Land Of The Free

Land of the Free (1998)

Runtime: 99 minutes

Directed by: Jerry Jameson

Starring: Jeff Speakman, William Shatner, Lisa Darr, Larry Cedar, Chris Lemmon

From: PM Entertainment Group

What a silly movie I saw on Friday night: 

Any movie featuring Jeff Speakman, William Shatner, Mac from Night Court, Chris Lemmon and Don Stroud will be watched by me. This is a late entry from PM Entertainment Group, a 90's low budget action outlet that for certain made movies better than this; their scripts were always on the flimsy side but they knew what their audiences want so there was plenty of good action, explosions, and car crashes.. oh, do cars get wrecked in a typical PM production. In the future I'll talk about their better films as a way of plugging them to those that'd be interested in something new and worthy of a spin.

As for this movie, Jeff Speakman is the lead, a campaign manager for a rich dude (William Shatner!) who is an outsider in politics but is in a political race for the opportunity to go to Washington, D.C. I don't mean to interject real life here, but Shatner's character is a rich outsider who is a right-winger, has a fervent fanbase, appeals to those who feel neglected by “normal” politicians and his campaign all but uses the phrases “Drain the Swamp” and “Make America Great Again”... guess who I thought of while watching this film? 45 PROBABLY doesn't give part of his wealth to militias who plan on overthrowing the American government, but it's just a guess. By the way, they don't even try to explain just how this overthrow will happen or how the American military factors into the equation.

Anyway, Speakman discovers this secret and he is now on The Shat's shat list. What follows is Jeff's Kenpo Karate, shootouts and plenty of car crashes. Technically, the movie is not that good, to say the least-the plot shouldn't scrutinized too closely, some moments are highly implausible and I noticed a handful of film flubs. Yet I doubt the target audience will care as instead they'll be focused on such things as the action, the scene with gratuitous female nudity, and Mac from Night Court being The Shat's main henchman. Speakman and Shatner do face off in the finale and at least for me it was as astounding as I hoped it would be. At least for my at times easy tastes, this was enough action and laughs-even if they were unintentional-for me to say this was OK.

Oh, and besides the people I already mentioned, this cast has Rance Howard in a bit part, along with Bernie Kopell. All those actors I am not too surprised are in this, but how did this movie get ARTHUR HILLER to show up for a minute? Did he owe the producers a favor?

Lone Wolf And Cub: Baby Cart To Hades

Lone Wolf and Cub: Baby Cart to Hades (Kozure Ogami: Shinikazeni Mukau Ubaguruma) (1972)

Runtime: 89 minutes

Directed by: Kenji Misumi

Starring: Tomisaburo Wakayama, Go Kato, Yuko Hama, Isao Yamagata, Michitaro Mizushima

From: Toho

Now this is more my style: 

You know, Daigoro has seen some F'ed up S by now... that is the toddler son of Ogami Itto, the hero of these films. Baby Cart to Hades especially stressed this by often cutting to the type right after his dad unleashes bloody carnage. The first two acts don't have too much violence but that is fine as not only is there a story being told, but the final act has plenty of bloodletting, blood spraying out of bodies and other niceties people come to expect from these films.

Both honor and being a true samurai are the strongest themes in this picture as they are stressed often. The opening act has a bit where three mercenaries act like Harvey Weinstein to a mother and daughter; how The Lone Wolf handles that and another assault done by another Hollywood executive type does go a long way to explaining that Itto is not just a skilled samurai who is also a badass, but he has a code he lives by and he is willing to go a long way to protect someone for the sake of what he feels is right. For certain this makes him even more likable.

From there the main plot starts, and I won't spoil that or some of the characters you encounter along the way but not even someone who is skilled at shooting pistols can stop our hero. The first two acts are never boring despite the focus on the story as it was an interesting yarn that was spun and it also prepared us for all those that did battle with Ogami Itto. Mix in some pretty Japanese scenery & a cool score and while this is not quite like the first two films, it does not mean that this is less worthy of viewing for those that dig the first two films.

Suspiria (Unfortunately, The "Reimagining")

I don't even want to do my customary intro where I say a few words and list some basic information about the movie... unlike what many "film fans" are saying, I found this to be pretentious horses****! What a long, long 2 1/2 hours this was. I'll attempt to explain below why I violently rejected this: 

Am I really surprised I would loathe a film which brags about having “six acts and an epilogue”? Pretentious claptrap is one of the nice phrases I can use to describe why this did not work for me at all. For transparency's sake, when I first heard there was going to be a remake of the Argento classic, I groaned... then the realization came that the original definitely has its flaws (the focus on the visuals and music does come at the expense of storytelling and a logical plot... and I still give that film high marks) and with the talent involved perhaps this would be worthwhile.

Well... this only using the basic plot synopsis of the original and doing other things with it was not something I was immediately against. What they came up with for this movie, though: ostentatious tripe. I am not quite sure what the purpose was of the added material and new characters... all the time spent on Tilda Swinton as an old man the chief example there; what was the point of that character and his backstory? Also, this movie was too obtuse and had its head up its own ass to explain why in several scenes there were radio and television broadcasts heard and seen which talked about the Red Army Faction (i.e. the Baader-Meinhof Gang) and the hijacking of Lufthansa Flight 181. Wikipedia can tell you all about that group and their actions but why was it mentioned in this film a few times? All it did was make me want to do some research about them at home and watch other films, such as The Baader-Meinhof Complex and the 1978 German film Germany in Autumn.

Then there are the gruesome moments in the film... I could write a lot about that overblown, goofy finale but I won't. Instead, I'll mention that those gruesome moments became downright laughable as they lasted WAY too long to the point I had to stifle a chuckle or two; way to ruin some scary images. Furthermore, there are a few “shock” moments of dialogue and all they served to do was take me out of the movie as they were so goofy; I presume the audience wasn't supposed to chuckle but they certainly did. No wonder some of them left before this nonsense was even halfway over with.

A rating this low is admittedly unfair when the cast did the best they could, some of the score was good (even if it didn't always seem to fit the movie... also, you want to talk about pretentious, Radiohead...) and the interpretative dancing appeared to be well-executed. I did not even decide on this scathing score until I witnessed that preposterous finale and then we got the epilogue that just kept---on---going. There were at least six times the movie appeared to be ending-and I couldn't wait for this to be put out of its misery-but it just kept on going and going, showing us crap I could not possibly care about as I was never given a reason to care about the events in the epilogue.

My opinion of this Suspiria “reimagining” will be downright blasphemous to most that have already seen this; I am willing to take the heat here and be honest in stating how this did not work for me at all.

The Flying Ace

The Flying Ace (1926)

Runtime: 65 minutes

Directed by: Richard E. Norman

Starring: Laurence Criner, Kathryn Boyd, Boise De Legge, Harold Platts, Lions Daniels

From: Norman Film Manufacturing Company

What a curio I saw last night: 

For a long while now I have in my Netflix queue what is treated as episodes of a TV show but are actually movies and shorts that are part of the Kino Lorber release “Pioneers of African American Cinema”. These are from the silent days to the 1940's. I decided to go with this one as the plot sounded interesting.

That plot: this is right after World War I as a successful fighter pilot (William) returns to his old job as a railroad detective; he has to try and figure out who robbed a lot of cash... specifically, it is payroll which was pilfered. It's not a mystery to the audience as in the opening minutes we see the men who scheme to get rich and fast. William has an associate; he is known as Peg and well, he has an amputated leg. I did not plan it out this way but this was my second film in a row where a minor character is missing that appendage. Peg may not do well in an ass-kicking contest but he does assist William in his investigation by cosplaying as a bum. Plus, he actually finds a way to ride a bike AND while doing so, reveals that his crutch is actually also a shotgun!

No matter my opinions on this film just being average overall, I am glad that this still exists to be viewed in late 2018. Richard E. Norman had his own production company near Jacksonville, Florida and did a bunch of “all-colored films”, as they were known back then. At least this had enough competence for it to be an average, watchable motion picture. There is another supporting character that is a young lady and she wishes to become a pilot. That character was inspired by Bessie Coleman, a real life person at the time who was the first black lady and first Native American to become a pilot. I could speculate as to why most people are not familiar with her or her life... but I have a sinking feeling why that is the case.

Evil Brain from Outer Space

I both discuss this and bring up a film I reviewed earlier this year:

Because sometimes you gotta watch a 60's movie stitched together from random Japanese serials about a sentient brain from outer space.

To copy and paste sections of what I wrote in my review for Attack from Space: " I don't even want to mention how long I've had this movie in a box set from Something Weird Video and I never saw any of the movies from any of the discs until last night. This is a mid-60's English dub, one of four films that Walter Manley Enterprises put together; Americans were science fiction crazy so all sorts of foreign movies were dubbed and edited together to try and satiate the public's hunger for the genre.

In this case it was a late 50's serial from an offshoot of Toho in Japan; the hero was known there as Super Giant but in English he was Starman... no, Jeff Bridges nor Karen Allen were around. That serial is not to be confused with the Japanese TV show that was turned into two movies that were then combined into one to become the MST3K favorite Prince of Space. Anyhow, Starman was a human-looking creation sent by the wacky denizens of the “Emerald Planet” to stop various threats to Earth.

These productions must have been incredibly cheap; you can see the wires and the effects of the padded codpiece-sporting Starman (yes it's a true story, the codpiece was padded for what I'll call “masculinity reasons” flying are obvious. Yet that's part of the charm, how logic about space and other things are thrown out the window as there is plenty of silliness instead. Kitschy charm went a long way for me. Starman beats up the bad guys in a combination karate/ballet kind of way and at times it seemed interminable yet the hero not only uses guns when he can, he has a trademark laugh and cackles as the heels are unable to stop him." Also, they are stitched together from 40 minute long serials.

Now that this is cleared up, yes this is one of those movies pieced together from three different serials and I am not sure if any of them related aside from having “Sumarian” aliens as the villains. There are plenty of characters present in only 78 minutes and they typically vanish for long stretches (or disappear altogether) so I'll try to explain this daffy plot the best I can: the titular evil brain from outer space-Balazar-is usually stored in a suitcase and he wishes to lead the Sumarians in conquering Earth. They usually appear as humans but sometimes appear as reptilian humanoids... cue the paranoid conspiracy nuts.

Anyhow, this film has such things as:

* A “private hospital” that is actually headquarters for the bad guys.

* A boy who is dubbed to sometimes sound like Mickey Mouse... oh, and he pretty much cosplays as Sherlock Holmes. There is some goofy dubbing in this, and the the film I saw the night before (Contraband) had a supporting character who sounded just like a bad impression of John Wayne.

* A witchy woman who doesn't have the moon in her eyes but she does have long claws that she can shoot fire out of.

* “Nuclear weapons” is the threat, then it's “germ warfare.” Yes, I blame that on the multiple plots being smooshed together.

The resultant plot I can't say is impossible to follow... it is just disjointed as hell. Still, there is plenty of camp value and while at times it became brain-numbing, I was never bored.

Contraband

Contraband (Luca Il Contrabbandiere) (1980)

Runtime: 97 minutes

Directed by: Lucio Fulci... no, really

Starring: Fabio Testi, Ivana Monti, Marcel Bozzuffi, Saverio Marconi, Enrico Maisto

From: Several Italian Companies

As this was something I've known of for years and it sounded tremendous... it not being tremendous in my eyes is a problem: 

For a poliziotteschi done by FULCI, I expected more... and better. As someone I know is a huge fan of this film, Contraband is a flick I have known of for years now yet I kept on putting it off until earlier today. To be honest, there is no shortage of other poliziotteschi I'd rather watch or watch again than this one.

The plot is simple enough: Fabio Testi is part of the smuggling scene in Naples; he deals with cigarettes. Suddenly, those in the scene start dying and eventually, he (and we) discover who is responsible. This doesn't even have any sort of vehicular chase, unless you count some half-assed action with speedboats in the opening minutes. Otherwise it does have the hallmarks you'd expect in this sort of film... plenty of tough guys, criminal actions, violence, shootouts, and regrettably, violence against women. In this case, there is a lot of full frontal nudity and also a very gross scene that goes on way too long involving the lead girl... that being Testi's wife. Plus, the back half of this is a lot more exciting and interesting than the first half.

At least there was enough to where I can say this was fine. There are memorable moments, some badass bits, and genre veteran Testi does a swell job. Plus, Fabio Frizzi offers up a disco soundtrack, and that always tickles me pink. The most memorable aspect is all in the second half... while this movie does offer up an occasional Fulci hallmark in “not so great storytelling”, there is also graphic moments of gore. A woman's face receives a blowtorch and you see the damage it does... there are shotgun blasts to the face and stomach... and brains are splattered all over the place at one point. That just doesn't happen in this genre. I just wish the overall film would have been a blast to watch and for me it wasn't... even if there was one scene set at a discotheque.

Trick 'r Treat Is Still Very Good

As I finally catch up here, I revisited that film Halloween night; this was a wise decision on my part.