Black Legion

Black Legion (1937)

Runtime: 83 minutes

Directed by: Archie Mayo

Starring: Humphrey Bogart, Dick Foran, Erin O'Brien-Moore, Ann Sheridan, Helen Flint

From: Warner Bros.

A review where I will have to discuss some politics. In recent years, this motion picture has received more attention. After all, the plot is that Bogey joins an offshoot of the KKK after he is wound up by outside forces to “hate foreigners” when a Polish man receives a promotion at work he feels he should have earned instead. Sound familiar to the America of today?... the worst aspect is that in the 30's there actually WAS a Black Legion which was of cloaked figures terrorizing “undesirables”. They were broken up by the law before this was even filmed yet the tragedy is that with little modification this same scenario still happens far too often in today's America.

Bogart plays a blue-collar man (a machinist, to be specific) who is employed and has a nice wife & young boy. While he'd be happy to earn a little more at the job it still would seem to more than a few as an idyllic life, a pleasant situation to many looking at it from the outside. Then, he's passed up for a promotion and a Polish man receives that honor instead; he really had his heart set on the position. Then he hears propaganda from Fox New... er, I mean a radio station and a co-worker tells him of the Black Legion; suddenly, his passions are inflamed, he becomes a member, and is part of the mob that targets poor innocent folk. Of course, in this movie those targets-like in real life-were recent immigrants from Poland & Ireland... it can be assumed others included those of a different skin color.

As it should go without saying, this decision to join ruins Bogey's life. His performance was the true highlight but Warner Brothers did not push the film like they should have so superstardom for him would have to wait a few years. The cast as a whole is swell although I will spotlight Erin O'Brien-Moore; as the wife it was quite easy to feel sympathy for her as her husband spirals out of control. A few minutes are spent w/ romance between side characters that is really only important to set up character behaviors in the final act—otherwise this was a pretty good movie which delivers sobering reminders that sadly are still relevant today. Heck, there was even a scene where some “in power” (as in, those actually in charge of the operation) were making a fat profit from this enterprise.

Even under the auspices of the Hays Code, this still showed fires being set and whippings being done to those foreigners-yes, there are still potent moments and the actions of this disguised mob are still terrifying today. It also made me hope that the downfall of certain organizations mirrored what happened to the Black Legion... whether in real life or on celluloid. For example, “The Proud Boys” aren't quite as proud after some actually had to face the consequences of their actions for storming the Capitol two years ago...

Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult

Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult (1994)

Runtime: 83 minutes

Directed by:  Peter Segal

People Who Acted in the Movie: The usual crew, plus the likes of Fred Ward, Kathleen Freeman and Anna Nicole Smith

From: Paramount

I did NOT remember that this had a silly sight gag which was also a trans joke. While not egregious like what we got in another ’94 comedy (Ace Ventura: Pet Detective) it still hasn’t aged too well. Even with that noted, I was glad to have seen this before it left Prime after Tuesday. Like with the first two in the series, this movie was watched as a kid although it wasn’t until the past few months that they finally received a revisit after probably 25 years plus.

The plot-while not as strong-at least was different from two, which seemed like a Xerox of the first. This time, as Frank Drebin and Jane are married-although she isn’t happy that they don’t have any children yet-Frank has to return to Police Squad as a terrorist is planning on blowing up a high-profile target. Thus, he has to go undercover in prison. That’s really as complicated as it gets.

There are still laughs to be had in this parody; the gags are exactly what you expect if you know the first two films… including some ribald and risqué moments. Me being old means that all the references that were topical in ’94 were still remembered by me. There are plenty of familiar faces that have small roles (everyone from R. Lee Ermey and Randall “Tex” Cobb to Julie Strain and Earl Boen; then, there are many more in all the time spent at the Academy Awards. For certain, I really only remembered Raquel Welch’s fun turn as herself. One big realization: Anna Nicole Smith having her personal demons is a real shame; she was memorable as the femme fatale here.

What happened with OJ a few months after this was released (March of ’94) made it obvious that there wouldn’t be a 4th one of these. In any case, stopping while they were ahead and avoiding the curse of the third movie in a series being rotten or otherwise a big downgrade from what preceded it… that is a win, along with this never devolving into one of those atrocious “parody” movies that are the only ones we get in the 21st century.

Cocaine Bear

Cocaine Bear (2023)

71% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 206 reviews)

Runtime: 95 minutes

Directed by: Elizabeth Banks

Starring: Keri Russell (no relation) & many famous faces, including Brooklynn Prince and the last role of Ray Liotta

From: Universal

A movie I had to see due to me knowing the true story for many years now. Way back when I saw a TV show which chronicled Andrew C. Thornton II, a police officer in Kentucky who later was the head honcho of a drug-smuggling ring known as The Company. The details of such need not be known to see this movie, although it was quite the tale that lead to suspected deaths & definite disappearances, such as a lady known as Melanie Flynn. On September 11, 1985 a drug run went wrong so after he dumped his coke in the forests of Georgia, he jumped out of his airplane but his parachute didn’t open so he died in a Knoxville, Tennessee driveway.

It wasn’t until later that I heard the story of Cocaine Bear, an ursus americanus who found some of Thornton’s white powder, ingested it, and probably had fun for a brief amount of time before OD’ing in a hopefully painless death. It did not go on a drug-fueled rampage and kill/maim various people. Yet, the real life incident is so strange, the decision to go the wacky route with the idea isn’t too surprising.

The end result? Something I wish would have been funnier to me. There are laughs to be had, sure; however, at least for my personal tastes, there was too much “modern comedy” which flatlined and elicited groans instead of chuckles. Entire characters never worked for me. A shame, as this was otherwise B-movie schlock which managed to entertain between the absurd situations, overqualified cast, occasional graphic gore and nice rural scenery (learning afterwards that Ireland substituted for Georgia was an eye-opener). It wasn’t… UNBEARABLE.

Another surprise that among Keri Russell-no relation-Alden Ehrenreich, Ice Cube’s son, Ray Liotta (RIP), Margo Martindale, and others including Brooklynn Prince, it was fellow child actor Christian Convery who was the most memorable. There was more time spent with those kids than expected so it was a relief that those child actors and characters weren’t the ones that left me exasperated. In terms of overall entertainment this is no M3GAN (an obvious comparison to me) although at least there was camp value and 80’s music/soundtrack-including a score from a musician who was part of a 1980’s song still popular today-to make me not feel too disappointed with the final product.

Incidentally, while it may not be the most dignified fate for a deceased animal, the actual bear that ingested more coke than people backstage at a Fleetwood Mac concert ended up taxidermized and at the Kentucky for Kentucky Fun Mall in Lexington if anyone wants to pay their respects.

Shaolin Temple

Shaolin Temple (1976)

Runtime: 120 minutes

Directed by: Chang Cheh

Starring: Many famous Shaw Brothers players

From: Shaw Brothers

You know, these shaolin monks don’t come off as being good at their job… quite simply, this was on Arrow’s streaming site and as I’ve seen a decent amount of Chang Cheh’s films before, might as well further delve into the filmography of a director I usually enjoy. Regrettably, this was a miss for me.

The titular temple is looking for new recruits to stay alive. Thus, outsiders that want to be “trained” suddenly are. Turns out, it’s more like those A-holes treating these new recruits like crap, torturing them with awful menial tasks and otherwise abusing them. If you love seeing people literally stoking a fire (ad nauseum) or stirring congee, then boy do I have a movie for you. But boy was this not that enjoyable for me. Their “methods” of training those students is like a bobo version of Mr. Miyagi.

Plus, there are some preposterous moments and this was a tale where the plot description misled me as what was promised only happened in the final half hour. Giving credit where its due, the entire concluding 30 minutes is fun with all the action setpieces yet that was not enough for me to like the picture after the first 90 minutes. Many seem to like Shaolin Temple yet when it comes to Chang Cheh’s work, give me something like The One-Armed Swordsman, Crippled Avengers or Kid With the Golden Arm any day of the week.

The Vanishing (The Original)

The Vanishing (Sporloos) (1988)

Runtime: 107 minutes

Directed by: George Sluizer

Starring: Bernard-Pierre Donnadieu, Gene Bervoets, Johanna ter Steege, Gwen Eckhaus, Bernadette Le Sache

From: Several companies from The Netherlands, France, and West Germany

What a cheery movie to announce that my schedule is back to normal… at the crack of dawn, those family members returned home; I’ll miss them, including the two very young children that both like me. Thank goodness today was a day of rest after yesterday was a LONG day at the Magic Kingdom. Throughout the years I’ve heard plenty about The Vanishing and even as a youth remember advertising for the American remake-more on that at the end.

At first, I wasn’t sure about the movie, which was viewed on the Criterion Channel. After all, the beginning is a young Dutch couple arguing with each other on a rural road and in a tunnel, the guy (Rex) driving the vehicle runs out of gas. That is rather dopey, made even worse by the knowledge that the girl (Saskia) made a remark earlier concerning the fuel situation. After that, though… I was invested.

On holiday in France, the girl vanishes from a rest area; to clarify for those around the world, I know that in Europe those rest stops usually are attached to gas stations. In the United States, that only happens once in awhile and those places have an unsettling reputation due to the typical locations in the middle of nowhere off an Interstate or a toll road; that said, I imagine that around the world those places exude creepiness. Even during the day at a busy location, Saskia vanishes.

What wasn’t expected (and I hope this isn’t spoilers for anyone) is that much focus is placed on the kidnapper, whose identity is shown even before Rex and Saskia make it to the rest stop. What makes the movie incredibly creepy is that we see a flashback to this man-Raymond Lemorne-preparing for his first kidnapping. There are detailed preparations for this, and many false starts. The fact that he’s a successful family man instead of the “raving maniac” stereotype helps make this feel realistic… at least realistic when it comes to a cinematic story.

No matter any criticisms or the unexpected directions this went, this was still the enthralling and rather dark journey surrounding a cold and calculating person… a self-proclaimed sociopath who admits as such and the proclamation isn’t lame or blatantly a put-on. It’d be a shame for me to reveal any more and ruin the surprises that this had in store for me as a first-time viewer as others should also go into this not knowing too much. I’ll just say that this has moments (especially the ending) which will chill to the bone. Heck, KUBRICK apparently found the entire thing more terrifying than even his own The Shining. Plus, obsession is the key theme, and not just for one character.

What performances from Bernard-Pierre Donnadieu, Gene Bervoets, & Johanna ter Steege as the three main players. It’s the type of story uncommon to American movies; not a shock then that general consensus proclaims that the Hollywood remake done in ’93 was disgraceful compared to the OG product. Not even the director of this (George Sluizer) being allowed to do his own work over mattered in the end. Without knowing the details, the mind can just imagine how badly Hollywood screwed it up…

Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood

Don’t Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood (1996)

Runtime: 89 minutes

Directed by: Paris Barclay

Starring: Various members of the Wayans family, Tracey Cherelle Jones, Darrel Heath and Helen Martin

From: Miramax

First off, I am posting this at a very bizarre time for me as a few hours from now I’ll be at Walt Disney World (the Magic Kingdom in particular) with some members of my family. After Thursday I believe things will return to normal for me.

I saw this movie… via a 4K AI upscale that someone did and uploaded to their YouTube account! As of now not too many accounts do this although that could certainly become more prevalent in the future. One day in the future I’ll discuss how some people colorize black and white films AND have it play 60fps & how that looks more awkward than anything else… at least this isn’t that. Instead, it’s a simple upscaling and that made this look rather swell; besides having watched this before way back in the day, someone giving THIS such treatment did make me chuckle.

These days, I hope it isn’t awkward that a dumb white guy like me laughed at a parody of “Hood movies” devoted to Black people dealing with inner-city life. Then again, on the picture’s Wikipedia page it notes that each main character is based on someone from several different Hood films. Yeah, archetypes were a thing, although Boyz in the Hood and Menace II Society (the two spoofed the hardest here) are well worth watching no matter your race or ethnicity. 

The general plot is that Ashtray moves into South Central Los Angeles and experiences various adventures with his pal Loc Dog that includes a romantic relationship & an ex-con targeting him. It’s definitely an R-rated film and there are crass moments, but it never became grossly vulgar or unappealing to me. Admittedly the movie feels uneven at times yet there’s a variety of laughs (from a blunt-smoking grandma who was hilarious to MESSAGE!) and there are even some deep digs-such as poking fun at how Laurence Fishburne was barely older than Cuba Gooding, Jr. when the former played the latter’s dad in Boyz. Heck, there were some moments that I thought were from other 90’s films seen in my past.

It's more a series of skits than an actual plot yet the end product was as much a good time as I recalled from all those years ago.

Hard Boiled

Hard Boiled (Lat Sau San Taam) (1992)

Runtime: 128 epic, epic minutes

Directed by: John Woo

Starring: Chow Yun-Fat, Tony Leung, Teresa Mo, Philip Chan, Phillip Chung-Fung Kwok, Anthony Wong

From: Several different Hong Kong companies

If giving Hard Boiled the highest of marks for having such a legendary second half is wrong, then I don't want to be right.

First off, my schedule for the next few days will be completely out of whack and it may be a few days before I post again. Thankfully it's for a good reason this time: family is visiting the area so time will be spent in public with them. That included yesterday for several hours before I could post about a movie I saw Saturday night.

Long ago I viewed this motion picture for the first time; for reasons now not even known to me, I preferred The Killer so I waited so many years for a revisit. Turns out, I was a complete fool. As for 5 star ratings, I am personally stingy with them due to preference. This is a movie I could nitpick if I wanted to; however, I won't and as the second half is so masterfully done and was far more glorious than I had recalled, might as well give the film credit for that.

Instead of focusing on the underworld, John Woo wanted to make heroes out of police officers. The legendary Chow Yun-Fat played “Tequila”; imagine Dirty Harry if he played clarinet in a jazz band. Along with an undercover cop, they attempt to stop an upstart in “The Syndicate” along with his associates, including an appropriately named Mad Dog. The first half is pretty rad as there are great action beats to go along with the pathos and drama.

However, the second half raises all the stakes even higher than you can imagine. It's all OOT between character behaviors, the tragedy, the babies (oh yes, the final hour is entirely set in a hospital), the violence, the thousands of bullets fired, all the epic moments... it is like the thrill I still get when watching large stretches of other classics like Aliens or T2. Of course, everything revolving around one baby in particular is ludicrous but I'm sure that was the intention so might as well laugh along with the movie, right?

Perhaps it's how many movies in the 21st century (especially in the action genre) leave me wanting more or are just disappointing when it comes to those beats, but getting to see all the time and effort in putting together those astounding thrills and beats that still are effective if you get to experience it for the first time in '23... all the people behind the scenes and in front deserve all the credit for how amazing it was. What a shame that John Woo's Hollywood career wasn't that great to me although some like it more than I do; more should agree that Chow Yun-Fat had his talents wasted by Hollywood. At least Tony Leung had the exposure of Shang-Chi, even if the quality of the movie has been hotly debated.

A shame that in the United States, it can't legally be streamed, whether for free or a paid subscription. On the other hand, at least as of this moment there are several copies of fine quality on YouTube, which is the route I had to take. Then again, I understand that HD copies of the movie that look/sound worth a damn didn't really happen legally so it takes some Google-Fu to track down a digital or even BD-R copy that's better... hopefully one day someone like the Criterion Collection can fix that problem and give us a definitive version most worthy of a motion picture that most 80's/90's action fans should love.