The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It

The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (2021)

58% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 185 reviews)

Runtime: 112 minutes

Directed by: Michael Chaves

Starring: Patrick Wilson, Vera Farmiga, Ruairi O'Connor, Sarah Catherine Hook, Julian Hilliard

From: Warner Bros./New Line Cinema

Featuring A DEMONIC WATERBED

I've at least enjoyed most of the films in The Conjuring Universe (I've never seen the one about La Llarona, but just earlier today was a story seen by me which cast doubt if that movie is even “officially” in the franchise; apparently the movie stinks so that is why I never bothered), despite the fact that Ed & Lorraine Warren were most likely charlatans, characters full of phony stories and poppycock. The stories themselves and competent or better directing-especially the ones from James Wan-are big assets, along with the performances from Patrick Wilson & Vera Farmiga that portray a nice warm couple; I at least won't suggest that they were terrible in real life. Despite some bad buzz, last night Devil was viewed theatrically; regrettably, this is not as good as the first two.

A big problem for me is that this hardly shows any of the truth concerning the real life case of Arne Johnson, who in 1981 claimed he was possessed by a demon after he invited it in during an exorcism of his girlfriend's young brother (I'm sure it's just a coincidence that sounds like the ending to a legendary horror film from the 70's...) and he subsequently stabbed someone to death. While it's true the Warrens convinced his attorney to claim “demonic possession” as a defense, there is a clear reason why the actual trial was hardly shown at all and most of the story seen here is fictional nonsense. That fiction is foolishness concerning various tropes and far-fetched scenarios. I know that The Conjuring 2 featured creatures due to “studio notes” and between that & the final act that story was also not truthful, this was beyond the pale.

This feeling far different from the first two isn't automatically bad; the fact that this is far less frightening than the first two is. The director this time (Michael Chaves) did not do a bad job; it's just that James Wan did it better. As this goes through the motions, not even a capable cast or an appropriate creepy score help make this better than a “meh” experience from me. The movie helps remind you it is set in the early 80's between there being a waterbed (no, it being demonic was not a joke from me) and a soundtrack that mostly is from the SirusXM 80's station... as an aside, eye-rolling was done when they tried to make a Blondie song terrifying; that perhaps wasn't the most prudent idea.

Like with the recently departed Ronald DiFeo, Jr., I suspect that Arne Johnson used the “possessed” angle as a defense for having taking someone's life; as made clear already, the true story of Johnson is far different than what was portrayed here. As he and various family members are still alive now, who knows what they think of what this movie said happened to him. It's not the worst recent big studio horror movie by any means, and not even the worst of the franchise. It just suffers in comparison to the other two The Conjuring movies specifically.

High Anxiety

High Anxiety (1977)

Runtime: 94 minutes

Directed by: Mel Brooks

Starring: Brooks and his typical stock crew of actors

From: 20^th Century Fox

At least Sir Alfred Hitchcock really liked this...

For loving (or at the least really enjoying) some of the films directed by Mel Brooks, I haven't seen all of them by any means... even if his output there was minimal in comparison to most famous directors. This played about two weeks ago on the FXM channel and via my DVR recorded it. As I am me, I waited until last night to give it a shot.

While it does not have as many laughs as something like Spaceballs, Blazing Saddles or even History of the World, Part I, it was still an entertaining send-up of Hitchcock films. Not only was this made in the twilight of The Master of Suspense's life and was able to see it before his death, he worked with Brooks on the script. As Mel put in the effort to replicate the look and feel of Hitchcock's films, it is a nice love letter to those that love the director's oeuvre. As always humor is especially subjective so others will find this funnier than I did. At least I derived joy from such things as the fourth wall breaking moments, the acknowledgment of such Hitch tropes as the MacGuffin, and directly referencing some of his most famous films... Vertigo is an obvious one; Brooks as the lead has the title affliction, which is like a mix of acrophobia and vertigo.

Mix in a cast of actors that typically appeared in Brooks movies (the late Cloris Leachman, Madeline Kahn, Harvey Korman, Dick Van Patten, etc.) and it helps make this a good time, although too scattershot for me to think of this as one of my favorites.

On Deadly Ground

On Deadly Ground (1994)

Runtime: 101 minutes

Directed by: Famously, this is Steven Seagal's only directorial effort

Starring: Seagal, Seagal's massive ego, Michael Caine collecting a paycheck, John C. McGinley, Joan Chen, R. Lee Ermey

From: Warner Bros.

What does it take to change the essence of a man?

As sometimes broached by myself, I talk about a film here I hadn't seen in many, many years; it was finally time for me to revisit the most Seagal movie ever made, the only one where he had total control and was allowed to be a director. As it's a po-faced and tries to be serious concerning environmentalism & Native Americans, not a shock that many people (whether Joe Q. Public or nerds like us) thought he was a goofball at best. Me, I can enjoy this silliness despite-or perhaps-because of its issues.

Seagal is Forrest Taft, an expert firefighter (even though this implies that fire is far more predictable than it actually is; some people never saw Backdraft, I noticed...) employed by a polluting oil company run by a guy (Michael Caine w/ jet black hair!) who might as well be a Captain Planet villain; he wants to open an oil refinery on time despite the high probability of ecological catastrophe just because he does not want to lose rights to said oil to the Inuit people. Taft changes his ways in part due to a stereotypical vision quest and soon becomes an ecoterrorist and attempts to save the environment by... blowing up multiple buildings. That's one of at least a few plot points which can be seriously questioned.

Silliness aside, the movie still entertains me between the action, all the explosions, the rampant fluffing of Seagal's ego, a decent Basil Poledouris score, some amazing lines of dialogue, lovely Alaskan scenery, and a more than capable cast (Joan Chen, John C. McGinley, R. Lee Ermey, Billy Bob Thornton, Mike Starr in a legendary scene, director Irvin Kershner for a brief moment, and even Bart the Bear. While inelegant, I still appreciate the pro-environmental and pro-Native American messages; even the amazingly blunt speech at the end concerning big corporations being corrupt and polluting the environment probably is more truthful than most people would like to admit. That monologue lasts for a few minutes but originally was TEN minutes long; I'd be dropped off in the Arctic Circle wearing only bikini underwear in order to see the full speech!

That aforementioned legendary scene-taking place in a remote bar called Abby's-is one that people seem to hate but it tickles me pink... it's always nice seeing a cruel bully be emasculated by a hero, even if it's from someone who is likely a terrible person in real life. Believe it or not, I know some people who actually went to the real life bar that was filmed at... I am pretty sure it's not actually called Abby's but no further info is known by me. Needless to say, the actual interior is nothing like what was shown on screen. Oh, to walk on such hallowed ground...

Sledgehammer

Sledgehammer (1983)

Runtime: 87 minutes

Directed by: David A. Prior

Starring: Ted Prior and no one else anyone would have heard of

From: I & I Productions

The first ever direct to video movie... perhaps is is fortunate this wasn't also the last.

Indeed, last night I saw Sledgehammer, which was the first movie shown as part of VHS Night on The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs. As it actually has historical value as the OG shot on video production that was done privately rather than financed by a studio or some rich guy or some company/corporation (that of course received some sort of official release), might as well give my props to the genesis of so many subsequent independent DIY productions... even if many are not good, including this. In addition, this was the first of many productions directed by David A. Prior and starring his brother Ted. Apparently most of those aren't great either but I'll say more about that at the end.

The general idea of this was fine; I mean, they apparently were familiar with many of the cliches already present in the slasher genre. A 7 year old boy is locked in a closet by his abusive mother; as she boinks her lover, he somehow breaks out and kills them both w/ the titular weapon. A decade later, beer-swilling youths party in the same house & killings occur... at a glacial pace in between the L-O-N-G establishing shots of the house, slow killer walking, drunken buffoonery among buffoons, beer being poured on each other, mustard poured on someone, interminable food fights, Budweiser-fueled charades, someone who looks like a cross between John Holmes and John Oates, White People Dancing (a personal fave), allegedly at least one cast member who WAS in adult movies of the time, amazingly unerotic sex scenes, including one where Holmes/Oates was shown around his lady's fruitcage, a villain dressed like Nada from They Live, & more.

The movie is technically pretty bad with all its faults, the picture looking exactly like something recorded on one of the first camcorders on an early blank VHS tape, and even David A. years later was embarrassed by it. At least I could recognize what they were trying to do: a short opening that presents the killer's backstory, horny young adults, fake jump scares, a Casio synth soundtrack that I thought was cool, a séance, etc. Besides, I have seen some truly dreadful genre efforts, such as Night of Horror or Ax'em, both in that shortened version and its original The Weekend It Lives cut (I am apparently one of a few people on the planet that somehow have seen that). In comparison, at least they seemed like they tried here...

This is not funny-bad like the Priors' Deadly Prey nor is it so divorced from reality it comes off as a product made by alien beings (I am looking at you, Things... which was the second movie of VHS Night); I'll rate it as two stars and move on. Yet David A. was still able to find enough success to be in the business for years and make 50 some odd motion pictures. Also to his credit, I howled at some of the fake names used to disguise how much of the production was done by the director. The editor being “Ralph Cutter” and “Michael Watt, Lighting Technician” is cute, but there is also DAVID FUCHSIT, HARRISON BAULES, MIKE HUNT, I.C. KNUN and JAC MEOUGH.

Honey, I Shrunk The Kids

Honey, I Shrunk the Kids (1989)

Runtime: 93 minutes

Directed by: Joe Johnston

Starring: Rick Moranis, Matt Frewer, Marcia Strassman, Kristine Sutherland, several kid actors who never became famous

From: Disney

From the people that brought you Re-Animator, From Beyond and Society.

Yesterday I subscribed to Disney + for the first time in months; as I spent plenty of time since Sunday at Walt Disney World... BTW, my sister and nephews made it back home to the Midwest fine. This movie in particular was selected not just because it was something I liked as a little kid yet haven't viewed in what was probably 30 years. It is the fact that people don't often enough note how the story came from Stuart Gordon and Brian Yuzna; once that fact was learned as an adult, it made me laugh and it will never not make me laugh for the rest of time. In fact, if Gordon hadn't fell ill right before production, he would have been the director. Even so, those two playing a big role in a big Disney hit is amazing.

The story is basic yet that is fine: a pair of siblings (who are kids that not only live next door to each other, each has beef with the other three to varying degrees) get shrunk to 6 inches tall and have to navigate the jungle that is a backyard. Naturally, the quartet begin to get along the further the journey progresses; even if the movie overall does not rise above “fine”, that is no slight as at least it was breezy entertainment. Furthermore, all four kids did at least one thing to advance the plot, there are funny moments throughout, and yes it was nice to see Rick Moranis again as I am also one that misses him.

As an adult, not only do I appreciate most of the practical effects still looking fine, but Matt Frewer playing a real Matt Frewer sort of part (meaning, a smarmy jerk) tickled me pink. A nice James Horner score-I've seen some say they go bananas for it-is a helpful bonus. I've never seen any of the sequels nor the television show; OF COURSE there are rumors of it being rebooted somehow but a version of this idea with CG... no thank you. At least this holds up... as I sometimes state, it is a movie which would be more than acceptable for any of my nephews.

Shadows

Shadows (1958... or 59)

Runtime: 82 minutes

Directed by: John Cassavetes

Starring: Ben Carruthers, Leila Goldini, Hugh Hurd, Anthony Ray, Dennis Salas

From: Lion International

My first John Cassavetes... but not the last.

Recently I realized I should fix this hole and discover why so many have loved his work over the years. Starting at the beginning of his career seemed like a wise idea, although the rest of my journey will not be in chronological order.

This film is rather distinctive and has a unique vibe; long said to be “the first United States independent movie” it has a different sort of feeling... raw and naturalistic, seeming to be a relative of the French New Wave movement. Black siblings in New York City are followed; two are striving jazz musicians who can't find success for various reasons, and a sister who is light-skinned so white men can easily become confused and not realize she is Black.

Shadows is a movie I more admire than I love; that is no slight as it was still pretty good. All the close-up shots do make it feel intimate and it was at least a different sort of world to be immersed in. Regrettably, the topic of interracial romance is still controversial in the U.S.; plenty are still concerned with skin color and will reject a love one if they think they were bamboozled by them because they were mistaken about their race. Shadows does address this still-relevant issue in a striking way. In addition, I did get some laughs concerning the movie taking the piss out of pretentious types with their high-brow vocabulary and whatnot. In addition, a character is named Davey Jones who was neither a pirate, a Monkee nor David Bowie. And of course the movie (which feels rather loose) has some nice music.

As I said at the beginning, other movies from Old John will be viewed; the cast of mainly nonprofessionals did a swell job here but I am quite excited to experience one of his collaborations with his wife Gena Rowlands, who has an unbilled cameo here.

Way Out West

Way Out West (1937)

Runtime: 65 minutes

Directed by: James W. Horne

Starring: Laurel & Hardy, Sharon Lynn, James Finlayson, Rosina Lawrence

From: MGM

Let's do the tango jiggle with a Texas Tommy wiggle.

I have finally returned from taking a few day break to hang out with one of my sisters and two of my nephews, which required multiple trips to Walt Disney World and I am absolutely exhausted now. They are still here now and are leaving tomorrow afternoon; for certain my life will be a lot quieter once they are gone but it's still been nice to see them enjoy various rides and have a good time. Today I thankfully had the time to see a movie barely an hour long, so I went with a classic comedy duo. There's not a lot of time for me to write my opinion; alas...

Our heroes end up in a Wild West town; they have to meet a young lady working in a bar-this is deliver the deed to a gold mine. Unfortunately, this lady's guardian runs the saloon and he's an A-hole. In fact, he tries to do a shim-sham with his wife, who performs on stage. There is some singing and even dancing to go along with the expected wordplay and sight gags. Everything from sink holes and holes in shoes to donkeys and lockets on chains (& even tickling, believe it or not) are used to comedic effect and there were so many laughs-I dare not spoil all the gags-this gets a very good rating; just note that the first ten or so minutes are on the slow side. After that the pace quickens and there's comedy gold that is presented.