The Fog

The Fog (2005)

Runtime: 100 minutes

Directed by: Rupert Wainwright

Starring: Tom Welling, Maggie Grace, Selma Blair, DeRay Davis, Kenneth Walsh

From: Revolution Studios

Whoops, I was supposed to say on Sunday what I thought of the Evil Dead remake in unrated form. Well, it's still pretty bad; the different cuts don't matter, as I think that both stink. Stick with the original instead, which I can also say about The Fog remake.

On Halloween, I first rewatched Sleepaway Camp (still a perversely entertaining movie, whether or not the filmmakers intended it for the film to be so perversely entertaining) then on Netflix Instant I watched this infamous film, something I've only heard the most toxic things about. To be honest, I agree with those people; this is indeed quite bad, even in the realm of horror remakes. I try to explain why below: 

Yes, I actually make an effort to see this movie. I've always heard the most dire things about this film, and yet that was why I wanted to see the film, if it was as horrible as everyone said it was.

Well, it was. While I did not see the unrated version on disc and instead saw the theatrical version on Netflix Instant, I highly doubt that'd change my opinion.

I've seen the original film before and while not my favorite Carpenter, I do dig it. It is great at mood and atmosphere as it tells its spooky story. This... early on I could see why this is reviled. The character names are the same, entire lines of dialogue are lifted and the plot is similar, but this is God-awful crap designed for teens who had never even heard of the OG flick, and populated with “pretty faces”. Selma Blair tries to be as sultry as Adrienne Barbeau, and it did not work. And Tom Welling sure as hell ain't no Tom Atkins. He didn't even drink any beer while driving his truck! Then you have characters like Spooner... “awful black stereotype” is the best descriptor. I guess he was supposed to be like the Buck Flower character, and what an insult that is. Let's not even talk about what they did with Father Malone.

Then again, this is a film where instead of radio station KAB playing old jazz and other similar tunes, we get alternative music, some of it alright and some not so much... I am looking at Fall Out Boy when it comes to the latter. It's really all so lame and boring. The original did it SO much better. Not only is the CGI pretty bad, the movie isn't even scary. A problem when you can't nail that, mood, or atmosphere... nor can you tell the original plot points with any sort of competency. Then, there's a twist ending that certainly wasn't present in the Carpenter film. This... this was really stupid, a dunderheaded decision if there ever was one. It's a groaner, definitely. Wikipedia will tell you if you are dying to know.

I'll be happy to sound the foghorn and tell everyone who hasn't seen this: never watch The Fog remake.