Godzilla vs. Space Godzilla

Godzilla vs. Space Godzilla (Gojira vs. Supesugojira) (1994)

Runtime: 108 minutes

Directed by: Kensho Yamashita

Starring: Megumi Odaka, Jun Hashizume, Zenkichi Yoneyama, Akira Emoto, Towako Yoshikawa

From: Toho

Um, is this really how telekinetic powers work?

It did not take long to discover why many say that this is the worst among the Heisei series; I do not quite agree but this is for certain a lesser entry and a downgrade from the previous year's Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla II.

What a muddled, confused mess this was. I mean, this has everything from an anti-pollution message and the YAKUZA (mind control is a big subplot and they want to control The Big G as a means of exerting power... um, isn't the Yakuza powerful as a hidden entity? Doesn't that go against everything they stand for?) to telekinesis and an obsessed dude wanting to kill Gojira via... firing off a bullet filled with blood coagulant from a regular submachine gun? Um, I don't think that's gonna work if entire armies and futuristic firepower couldn't stop him!

Besides the fact that most of these subplots are underdeveloped, the characters make giant leaps of logic and they are somehow right. The origin of Space Godzilla is rather outlandish and heck if I know how one of the leads was able to surmise how it was created. The advent of HD doesn't help this out but even more so than usual, this movie had a bad case of “you can see the wires.” What kept me going through this was seeing all the lunacy on display and at least the kaiju battles were fun... but I was not a fan of Space Godzilla as a crystal-infused creature which has a bunch of goofy powers-at least it looked kind of cool, I suppose...

Oh, and Godzilla Jr. was redesigned and here looks doofier... not to mention there is a different giant robot operated by our heroes-M.O.G.U.E.R.A., inspired by a robot of the same name in the 1957 Toho movie The Mysterians. I haven't seen that, but it doesn't matter as I know they only borrowed the robot's look for this movie and none of its backstory. The robot itself is rather goofy and to quote a mutual here, like something out of Power Rangers.

Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla II

Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla II (Gojira vs. Mekagojira) (1993)

Runtime: 108 minutes

Directed by: Takao Okawara

Starring: Masahiro Takashima, Ryoko Sano, Megumi Odaka, Yusuke Kawazu, Daijiro Harada

From: Toho

You know, the Heisei era Godzilla films were pretty weird.

This is the first time in a few years I've seen one of those but while The Return of Godzilla was relatively straightforward, Biollante was off the wall and good, vs. King Ghidorah was off the wall and not so good, and Mothra had a human subplot where they boldly ripped off Indiana Jones. This continues the zaniness: there is more psychic ability from Miki Saegusa-a character introduced in Biollante-a guy who stans Pterandons (those are flying dinosaurs; I am not sure why everyone scoffs at him for this when I know that Rodan* exists in this universe because Rodan is one of the kaiju creatures in this film), and yes... Godzilla Jr.! That's what I called him in the Showa era so I'll continue the tradition here. Thankfully the origin is not as goofy and aesthetically the appearance is much more palpable. I won't

Even with some befuddling moments, I had a pretty good time with this. The human stuff at least kept me entertained and all the kaiju action was very well done... explosions, many miniatures being destroyed, and everything else you'd expect from this sort of motion picture. Plus, you can insert your own jokes concerning a term that is used in this film: G-Crusher!


* The version I saw on Amazon was subtitled. From looking at multiple reviews I see that the English dub called him Radon, which upset some people. Thing is, its Japanese name is... Radon! It was changed to Rodan (because of silly reasons) for the English version of the original 50's film and that always stuck, despite it not being accurate.

The Big Parade

The Big Parade (1925)

Runtime: 151 minutes

Directed by: King Vidor/George W. Hill

Starring: John Gilbert, Renee Adoree, Robert Ober, Tom O'Brien, Karl Dane

From: MGM

The past few days I've seen some real old things. The last time, I mentioned 1932's Jewel Robbery. There was a Keystone Cops short I saw (1915's Love, Speed & Thrills) which was only OK but at least I finally saw the originators of a phrase still used today) and Monday night was this famous silent: 

“Justyn” as a name for a girl seems like a millennial trend, not something from a century ago.

Last night I saw another film from Turner Classic Movies, ran as part of their annual block of war pictures for Memorial Day. World War I was the theme of this storied movie and as I've enjoyed the pictures about that topic I've seen in the past (including They Shall Not Grow Old) so checking out a famed silent seemed like the right thing to do.

This does show the horror of wars and how harrowing trench warfare was but this wasn't as bleak as similar movies like All Quiet on the Western Front or its German equivalent, Westfront 1918. Several Average Joes excitedly enroll in the military when the United States enters The Great War, only to realize it isn't quite so glamorous (to the point that they have to find a barrel to attempt and make a crude version of a shower)... but the focus is on the relationship that develops between James and a French dame named Melisande-this is despite James being engaged to a girl oddly named Justyn. It's a cute relationship as they bond over such things as her being introduced to chewing gum. The first half of the movie is amusing as multiple guys want Melisande... including Slim. This actor just looked like a yokel named Slim... a tall gangly dude who always had a giant wad of chewing tobacco in his mouth.

It isn't until the last hour that you see any battles, but that is fine as I cared about the characters by then due to all the time spent w/ them; you feel bad when the lovers have to split as his troop is finally called to combat and they are devastated at this separation. The action is effective; it shows the chaos of war and it is easy to see why the main players would get frazzled then defy orders when one of their buddies is out there alone, feared injured.

This silent is still beloved now and at the time was a gigantic hit; it's not hard for me to see why. The love between the budding couple was captured perfectly. They were able to start a romance despite the language barrier and the movie shows this with gestures and not using many intertitles during those scenes. Said intertitles were effective in other moments, sarcastically explaining how tedious or numbing it was waiting for war. This is a melodrama, done very well-the viewer goes through many emotions as the movie ranges from lighthearted to intense. Those that also enjoy motion pictures about The Great War should seek this out, a more humanistic approach to what soldiers went through but still one w/ intense combat scenes and an effective portrayal of how horrific it must be to engage in battle.

Jewel Robbery

Jewel Robbery (1932)

Runtime: 68 minutes

Directed by: William Dieterle

Starring: William Powell, Kay Francis, Helen Vinson, Hardie Albright, Alan Mowbray

From: Warner Bros.

The reason for this rare late night review: the preceding week I've not only been pretty busy, but my health was not always 100%. However, things should be back to normal now. This film was just on Turner Classic Movies and I had the free time to watch then immediately review.

This is a breezy farce (barely over an hour long) where Kay Francis plays a baroness in Vienna who is robbed in a jewelry store by a gang of bandits led by William Powell. She leads an incredibly pampered life but she is bored so of course after the theft the two become smitten with each other. It helped that it was the most chill robbery I've ever seen, complete with The Blue Danube Waltz being played on phonograph, and Powell acting like a gentleman despite his line of work. Jewel Robbery-based on a contemporary Hungarian play, of all things-develops a more and more exaggerated style until it becomes quite theatrical in the final act but I can see why this was nice escapist entertainment for Great Depression.

I mean, I was also charmed by this film. It was a nice way to kill time tonight. This was Pre-Code so among other things a character is given “a funny cigarette” and later on other characters unwittingly toke up-as many people do when given that, they act silly & giggle uncontrollably... or so I've heard. The movie manages to be likable because the two leads are a nice duo and deliver the best performances-furthermore, Francis was a dish.


As an aside, the same year's Trouble in Paradise was based on another Hungarian play, and it was by a different playwright. I am not sure what's more surprising... Hungarian plays being hot at the time or the fact that thieves were a popular topic in them.

Phantasm II

Phantasm II (1988)

Runtime: 97 minutes

Directed by: Don Coscarelli

Starring: James Le Gros (controversially, as I'll explain below), Reggie Bannister, Angus Scrimm, Paula Irvine, Samantha Phillips

From: Universal

A few years ago, I watched and reviewed the OG Phantasm-of course I had seen it before that but it had been a long while. Even via streaming I enjoyed how the movie looked and sounded in its remastered form. As I stated in that review, “dream logic” and that sort of jazz usually isn't my bag as I am tried and true a logical sort of fellow... that said, Phantasm works because its obvious low budget nature and off-kilter style (and yeah, some bad acting performances) helps make it an intriguing watch and this weird journey always kept your attention as these siblings deal with all these surreal events.

The sequel is at least different and not a rehash. As many others have noted before me, this is like Aliens in that the action is pumped way up and the heroes bring it to the villains... including the usage of a flamethrower AND a specially-created quad barrel shotgun. The story at times utterly baffled me but as I've seen parts of the third one a long time ago (which is quite the story I'll tell once I review that) I know that is par for the course when it comes to the series. There's also psychic phenomena, as of course a horror film from the latter half of the 80's would have such a plot point. In addition, Reggie Bannister: Action Hero is great as he was a balding middle-aged guy at the time and in the first film his job was “ice cream man.”

Unfortunately, this was released by a major studio (Universal) and even back then there were stupid and useless “studio notes” which hampered the production. I mean, that is why this was more straightforward and not too surreal at all. The movie is watchable and at least I enjoyed the wackiness on screen but the weird magical world of the original was just not an element presented here and that did hurt. James Le Gros was fine as Mike but of course he was recast; Don Coscarelli was lucky in that he was able to have Reggie Bannister return as Universal wanted new and more experienced actors for both main roles and Bannister was a concession. At least Angus Scrimm is still a menacing figure as The Tall Man and there are other franchise hallmarks, such as the bootleg Jawas, the black Plymouth Barracuda, The Spheres and the unforgettable musical theme.

II ends up being as much of an “80's mainstream horror film” as possible for such an off-kilter franchise. It is eerie in different ways from the original, and at least it's not just a bigger budget rehash of the first Phantasm. The films after this revert to having Coscarelli having full control and doing whatever the hell he wanted, including having all the fan favorite actors reprise their roles. This was a weird detour which was a road movie, had big explosions, and unexpected moments which made me chuckle. Also, Reggie's BOOGIE DOWN trucker's hat is quite marvelous.

Loqueesha!

Loqueesha (2019)

Runtime: 98 very long minutes

Directed by: An atrocious human being in “comedian” Jeremy Saville. Watching this “film” makes me pretty sure I am not being overly dramatic here.

Starring: Saville and a bunch of people I've never heard of before.

From: The Best Movie, which is the worst name in history for a production company created for a worthless motion picture

Loqueesha unexpectedly dropped on Prime Video two days ago. Please do NOT ever watch Loqueesha.

Just earlier this month a movie trailer went viral on Twitter, and I imagine that was the intent of the disgusting human being responsible for this motion picture, “comedian” Jeremy Saville, who was the writer, producer, director and star of this. As presumably he would not create a misleading trailer for his own movie, many people were horrified to see that the plot was some untalented white guy becoming famous as the titular character after he gets a radio show and speaks with a “black woman voice” (even though no one in their right mind would think that his voice was anything but some A-hole man doing a piss-poor imitation of a bad stereotype) so that his snot-nosed kid could go to an expensive private school. Not that I've watched Sorry to Bother You yet, but this seemed like that if it was created by a bigoted A-hole with an IQ of about 80.

Lest you think I am being overly harsh against Mr. Saville, Loqueesha is actually worse than it appeared to be judging by the trailer. When more than one person has used Neil Breen's movies as a point of comparison... even I was taken aback by how bad everything was. To start off, as others have noted there appeared to be a rendering error in this finished product! The first few minutes were telling... the lead character (Joe) is a real tool by not only doing a bad routine where he talks with a weak South Asian accent, but we get the first of several “jokes” related to transgendered people. I can say that all of the jokes are more like “jokes” as the only laughs I got from this were unintentional. Of course this was a low-budget production; I won't automatically punish them for that. But this was at times on the level of Birdemic. Wait until you see some of the graphics that were rendered for the movie, or how poor the ADR was in one scene, where “iPhone” was said on set but due to concerns over legal threats, was dubbed over with “smartphone” so ineptly, I am pretty sure it wasn't the actors on screen who did the dubbing!

Besides the fact that this is an utter failure all around, this “wise sage advice” that the lead provides is incredibly basic-Yoda he ain't. The movie could have been satire in how mediocre white men take the place of more deserving minorities or how it was obvious that Loqueesha is actually a guy doing a bad voice but no one seems to notice... in actuality, this is deadly serious. Joe and his producer have to hire a black woman to play the role in public (and it was absurd how Joe and producer had to jump through so many hoops to do a show in studio... such as no one else being in the studio itself during recording) and besides that character being a garish stereotype AND also is implied to be the VILLAIN of the picture... when she speaks she sounds completely different than Joe's terrible Stephin Fetchit voice! The movie actually has that much contempt for its audience. There are many other instances of just being tone-deaf and clueless but I don't want to write a thesis here.

Already this has been compared to the likes of The Room and Birdemic. I get it, but those are far more worthy of bad movie love as those accidentally became bad movie gold and without being grossly offensive. James Nguyen wanted to deliver something with an environmental message and Tommy Wiseau sought to show the tragic downfall of an innocent character. At least those spectacular failures are not hurtful or present dangerous ideas. Let's not have other loathsome people suddenly decide that “being outrageous” and having a poorly made offensive motion picture is the way to get attention and make some dough. Lord, this is a flick where not only does mediocre white dude have a black woman tell him that his Loqueesha is a better black woman than she is, but the appalling message of “people who make public their suicidal intentions are only doing it for attention” is presented as fact. This in whole should never be watched-if you must, there are already several YouTube reviews up where this is rightfully skewered and the most egregious moments are shown.

Terror Of Mechagodzilla

Terror of Mechagodzilla (Mekagojira No Gyakushu) (1975)

Runtime: 83 minutes

Directed by: Ishiro Honda

Starring: Katsuhiko Sasaki, Tomoko Ai, Akihiko Hirata, Katsumasa Uchida, Goro Mutsumi

From: Toho

This was my initial viewing of the original Japanese cut; as a kid I saw the American version (via a 90's Paramount VHS release) which had a weird 10 minute opening which not entirely accurately gives the history of Godzilla and mentions what happened in the previous movie, then there are white credits that scream “late 70's” in appearance. As I have this on DVD and both cuts are on it... otherwise this would only be faintly remembered.

The plot: the aliens from Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla return and they rebuild Mecha; once again there are Interpol agents trying to stop them, aided by common folk. That isn't as interesting or as memorable as in G vs. M but this does have the interesting subplot of a genius scientist gone crazy (is there any other kind?) and his daughter, whom the aliens save from death and she has quite the secret that I won't spoil here, only because a random reviewer noted how they got mad that Wikipedia gave this plot point away. Anyhow, scientist and daughter actually have the ability to control another kaiju, an aquatic bipedal dinosaur-like creature known as Titanosaurus.

You're gonna have to wait a long while to see any of the kaiju fight each other (and even longer to see Mecha actually do anything) but overall this is fine. The human stuff is at least interesting. As others have noted, this is darker than usual for a later-era Showa film and once the action does start, it is a lot of fun. Many things are trampled on, knocked over, or just plain blown up. It should be good times for many that enjoy the kaiju action, and can appreciate how Ishiro Honda returned one last time and Akira Ifukube did the score once again.

John Wick: Chapter 3-Parabellum

John Wick: Chapter 3-Parabellum (2019)

88% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 232 reviews)

Runtime: 130 minutes

Directed by: Chad Stahleski

Starring: Keanu Reeves, some characters making their returns, and other characters making their debut... all of whom I hated

From: Summit

Most people love this motion picture... I don't.

You know, I now loathe the John Wickiverse.

This will be yet another one of those reviews where I have an outlier opinion and most will vehemently disagree with it. I do dread when those moments happen as I don't want to spend time and money seeing something that is overwhelmingly beloved but it left me cold and/or angry. I especially don't want to bash a film with great action scenes (even if they were preposterous and the filmmakers were trying WAY too hard to “be cool” with them) filmed pretty well and something which both looked and sounded great, especially if you saw it in a Dolby Cinema like I did.

As is usually my bugaboo, it's the story and characters which I have an issue with. The original John Wick was great as the plot-however simple it was-lead to us seeing a badass wreck a bunch of dudes and explained a shadowy world that was usually in the periphery. Chapter 2 had great action beats in a story I didn't really care for-it wasn't real enjoyable and the more that was revealed about the world, the less I wanted to hear about it. As it gave a teaser for Chapter 3 that I did not care for, I'll be frank here and say that I wasn't really looking forward to this. Still, I went into Parabellum with an open mind, hoping that I would have more fun with this.

Alas... even with the memorable action, I HATED the story. Many problems with the script, I did have. There is poor storytelling going on and I did not find it “cute” that there would be loud fights going on or people obviously being killed in broad daylight with witnesses all over the place yet no one seemed to notice at all. The new characters introduced here... it made the worst ones from Chapter 2 seem fine in comparison. Honestly, all were insufferable in various ways, whether they were just generally unpleasant or in one instance, massively annoying. One in particular I ended up groaning whenever they would occasionally pop up in the story; in this day and age I better clarify that my opinion isn't on the performer (and especially not what they identify as) but rather the poor character they had to try and play.

While watching the film, I realized through all its dopey moments and gross-out gags... what a terrible world the John Wickiverse is. I mean, it does not seem like any fun to be in whatsoever with all its misery and depressing moments. I know Chapter 4 has already been announced for 2021 but... who knows if I'll ever see that with what was teased at the end of this... I could write paragraphs about how awful and nonsensical the ending was but I'd get even madder that what was a simple and fun story in the original film became this illogical, implausible mess where the plot seemed like the last thing the filmmakers were concerned about.

Most people love this movie and that's fine; for me I was reminded why I tend to go for the older films to visit or revisit-they tend to be more interesting or just more enjoyable to me than a lot of the modern movies, no matter the praise they receive.

T-Men

T-Men (1947)

Runtime: 92 minutes

Directed by: Anthony Mann

Starring: Dennis O'Keefe, Alfred Ryder, Wallace Ford, Charles McGraw, Jane Randolph

From: Eagle-Lion Films

This is not the first time I've said this on Letterboxd but it's been too long since I've seen a film noir... in fact, this was the first one I've checked out this year. Hopefully in the next few months I will watch a few more of those as it's a genre I usually love.

The plot is simple yet effective: two agents in the United States Treasury Department go undercover to bust a counterfeiting ring and this requires them joining a gang and dealing with mobsters & other shady characters. They have to rise up in the ranks as they try to build a case. The perpetually nervous character known as The Schemer was exactly what you'd expect for someone only referred to by that name. Occasional narration does pop up and I know not everyone is a fan of that... I wasn't too bothered as many noirs have that and besides, there are long stretches where the narrator is gone as his comments weren't really needed.

They obviously had cooperation with the Treasury Department in the making of this film; thankfully that was never a detriment to telling its hard-hitting story, as some scenes where people get beat up sadistically, are killed, or otherwise are in a lot of peril... those are trademarks of the genre and they are present in this film. T-Men is set in both Detroit & LA and periodically, other branches of the department are shown-for example, forensics determine where the paper used for this particular case of counterfeiting likely came from.

A big asset in making this enthralling story a joy to watch is the cinematography from the legendary John Alton, who dabbled in many different genres but his noir contributions include the likes of Raw Deal. There is plenty of the characteristic lighting you'd expect-the daytime scenes (at the likes of an ice cream shop or in one pivotal scene, a farmer's market) also look aces. The movie as a whole was a reminder to me that I was a fool for ignoring film noir again for way too long a period of time.

Violent Road

Violent Road (1958)

Runtime: 86 minutes

Directed by: Howard W. Koch

Starring: Brian Keith, Dick Foran, Efrem Zimbalist Jr., Merry Anders, Sean Garrison

From: Warner Bros. 

Who knew there was more than one American remake of The Wages of Fear?

I can tell you that I had no idea until I looked at Turner Classic Movies' website Wednesday night to see what would be on the next day and in the early evening was this... something I had never heard of before. Once I read the plot description, I was shocked as the only American version of Wages I knew of was William Friedkin's Sorcerer. From looking at this site and the IMDb, not too many people in general are familiar with this motion picture, a random and standard 50's Warner Brothers programmer. That made me feel not so dumb, especially after realizing this was an unauthorized and unacknowledged remake.

This is why Wages was viewed by me on Wednesday night; that has great sequences yet the story was totally unpleasant and I've never been able to care at all about any of the A-hole characters, so why should I care about their plight or them completing a treacherous delivery for a corrupt A-hole corporation? Here, thing aren't exactly cheery either... I mean, this starts off with a rocket launch that goes haywire and crashes into a school! Here, the corporation is the “Cyclone Rocket Company” and the mission is to deliver the components of rocket fuel to a location, and this is done via six people in three trucks. The characters have such issues as alcoholism and there are various flashbacks seen.

This also takes awhile to literally get on the road (more than a half hour in for an 86 minute picture) but at least the characters-while not the most memorable-are not completely loathsome. The driving scenes are not as inventive nor as nerve-wracking but they do have their suspenseful moments. Overall, this movie is not bad-it is not great either and instead is average overall. It's not a must-see... thankfully it was not a waste of time either. Plus, if you thought that Wages needed one of the drivers singing a song or a random scene where a runaway school bus (w/ students onboard) threatens to crash into one of the trucks...

Before the topic is broached, soon I'll view Sorcerer and discuss that.

The Wages Of Fear

The Wages of Fear (LeSalarie De La Peur) (1953)

Runtime: 148 minutes

Directed by: Henri-Georges Clouzot

Starring: Yves Montand, Charles Vanel, Folco Lulli, Peter Van Eyck, Vera Clouzot

From: Several French and Italian companies

This will be another instance of me having a controversial opinion. Give me the Henri-Georges Clouzot film Diabolique instead of this any day of the week:

It was not the plan last night to revisit this film but for reasons I'll get into tomorrow, this was the opportune time. I realize my relatively low rating will be unpopular, but let me explain. Before last night, I had an even more negative opinion of this movie; the actual transport of the nitroglycerin across the terrible roads of a fictitious South American country that Trump probably would utter some foul language about... that has its suspenseful moments for sure but when the main players are all A-holes to various degrees that I could never warm up to and the story was too miserable and not any fun...

Seeing it again last night, I'll say this is fine-I guess. I do not love this like most do as it will be forever difficult for me to enjoy a film if I can't connect with a plot or its main players. The fact that it does have some tremendous nail-biting sequences help me give this a “not bad” rating. I just wish it would not have literally taken forever to get on the road, and again, someone I actually liked. Of course I realize the setting of a South American town full of squalor, various sundry characters stuck there and it de facto being run by an appalling oil company that expresses the worst of capitalism and colonialism (those satiric barbs were on point) it's not the cheeriest setting yet how about someone I could root for? When the main players are making that delivery, it would have been helpful for me to actually care about their fate, but as they are all lowly buffoons... not even the guy that I heard described by another reviewer here as “bootleg Rutger Hauer" could make me like watching this again.

I presume this won't be the last-ever viewing of The Wages of Fear for me; after all, the only cut I've ever watched is the 148 minute international one. The original 153 minute version was restored and released on Blu-ray... but not in the United States yet. Not that I expect this to suddenly change my opinion and that cut will suddenly cause me to say that this a masterpiece like most other film fans proclaim. In the near future I will talk about the remakes (yes, more than one) and give my opinion on those.

Batman & Robin

Batman & Robin (1997)

Runtime: 125 minutes

Directed by: Joel Schumacher

Starring: A bunch of embarrassed faces

From: Warner Bros.

I had seen this boondoggle before, but never theatrically. The fact that in 2019 I could experience a big budget film this infamous on the big screen was good enough reason to pay the cash and experienced this w/ random strangers. I was surprised they did not guffaw in disbelief more often... in my head, my laughs were frequent.

I don't need to recap the plot in full; I'll just state that even I (a non comic book fan) know that all these characters got bastardized and this was a bizarre garish movie where such things as logic, motivation and science were thrown out the window as a bunch of cartoony things happen and one of the villains has a Freeze Gun that he uses often. As I've mentioned before, as a real little kid I saw reruns of the 60's Batman TV show... but I haven't watched it since I was a real little kid and it had to be goofy like that as it was a low budget television program. MANY bad decisions had to be made along the way to arrive at a film with so many stupid moments (Batman having his own credit card the most infamous one, but there is a plethora of other bits that are just as insipid) and such a harebrained plot-all that said, it's so unintentionally hilarious it is not a movie I hate. I mean, there's all the silliness and somehow a serious plotline like Alfred dying is thrown into the mix. I have to presume Bruce Wayne's romance w/ Elle McPherson was supposed to be more than just a few brief scenes and a lot there was left on the editing room floor... what an afterthought that became.

After all, this will likely be the funniest thing I see theatrically in 2019 and there are many bright neon colors to look at throughout. Plus, I will presume that Uma Thurman realized what a fiasco she got herself involved with, which is why she seemed to be the only one that camped it up to high heaven which is in stark contrast to just about everyone else. I am not sure why Bane was turned into a monosyllabic grunting thug who is a henchman to the lead villains but at least the late former pro wrestler Robert “Jeep” Swenson looked the part as an enormously muscular human being. One of Arnold's trademarks is delivering bad puns, but he didn't do it all the time and while some of them were good, there needed to be more a variety and other words used that played off of “cold.”

Just today, a podcast interview was released where George Clooney acknowledged that Arnold was paid something like 20 times more than he was (which is why he was second-billed) yet he got most of the heat for the movie being bad. Clooney does admit to not being good in Batman & Robin and the decision to appear in films with much better scripts was one of the reasons why he was able to weather the storm and not have his career ruined... a fate that did befall several of his cast mates. In 2019, I can be entertained that there were studio executives who thought this is what people wanted from a superhero film.

Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla

Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla (1974)

Runtime: 84 minutes

Directed by: Jun Fukuda

Starring: Masaaki Daimon, Kazuya Aoyama, Reiko Tajima, Akihiko Hirata, Hiromo Matsushita

From: Toho

I don't plan on seeing these Gojira movies in order; also, this will be the last one I see from the series for likely a few days... my week trial of Starz ran out late last night and well, otherwise this film is surprisingly hard to track down, at least in decent quality. The streaming options are limited and the DVD went out of print long ago, and only recently were prices not astronomical in case you wanted to own it. Thus, this had to be viewed Monday night; ironically, I've actually experienced its immediate sequel as a kid several times via a videostore rental when Paramount released it in the 90's... but this was a first time experience. I guess the first Mechagodzilla was always hard to track down in the West.

Anyway, the villains once again are aliens; sure, there are differences with them and wait until you see what they really are (some people were obviously inspired by another popular franchise at the time; also, apparently according to canon, they are actually known as BLACK HOLE PLANET 3 ALIENS, as that was where they said their home was) but it seemed like Toho was running out of ideas so no wonder after the next movie they took a break for awhile and stopped this franchise temporarily. At least the human side of the movie provided enough entertainment for me; our heroes have to try and resurrect a monster from folklore called King Caesar as the events of the movie are following an ancient prophecy and there's also secret agents involved. This is one of the times where the movie was bloodier than usual for the genre.

There are some “oh, come on!” moments yet overall this was a blast... sometimes literally with the pyrotechnics on display. The kaiju battles were among the best I've seen in this era. Caesar actually doesn't do all that much in the grand scheme of things, which is something I can laugh at rather than get upset about. After all, how can I be mad when the dubbed version I saw had some great voices (especially for the lead heel) and said lead heel liked to drink what I'll call SPACE WINE out of a wine glass? There's even a random musical number!

All Monsters Attack

All Monsters Attack (Gojira-Minira-Gabara: Oru Kaiju Daishingeki) (1969)

Runtime: Only 69 minutes... heh heh heh

Directed by: Ishiro Honda

Starring: Tomonori Yazaki, Hideyo Amamoto, Sachio Sakai, Kazuo Suzuki, Kenji Sahara

From: Toho

Among all the movie's faults, what a waste of a cool English title: 

A Godzilla movie as a clip show.

This infamous movie is only 69 minutes long (heh heh heh) and yet is filled with stock footage, as if it was an episode of a TV show which did the same method to make an episode on the cheap, give a lot of people time off, etc. As far as I can tell, why this was done for a movie where said footage was from four movies released only in the preceding few years before this came out... Toho really was that cheap. I haven't watched Ebirah, Horror of the Deep yet-that film was originally going to star King Kong but plans changed so Godzilla was substituted, which is why I understand that is rather strange as a Gojira picture but I am sure I'd rather enjoy those clips used here in context to the film rather than it being spliced in to kill time and provide some action.

All Monsters is also quite juvenile, and not just because the protagonist we follow is a bullied kid (Ichiro) who is like 8 and he dreams about visiting Monster Island, which is mostly stock footage and that's the only time we see any kaiju action. Godzilla Jr. (OK, his actual name is Manilla) is there, and at least in these dreams, Manilla speaks back to him and can change size as if he's Jet Jaguar! The enemy that Ichiro has is a bully named Gabara, so that's also the name of the one enemy kaiju created just for this film; research tells me it's supposed to be based on the Oni of Japanese folklore but to most in the west, it's a weird bipedal reptilian creature which as a face shaped like a cat. King Ghidorah, it ain't.

Much of the focus is on Ichiro's real life adventures; both of his parents are busy with work and he's an only child; at least he has a friendly adult neighbor, who was the 1969 version of a tech nerd. Our hero-who following kaiju movie tradition OF COURSE was wearing too-tiny shorts-also gets mixed up with a pair of bumbling crooks (they were gigantic fools) who stole a lot of yen and are trying to hide out before Ichiro stumbles upon them.

I suppose I can't get too mad at this as it has some nice messages for the kids and our lead learns some lessons which allows him to escape the criminals and also improves his life in general (although, perhaps kids shouldn't learn that it's OK to scare people painting a sign, thus causing them to fall and get paint all over them! Like I said, juvenile); however, such material being in a Godzilla movie just doesn't seem right. Its poor reputation is obvious to me; not even the short length makes this worthwhile to anyone except the die hard franchise fans.

Destroy All Monsters

Destroy All Monsters (1968)

Runtime: 88 minutes

Directed by: Ishiro Honda

Starring: Akira Kubo, Jun Tazaki, Yukiko Kobayashi, Yoshio Tsuchiya, Kyoko Ai

From: Toho

This is like The Avengers of kaiju movies.

Returning to the nice, widescreen subtitled prints that Starz has on Amazon, I saw this film... one that Toho tried to make epic as this has scenes in outer space, aliens using mind control on both humans and monsters, and oh yeah... plenty of kaiju madness. Besides Gojira, there's Mothra, Rodan, Gorosaurus, and Manda, among others. Oh, and there is also Godzilla Jr. and a popular critter that surprisingly shows up in the final act.

When the creatures aren't on screen wrecking miniature sets as they're being controlled by the Kilaak aliens-which believe it or not at one point reminded me of T2 after a key scene-the human story is also interesting. Some astronauts get involved and they all wear amazing yellow spacesuits w/ helmets that look like overturned buckets... it's tremendous. You may not want to think too hard about the actual plan the Kilaaks have for conquering Earth but that did not bother me too much; worse IMO was how not all the critters got equal time and some I would have liked to have seen more of (or just seen, period) during the big finale.

In any case, the villains are fine (while they naturally look like attractive young Japanese women, they aren't as memorable as the ones from Invasion of Astro-Monster but what can you do?) and there was enough kaiju action spread out to where I never got bored. Plus, unlike what was erroneously promised in the American posters for Godzilla vs. Megalon, the Big G actually attacks New York, albeit briefly. I sure as heck don't count Godzilla '98 as besides the film being a giant pile of dung, “Zilla” is a pale imitation of the real thing.

Batman Forever

Batman Forever (1995)

Runtime: 121 minutes

Directed by: Joel Schumacher

Starring: Val Kilmer, Tommy Lee Jones, Jim Carrey, Chris O'Donnell, Nicole Kidman

From: Warner Bros.

Since Jim Carrey is apparently anti-vaxx... I also can't sanction his buffoonery.

As this movie is showing on the big screen Mother's Day and I will be with my mom that day (I know, “awwww”) I instead streamed the film this afternoon; at least I saw it theatrically back in '95. I seem to recall it being fine but then again I don't even know if I ever watched it on video after the fact so this might as well be a first time watch, to be perfectly frank. In 2019, holy cow is this ever garish and over the top; what was I thinking as a 14 year old?

I imagine everyone knows the plot and how the villains are The Riddler and Two-Face (not played by Billy Dee Williams and that sucks for him but this is Hollywood so they did not care about continuity and Jones was a hot name at the time). Jim Carrey going way overboard for a role is a natural fit but Tommy Lee Jones doing the same thing just does not seem right for a man of his acting style and talents, you know. Honestly, I am surprised Edward Nygma did not bend over and suddenly start talking with his butt!

Admittedly the movie is a lot more colorful than the first two and at times was interesting to look at... but neither that nor the nice score could make up for all the illogic, how The Riddler's magical device looked like a blender, or rubber nipples or butt shots or stupid moments. The homoeroticism between Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson was amusing as an adult as I definitely did not pick up on that at the time. I also laugh at how Carrey and Jones got along as well as you'd expect when they were working together, which was “not at all.” Also, why do these films ALWAYS have to involve clowns in some way? The henchmen wearing wrestling masks was at least different, I suppose.

I do get why some are fans of this; as someone who isn't into comics nor ghastly unsubtle things where everything is over the top like a music video (complete w/ Dutch angles for some reason), I'll pass on this. Eh, at least there's the songs from U2 and Seal that are more worth remembering, I say.

Space Amoeba

Space Amoeba (Gezora, Ganime, Kameba: Kessen! Nankai No Daikaiju) (1970)

Runtime: 84 minutes

Directed by: Ishiro Honda

Starring: Akira Kubo, Atsuko Takahashi, Yukiko Kobayashi, Kenji Sahara, Yoshio Tsuchiya

From: Toho

NOTE: While this print currently on Amazon Prime was dubbed rather than subtitled, this was not the AIP version known as Yog, Monster From Space.

I saw another kaiju movie last night but one that was not Godzilla, although it featured the usual talent behind the scenes that did some of The Big G's films and even had some of the same cast as Son of Godzilla. This one also took place on a tropical island, yet was about some characters going there as a resort will be constructed soon (despite natives living on the island) and things go haywire as a satellite crashes near there, now carrying the titular space amoeba. As it's sentient, it causes a cuttlefish-not an octopus as identified in the dubbing nor the giant squid it appears to be-a stone crab and a spiny turtle that for purpose of legal reasons does not resemble Gamera in any way grow to giant size and trample miniatures on a set as you'd expect from a genre. As it's a kaiju film, OF COURSE one of the leads is a reporter/journalist.

This is exactly what you'd expect from a movie where a creature that resembles a giant squid walks upright on land in order to destroy a tropical grass hut village. Those that enjoy the genre stand a good chance to like this also; there's a variety of different characters, a budding romance, and a wacky weakness that the amoeba has... although it's not as silly as, say, aliens trying to invade Earth when they have water as an Achilles heel... anyhow, Ishiro Honda directed this, Akira Ifukube did the score (borrowing some tracks from his King Kong vs. Godzilla score, which is far superior to the lame tracks used for the American version) and this was a cheesy good time.

Admittedly not the best thing that Honda did and the special effects do suffer as stalwart Eiji Tsuburaya had passed away after his long run doing the effects on Toho's previous kaiju features... like I said this may still satisfy genre fans.

Son Of Godzilla

Son of Godzilla (KaijutoNo Kessen: Gojira No Musuko) (1967)

Runtime: 85 minutes

Directed by: Jun Fukuda

Starring: Tadao Takashima, Akira Kubo, Beverly Maeda, Akihiko Hirata, Yoshio Tscuhiya

From: Toho

“Exacerbated Single Father Godzilla” was not something I knew I needed.

These past several years I have not watched much in the way of Godzilla, which stands in contrast to the first few years I was on Letterboxd, when about a dozen of those films were viewed by me. I have a list of all those reviews so far that should be easy to find-it references a certain Blue Oyster Cult ditty. Anyhow, if you are a Prime member on Amazon and do a free trial of the Starz channel, that is a way to see some movies in this franchise; whether or not I extend that trial and pay for a month or not, several films starring the Big G will be viewed by me before King of the Monsters comes out late this month.

This is an infamous entry, as this is when the series had its stretch of being made primarily for children and the budget being slashed. Gojira was designed to look more friendly and in this entry, he adopts a young son just hatched from an egg. Its appearance will likely cause you to genuflect... in a bad way. I hope he grows into beauty later in life but in the film, Baby Godzilla (its official name is Minilla but “Baby Godzilla” is easier to recall) just looks goofy as hell and also not that handsome. It never should have happened yet seeing Godzilla teach his adopted son how to blow fire and roar is so strangely surreal, it did make me laugh.

Meanwhile, I should get to the actual plot. For the purpose of preventing food shortages in the future when Earth has a far greater population-a logical idea-they have the idea of... controlling weather so food can be grown in more areas? Is dinking around w/ Mother Nature really a good idea? Also, should those experiments be done on an island with giant praying mantises (mantii?) and a giant spider? Yeah, this movie is rather silly and the plot shouldn't be pondered for too long. Yet I can't say this is awful. OF COURSE in this franchise there is a journalist character and I was intrigued that some ideas and names from here returned in future installments. While the movie solely consists of kaiju brawling with each other on a tropical island mixed in with a plot that doesn't 100% connect with the monster hijinks, I can't say this was awful. This is still watchable, if slight.

Heck, the music (corny at times, admittedly) had its epic moments so to me this is not the worst in the series.

Batman Returns

Batman Returns (1992)

Runtime: 126 minutes

Directed by: Tim Burton

Starring: Michael Keaton, Danny DeVito, Michelle Pfeiffer, Christopher Walken, Michael Gough

From: Warner Bros.

Schreck missed a golden opportunity by not calling his soiree a Maxquerade Ball.

Unlike with '89 Batman, neither parent took me or my young siblings to see this theatrically. I do not know for certain but I can only surmise it was due to all the controversy at the time over the film's dark tone and questionable moments that moralists say was not for kids. When I viewed it on VHS, I recall not really being a fan and regrettably that is still the case after seeing it on the big screen last night... but at least I can be bemused by how overtly sexual this was (I understand why Penguin is a horndog but Lord, so are Bruce Wayne and Selina Kyle) and I can admire how great the production design was. Sure, it was over the top in copying the German Expressionistic films and this doesn't look much like the Gotham City in the first film... but then again in the Nolan movies, Gotham looks completely different from movie to movie and somehow most did not seem to notice or care... anyhow, I now also appreciate the nice nod the name Max Schreck was.

The Penguin's storyline does make sense, at least on the surface. While him running for mayor is rather absurd, him wanting acceptance from human beings due to how he was cruelly abandoned as an infant due to his mutated features... I can understand that. A weird catlady who is killed only to revive as a literal catlady-complete w/ nine lives-after being licked by several feral felines and suddenly she wears a bondage outfit and flips throughout the air... I do not understand that or her character's motivations after that point AT ALL. I guess it makes about as much sense as how easy it was for the Batmobile to be hijacked and remote controlled... as I've said ad nauseum, superhero movies aren't really for me so that's why I don't see most of them. I know many will disagree but this is full of nonsense and moments that made me go, “huh?”

Being on the Internet has told me that this is pretty polarizing and there are some who hate it. I can't go that far because at least it has a quality cast, is visually stunning, has a sweet score from Danny Elfman and like with Batman I enjoyed the practical effects and miniatures. It having many fans is something I understand... if only it wasn't so goofy and had a weird adult for something that was supposed to be for kids of all ages, presumably. A movie having both a “pussy” joke from Penguin and a special Batman CD-ROM drive... that is rather peculiar.