Wednesday, February 19, 2020

Dead & Buried

Dead & Buried (1981)

Runtime: 94 minutes

Directed by: Gary Sherman

Starring: James Farentino, Melody Anderson, Jack Albertson, Dennis Redfield, Robert Englund

From: Barclays Mercantile Industrial Finance

I believe that Dead & Buried, The Fog, and Halloween III: Season of the Witch are in the same cinematic universe.

In a “Vintage Blair” move, I've had this movie on Blu-ray (from Blue Underground; more on that later) for a few years and was going to finally view it last fall-before things went awry there-but it wasn't until last night that it was finally seen by me. It was positive buzz that made me go with a rare blind buy, and it is not a decision I regret. 

The plot isn't too complicated and in fact multiple plot descriptions I've seen online and on the back of the Blu reveal that not only are creepy things happening in the small town of Potters Bluff (“no bigger than a postage stamp”) and people are being murdered, but they are soon then coming back to life, so I'll also do so. Sheriff Dan Gillis-played by James Farentino-is the only one trying to investigate these bizarre matters. What follows includes big band music & photography.

I compare this to The Fog (no, not the atrocious remake... the original) and Halloween III not just for them all shooting in Northern California and the physical locations all being nice, bucolic locations... it is the general vibe of all three that are similar; Dead & Buried even has foggy night scenes, making the comparisons more obvious. A nice collection of talent came together to make this: Ronald Shusett and Dan O'Bannon (allegedly, it was mainly Shusett) wrote the script, the great Stan Winston did the effects except for the one that noticeably doesn't look great, and the cast is full of “that guy” faces... Lisa Blount, Barry Corbin, Michael Pataki, Bill Quinn, and Glenn Morshower. But of course it was great seeing Robert Englund in a small role, although the best performance was not from Farentino, at times way over the top. Rather, it was Jack Albertson, who was ill with cancer at the time and would pass away soon after this was released. Him as the sardonic mortician is leagues away from being Grandpa Joe in Willy Wonka, which I imagine most will best remember him as despite his success on Broadway or being on the TV show Chico & The Man.

To be frank, this is not the sort of story you want to scrutinize too closely, especially once the details are revealed. Rather, just enjoy this methodically-paced creepy chiller for what it is... a bizarre mystery which has sudden bursts of weird, gruesome moments among a story that is otherwise languid. Believe it or not, I've seen mentioned in some reviews online that this was originally made as a black comedy (!) but the distributors didn't want that so much of that was cut out and we got something that had more gore instead w/ some gallows humor mixed in. Winston definitely did not do the one bad effect involving someone's head that OBVIOUSLY was a wax model... perhaps by sheer luck, Dead & Buried ended up as a weird little mystery picture you'd halfway expect to see on The Twilight Zone.


As for the Blu I have, the picture & sound were nice and I did see the special features involving Winston & Englund; it would have been nice if the disc did not stop twice (including during the climax; this was a problem on both Blu players I have) and I had to skip ahead approximately 30 seconds each time... still, it was a minor issue.

Tuesday, February 18, 2020

The Cat o' Nine Tails

The Cat o' Nine Tails (Il Gatto A Nove Code) (1971)

Runtime: 111 minutes

Directed by: Dario Argento

Starring: James Franciscus, Karl Malden, Catherine Spaak, Pier Paolo Capponi, Horst Frank

From: Various companies in several European countries

Sunday night I saw the Director's Cut of Doctor Sleep, which I enjoyed about as much as the theatrical version.. meaning "quite a bit." Some of the additional footage was nice, while the rest I understand why it was originally cut. I'm glad I saw it, even at 180 minutes long. This in comparison was short: 

It was not the plan to see several horror movies in a row (including revisiting the original My Bloody Valentine on the 14th) but it just turned out that way. This trend may continue for a few more days; it randomly struck me last night that it's been more than a year since a giallo was last seen, so I went with one that turned out to be subdued and had a logical story-surprising, considering the director-which does not mean The Cat o' Nine Tails was not an interesting watch.

A newspaper reporter and an older blind man who makes crossword puzzles (!) team up to investigate crimes connected to a genetic research institute. The blind man was not born that way, yet this aspect-along with him being assisted by his 10 year old niece-was amusing; it was tremendous when uncle and niece actually questioned a suspect. The girl is gone for long stretches, which was for the best when it came to plausibility... although I would have loved to have seen them query multiple subjects and get in all sorts of peril for absurdity's sake.

Otherwise, it was the newspaper reporter who did most of the sleuthing. It was more of a mystery than a horror movie and the kills were not wildly over the top like you expect from a giallo... that was OK with me. There were some setpieces done very well, one involving milk and another in a cemetery, along with some expected Argento flourishes, such as a super close-up of the killer's eye whenever they are on the attack, or the various POV shots.

The story always intrigued and there are enough memorable/odd moments where I was never bored with this tale. James Franciscus & Karl Malden were quality as the two lead, and there are various amusing ancillary characters, my favorite being Gigi the Loser, a crook with a black cloud over his head who at least is able to win an insult contest against a PRIEST; to clarify, the priest said 125 insults in a row without stopping, while Gigi did 137! This was even better than the astoundingly awkward way someone tries propositioning someone for sex. Such moments tickled me pink and so did the Morricone score. Such things make up for the illogical moments of the plot, especially the whole chromosome thing that is nothing but a load of bollocks. Then again, in an old Italian genre movie I suppose that scrutinizing the story is sort of like examining the drapes in a house of ill-repute...

Sunday, February 16, 2020

Blumhouse's Fantasy Island

Blumhouse's Fantasy Island (2020)

9% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 46 reviews)

Runtime: A long 110 minutes

Directed by: Jeff Wadlow

Starring: A bunch of actors, many of whom deserved better than this

From: Besides Blumhouse... Sony/Columbia

The night of Valentine's Day, I revisited the original My Bloody Valentine, which was good times. This... not so much: 

This was not a sweet, sweet fantasy.

The original television show, if I ever watched it, that would be in reruns and I would be toddler age so in essence, I would only know the basics such as the general idea, the cast and its famous catchphrase, which is heard in the movie. The trailer did now blow wind up my proverbial skirt but as this fit my schedule, I need to use the AMC A-List app more often, and the reviews I heard prepared me for something laughably bad, which this was. I've heard some compare this to Lost, a show I maybe saw 30 seconds of total. From hearsay, I am glad that was a show I invested zero time in.

Of course this would have worked better as something like a Netflix miniseries; the various stories presented here, I do understand why it was done as a movie instead of in separate episodes because of what they were going for. Unfortunately, in this case it did not work. This was obviously shot as an R and edited down to a PG-13, which prevented any of the kills from being any fun, for example. The various stories are WILDLY different in tone, so them cutting between them gave me whiplash, as there is serious drama involving regret over past choices, loathsome bros engaging in “humorous” debauchery, action, and a girl looking for revenge against a high school bully. Speaking of cutting, this is edited to death to make it a still long almost two hours long; this being longer than two hours would be more a nightmare than a fantasy. The dialogue... besides one of the worst and least realistic attempts I've ever heard at a character telling the audience what year a segment is set in, it too often explains way too much as if they have zero faith in the audience to figure out what is not complex material.

Then the second half of the movie happens, and this unravels w/ stupid plot twist after stupid plot twist, each dumber and more story-breaking than the last. The end result is an attempt at being clever but instead we get a story that is utterly baffling and devoid of logic, making me feel I wasted my time with this claptrap. Some of the actors do fare better than others... Maggie Q did the best with the material and it's always nice seeing Michael Rooker. But, on the flip side of the coin, the two actors who were the bros, they couldn't make them not likable in the least; they were pop culture spouting buffoons, obnoxious D-bags who the audience was supposed to like yet it was impossible to. Also, whether by design or accident, they came off as homosexual lovers instead of half-brothers.

In a tremendous example of “failing upwards” in Hollywood, the main people and even the same lead of the movie Truth or Dare also made this; I'll presume Truth or Dare is a funnier bad movie experience. They did film at a beautiful island in Fiji, but that is not enough to suggest that anyone ever see this. The audience (which was large), I think only some of them enjoyed this foolishness. One person I heard scoff a few times in the final act-an appropriate reaction-and another whispered what he thought would be a plot twist to their friend; it didn't happen, but it would have been better than the twists we actually got, which is of the blindsiding variety as they are barely hinted at beforehand, if at all.

Friday, February 14, 2020

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013)

Runtime: I saw the unrated version that's 97 minutes

Directed by: Tommy Wirkola

Starring: Jeremy Renner, Gemma Arterton, Famke Janssen, Pihla Viitala, Thomas Mann

From: Paramount/MGM

Exactly what I expect from a movie where two of the (many) producers are Will Ferrell and Adam McKay.

This seemed to be the logical progression for viewing right after checking out Gretel & Hansel. Even more so than expected, this was diametrically opposite from that. While the Oz Perkins joint was moody and arthouse, this is a LOUD and in your face movie where especially in unrated form, there are some tremendously over the top gore moments, anachronisms all over the place, plenty of foul language, and attempts at humor which don't always land.

The script is simple enough: the famous duo survive the evil witch and in fact from that point become witch hunters, killing hundreds of them over the years. Famke Janssen concocts a scheme where after a ritual under a blood moon, her kind will apparently become invincible forever. Along the way there are evil sheriffs, fanboys, a kind ork and Hansel has diabetes, which is only a minor plot point; really. The tone is rather farcical; after all, there are plenty of jokes-only some of which work-and the heroes sometimes wield weapons from an arsenal that are more appropriate for Rambo rather than Germany back a few centuries ago.

Despite how dopey this is, I can still prescribe a “fine” rating to this slice of cheese. At least they went all-in on this story gone haywire and it moves at a rapid pace. Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton as the siblings work rather well together, and Peter Stormare appropriately hammed it up as the evil sheriff. The ork character was brought to life via practical effects... which was a good idea considering some of the CG can accurately be described as “shoddy”; thankfully there was a decent amount of practical instead of lousy computer graphics... and this wasn't seen in 3D.


This is pretty stupid yet will be crowd-pleasing for some and I am sure the unrated cut is greatly preferable to the R-rated version, especially if you want to see over the top gore.

Gretel & Hansel

Gretel & Hansel (2020)

61% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 75 reviews)

Runtime: 87 minutes

Directed by: Oz Perkins

Starring: Mainly, it's just Sophia Lillis, Samuel Leakey, and Alice Krige

From: In the United States, good old Orion Pictures

Like a training wheels version of an A24 movie.

I am paraphrasing something I've heard from more than one person; that is despite this not being made by the highly regarded indie studio. The reasons why I saw this theatrically: I feel bad its performance at the box office is not great, and the Cinemascore is rather lousy, I heard some things which sounded appealing to me, and somehow I haven't seen any Oz Perkins joints before. I know that they are all divisive so eventually I will check out the rest.

Everyone knows the German folk tale as made famous by The Brothers Grimm; this uses the basic idea but makes a variety of changes, which is fine. This shows how arthouse it is right away: after a widescreen ratio, the aspect ratio changes to 1.55:1, of all things. This time, Gretel is like twice the age of her brother and after their mom goes crazy, they walk through the woods before reaching the house of the witch, which unfortunately is not made out of candy. I understand those that think the story is too slow and there isn't that much to the plot... from hearsay, the latter can be said about every Oz movie, and as for the former, apparently this is fast-paced compared to his previous work. Me, I could carp about the plot or how it was told... yet I won't rake this over the coals about it as this wasn't dull to me and even if it's more creepy than scary, it was the sort of thing I am glad was seen by me theatrically.

Chiefly, that is due to how gorgeous the film looks throughout, with the striking moments that color is used, the lovely woods that comprises the setting (it was filmed in Ireland), the framing that has everyone centered-which isn't for everyone-and it was a visual delight. Most of this is either two or three characters; thankfully the performances are all fine-Alice Krige being the highlight as the witch-although everyone having different accents is a little curious. It is on the pretentious side, although not insufferably so like a decent number of actual A24 pictures. I'll blame the narration you sometimes hear on the dreaded “studio notes”; at least aurally, there is a bitchin' synth score. There definitely are weird moments throughout, although this is PG-13 instead of some bizarre R-rated thing you'd get from any random independent production company.


No surprise that even on Letterboxd, I've seen ratings all over the map for Gretel & Hansel, whether it be people I follow or everyone on the site who has provided a rating. For me, while I wish the story would have been as stunning as the visuals, it was not terrible & at least I can say this was fine and I will safely presume this was much more worthwhile than the other January horror movies this year, The Grudge and The Turning. In the United States, this was put out by Orion; I am happy that their logo is the same as from the 80's, as seeing that on the big screen brought back some nice memories of childhood.

Thursday, February 13, 2020

I'd Review A Movie Now...

But Letterboxd is down now; that will be delayed until Friday afternoon. Friday evening should be a review of something else.

Tuesday, February 11, 2020

Gamera vs. Viras


Runtime: 81 minutes

Directed by: Noriaki Yuasa/Shigeo Tanaka

Starring: Kojiro Hongo, Toru Takasuka, Carl Craig, Michiko Yaegagi, Mari Atsumi

From: Daiei

What a deeply, profoundly stupid movie this is, even if it features Super Catch Rays: 

I know I saw this movie before, as a kid; damn if I could remember a single thing about it before revisiting this last night, to be frank. Presumably, this was so stupid it was a deliberate action on my part to forget this nonsense was ever viewed!

The movie follows two boys (one Japanese, the other American, presumably to make foreign sales of this easier) and among other things, they reverse the controls on a two person submersible, as a gag on someone; believe it or not, this factors into the plot later. They are kidnapped by aliens and they are used to control Gamera; now the giant reptile is controlled by said aliens; much stock footage is used. At first, there is a TEN minute stretch where they try to find his weakness via “reading its mind.” Then, Gamera's attacks on Earth is actually footage from the first three films. Note that the original film is in black and white... and that footage is presented in black and white instead of being colorized! For some reason, I doubt audiences were convinced there
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Then, there is how the two boys alternate between acting smart and stupid, which is better than I can say for the Viras aliens. The way that the children hoodwink and escape from the villains is amazingly dumb. A giant kaiju monster finally appears, and it's an octopus thing. The final battle... in several aspects it makes zero sense, although during this befuddling contest, I was happy that this cheap piece of crap was finally concluding. Not even the debut of the Gamera theme song and a minute of pathos where the two leads are willing to sacrifice their own lives in order for the world to attack the spaceship and thus save the planet... not even that nor some psychedelic imagery befitting of the late 60's make this movie worthwhile.