Deathstalker (The New Reboot)

Deathstalker (2025)

Runtime: 102 minutes

Directed by: Steven Kostanski

Starring: Daniel Bernhardt, Christina Orjalo, Paul Lazenby, Nicholas Rice, the voice of Patton Oswalt

From: Many different companies

Yes, they rebooted the cheesy 80’s sword-and-sandal franchise, and yes I got to see this theatrically. I finally watched the 1983 Deathstalker March of last year after hearing that Daniel Bernhardt (the actor/martial artist who can be seen in the John Wick and John Wick-adjacent universe) was rebooting the series… getting Slash (yes, THAT Slash) to be an executive producer, and most importantly for people like us, going the practical effects route. It’s in limited release since the 10th; in Orlando it was at a Regal Cinema so paying a ticket to check out the film was a hassle. However, now the movie is at an AMC-at Disney Springs-so the A-List app was used and I was hoping the movie would be for me… it was.

The plot description currently on Letterboxd describes the plot for the original film… that is NOT the plot for this movie. Sure, our hero Bernhardt is named Death Stalker and he unwittingly teams up w/ wacky companions on a hero’s journey while completing a task; otherwise, the reboot is completely different. He steals an amulet from a fallen knight; a curse is attached to him. With the help of a lady thief and a troll-like wizard voiced by Patton Oswalt, they combat foes who wish to bring back a powerful demon that will rule the world.

Yes, the movie is incredibly cheesy; goofy humor and silly moments should be expected—that was the intent. For those that love practical effects, gallons of gore, beheadings, matte paintings, tactile costumes, stop-motion animation, puppetry, creative creatures abound… you likely will enjoy the movie for that aspect alone. This unexpectedly will be on my Spooky Season list this year… there’s a sorceress, demons known as Dreadites, the aforementioned curse, scary-looking creatures, a scene of body horror… appropriate for this time of year. The action is good instead of great yet the 80’s vibes were rad, cool score included.

Apparently, I made an error in not viewing Deathstalker II before; from hearsay, that’s what this reboot was modeled after. II was deliberately silly & campy. Also, that apparently has a LOT of female nudity. The new film has no nudity whatsoever… but also no sexual assault, which I know the first film had and I’ve heard different stories on how much the second film has of that unfortunate element. In any event, this new picture is a comedy in a retro way instead of the insufferable modern comedy that’s the norm now.

The opportunity to witness Deathstalker 2025 on the big screen was an unexpected delight. Ideally, a charming movie like this will find the right audience via streaming.

 

The Brood

The Brood (1979)

Runtime: 92 minutes

Directed by: David Cronenberg

Starring: Oliver Reed, Samantha Eggar (RIP), Art Hindle, Cindy Hines, Henry Beckman

From: A few different Canadian companies 

RIP Samantha Eggar

She’s a name I knew for years yet hardly any of her work has been seen. That wasn’t by design, of course. As The Brood was the most famous live-action film she did and somehow it wasn’t something tackled by me despite the high regard I hold David Cronenberg… there was no better way for me to tip my cap.

Even if I didn’t tell you that I learned from the Wiki article the film was written after Cronenberg went through a divorce, that probably would be apparent. The movie isn’t the most comfortable watch-besides the estranged status of the lead couple and their five-year-old daughter caught in the middle, there’s child abuse, mental illness, controversial therapy techniques from Oliver Reed… then there’s the attacks from what looked to be humanoid creatures.

Eggar is Nola, in a contentious relationship w/ Art Hindle. I don’t want to spoil much more. Eggar was sympathetic as someone who was traumatized by her childhood and struggles while sequestered in Reed’s controversial program. The cast as a whole does well, including Hindle as a stressed-out parent and Cindy Hinds as the daughter. However, Reed is menacing as the intense Hal Raglan, always looking dapper in stylish clothing yet his stare and his demeanor so powerful, anyone could quiver; there’s role-playing and he portrays either their mother or father. Him being called “Daddy” is especially creepy with modern context of that term.

The movie is wild, especially during the final act that contains several shocking moments. It’s a chilly Canadian winter-snowy landscapes, drab period interiors, bizarre happenings—in my canon, this takes place in the same universe as Scanners, the appearances are so similar. The violin-driven score from Howard Shore (his feature film debut) was also nice. From this, you can see how Cronenberg progressed onto his unforgettable 80’s films.

It’s a bold movie presented confidently. Also confident was Eggar’s performance, no matter the outrageous turns it took, especially during the finale. The assumption is that this is one the best ways I can tip my cap to the late performer.

KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park!

Yes, I reviewed this infamous 1978 TV movie...

RIP Ace Frehley

At the end of the review I’ll explain how I once saw KISS in 2013 while paying a grand total of $4.80 for a ticket. Ace wasn’t a part of the band then so that’s not important to discuss now. What is important: I’ve enjoyed the band’s music for many years and Frehley as lead guitarist was a key component as to why. Phantom is a movie I’ve had as part of my collection for a long while (nevermind how) and the announcement of his death yesterday evening gave me the perfect excuse for entertainment last night when my Plan A for the evening went awry due to circumstances beyond my control.

This TV movie that debuted on NBC October 28 of 1978 is infamous due to its incredibly cheesy nature-I was not surprised as Hannah-Barbara were the producers. General silliness occurs at Six Flags Magic Mountain; it was nice viewing the attractions at an old theme park yet it was cornball acting even before the band appeared. There are greaser types named CHOPPER, SLIME and DIRTY DEE, after all. Anthony Zerbe portrayed a scientist named Abner Devereaux; of course he’s the villain who is a mad scientist that created androids and wants KISS androids to take over the world.

This is a like a worse version of a Scooby Doo episode-incredibly dopey, low-rent, inane. That said, it’s not just the concert footage that entertained me. The band shoots lasers out of their eyes, Gene growls like a lion, and other otherworldly powers are exhibited by the band! “Acting” isn’t one of their powers (yes, Gene got better later on) but I can say that the band’s evil android clones have the same powers, because of course. There’s talismans, robot creatures that look like a Brundlefly creation of cats, werewolves & monkeys, and other wackiness that helped me forget all the dull moments. The KISS-FU style of “martial arts” somehow never took off…

If you don’t like the band, there’s likely no reason for you to give this nonsense a chance. Me, I’m glad it’s a funny sort of bad, featuring several genre elements-including a chamber of horrors that featured the expected creatures. Today I did listen to some KISS songs-that is a better tribute to the late Ace Frehley than this goofball effort which at least made me laugh. It was also nice seeing Brion James as a security guard and the appearance of a wacky individual that always amuses me: THE REAL DON STEELE.

Not factoring into my rating but delighting me is that my copy was a taping of the original broadcast… yes, 1978 commercials! They included multiple ads set in a DISCO, the Wes Craven TV movie Stranger in Our House getting a plug, the AMC Spirit automobile, Iron Eyes Cody as “the crying Indian,” and a jaw-dropping ad concerning VENEREAL DISEASE, babies, & the usage of “the R word.”

Anyhow, I know KISS Army fans who also dug Ace’s solo stuff and when he led other bands; I feel especially bad for them. As for seeing KISS in 2013, they played in Orlando the night before the Arena Football League championship game; remember when arena football was a thing? Sad to say for a band that was once white-hot, the concert didn’t come close to selling out so a mate on Twitter noted that Ticketmaster had tickets for free. Of course, those evil #%@#@% still had their fees but even then I only paid $4.80 for a legendary act that still had Gene Simmons & Paul Stanley. The concert was a blast. Remembering that and hearing all those KISS songs for the first time way back when are nice memories to have now.

 

Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead

Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead (1994)

Runtime: 91 minutes

Directed by: Don Coscarelli

Starring: Reggie Bannister, A. Michael Baldwin, Gloria Lynne Henry, Bill Thornbury, Angus Scrimm

From: Starway International, Inc.

One of those movies that has a personal backstory attached to it. This is also one of those reviews where it will be a few paragraphs before the film itself is discussed. In the past, the first two pictures in the franchise were reviewed; neither was the first I saw a part of. In 1996 during 8th grade back when I still lived in Illinois, my school offered an educational field trip to Washington, D.C. My parents paid for it as many historical places would be visited.

It was a lot of fun; a dominant memory of that trip since March of ’96 wasn’t the plane ride there and back or any specific building we toured. Rather, one night me and three other boys assigned to a hotel room watched Lord of the Dead. We were boys in a hotel room w/ at least one premium cable station, of course a horror film would be seen because it was on. Well, it wasn’t watched from the beginning and none of us had seen any of the Phantasm movies. We were all baffled as to what in the world was going on! 

There’s no good explanation as to why it took this long to finally view the third installment-especially after tackling the second film in 2019-but that wrong has finally been righted. The first film is a bizarre, dream-logic sort of captivating journey, featuring a lovable trio of leads & iconic elements such as The Tall Man and the flying spheres. The second film had studio interference, thus explaining the relatively straightforward plot and the recasting of Mike. I still liked the film; after all, there are TWO massive house explosions in the first 15 minutes. This third installment… it’s as baffling IN context.

Returning is A. Michael Baldwin as Michael, but he’s kidnapped early on… there are a pair of new sidekicks: an ex-military Black woman who Reggie is HORNY for (yes, due to our age all us boys found that funny at the time) and a young boy who somehow survived a long time on his own in an abandoned town… also, Bill Thornbury returns as Jody. I’ll spoil this to give one example of this movie’s insanity. He’s in the afterlife, but his spirit is stuck in a sphere that The Tall Man turns black-long story-but he can still appear in dreams and sometimes he’s in human form IRL, because reasons… you can understand why 8th grade boys w/ no foreknowledge of the series would be utterly perplexed by what was going on.

Most of the film was long-forgotten due to the passage of so much time. Henceforth, there was enjoyment in discovering what wild pivots, what unexpected moments would happen next. The plot was of the wacky sort you’d only get w/ an independent production but I was also quite entertained. I was also entertained by Reggie Bannister, this time the obvious lead. It’s a shame that he’s been in rather poor health this year. For those that were disappointed that The Tall Man did not appear that often in II, III remedied that criticism. In addition, there’s more spheres, further expanding of the lore, gruesome horror moments and bizarre bits.

It shouldn’t have taken nearly 30 years but I’m glad this loop was finally closed after such a long passage of time. The fourth and fifth films in the series are evidently worse than the first three. I’m OK with stopping here if that’s the case. Phantasms 1 through 3 are a wild trilogy, wholly different from one another yet they still work as a trio; I envy those who saw all three in their youth, which in hindsight I wish that opportunity would have been taken.

Phantasm II, Revisited

This film needed a better review-and this will be my first of two reviews today; the second is the third Phantasm-a movie w/ almost 30 years of backstory which will be elaborated upon when that is reviewed.

Concerning Phantasm II, it does seem like a slicker, straightforward version of the OG property, missing the ambiguity although retaining part of the surreal, dreamlike vibes as they added an action element w/ a quad-barrel shotgun and flamethrower. The studio (Universal) mandated a more forthright experience and the recasting of Mike w/ James Le Gros, who was a working actor at the time unlike A. Michael Baldwin. BRAD PITT auditioned for the role but was denied.

That isn’t ideal but I still like this experience where they expand the universe w/ a more lethal sphere, additional lore concerning The Tall Man-including human minions-and a psychic connection between Mike & a lady named Elizabeth. The vibes are different from the first-that doesn’t mean II is bad. Scares are still present, the K&B effects are gruesome, the spheres are still rad-even if you can see the wires more than once in HD-the action is fun (massive explosions, chainsaw fights, limbs being sliced off, etc. It’s entertaining.

I’ll forever be amused that a balding middle-aged dude like Reggie Bannister-appearance of a random man you’d see walking on the street-got to star in a cult favorite franchise… and in this installment, got in fights, used badass weapons against his foes, and even had a budding romance w/ an attractive younger lady improbably named ALCHEMY. That was the funniest aspect of Phantasm II. Those characters had… chemistry.

As Angus Scrimm was still unforgettable as The Tall Man, I still like Phantasm II despite its differences from the first Phantasm.

Night School

Night School (1981)

Runtime: 90 minutes

Directed by: Ken Hughes

Starring: Rachel Ward, Leonard Mann, Drew Snyder, Joseph R. Sicari, Karen MacDonald

From: Lorimar

So, this was a DVR recording made from a recent Turner Classic Movies showing! I recall them also showing it late at night long ago; this latest screening was during a late night of horror, after The Haunting and the blaxploitation film Sugar Hill-both seen by me & reviewed years ago. Night School I’d heard of but never partaken in until last night. Of interest to me was not just it being the film debut of Rachel Ward, a lovely lady… the film is also a giallo-style slasher set & filmed in Boston complete w/ killer adorned in black (including motorcycle helmet) who rides a dirt bike.

The killings happen via a kukri blade; for those that haven’t seen something like Forged in Fire, it’s a curved knife used for centuries in South Asia. Is that a hint or was it chosen for aesthetic reasons? The targets are those that go to the titular night school, a women’s college. Ward is an exchange student so she speaks w/ her native accent.

The film is largely what I expected… red herrings included. There’s someone who is best described as “Temu Willem Dafoe.” Is that pervert more than a red herring? The film is not for those who want to see those decapitations in graphic detail; only the severed heads are shown. There’s also an anthropology professor who of course is sleazy and has affairs. Speaking of sleaze, this film has it-including nudity and a shower scene.

Leonard Mann portrays a police officer investigating these slayings; some will think he’s an ACAB due to some unethical behavior. The only other name of note in the cast is Drew Snyder; he’s a “that guy” sort of actor who I best known (at least to me) for being gunned down in the opening of Commando while taking out the trash. 

The film is not a true giallo; the denouement is not a convoluted affair that the viewer likely doesn't fully comprehend. The film isn’t the most thrilling nor the most exciting horror effort. Then again, it wasn’t the point to be a dopey teen slasher-rather, it tries to be a more serious thriller, complete with several quality suspense scenes. 

Be that as it may, I was always interested in this tale due to the solid filmmaking, the electronic moments from the soundtrack by Brad Fiedel, and the amusing detail that this was the final movie from the guy that gave us Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, one of the many that set in the director’s chair for the ’67 Casino Royale, and other serious British films (Ken Hughes). The Boston setting was nice, as was the short vehicle chase in the final act. The film’s a good curio that does stand out especially when compared to the cheap slashers of the time.

TRON: Ares

TRON: Ares (2025)

53% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 221 reviews)

Runtime: 119 minutes

Directed by: Joachim Ronning

Starring: Jared Leto, Greta Lee, Evan Peters, Jodie Turner-Smith, and Jeff Bridges… for a few minutes

From: Disney

You know, many modern movies just aren't for me... especially the blockbusters. That's why most of them aren't even viewed by me. For years now, I typically rate modern cinema lower than the majority of Letterboxd users. While it does sting that I'm incapable of enjoying the new stuff, at least there's a lot of fun in visiting or revisiting the films of the past—those are typically to my tastes anyhow.

That applies to TRON. I'm an old man in my mid-40's (my profile pic is from long ago) w/ gray hair; a nerdy tale from the 80's featuring a simple yet effective plot, actual computer jargon and amazing period effects would of course be a good time. TRON: Legacy on the other hand... as great as it looked and as neat as the Daft Punk soundtrack was, the story and characters were just rotten so it will never be beloved by me. Ares, the look and soundtrack were even better—shame that the story and characters were even worse!

The whole “Jared Leto” thing doesn't even factor into my rating. Him as a person is rather questionable, at best. Look up the stories about the CULT he apparently has! Him as an actor isn't as much a turn-off as it is for many; at the same time, to echo the thoughts of others, he's never been a box office draw so it's rather curious that they brought back a cult franchise & spent a lot of money for the budget, and somehow he'll make it not flop at the box office?! No one should have been surprised at the returns. I know he was attached to the project for years as a producer, but he wasn't a draw back then either.

I didn't hate him as the title character. What I DID hate: the utterly nonsense plot which pays lip service to the idea of AI & our future yet the story is about an insufferable caricature of a tech CEO who is allowed to cause much havoc and is a massive buffoon as he attempts to bring digital constructs to reality before ENCOM does. Of course there are plenty of buffoon CEO's IRL (none of whom will be named by me; I don't want to stir up that drama) but Julian Dillinger reminds me how awful most villains are written in these modern times-even worse is that he's related to a key character from the OG film & that OG character wasn't a jackass and was an actual credible threat for our heroes to face.

The predictability of the plot isn't necessarily a demerit, speaking generally. However, I was never given a reason to care about too many of the characters-whether it was the actual credible antagonist nor even the lead portrayed by Greta Lee. The reader likely won't be surprised that the odious “comic” relief character Seth was one where not even a smile was cracked by me at his idiocy. Another problem with the movies today: unneeded “comedy.” A third issue: on-the-nose dialogue. Ares is full of that as well.

It stinks that the movie was an empty spectacle; the aesthetics were great, especially if you got to see the Dolby Cinema 3D version like I did. The digital worlds were stunning-you can probably surmise which one thrilled me the most. The NIN score was awesome; there are many different genres through the decades that are neat-that includes Nine Inch Nails in general. That helped keep my interest in a lame story. Evidently, in the digital world Ares resides in, Depeche Mode and Mozart are a thing. Mode, I know a few songs besides the radio hits; they're cool.

I also had to entertain myself by chuckling at such moments as spotting a supporting character who looked quite a bit like Lily Collins. As I had no problem with Sarah Desjardnis nor her performance in her small role, no sarcastic comments will be made concerning who she resembles.

As I have to proclaim often now, I'm glad people like something modern more than I did. It even received a passing grade from someone I know on a messageboard... he's a huge TRON fan and loves the first two films. He wanted a third installment so bad-but Jared Leto is one of his least-favorites. It's like he wished on a Monkey's Paw! He liked rather than loved Ares—the character and the film.

Nosferatu in Venice

Nosferatu in Venice (Nosferatu a Venezia) (1988)

Runtime: 97 minutes

Directed by: Multiple people, as I explain below

Starring: Real-life villain Klaus Kinski, Donald Pleasence, Christopher Plummer, several attractive European women

From: Scena Film/Reteitalia

A review done by request… made last year. When I reviewed 1979’s Nosferatu the Vampyre, more than one mutual wanted me to see its pseudo-sequel. Once you hear the details of its disastrous production and real-life villain Klaus Kinski’s behavior which included alleged sexual assaults… my hesitancy in viewing such a movie is hopefully palpable for the reader. Note that these assaults bear no impact on my rating.

As there was no good reason to turn down a request made by multiple people, the stake was finally driven into its heart, metaphorically speaking. Nosferatu devastated the city w/ a plague in 1786; a princess (who of course is a spitting image of the title character’s lost-lost love) invites professor Christopher Plummer to the city as she feels his tomb is nearby. It is-the infernal beast is awakened after a séance, carnage happens, etc.

The movie itself is an absolute mess. After reading about the production hell on Wikipedia, it should be a blessing that I found what was on screen to be “bad” instead of “catastrophe.” This had several directors:

Maurizio Lucidi
Pasquale Squitieri
Mario Caiano
The producer of the film, Augusto Caminito
Kinski himself

Furthermore, I was amused to hear that low-budget cult hero Luigi Cozzi was a second-unit director. I was not amused reading about Kinski’s behavior on set. He was relatively well-behaved while filming Nosferatu the Vampyre… not here. He didn’t shave his head or apply the makeup he were in the ’79 film. He didn’t follow the script and just did whatever he wanted to. He convinced the producers to fire the original actress for the Maria character (Amanda Sandrelli) and instead he wanted the girlfriend of supporting actor Yorgos Voyagis in the role-that’s why it was the only time Anne Knecht ever acted. She appears nude and makes out with Ol’ Klaus. I can only imagine how Voyagis felt about that.

Then, there was his assaulting both female lead Barbara De Rossi and supporting actress Elvire Audray; those details are too nauseating to mention-I can bring up that part of these attacks ARE ON CAMERA. Yes, they put it IN THE MOVIE. Whether or not I (or anyone else, for that matter) should automatically rate the film at ½ star or a star for this can be debated. I found the movie to be bad for other reasons.

Due to the production hell, at least part of the script was not filmed. No wonder the movie makes little sense, there’s plenty of Kinski just wandering around (for certain, I’ve heard those were the scenes directed by Klaus himself), the film is both ponderous & boring, and Plummer’s character just comes across as an incompetent blockhead. Even better, the title creature is a “vampire” that among other things can walk around in daylight and can see its reflection in a mirror. If it was just an evil being, that wouldn’t make the picture any better, mind you.

I’m glad others enjoy the film more than me. There is nice cinematography, and sometimes “Gothic dread,” to borrow a phrase from a mutual. Furthermore, the Luigi Ceccarelli is nice-until I learned that it was a rather blatant rip-off of the 1985 Vangelis album Mask, explaining the ending credit that the score was “inspired” by the album. Why not add more chaos into the maelstrom that was the making then release of Nosferatu in Venice? Donald Pleasence is also in the film; he doesn’t actually do much aside from yelling often and… snacking on food. No, really.

No hate on those that do rate Venice higher (or quite a bit higher) than me. Those that would want to view this in the future, it’s a personal decision if the star and their abhorrent behavior on set is a deal-breaker for you. It wasn’t a deal-breaker for producer Augusto Caminito; he worked with Kinski on the last two movies of his life before passing away in ’91, if you can believe it.