The Last Stand

The Last Stand (2013)

59% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 129 reviews)

Runtime: 107 minutes

Directed by: Jee-woon Kim

Starring: ARNOLD, Forest Whitaker, Luiz Guzman, Jaimie Alexander, Eduardo Noriega

From: Lionsgate

Finally, I've seen my first 2013 film. Tomorrow evening I'll finally post that 2012 list, but tonight I'll talk about this film, one that ended up bombing at the box office; maybe not enough people care in these modern times about one old action star, maybe it was his controversial time in office, maybe it was that affair with the scary-looking maid, or maybe it was a combo of all of those... point is, I was surprised it did almost nothing at the box office. The trailers made it look good but I heard reviews from action fans, many of whom said that this was middling at best. I was shocked. Turns out, I disagree with the naysayers.

You probably already know the plot: A cartel leader on the level of Escobar (Noriega) escapes from FBI custody and he takes a Corvette ZR1 and heads to Mexico. He decides to have his henchmen set things up where he surprises the authorities and goes through a rather small town in Arizona on the Mexican border. But he wasn't expecting a grizzled sheriff (ARNOLD) and his wacky collection of deputies being there to try and stop them.

This is the American debut of famed Korean director Kim. I'd compare this to his other films like The Good The Bad The Weird or I Saw The Devil, but I would have had to have seen them before to be able to do such a thing, so... I imagine this isn't as good as the movies I mentioned but that doesn't mean this is bad. Sure, this is a big dumb action movie where you should shut your brain off... that said, if you enjoy action movies with many interesting characters, nice moments for all of them, bitchin' cars (a Camaro ZL1 also is used by someone), plenty of violent bloody action, funny moments, familiar faces (there's also Peter Stomare, the really hot Genesis Rodriguez, and a cameo from Harry Dean Stanton) and yeah, hot women throughout..

If you enjoy that sort of thing, then ignore the criticisms and check this out, at least if you are able to. By the start of February it'll be gone from many theatres due to it bombing. I say it's a shame it did not do well. Maybe on DVD/Blu-Ray it'll get more attention and appreciation, where you can admire that it starts off with a cover of Sleepwalk and it ends with a cover of the Jeff Beck Group version of Howlin' Wolf's I Ain't Superstitious.

Like I said, tomorrow night I'll be back with THE LIST.

Django Unchained

Django Unchained (2012)

88% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 222 reviews)

Runtime: 165 minutes

Directed by: Quentin Tarantino

Starring: Jamie Foxx, Christolph Waltz, Leonardo DiCaprio, Kerry Washington, Samuel L. Jackson

From: Weinstein/Columbia

Now that I have seen this (after more than one failed attempt to try and watch it since it came out last month; I won't even go into those tails of woe) I can finally do my Top Movies of 2012 post, which will be posted Friday afternoon. And yes this will be on the list somewhere. I wasn't sure beforehand; as I've said before, QT's movies are really hit or miss with me. I know that's not a popular Internet opinion but that's honestly how I feel. Thankfully this is a hit.

You probably know the plot already but let me try to be brief: Django (Foxx) is a slave who gets bought out by Dr. King Schultz (Waltz; he's a dentist, or rather a former one who is now a bounty hunter) as Django knows the appearance of a trio of brothers that the good Doctor is looking to kill. That happens early in the film. After that they develop a strong partnership and they decide to rescue Django's lady Broomhilda (Washington) from the evil Calvin Candie (Leo), who is a plantation owner and the house is run by the house slave Stephen (Jackson), an old black guy who certainly acts like he's white. The plan they use to try and free her... rather interesting.

Sure, the movie is long but for the most part I never felt bored by the extended length. The performances in large are all quality from the noteworthy cast (there's also the likes of Don Johnson as Big Daddy, the original Django himself Franco Nero in a cameo, Walton Goggins, James Remar, M.C. Gainey, Bruce Dern, etc.), there are some real tense moments, and when you get violence... oh boy is it rather violent and blood-soaked. I suppose they got away with an R because of QT's reputation, because the violence was against racist A-holes, because it was over the top in a comic fashion at times, or maybe it's a combo of all those factors.

This is more than just the spaghetti westerns that the Django name was taken from; it starts off that way but ends up being a revenge drama/fantasy sort of thing with strong violence at times. I know that QT isn't for everyone nor are all of his movies, but this is definitely the most straightforward and traditional movie that he's done. No juggling of different storylines, going back and forth in time, or anything of that sort, aside from some standard flashbacks. And wow what a sleazy person Stephen is, turning his back on his race and being racist against them like all the A-hole white people you see throughout. Yep, the N-word is used often, but of course it is given the setting; ignore Spike Lee's embarrassing attempts at getting attention and piggybacking off this movie to do so. What a clown.

In short I am glad I finally saw this after the false starts. I'll be back Thursday night.

My Bloody Valentine 3D

My Bloody Valentine 3D (2009)

Runtime: 101 minutes

Directed by: Patrick Lussier.

Starring: Jensen Ackles, Jaime King, Kerr Smith, Kevin Tighe, Tom Atkins

From: Lionsgate

Today I decided to go through some Blu-Rays I have that I hadn't really spent much time with. I saw Total Recall (I hope I don't have to clarify it was the original) via the much-improved Blu-Ray that came out last year; I already reviewed it almost 3 years ago but in short, it's still a great movie that people shouldn't look down just because it stars Arnold; sure, if you don't like graphic violence that is one thing, but don't hate on Arnold... at least not for his acting skills. His personal life, maybe. And let's not even talk about the remake, which sounds pretty terrible from all I've heard and a massive waste of what could have been a different take on the Phillip K. Dick short story it was based on.

Anyway, I've had this Blu-Ray for awhile but never sat down to check it out. It has both the 2D and 3D versions and tonight I saw the 3D version with the cheap cardboard glasses; it didn't look too bad all things considered (a big TV and a high-def format has to help out) but the big screen is the best way to see 3D film. I actually did see this back on the big screen in '09 (twice) back when 3D was a novel thing and it wasn't common-place like it is now. As you can see I enjoyed it back then. Turns out, I still enjoy this tale set in a mining town.

The plot: Due to a f***-up by the owner of the mine's son Tom (Ackles), miner Harry Warden kills his fellow miners to try and save more air for himself. Harry ends up in a coma. A year later he wakes up and he wreaks some havoc on the young kids partying in the mine, including Tom, who escapes death w/ the aid of some cops. They shoot Harry and bury him in the woods, or so the story goes. Then we flash-forward 10 years and Tom returns to town after running away to deal with his father's death and wanting to sell the mine. As he returns, a figure dressed like Harry Warden starts killing people. Is it Tom, the new sheriff in town (Smith) who is now married to Tom's old love Sarah (King), or is it someone else?

Like I said this movie is still a lot of fun. Plenty of things come at the screen with the 3D format. The story is always interested and it's made clear that several different people could be behind the killings. There are plenty of pretty women to look at, although special mention has to be made of Betsy Rue and how she spends one extended scene completely nude. This is just a fun and gory slasher where many creative kills are done with the killer's pickaxe. At least with me, sometimes you want to have a good time and have some beer while watching an entertaining slasher, and this certainly fits the bill. And yes, eventually I'll watch and then talk about the original Canadian film from the early 80's.

I'll be back Tuesday night.

One Down Two To Go

One Down Two To Go (1982; not 1976 as it now says on the IMDb for somereason)

Runtime: 85 minutes

Directed by: Fred Williamson

Starring: Fred Williamson, Jim Brown, Richard Roundtree, Jim Kelly

From: Camelot Films

I'll admit this right away: the last time I tried using Hulu Plus, it made my computer act all funny. I don't know why but it did. That's why I hadn't used it in a few days. But, I tried it tonight and it worked fine, so yay for that. I decided to see this film, one I've known about for a long while now. It features four awesome blaxploitation dudes coming together for one last hurrah in a genre that had died off after a few glorious years.

The plot: There's a martial arts tournament (that and “karate” is what they called the obvious kickboxing matches going on in the then-new Meadowlands Arena in New Jersey, now seen in modern times as a real dump but back then it was seen as great. It's some guys from California against some local guys. Despite loaded gloves being used, the out of towners still win... and the people who put a giant bet on the New Jersey boys winning don't want to pay up. Kelly and Roundtree investigate to get their cash, but run into problems and a galpal of theirs gets raped and then kidnapped. They call in Brown and Williamson to save the day.

I heard good things about this. Turns out I did get entertainment... bu it's mainly laughing at this stupid ridiculous movie. Gunshots happen in a stairwell and the bad guys in the stairwell at the time don't hear them? It's illogical stuff like this which bothered me, along with real obvious padding being done for an 85 minute movie and a “that's it?” finale.

Still, there's plenty of odd things to note. For example, you randomly see a bunch of shirtless white hairy dudes sharing a joint. This doesn't lead to anything. The sheriff of the town is a guy who looks to be in his 80's. A blonde bartender (who you've seen a few times before) is for no reason showering in Williamson's hotel room without his prior permission... and I swear it looks as if she's pleasuring herself in there! He finds this sight and of course, the director/producer manages to have a love scene for himself.

But there's more... like a mutt dog having a cigarillo stuck in its mouth, some hilarious early 80's facial hair, and a self-professed karate expert (who you don't see use it at all) that is a big bald dude that looks like a cross between Gert Frobe, King Kong Bundy and the big fat bald guy from Stir Crazy. There's also a one scene cameo from Joe Spinell and you get to see him mack on a lady in a sterling blue pantsuit.

While I was hoping for a legit awesome action film, if you want to laugh at a shitty stupid movie then this is a good one to pick. I'll be back Sunday night, as long as I don't have further computer issues, that is.

The A-Team (Extended Edition)

The A-Team (Extended Edition)

Runtime: 134 minutes

Directed by: Joe Carnahan

Starring: Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, Sharlto Copley, Quinton Jackson, Jessica Biel

From: 20th Century Fox

I am doing something a little different today. Much of this will be a copy and paste job of my opinions on the theatrical version of this movie, which believe it or not I saw 2 ½ years ago. It does not seem that long to me. Recently, I found the Blu-Ray for this film for cheap; it has both the theatrical and the extended versions. I decided to check out the longer version. Also, on Saturday Rampage Jackson fights the last fight on his UFC contract and it's likely he'll be leaving after this weekend and who knows if he'll ever fight again.

Now, in italics is the important parts of my original review:

As I’ve mentioned before, the movies that were released this year that I’ve been looking forward to, I’ve been let down by (I’m looking at your general direction, Kick-Ass and especially Iron Man 2). I was hoping I’d enjoy this. I figured what type of movie it was going to be, based off of the TV show, but I was still hoping for at least a good time.

I’ll confess that I have faint memories of watching the TV show when I was real little. A few years ago I rented some episodes of the show from a local video store, and I discovered that I found the program to be rather stupid and not entertaining. I know that’s blasphemy to some, but it’s true. I better never try to watch Knight Rider, as I know I enjoyed watching it when I was a kid.
As for the movie… it’s rather similar to the TV show, except that it’s dopey BUT GOOD. You get to see four Army Rangers in a special A-Team faction, led by Hannibal Smith (Neeson), and including Face (Cooper), the loony Murdock (Copley), and the famed Bosco (B.A.) Baracus (acting newcomer/MMA fighter Quinton “Rampage” Jackson, who doesn’t do too badly). You see them get framed for a crime they did not commit, and they try to right all the wrongs.

Sure, it’s a goofy movie, but you probably already figured it out if you saw the trailers and noticed Cooper firing a machinegun from a tank at drones… but the plane happens to be falling out from the sky… if you can believe that could happen, then you should enjoy this. If you can believe Biel playing a Captain of the investigative arm of the Department of Defense, then you should enjoy this. Need I go on?

The only real complaint is that there’s too much of that shaky-cam/quick editing crap that I’ve railed against on here more than once before. Yet, maybe because I’ve been waiting for months to enjoy a movie I had some sort of expectations for, maybe that’s why I’m giving it a pass when I may otherwise be more irked by it. If you can excuse that, this very funny movie that’s packed with quality action should entertain you like it entertained the packed crowd I saw it with on Saturday night. There are surprises and double-crosses along the way (I won’t reveal anything, except that I was surprised to see Major Dad himself, Gerald McRaney, play, surprise, a General) and it’s the type of movie you’d expect it to be (a big dumb action movie with plenty of laughs) but unlike many of them (IMO) this one’s actually entertaining to watch and doesn’t make you angry with how dumb and ridiculous it is. You’ll enjoy all the characters and how they interact with each other rather than be turned off by any of them, for example. Biel acts about as well as you’d expect her to (i.e., she’s a pretty face and not much else) but it doesn’t do anything to make you not have a good time with this.

As for this longer version (making an already long movie even longer, adding in 18 minutes of footage) there are some extended scenes, some additional scenes, and some cameos from the end credits by two of the original cast is inserted into the story chronologically. Which one is better is up to you; me, I had no problem with the longer version as it did not SEEM way too long for me. The movie still seemed to flow decently enough and I still enjoyed what I saw. At least with the Blu-Ray you have the option of watching either and if you prefer the shorter one, then that's OK. Otherwise I stand by what I wrote back in 2010. My opinion hasn't really changed at all.

I'll be back Friday night.

Firepower

Firepower (1993)

Runtime: 91 minutes

Directed by: Richard Pepin

Starring: Chad McQueen (the son of Steve), Gary Daniels, Joseph Ruskin, George Murdock, THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR; yes, that Ultimate Warrior

From: PM Entertainment

This wasn't what I was originally going to watch today, believe me. This day hasn't been too great, to be honest. I'll spare you the details but I figured it would be a good idea to watch a film from PM Entertainment, a late studio that was all low-budget fare but most of the cash was used on action and special effects, which is fine by me. I am glad I felt at least good enough to watch anything instead of skipping out, but I did not want to do that again, so here you go. Besides, getting to see former WWF wrestler The Ultimate Warrior (now right-wing nutjob Warrior; yes, he changed his name; among the things he's said as a public speaker: “Queering doesn't make the world work.”) in an extremely rare fictional role outside the world of wrestling sounded tremendous for a big wrestling fan like me.

Before you continue reading I recommend you read this article: It's a column written about this film on chud.com. Usually the site's content is douchebag hipster stuff but the writer is actually a pretty cool dude.

Like he said this is a movie set in the “future” of 2007 with cars of the mid 90's that they try to make look futuristic. Darren Braniff and NICK SLEDGE are a pair of cops in Los Angeles; it's a world that's pretty crappy, and there is a “hell zone” that pretty much is like the big buildings in The Raid: Redemption (or Dredd) and the prison island of Manhattan in Escape From New York. The two cops go into the hell zone to track down the musclehead criminal that broke out of jail (The Ultimate Warrior!) and end up in a Thunderdome cage in a nightcub fighting various dudes who all have one name as if they are the gladiators on American Gladiators... or Mortal Kombat fighters; considering that after a set amount of time each guy gets to use a random weapon, that help makes me think of Mortal Kombat.

The movie is what you'd expect going in if you actually take the time to go looking for it; here's a hint, search for “solar movie”; that site has many streaming links... but only use it for real obscure films like this and not to watch motion pictures still on the big screen! Anyhow, it's low-budget cheese but it's a lot of fun to watch if you enjoy such a thing. The action is good for the money and there's plenty of martial arts. There's also good-sized explosions you see throughout. The story works and you'll never get bored by seeing various cliches get used. The musical score... all over the map but it's mostly fine. One or two of the songs sounds like the early 90's version of dubstep, which I think is tremendous.

Like I said, if you enjoy that sort of thing, you might as well see this, if only to watch The Ulimate Warrior (without facepaint) not do much besides fighting. I'll be back Wednesday afternoon and I should be more on time with that.

In the Realm of the Senses

In the Realm of the Senses (Ai No Korida) (1976)

Runtime: 103 minutes (at least that's the version that Criterion released)

Directed by: Nagisa Oshima

Starring: Tatsua Fuji, Eiko Matsuda, Aoi Nakajima, Yasuko Matsui

From: Argos Films

From one NC-17 rated movie to another that years after it got released got the rating... I mainly picked this out not just because I remember hearing about it years ago and never tried to track it down, but because the director Oshima passed away just a few days ago, and this is his most (in)famous work. After all, this is a film where it had to involve a French production company due to Japan's censorship laws at the time, and in its original form it is STILL banned in the Land of the Rising Sun.

Here's the plot, copied and pasted from the IMDb: “Based on a true story set in pre-war Japan, a man and one of his servants begin a torrid affair. Their desire becomes a sexual obsession so strong that to intensify their ardor, they forsake all, even life itself.”

Wow, this movie... I can't talk about all you get to see, as it's really adult and graphic, to say the least. But, the first few minutes contain a lesbian trying to force herself on another girl (Japan...), a guy more than once forcing himself on a lady (Dammit, Japan!) voyeurism, multiple shots of cock and balls, bush shots, an old guy attempting to masturbate himself to get it up... and a catfight! Personally, while the movie was fine overall, most of the interest for me was waiting to see what outrageous thing would happen next, and there are plenty of those moments. Oh, and you see a lot of sex. I am not exaggerating either. What horny bastards! Sure, the movie is serious and it tries to present various themes about their increasingly obsessive relationship. But, it's easy to forget about that when the big elephant in the room is how explicit the film is and all of the sexual things that happen.

Like I said, it's a true story, about a lady known as Sada Abe. There's actually a page on Wikipedia all about her where you can read the real-life tale of what happened with her and Mr. Ishida, including what happened after the movie's story ended. A major thing happens at the end and this incident was apparently a huge story in Japan at the time.

I'll be back Monday night.