The Last House On Cemetery Lane

The Last House on Cemetery Lane (2015)

Runtime: 82 minutes

Directed by: Andrew Jones

Starring: Lee Bane, Georgina Blackledge, Vivien Bridson, Tessa Wood

From: Several British companies

Last night on Instant I saw a pretty bad horror film. Please don't ever watch this. I explain why in my Letterboxd review below:

Unfortunately, there's no shortage of bad horror films and that's been the case ever since they started making horror films. This happens to be one of them, and I expected it to be bad due to its low IMDb rating and bad word of mouth here on Letterboxd. Boy was it ever! At least it seems appropriate to have a real stinker of a film on the list of horror movies I am watching this season, a list that I'll put out early next month.

It's another haunted house movie and that's really all you need to know about the general plot. There's a love interest for the writer that is renting the house in Wales for 8 weeks to work on his writing-believe me, that's not the only time The Shining is ripped off-but it's mainly a way to fill time, those two characters talking about not much at all. This was not meant as a graphically gory movie and I am fine with that. Unfortunately, this is just deathly dull as the “scary” moments aren't terrifying or even mildly chilling at all, the “surprises” and even worse, the story makes absolute zero sense.

Let me explain why: the opening has a real estate agent showing the house to that idiot writer (John) and he is told that an old blind woman lives in the attic and “she hasn't left the attic in years” and he “won't ever see her”. Um, what? How does she eat... how does she go to the bathroom? John never questions this and he decides that he'll go with renting the place. I turned against the movie right there, as it's so stupid and illogical... but there are other moments that'll give you brain cramps.

Besides all that, there's an overbearing score, weird lighting throughout, and a lot of amateurish filmmaking. I suppose the acting is serviceable but when the rest is so bad, they somehow included an Ouija board scene, they made the low budget so damn obvious and there are other movies in the genre that they rip off-all better than this tripe-and there is no need to ever watch this; while there's plenty of mediocre or worse films on Netflix Instant, there are still enough worthwhile ones to see where you needn't bother with something like this.