeing portraits of her mother, who she is a spitting image of.

I managed to be entertained throughout; there are some faces familiar to the krimi world (Joachim Fuchsberger, Dor, Eddie Arent as wacky comic relief) along with a groovy score and a nice style. Even if the razor-wielding maniac was only a subplot, it will go onto my official Spooky Season list, which will be posted early November.

 

Wicked City

Wicked City (Yoju Toshi) (1987)

Runtime: 82 minutes

Directed by: Yoshiaki Kawajiri

Starring: I saw a dubbed version of this anime on Tubi

From: A few different Japanese production companies

This movie featured some fine City Pop… among other things! Animation hasn’t been a big part of my reviewing of movies for Spooky Season, aside from old cartoons from the 20’s and 30’s. Anime I’ve never watched a lot of, even if some of what I’ve seen is great. This film is on Tubi (because of course), its existence known to me last year after a Google search for “horror anime.” This isn’t the most famous work from director Yoshiaki Kawajiri but it was my first.

Yeah, this for certain fit some stereotypes! It’s a tale where someone from “our world” and another from “the demon world” have to team up to protect a horny Hobbit in a tracksuit (because of course) key to renewing a treaty between the two sides. Again, of course it’s a male human and attractive female demon in human form. I did hear things beforehand about this so its horny nature and the presence of TENTACLES wasn’t a surprise! There’s intercourse, nudity, various sex acts, sexual assault… in terms of horror, there are bizarre images, body horror that at one point was obviously inspired by The Thing, strange creatures…

To be frank, I stereotype anime as containing plenty of strange, perverted ideas; I realize that isn’t fair, but it applied to Wicked City. I did struggle with how to rate this. Some of its content is certainly detestable and my score doesn’t condone that material. Yet, I guffawed at times due to how outrageously bold it was at delivering its most adult content. The animation was at least lovely, was presented cinematically and it wasn’t a difficult story to follow at all even if at times the viewer had to pay attention to get all its lore. It had nice sound and a score that was synth-driven. Those elements are responsible for my rating.

As an aside, City Pop is heard a few times; this is the first chance I’ve been able to mention that since I learned what it was a few years ago. Of course I’ve heard that one catchy song from The Return of Godzilla but did not know at the time that in the West there are plenty of people who like 80’s music and also dig City Pop as it’s a whole new world of familiar sounds which are put together in a different way so it’s a companion rather than a clone of Western music. As for me and City Pop, I’ve heard various songs and while I don’t collect it or usually seek it out for streaming… perhaps I should more often.

Wicked City the film was “beautifully grotesque,” to borrow a phrase. After all, someone’s arm is ripped off via a powerful yell! Long before this point you will have determine if its most controversial content was a bridge too far for you to cross. Films like this are best left to those that like such things more than me; before you ask, Tubi uses the dubbed version… not the UK dubbing but the one from Streamline Pictures.

 

Monstrum

Monstrum (Mulgoe) (2018)

Runtime: 105 minutes

Directed by: Huh Joon-Ho

Starring: Kim-Myung Min, Kim In-Kwon, Lee-Hye-ri, Choi-Woo Shik, Lee-Kyung Young

From: Several Korean companies

Combining political machinations/feuds, the plague and a creature feature managed to work. Sadly, a lot of the Korean films I’ve viewed in the past few years (new or old) after Parasite were ones I didn’t care for, nevermind the popular consensus of said films. The fact that I gave this 3 stars is a relief. It was a film I liked and it did not cause anger or disappointment. While it would have been more interesting thematically if there wasn’t actually a monster, the film does in fact have a hairy creature which at least has an interesting look and lore attached to it.

On the Korean peninsula in the 16th century, someone was put into power then almost immediately those same forces attempt to usurp him. Meanwhile, there’s a plague in the region AND there is the titular monstrum who some say is just a rumor to undermine the ruler. This claim is investigated while he meet up with our leads. They are several dudes plus a young woman who is the “girl boss” type without being insufferable. All these pieces are put into the right spot on the chess board before

The general story contains various cliches even if the blend of disease film, action and horror managed to be a different take on a giant monster picture. The look of the CG when it comes to the title character will either work for you or you’ll think it looks too “fake”; it typically wasn’t an issue w/ me. That element out of the equation, many will enjoy the look/aesthetic of the movie with the rural scenery and the ancient villages/cities shown. There’s also some gory moments for those that love seeing the claret fly. The one face that people will know is Choi-Woo Shik of Parasite (Ki-Woo) and Train to Busan fame.

There are some moments that strain credulity and sometimes the film is too flashy; overall, the movie manages to be a fun ride for what it is.

 

Stop Making Sense

Yes, I'm discussing the famed 1984 concert film from Jonathan Demme where the Talking Heads delivered a performance that left me exhausted:

My first time watching Stop Making Sense was on an original IMAX screen w/ a LOUD sound system; that was a ***** experience. Somehow, until last night I had only viewed a small amount of Stop Making sense despite knowing (& liking) quite a few Talking Heads songs. Despite that and the incredibly high ratings it has on Letterboxd, it took the surprising A24 release of the 4K restoration for me to finally experience something I ended up loving.

At the same time, there was no better way to have that virgin viewing than on a giant original IMAX screen (my first time at that location in 4 years; there are LieMAX screens more convenient for me in the region) with LOUD sound. Normally I’m not a fan of that aurally but in this case it was appropriate. As for what I experienced: it was incredible. The music, how everyone in the band was full of energy, David Byrne’s gesticulating, David Byrne’s “big suit”, the direction by Jonathan Demme, the staging & presentation… it was all perfect, really.

Then, judging just from old YouTube clips, the restoration job done was superb; the audio and visual were both stellar. This was why the experience last nigh was so magical. This upcoming Friday (at least in the United States) the film will be in regular cinemas but if you are a fan of the concert movie already or you just enjoy the Talking Heads, seeing it even in a LieMAX auditorium would be a transcendent experience. I DO have to note that during Genius of Love, there’s about 20 seconds of a strobing effect; I’m fortunate that the worst effect of that on me is hurting my eyes rather than causing seizures. Other than that I have zero complaints with Stop Making Sense.

I am quite stingy w/ handing out 5 star ratings on Letterboxd… and some I gave way back during my early days I don’t feel that way about now so those films need new reviews from me. However, it was incredibly easy to rate this film as ***** and that will never change. I’ll spare everyone the task of having to read my writings for paragraphs on why I don’t care at all about popular music today; instead, I’ll note that I’m happy with not caring about that when the music from the past includes the Talking Heads.

Regrettably, there was hardly anyone in the massive auditorium last night. The last time I was at the cinema (The Nun II) there was a young woman cosplaying in a habit. I will safely presume she wasn’t on a day pass from the local nunnery as she had a Jurassic Park purse AND her smartphone case cover had Ghostface! Last night, no one was wearing a gray suit w/ white shoes… “big suit” or regular size.

Son of Frankenstein

Son of Frankenstein (1939)

Runtime: 99 minutes

Directed by: Rowland V. Lee

Starring: Basil Rathbone, Boris Karloff, Bela Lugosi, Lionel Atwill, Josephine Hutchinson

From: Universal

Suddenly, Young Frankenstein makes more sense to me...

As it's been far too long since viewing anything from the 30's or 40's-and during this time of year I see a few films of that vintage-about darn time I see the third film in a franchise where I find the first two to be classics. Getting to see Karloff as the monster one last time was something I should have done ages ago, but there certainly are other reasons to check this out. Lionel Atwill's performance as the town's inspector w/ a prosthetic arm was so peculiar, it was a natural for that character to be spoofed in Young Frankenstein.

Then again, you shouldn't think of this as the main source for what Young Frankenstein parodied. After all, Baron Wolf von Frankenstein (Basil Rathone) never proclaims that his surname is actually pronounced “Fronkensteen”... although, the villagers aren't happy when he and his family relocate to his dad's castle. Wolf locates The Monster and revives it. What misfortune then that it only listens to the conniving Ygor, unforgettably portrayed by Bela Lugosi. As the town's haunted by the past, so is the son haunted by the actions of his father... and Ygor was a criminal hanged for his crimes and somehow survived so he's haunted by those that sent him to the gallows.

What a Gothic delight the film is: the score, the odd Expressionistic sets, the rural villagers, the rainy nights. The story was more gripping than I expected, with the son becoming dangerously obsessed with his father's work, Ygor being the most memorable character & Lugosi delivering perhaps the best performance of his career. There is a young boy who many may at least be mildly irritated by (and for having parents that don't speak this way at all, as an amazing Southern drawl) but please don't let that dissuade you from checking out a motion picture better than expected. If you love Whale's original and Bride, then this is a must.

Death Wish

Death Wish (1974)

Runtime: 93 minutes

Directed by: Michael Winner

Starring: Charles Bronson, Vincent Gardenia, Steven Keats, William Redfield, Hope Lange

From: Paramount

This is more serious than the sequels, yet is still exploitation to the max. The second is too gross to enjoy but the third and fourth are wacky OOT fun. One day I’ll review the 5th then create a list of the entire franchise. Discovering Thursday night that the film was back on Prime meant that it was finally the time to discuss this here.

After hoodlums (including Jeff Goldblum!) commit a heinous assault against his wife & daughter, “bleeding-heart liberal” architect Paul Kersey slowly but surely becomes a vigilante who starts killing various muggers in the Bad New York City of Old. Constantly mildly ill police officer Vincent Gardenia enters the picture and through solid 1970’s detective work, starts to realize who the cause celebre is that has garnered a high amount of media attention.

I won’t comment on my opinion of the film’s stance that supports vigilantism; I will mention that lip service was actually paid to the detail that more minorities than white people were shot by Kersey with a .32. Why, “there are more black muggers than white ones!” That’s a “tug on your collar” sort of awkward I’ll just leave hanging there and move on… personally, the first half was more intriguing than the second; that is because the former showed the impact that a tragic event had on multiple people, and how Kersey shooting his first scumbag was such an adrenaline rush, it literally caused him to vomit. It also provided some needed laughs when Paul spends time in Tucson, Arizona as part of his job and deals with the hilarious character played by Stuart Margolin.

The film can be a mixed bag yet I’m still happy to discuss it here. After all, it was a serious performance from Bronson, some familiar faces (Olympia Dukakis, Christopher Guest) had small roles, and the highlight for me was the awesome Herbie Hancock score; it was during his fusion era and that was part of the music he provided. As this film was a product from madman director Michael Winner but was relatively restrained, it was a pretty good way to spend a Friday night.

The Tomb of Ligeia

The Tomb of Ligeia (1964)

Runtime: 82 minutes

Directed by: Roger Corman

Starring: Vincent Price, Elizabeth Shepherd, John Westbrook, Derek Francis, Oliver Johnston

From: Alta Vista Productions

A recommendation seen before it leaves the Criterion Channel at the end of the month. Technically, a mutual commented that in the Corman-Poe Cycle, Ligeia was his favorite. The film was different from the rest I’ve seen in the Cycle yet I was still glad to have seen it. Vincent Price w/o a mustache hurling a cabbage at a black cat… that alone was great! More seriously, it’s Price wearing the 1800’s version of sunglasses due to light sensitivity who can’t get over the death of his wife but despite being an eccentric, young well-to-do Rowena still falls for him. However, that aforementioned black cat seems to despise her…

Felines of that color are also a trademark of this time of year; it’s a shame that even now they have such a negative stereotype that too many don’t even want one as a pet, but that doesn’t color my opinion of the film. It was mainly an English production and was filmed in that country; the locations they chose (from the interiors to the ruins of Castle Acre Priory) helped set a chilling gothic mood, as did the overall story and the themes presented by the great Robert Towne in greatly expanding what I understand was a rather short story. 

Price was admittedly too old for the role as written; his casting was a requirement. That noted, it was still a solid performance as a character different from the norm. Also impressive was someone I was far less familiar with-Elizabeth Shepherd as Rowena. This was the conclusion of the Corman-Poe Cycle and arguably it was the most ambitious. For certain, while Ligeia is not my favorite the end result was still pretty good.

 

Millionaires' Express

Millionaires' Express (Foo Gwai Lip Che) (1986)

Runtime: 101 minutes

Directed by: Sammo Hung

Starring: Hung and many others

From: Golden Harvest

This was even sillier than expected, yet thankfully it never became… a train that derailed off the tracks. In short, it felt like the time to see an action film (who knows when I’ll have the time for Expend4bles… which I don’t have high expectations for anyhow) and I should use Arrow’s streaming service more often. Thus, this overstuffed film from Sammo Hung featuring many familiar 80’s Hong Kong faces was watched. To clarify, Arrow has the 101 minute “International Cut” of the movie.

Ostensibly, this action/comedy w/ a Western flavor set in the past revolves around a map to the location of the Terracotta Army that among others the Japanese are interested in. In actuality, there are plenty of characters, the titular Express is a locomotive for rich people and scoundrel Hung has a nefarious scheme to drive people to his old hometown. Mix in some very goofy comedy (one dude talks w/ a major lisp, another has a funny voice, and there are sight gags straight out of a silent film) and this may not satisfy everyone for a variety of reasons.

Me, I had to focus but otherwise it isn’t too difficult to follow despite the surplus of characters. Plenty of faces I knew from other 80’s Hong Kong films, and the ones best known to many here include Rosamund Kwan, Cynthia Rothrock, Richard Norton, Yuen Biao, and Jimmy Wang Yu. Some moments have aged poorly but thankfully I laughed more often than not.

Most importantly for action fans… does that element deliver? I say “yes”, especially during the stellar final 20 minutes that served as the climax. No matter your opinion of the first 80 minutes, after that most should be satisfied with the conclusion. Henceforth, I was happy to have made this streaming decision last night.