Java Heat

Java Heat (2013)

Runtime: 104 minutes

Directed by: Conor Allyn

Starring: Kellan Lutz, Ario Bayu, Mickey Rourke, Verdi Solaiman, Frans Tumbuan

From: Margate House Films

Here's another random Netflix Instant watch. This time it wasn't a good movie. I explain why below:

If you're wondering why I watched a movie called Java Heat starring the “fountain of charisma” that is Kellan Lutz (he actually is about as charismatic as a can of corn) and a already has pissed away his goodwill from The Wrestler Mickey Rourke, it is because I heard about it in a messageboard thread and someone said it wasn't that bad, which after having seen this I don't really agree, but it being set and filmed in Indonesia was of interest to me as it seems like a scenic country with a great culture and yet I haven't seen too much of it in terms of pictures or film.

The plot: Lutz is said to be an art history grad student from Cornell called Jake Wilde... I realize how preposterous that sounds; well, his real identity may be even sillier. Anyhow, he's in Indonesia when he sees a bombing at a party and a person of royalty is said to be killed... only it's a set-up for something else. Rourke is-shock of shocks-the villain and his accent I can only describe as “foreign”, as I have no idea what it's actually supposed to be in origin. Like in Iron Man 2, his character has an interest in birds. Anyhow, Wilde has to work with an Indonesian cop known as Hashim to bust the case, but neither likes the arrangement.

When you look at films from the country (whether it be insane 80's entries like Rambu and The Stabilizer) or more modern examples like The Raid series, this co-production between Indonesia and the United States just comes off badly. The plot is utter nonsense and it's not even worth trying to figure out. It's just poppycock. Wilde is definitely a “bule” (a dumb white person in Javanese, or so the movie claims) and he comes off as an annoying clown. Between the name and the buff body, he's like the lead of an 80's B movie, only not as charming or entertaining. He's just a blockhead.

There's no real need to see this really dopey and stupid action film when there are many better options on Netflix Instant, where I watched this. About the only thing of note was seeing life in Indonesia, from the customs and the dress to the architecture and scenery. However, there are better ways to explore such things than watching a goofy low-budget action programmer.