Cinerama Holiday

Cinerama Holiday (1955)

Runtime: 129 minutes

Directed by: Robert L. Bendick/Philipe De Lacy

From: Cinerama Productions Corp.

Note that I posted this review on Letterboxd Thanksgiving night:

As it is Thanksgiving in the United States today, why not view this last night for the purpose of talking about something w/ “Holiday” in its title on a holiday night? I've viewed some of these Cinerama productions before and even if “cheesiness” is an accusation that can't be denied, all are charming, offer gorgeous vistas along with a snapshot of life in the past, and the Smilebox simulation done by Flicker Alley enables people today to see those three different images stitched together and the screen is curved artificially.

The story they came up for this is pure hokum: a couple from Switzerland and a couple from Missouri switch places. They are said to stay on the others' continent “for months” but there are long stretches of footage where they aren't seen... on the other side of the coin, that is me nitpicking as the real draw is hearing a nice stereo soundtrack matched to a wide variety of different images... county fairs, various sites in cities on both continents like New Orleans/Las Vegas/Paris/St. Moritz, Switzerland... and performances that range from dances (a Cinerama staple) of all sorts to a Dixieland jazz song... and there is also skiing, which is another staple in this format. There's everything from a brief fashion show to Native American cowboys, who-and I understand this was a different time-were called “Red Indians” and in 1955, it was OK to say that “Rain In The Face” was a “typical Indian name”.

To quote someone else here, at times it is obviously stagey and not realistic as a legit documentary where two random couples actually get to hang out on another continent for months on end... the footage looks great remastered and the highlights include Holidays on Ice outdoors in Switzerland right by a mountain lodge (not to mention a mountain itself), footage from a fighter jet both taking off and landing... getting to see downtown Las Vegas-including the Pioneer Club and the iconic Vegas Vic sign-before glitz totally went into overdrive, part of a choir's performance inside the Notre-Dame Cathedral, and even a ride down a bobsled course, which was greatly impressive considering how huge those cameras were... as I mentioned, this is a nice time capsule of life back in the past and what was the entertainment of the time, although of course what is “interesting” and what is “dull” is up to the viewer.

That is why these films (which I am glad Flicker Alley saved from oblivion & obscurity) tickle me pink.

The Pyramid

The Pyramid (1976)

Runtime: 94 minutes

Directed by: Gary Kent

Starring: Charley Brown, Tomi Barrett, Ira Hawkins, Michael Ashe, John Parker

From: I don't recall who is credited as releasing this... I can tell you the print is from the AGFA company, which is one of those niche offerings that put out all sorts of genre obscurities on Blu-ray.

Well, this is not a typical review for me. I have to discuss a movie that I not only had never heard of before, but it is obscure to the point there is a deficiency of information on what this is if you do a Google search... and yet the way I was able to see this: it played on Turner Classic Movies Underground late last night. I know they've aired some real obscurities... something this unknown was surprising. When I watched it and saw AGFA's logo at the beginning, it made a little more sense; it's not the first time they've aired something from their archives. Also, I imagine that one day they'll release this on Blu.

I'll provide more backstory later but I'll explain the plot now: Chris Lowe-who works at a TV station in the news department-is fed up with how negative his field is and how the local news is always so damned negative... either that, or mindless fluff is shown in puff pieces. Well, thank heavens that is not the case now... anyhow, Lowe is axed when he makes positive stories, which of course are rejected and has constant arguments with is superior. Now on his own, he freelances and ends up falling into the New Age hippie movement. I mean, the “pyramid” in question is a wooden structure built where flower children do flower children things.

This is the brainchild of Gary Kent, a person who has had various guises throughout many decades in the film industry... stunts (including Bubba Ho-Tep), production manager, rare acting gigs, etc. This was set & filmed in Texas, although for distributor reasons it never got released outside the Lone Star State & in fact until now could only be seen if you ordered the DVD from Kent himself. Unfortunately The Pyramid does meander quite a bit as it attempts to cover various aspects of the 1970's & why at times it could be quite miserable. For me the vast majority of New Age topics & ideas are trite & harebrained at best so the final act's devotion to the topic meant that this really petered out until it sputtered into an ending. “Hippy dippie” is a phrase I've seen attached to this, and it's fair. I know some will appreciate that this is pro-animal (more than one, it is said that “animals have feelings, too” and one side character is upset that his “unsightly” hog farm was ordered to be closed down, and he does not raise those critters for food.

That is a shame as I don't want to slag a low-budget passion project which has its heart in the right place and covers a topic which I also have an issue with. The local news is never watched by me as for eons I have felt is is either full of schlock or is incredibly downbeat. It shows that the reporting beat is not an easy one even for those that are popular in the city due to being on camera constantly; as competing movies were released a few years ago, I'd be remiss if I did not mention that one character in this commits suicide & it was clearly based on Christine Chubbuck, a moment that happened soon before this was filmed.

The movie does have some unflinching moments-the opening minutes feature someone having a heart attack, causing him to crash his car into a SCHOOL BUS, which then rolls over-and it does have some solid ideas. Much to my regret, The Pyramid's take on the media is even more relevant now than when the film was made. At least the production and acting was acceptable overall; I know others will get more out of this than I did and in any case I am glad that something unknown to even most people on Letterboxd was resurrected by a niche Blu-ray label and it was shown on basic cable to the entire United States late last night.

I Discuss Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

I revisited this a few days ago, and it's still totally meh for me overall: 

Way back in early 2017 I revisited the original Pirates of the Caribbean film; I never got around to giving the sequels another shot (or in the case of the 5th, see it for the first time) as they all paled in comparison to the OG product... and having to experience an awful almost 3 hour disaster is something I really don't want to do but I'll struggle through At World's End; at least it should lead to a colorful review, if a little hostile.

This movie is still as disappointing as the first time, way back in the summer of '06 theatrically. The biggest problem: it is a two and a half hour movie which felt like it was at least three and a half. Adjacent to that: bloat. Entire scenes should have been cut out, along with some of the subplots. This being streamlined would have been much better than the mess we got here. Captain Jack Sparrow started to turn into a caricature and that was a shame as in the first movie they unexpectedly struck gold with that wacky over the top character; after that it turned into something not as charming as they went in the wrong directions with him. The humor is also hit or miss... it can be argued if there needed to be so much of it, which is

I wish there wouldn't have been needless plot threads (such as Elizabeth Swan and Jack suddenly having the hots for each other?!) and the tone wildly swinging back and forth like a pendulum and a villain who is aggravating in all the worst ways -Beckett, not Davy Jones; IIRC, Beckett was FAR worse in At World's End-as the general idea seems fine concerning the titular Dead Man's Chest and why various people are interested in it and/or Sparrow, not to mention the irony of who Will's dad is. That all should have been fine, along with the development of the relationship between Will and Elizabeth.

There are reasons why I can say this is at least average. The cast does try their best, first off. Considering how much this cost, it'd be a real problem if it did not look great or the effects were dodgy... thankfully I had little issue visually with the finished product. The fact that Hans Zimmer contributed another quality score was a benefit, but the asset that kept me invested was... the action beats are still thrilling today & they do provide plenty of entertainment. That is why it is especially disheartening that the plot was so convoluted, and needlessly so. I am not saying that blockbuster movies should be incredibly simplistic, yet the plot here was like a tangled mess of wires, only to get even more knotted up w/ At World's End. One day I'll stop procrastinating and endure the next movie for review.

Tomorrow I'll Play Catch-Up

Expect three different reviews tomorrow; it will be three movies that are wildly different... at least after that I'll finally fix the problem that laziness created in me being behind.

The Seventh Curse

The Seventh Curse (Yuen Chun Hap Yu Wai See Lee) (1986)

Runtime: 81 minutes

Directed by: Ngai Choi Lam

Starring: Chin Siu-Ho, Dick Wei, Maggie Cheung, Elvis Tsui... and Chow Yun-Fat!

From: Golden Harvest

Like Indiana Jones... on mescaline.

I cannot recall the first time I had heard of this “only in Hong Kong” movie; however, the impetus of me seeing this last night was (as sometimes happens) a messageboard conversation. It is now on Prime and as I discovered, the print not only looks real good, but it is subtitled.

The plot revolves around a young doctor who has to return to Thailand as the “blood spell” he received a year ago is finally coming to fruition. That is my greatly simplifying what actually occurred. Let me give you some bulletpoints as to what occurred:

* This doctor (named CHESTER) is first seen assisting the police with a hostage situation in an abandoned building. As it's a Hong Kong movie, the action starts right away as there is plenty of gunfire and martial arts as their version of a SWAT team storms the building.

* There is wackiness involving a female reporter and someone taking a pratfall into a swimming pool. Yet a little later I realized that this has some quite graphic, gory moments as if Fulci was the director. In hindsight, it should not have been a surprise, as the director was also the one who gave us... Riki-Oh!

* Chester receives the curse when he unwisely gets involved in a sacrifice involving The Worm Tribe in northern Thailand; while he saves a young woman, he is caught and a guy who speaks with a Michael Jackson voice is not happy. Note that sometimes this guy (a sorcerer) unleashes a fetus-like worm creature that mauls everything in its path. This sacrifice was to “Old Ancestor”, a skeleton w/ glowing blue eyes who does change after consuming blood... into a creature I've seen not inaccurately described as a cross between Rodan and a xenomorph.

* A giant stone Buddha statue is climbed, and suddenly orange-robed kung-fu monks appear.

* Amongst all this lunacy, the doctor is assisted by Wisely (or Wesley), a character from a long-running series of Hong Kong novels, and portrayed here by... CHOW YUN-FAT. To be honest, another draw for me watching this lunacy was that Fat was in such a bonkers picture. His role was rather small yet that is alright as this is only 80 minutes long so the pacing is lightning-quick and that does excuse how the narrative is all over the place and you do not want to examine the plot too closely.

The action and special effects are both cheesy and well-done in equal measure; the print is so good that sometimes “you can see the wires”, which in this case only adds to its charm. Honestly there is plenty I have not spoiled and this was a gas to watch, especially the finale; now that is absolutely berserk. I am not familiar with the entirety of Chow Yun-Fat's filmography by any means but I suppose this is the closest he has come to appearing in a ripoff of Indiana Jones. A missed opportunity was him being the lead in such an adventure... something like the serials of the 30's which inspired Lucas & Spielberg to create such a legendary character.


Anyhow, those that love those insane Hong Kong pictures of old, this is a must-see.

The Irishman

The Irishman (2019)

96% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 301 reviews)

Runtime: 209 minutes, although it did not feel that long

Directed by: A guy who I agree with when it comes to his superhero movie comments

Starring: A great cast


From: Netflix

Yep, I got to see this theatrically and it's one of the best movies of 2019: 

On other corners of the Internet I have carped about the stresses of living in Florida, from the traffic to all the stupid people that live or visit the state, the incompetence of too many businesses, etc. All that said, there is the benefit of there being dozens of movie theatres in the central region of Florida alone so there were several locations that were playing this despite the movie not being booked at any of the major chains. For me it wouldn't be the same viewing this on a laptop screen or even having it play on the TV via an app on the Blu-ray player; the fact that much of what they have on Netflix is not too appealing to my interests (and their layout seems to become worse and worse each time I subscribe for a month) meant that it was worth making the drive and spending the night viewing something of epic length.

Thank heavens this was a movie I have no regrets about seeing, & its epic length was not to The Irishman's detriment. I've never read Charles Brandt's book I've Heard You've Paint Houses but before I saw the movie I did hear a few things concerning the life of Frank Sheeran, who claimed late in life to be a Mafia hitman and was the person who murdered Jimmy Hoffa. Who knows for certain if everything portrayed in the film was accurate to the truth, but it was a hell of a yarn and it just seemed appropriate that it would have such a director and main cast. For me it was a big draw to see De Niro and Pacino in multiple scenes together and the movie be great (unlike Righteous Kill, which I did see theatrically also), not to mention Joe Pesci back on the big screen after all that time. Thankfully, except for a moment or two, the de-aging effect is convincing & I was happy to see all those old faces in scenes where they appear to be a bit younger.

As others have accurately noted, this is starkly different from Goodfellas despite the presence of Scorsese, De Niro and Pesci. That-one of my personal favorites-is loud and excessive as Henry Hill had a lavish lifestyle for awhile & the main players lived pretty well in their positions, not to mention the general pace being pretty fast. This is the other side of the coin as the movie takes it time & there are plenty of quiet, contemplative moments; furthermore, there are plenty of disagreements and feuding between various people in the Mafia & those in the periphery of those individuals. Hoffa was a loose cannon and he stirred up so much trouble, it does seem clear that organized crime had him silenced, permanently. There are many theories as to who ended his life or where he was buried; a popular canard is that it was under a sports stadium in New Jersey but that likely is poppycock. Anyway, I do mention the movie is subdued, yet there are still over the top moments and this includes moments w/ Pacino engaging in much yelling. Thankfully that role doesn't have Old Al constantly at 11, as seems to typically be the case in recent history.

I don't even need to elaborate on the excellence of the direction, editing or music choices. Nor will I say too much else of the story considering many still haven't had the chance to see this as of the time the review is posted and it will be on Netflix itself come tomorrow. However, I do have to bring up a kerfuffle spotted on Twitter right before I made the drive yesterday to check this out. To be honest, it was only at this time that I heard Anna Paquin was in The Irishman, and some were not happy she hardly had any dialogue in her limited role, and compared it to Margot Robbie as Sharon Tate. After seeing the movie, it is not an apples to apples comparison.

Unfortunately, Robbie's role in QT's latest seemed superfluous and a waste of Margot's talents, although she did her best with her role. Here, Paquin played one of De Niro's daughters and while wishing for more of this subplot is a valid criticism, she delivered a quality performance in her few scenes just from her stating her negative opinions of her father's life nonverbally... as I stated, not a fair comparison. Of course, I'd be happy with both of those talented actresses receiving plenty of high profile roles in the future.

I do not wish to belabor the point I've made recently concerning the overall poor quality of movies this year; this not being disappointing and in fact would be my movie of 2019 if not for Parasite... those two would rank very highly on lists I have or would do when it comes to the best of any year in the 21st century. No matter your take on Scorsese's dismissal of comic book pictures, it is a testament to him that in his late 70's he can still craft a piece of work so gripping and so noteworthy... and also something that has to be self-reflective, a meditation on several individuals dealing with the twilight of their lives.

I Talk A Laurel & Hardy Short

In particular, 1929's Big Business: 

The story of a man who turned the other cheek-and got punched in the nose.

I only felt like watching a silent short to talk about tonight, so I found one at random from a legendary comedy duo, but it's one which technically is appropriate for the holiday season. You see, Laurel & Hardy sell Christmas trees door to door (was that ever a thing?) in Southern California, to no success. They run into a grumpy balding mustached middle-aged man & because of circumstances, things escalate and both parties do increasingly destructive damage to both his house and their 1920's automobile.

The comedy is that the feud spirals out of control to an absurd degree due to someone really not wanting a Christmas tree and items accidentally getting stuck in his door. The three main players plus the rotund barrister of the law that shows up-played by Stanley Sandford of Modern Times fame & amusingly billing himself as Tiny Sandford here-all provide great physical humor with their body language, not to mention their facial expressions. It was a nice way to spend 20 minutes; co-director Leo McCarey of course later went on to direct legendary movies from the Golden Age of Hollywood such as An Affair to Remember, Love Story & Going My Way.

I TRIED To Watch Knives Out

But there were complications... circumstances beyond my control: 

Well, I WAS gonna have a review of this, but...

Considering my negative reaction to The Last Jedi and how not only did it not feel like Star Wars at all, but the story was atrocious and made zero sense... it will be surprising to hear that I'd have anything to do w/ Rian Johnson ever again. The tremendous cast was enough to get me interested, so the plan was to see this last night during its early access screening, at the same AMC which had my disastrous viewing of Joker where if things escalated, I would have been physically assaulted by a band of punks.

I now realize it should be a long while before I return to that AMC; the screening was outright canceled... because of a power outage! I was not happy about this, as my decision to see this was sort of last minute and this place was the one that still had a decent seat available. I did not feel like watching anything last night after this fiasco-I was peeved-and staying in this weekend was preferable to trying and see the movie tonight (probably from a bad seat to boot) so instead the movie will be viewed sometime early December; maybe by then the black cloud over my head will dissipate. OK, so last night also included a tasty shrimp dinner, but a screening being outright canceled for this reason was a first for me.

Candyman

Candyman (1992)

Runtime: 99 minutes

Directed by: Bernard Rose

Starring: Virginia Madsen, Tony Todd, Xander Berkley, Kasi Lemmons, Vanessa Williams

From: Tristar/PolyGram

I would have viewed this during the Halloween season... had it been readily available at the time. I mean sure it could be found in the nether regions of the Internet but such places are full of spyware and other malicious program-at least I understand that to be the case... as I was able to rent it last night and discuss this in 2019. As a new movie is coming out next year which is a “spiritual sequel” and has the involvement of Jordan Peele, this seemed like a good time for a review anyhow.

Virginia Madsen discovered that saying “Candyman” into the mirror five times was a grave mistake, even if she is a graduate student at the University of Illinois-Chicago and her thesis is on the urban legend & its impact on the Cabrini-Green housing project; that has mostly been demolished now but at the time it was where many poor black people lived and unfortunately, it was so riddled with neglect and gang crime, it looked like something from a third world country, as shown in the movie. Turns out, the legend is actually true and things become REAL bad for Old Virginia.

The first half of the movie definitely takes its time setting up the story and presenting how deplorable conditions are in Cabrini-Green & its effect on those innocent people who are just trying to raise an infant. It's never boring, even with there are obvious fake jump scares present to ensure no one becomes bored. The second half, things pick up-as the movie takes a left turn-there are some gruesome scenes and everyone gets to see the powers of the guy known in his life as Daniel Robitaille. Among a cast that is fine overall (especially Madsen), Tony Todd stood out the most as Candyman, being both hypnotically charming and utterly terrifying, usually in the same scene.

The movie touches upon subjects like racial prejudice and white privilege, ensuring it was never boring. Then again, I never found the story dull and even if I had, I would have been entranced by the hypnotic score from Philip Glass; that was a nice get on the movie's part. No surprise this became a cult hit and its reputation only will rise with next year's big theatrical release of the sequel.

I Talk Something Called Santa And The Ice Cream Bunny!

Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny (1972)

Runtime: 96 LONG minutes

Directed by: Some dude named R. Winer... and also Barry Mahon

Starring: A bunch of non-actors you've never heard of

From: R&S Film Enterprises Inc.

Another bizarre oddity I've actually seen more than once now.

As people start celebrating Christmas even before Thanksgiving arrives (which isn't something I do myself), it gave me the impetus to finally revisit something I had watched years ago. Once again this was a movie I first discovered via a website doing a detailed review and being blown away by how strange it all sounded. Yes, it was long before Rifftrax did their review.

Despite the title, not only do the Santa and Ice Cream Bunny segments only serve as bookends to another story, but Bunny does not appear until the final 10 or so minutes. Instead, a full hour of this is something previously filmed by the “legendary” Barry Mahon*. I realize I shouldn't dog too hard on someone who served in World War II and actually was in the camp where the real life events that inspired The Great Escape happened, but he was not the best filmmaker. Mahon's segment (complete w/ its own credits!) was filmed at Pirates World, a low-rent theme park in Dania, Florida that went out of business in '75 and amazingly had plenty of rock concerts from the likes of Bowie, Santana, The Grateful Dead (!) and... Led Zeppelin!! What Barry filmed in the park was much less exciting: a version of Thumbelina that was accurate to Hans Christian Andersen's story-at least according to Wikipedia-but the budget was zero dollars so the set looks cheap and the youths they have in the story all appear to be various stages of being stoned the entire time.

That occurs as a story Santa tells to a group of random kids in Florida; you see, he gets his sled stuck in sand (although “stuck” is being generous, as it's only like two inches of sand) and somehow he has the magical powers to call all the children in the neighborhood so they all scamper on over to him... this includes a young boy who just JUMPED OFF HIS ROOF while holding only a lawn furniture umbrella! They also somehow get random animals and a guy in a gorilla suit to try and pull the suit out, to no avail. Oh, and Santa keeps on his trademark outfit, despite developing obvious “swamp ass”! I mean, he had massive sweat stains on the back of his pants.

I'll be real here: this time I did not watch the movie on its own; rather, it was a YouTube video where some random guys did their own commentary and only one of them had seen this before. The rest were in disbelief over how wacky this was and they were howling when the Ice Cream Bunny finally shows up... in a fire truck that appeared to be from the 1930's... overloaded w/ all the kids that were not restrained in any way while on such a huge vehicle (this was even worse than the boy jumping off the roof) and the vehicle has to drive slow as the guy in the costume can barely see and yet he still operates it as if he is highly intoxicated... and the outfit itself looks so cheap and ghetto it becomes frightening. Of course, this bunny has no ice cream in the truck or anywhere else, so I do not know what an Ice Cream Bunny is even supposed to be. I'll stick with Blue Bunny Ice Cream, thank you very much.

The hilarity of the finale meant that this does not receive the lowest possible rating. Most of this is a slog to get through (w/ shots that go on for about twice as long as they should, to steal a line) but at least there is some tremendous unintentional humor which makes it worthwhile. Honestly, most people should only see this if there is commentary from Rifftrax or someone else.

* To clarify, not all the prints of this movie have the Thumbelina segment. Some (including the version used for Rifftrax) instead substitute Mahon's Jack and the Beanstalk, which is of similar length. I've never seen that print, although I understand it is the one available on Amazon Prime.

Night Of Horror

Night of Horror (1981, but this was made in 1978)

Runtime: 76 of the longest minutes you'll ever endure

Directed by: Tony Malanowski

“Starring”: A bunch of random people who can't act

From: Little Warsaw Productions

“This film is designed to be entertaining”... well, there's rather blatant false advertising. 

A few weeks ago I revisited an obscure early 80's horror movie titled Curse of the Cannibal Confederates (at least when Troma put it out) which is a lame and mostly boring picture where the titular confederates rise up to kill a group of irritating friends, all just because one of them stole a diary they found. Two Thousand Maniacs! this is not. The only notable aspect is that for a few minutes the content goes from 0-100 as out of nowhere it suddenly becomes like a Fulci film and features graphic gore.

Well, Tony Malanowski essentially created Cannibal as a Night of Horror remake. Those having seen that but not this... if you think Cannibal Confederates is bad (and it is) then... whoo boy... you will want to stay far the F away from Night of Horror. I've known of this for many years-due to a website review; this was long before even The Cinema Snob covered it-and it was only seen by me once before, on YouTube. I do know that recently some of those uploads were taken down but one still does remain, for those wanting to see this for free. I'll be frank here: that was how I viewed this again. No offense to the filmmakers, but honestly now...

There is an opening crawl which had the gall to portray the events in the movie as real... along with the inclusion of the phrase “this film is designed to be entertaining”; they failed in all regards with that promise. The movie's print is all washed-out but that's the least of its problems. It was a one camera shoot so there are long static shots, and one character will be focused on even if a scene has multiple characters and someone else is talking. The sound is terrible, making the dialogue hard to hear; perhaps that is a blessing, considering the acting is poor and there are plenty of flubbed lines that are left in instead of doing a better take. Then again, this is a production where during the process of creating the final print, there is a giant black smudge of... something on the bottom of the picture and it doesn't go away for almost 5 minutes!

The most “horrifying” aspect of this movie is how damn boring it is. There are long scenes of dialogue between characters that are impossible to give a damn about... long scenes of driving that will remind you of Manos (and THERE is something you want to be compared to!), a long scene of a woman pencil-sketching, something like 5 minutes of a Civil War reenactment battle, and an interminable conversation between the leads and the “ghosts”; just having ghosts does not a horror movie make, and all they do is ask the leads to do a task that proves to be relatively easy & simple... the end. Really. Cannibal having Confederates rise up from the dead to eat people was an invention only done for that movie.

The music is either a mediocre 70's country song or a piano riff which wouldn't be bad on its own... but becomes so if you have to hear it constantly through the movie; of course this is what Night of Horror chooses to do. Overall, this does not have the charm of Birdemic, The Room or even Manos, which at least had Torgo. Night of Horror is a mind-numbing slog where not even the idea of Malanowski sometimes using the credit of TONY STARK to hide the fact that he had multiple roles in this production (including a small part on screen) provides any amusement and this is better left not seen once, let alone twice like my foolish self did.

I Discuss Eddie Murphy: Delirious

Maybe one day I'll get back to my usual schedule... for now, a review inspired by (as sometimes happens) a messageboard thread: 

Y'all didn't know I was a ventriloquist too!

Lamentably I am still experiencing a general feeling of malaise, a funk I haven't quite pulled myself out of yet; however, I'll try to get things back to normal soon, and at least I had the time to watch this. Despite an opening that is ghastly by 2019 standards (more on that later) overall this is still very funny to me and it does help brighten my mood.

Many people would know this from hearing much of the material on Murphy's first two comedy albums; me, it was different. Of course I saw his movies and enjoyed them as a kid and it wasn't until college that someone I knew had an MP3 rip of this (an HBO special filmed in Washington, D.C.) so I ripped it to CD and thought it tremendous. I don't even recall how many years later that I actually viewed Delirious... I was glad I did; Eddie's all-red leather outfit was stupendous but it helped seeing all his facial expressions and how he commanded the stage & the audience.

To address the elephant in the room, Delirious starts off with bad comments about both homosexuals and AIDS. I realize that at the time AIDS was seen as “the gay disease” but it went above and beyond that; saying “I'm petrified of gay people” is hard to defend or rationalize. Years later Murphy did apologize for that bit but once you get past that, Delirious is tremendous as he rips on such people as James Brown, Michael Jackson, and “ugly singers” in general... and adult topics like sex. Best of all was the long bit where he talked about his childhood and more innocuous topics like the ice cream man, bath time w/ siblings and backyard BBQ's w/ the family. Another highlight was all the great impressions he did throughout... and boy does Eddie's line about “white people voting for someone as a joke” seem prescient now after what happened a few years ago.

This was not viewed just because Eddie Murphy has experienced a renaissance due to Dolemite is my Name (which I'll view in the future) and the plans for there to be a 4th Beverly Hills Cop on Netflix-rumors of that sequel must have been around since my college days, and that was almost two decades ago. Rather, it was someone in a messageboard thread mentioning his viewing of Delirious that made me realize this was long overdue for a revisit and I could finally talk about it here. It's incredibly profane and there are other moments that will offend certain demographics... overall this still made me laugh as much as the first time I heard all those funny moments on what was a burned CD, probably Verbatim in particular.

Midway 2019

Midway (2019)

43% on Rotten Tomatoes(out of 117 reviews)

Runtime: 138 minutes

Directed by: Roland Emmerich

Starring: Another nice all-star cast, although not comparable to 1976's lineup

From: Lionsgate

The benefit of coming out in a terrible year for movies...

Roland Emmerich is not one of my favorite filmmakers, and that isn't just because the 1998 Godzilla was a travesty and an insult to a legendary character. Most of his pictures are just not for me; brainless blockbusters lacking in heart & soul just aren't my jam. However, this was a passion project from him and this was done independently (w/ an assist from China... more on that later) and I was hoping this would be at least OK.

This looks at the battle differently from the 1976 movie; that centered on the military leaders using their strategy to try and outfox their opponents, while 2019 was more about individual soldiers and their heroics; additionally, this did not focus as much on the Japanese side as 1976 did. Henceforth, there is more melodrama here than in '76, and that had a silly sideplot of Charlton Heston's son falling in love w/ a Japanese-American girl. Regrettably, the ending of this was changed from actual history to add some more excitement... I wish that wasn't done as this already had plenty of action beats.

I do understand & accept the complaints: the script is not all that great or intelligent... there are cliches a-plenty, the story was told better in '76, a submarine sidetrack is only two short scenes and then it's summarily forgotten about, the idea of spending plenty of time showing Pearl Harbor and other events before the United States even cracked the code and realized Midway would be attacked was nice... although that seemed to be done in part so a subplot about Japan occupying China at the time could be included... I could go on and on. 

All that said, it may be because 2019 has been a pretty bad year for motion pictures overall, but I'll be kind to this and say it was fine overall. The cast full of famous faces is decent as a whole (even the Jonas brother) and those interested in the action... it was satisfactory. As this could have been a jingoistic nightmare and wasn't... I suppose that helps me be forgiving of its faults due to good intentions, at least partially. Of course a documentary or book about what happened in the Battle of Midway would be the best way to learn the story, but this is an OK cinematic version, although what was done in '76 was superior in my eyes.

Midway 1976

Midway (1976)

Runtime: 132 minutes

Directed by: Jack Smight

Starring: A great all-star cast

From: Universal

Everyone can probably guess which theatrical movie I'll be reviewing next; Midway 1976 was viewed Tuesday night and Midway 2019 was watched last night. I'll do most of the comparison talk in my next review but I can say the two are different looks at this battle.

I have known of this movie for many, many years; a parent is a big fan of Midway and I recall them watching it on television when I was a child. No, I did not view it then at the time, although perhaps I should have. This being a movie of old w/ a great all-star cast and the topic being an old battle is in my wheelhouse so keep that in mind when judging for yourself how valid you think my rating is.

From what I understand, this follows rather accurately the real life events of the Battle of Midway, the 1942 naval combat where the United States did battle w/ Japan and the result was so unexpected and decisive, it changed the tide of the war taking place in the Pacific and allowed for Japan to eventually be defeated. While '19 is more focused on several soldiers and their heroics, this was mainly centered on various commanders on both sides as they try to outwit each other and attempt to use intel or just plan intuition to put all the troops in the right spot or in one important early moment, American codebreakers broke through the gibberish & realized the Japanese were planning a surprise attack on the Midway islands.

As referred to already, this movie has a great cast and while names like James Coburn and Robert Mitchum have glorified cameos, there is still Toshiro Mifune, Charlton Heston, Hal Holbrook, Henry Fonda, Glenn Ford, Robert Wagner, and also some people that would become famous later, such as Tom Selleck, Erik Estrada, Pat Morita, and James Shigeta (the last two have bigger roles that Mifune did). I do understand the complaints... there is drama involving Heston's son having a relationship with a Japanese-American girl, actual stock footage is plentiful, whether it be from previous movies or from the actual Midway battle-and it doesn't match the footage shot for this movie-and some may not like its deliberate pacing or all the talking.

For me, I was never bored as I was a history nerd so all the machinations and strategy was interesting to me... not to mention, the action you do see was fine and I did appreciate that plenty of time is spent with the Japanese side; those who have seen '19 and thought there was a large focus on Japan's viewpoint, it is quite a bit stronger here.

Glory

Glory (1989)

Runtime: 122 minutes

Directed by: Edward Zwick

Starring: Matthew Broderick, Denzel Washington, Morgan Freeman, Andre Braugher, Cary Elwes

From: Tri-Star

It seemed appropriate to view this today when it played on Turner Classic Movies; today in the United States is Veterans Day and other places call it Remembrance Day or Armistice Day. This is a movie I have checked out before, albeit at least twenty years ago or so. To the movie's credit, I did remember more than one powerful scene through that long gap between viewings.

In essence it is a standard movie based on true events (although not entirely historically accurate) during the American Civil War where Robert Gould Shaw is a Colonel and he is tasked with leading the 54th Massachusetts Infantry Regiment, only the second-ever all black regiment in the Union Army. A ragtag group of people have to come together and while the training was harsh, it was still fair and as Shaw was the son of abolitionists, he does support his troops. Naturally there are conflicts-even among the soldiers-but through all the trials and tribulations, it is a compelling story and when there are combat scenes, it is a smoke-filled hellish landscape which can leave soldiers shell-shocked due to all the chaos & brutality.

I know some have criticized how the movie is framed around Shaw; well, it's based on letters written by Shaw at the time and plenty of time is spent with the troops. You get to know the main players and the most memorable performance was from Denzel Washington, as an antagonistic person mad at the world. He won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor for such moments as when he was captured after going AWOL; later you see he did this not because he was deserting (his intentions were more noble) but his punishment was... being whipped. Yes, this was one of the scenes I recalled from long ago.

Matthew Broderick and Cary Elwes are fine as Shaw and his second in command, but what left the biggest impression was Washington, Morgan Freeman and Andre Braugher; of course they were all distinctive as they played wildly different characters. Mix in the typical quality James Horner score and I was relieved this was a good as I recollected it being.

Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House

Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House (1948)

Runtime: 94 minutes

Directed by: H.C. Potter

Starring: Cary Grant, Myrna Loy, Melvyn Douglas, Reginald Denny, Sharyn Moffett, Connie Marshall

From: RKO

While I am still trying to get back in the swing of things when it comes to watching movies, this was something I viewed on Friday night: 

Yeeeeppp.

I did need to see something different from the norm that was the past several months so I went with this, which was on Turner Classic Movies last night. Blandings is an amusing home improvement comedy where Cary Grant is an advertising executive in Manhattan; he is doing well as he lives in a downtown apartment w/ wife Myrna Loy and two daughters (they look to be around 14 and 12)... and they even have a black maid, but let's gloss over that bit of awkwardness. Actually, she does contribute something to the plot so it is not as uncomfortable as it could be. The apartment is crowded so Grant gets the ingenious idea to buy an old house in rural Connecticut. Well, the place is ancient & run-down so it needs to be torn down and a new house had to be built... from there, calamity rules the day as they seemingly have to deal with all the complications and the realization they are all over their heads.


Comedy is of course subjective but I got a decent amount of laughs from the various misunderstandings and the family poking fun at each other. Thankfully both of the daughters were not only non-aggravating characters, but I can't carp about the performances either. This was the inspiration for The Money Pit, something I saw like 30 years ago and recall nothing about; I'll presume this is the better of the two, even with a silly subplot where Grant plays a jealous husband just because his lady and his lawyer friend are pals. Mix in memorable supporting characters who all have various trademarks & a movie that is far from bland... the movie works for me, and it has still relevant takes concerning house ownership and how damn expensive it is.

A Nostalgic Update

Wednesday night I revisited the great 80's teen comedy/drama Lucas; one reason why was so I could talk about on Letterboxd how there was a time that liking this movie was awkward as the guy who played the fat kid that got killed in the beginning of Friday the 13th: A New Beginning accused Charlie Sheen of doing horrible things to Corey Haim during filming of this movie... but once that guy (Dominick Brascia) passed away last November, it turns out that it was Brascia who did those horrible things. With that out of the way, Lucas should be viewed by everyone.

Parasite

Parasite (2019)

99% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 267 reviews)

Runtime: 132 minutes

Directed by: Bong Joon-ho

Starring: Song Kang-ho, Jang Hye-jin, Choi Woo-shik, Park So-dam, Cho Yeo-jeong

From: It was released in the United States by Neon

For much of 2019 I had heard how tremendous this motion picture was. It took awhile to make its way to the United States; finally I was able to check this out, and... it does live up to the lofty hype: 

My old school (Illinois State University) getting namedropped in this movie... rather unanticipated by me.

Those that read my scathing review of Terminator: Dark Fate may wonder why I went and saw a dumb Hollywood product that I suspected would be dumb when there are independent movies I could be checking out instead... touche, I say. Central Florida is not like Los Angeles or New York... but various indie/foreign movies usually don't require too long a drive to see. As I mentioned while talking about Dark Fate, some of those pictures do come off as pretentious and even a little bit intolerable to me. Snowpiercer was a big letdown for me, yet The Host was a very good Bong Joon-ho movie so I was hoping I would agree with most film fans and think this was worth checking out theatrically. As you can see with my highest of scores, no one has to get out the pitchforks and hang me in the town square! Those elsewhere around the world, it was only this past Friday that Parasite made it to mainstream cineplexes in the United States and is in more than select locations. I understand that many people got to see this months ago.

I never even saw a trailer for this so I only went into the picture hearing that it dealt with a pair of families, one rich and the other poor, and those two interact with each other. That is indeed correct, and I'll attempt to be vague here to avoid giving away anything important. Naturally, the poor family is desperate so they do some things to try and help themselves-this includes a few little white lies-but... unexpected complications occur. Parasite has plenty of content concerning inequality between the haves and have nots, along with capitalism in general and “fake it until you make it”... this is done as various genres are mixed in together. I'll just say that there are laughs of the satirical and dark humor variety along with some suspenseful moments and yeah, a few bloody ones also.

Perhaps Parasite is benefiting, re: that it was the first thing I viewed after experiencing something I found to be awful... be that as it may, I was very happy to see something that was unpredictable yet not ludicrous or devoid of logic... a picture where the audience can decide how they feel about the various main characters, as nothing is black or white and you can damn the rich family for being naive or not comprehending how “common folk” live... or knowing at least once that things are likely to go wrong... you just don't know when or how this will occur.

I haven't viewed all of the director's movies by any means but this is the best and favorite that I have seen; what a ride this was. I was very happy to see something original that did not insult my intelligence or was overly smug or was way too arch for me to enjoy. Everything about the movie was great, from the story and the performances to the cast and everything behind the camera; if you enjoy what Bong does or even if you want to see a story that deftly maneuvers between several different genres and can view this theatrically... Parasite is a must-see.

Terminator: Dark Fate

Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)

Somehow, this got a 69% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 248 reviews)

Runtime: 128 minutes

Directed by: Tim Miller

Starring: Some series regulars who should feel embarrassed or angry... along with some new faces

From: Some companies who should feel embarrassed or angry at this tanking at the box office

Sponsored by Carl's Draperies & Ruffles Potato Chips

I realize my rating is overly harsh, but at the same time it is not unwarranted. I think one issue is that not just in movies but in other fields also, they used to make them better than they do now... music, sports, television, etc. In the future I'll have to extrapolate more on the topic-for now, I will say that whether it's the pretentious indie/foreign pictures or how lame and boring too much of Hollywood has become, I tend to prefer the older movies or the modern pictures that don't try so hard or aren't insufferably smug. Because Hollywood is too scared to try old ideas, they brought the T-800 out of mothballs yet again, even though many believe that the same time the series was worthwhile, it was almost 30 years ago and the subsequent sequels have just been a waste of time.

The trailers did not inspire confidence and even though I haven't even viewed all of the sequels, I do love the first two, the true Sarah Connor has returned and how bad could this be? Oh did I ever find this out! The movie was even worse than I first realized after I saw some videos on YouTube and discovered that the story makes no damn sense in the least; it was devoid of logic, and such things usually aggravate me to no end. In hindsight, some of the stupid Hollywood pictures I've seen in recent years... I was way too kind to them and more deserved a bottom of the barrel rating like this does.

Like most Terminator movies, an unstoppable force from the future has come to try an assassinate a target and a less powerful force has also arrived from the future in an attempt to protect said target. By now, talk about lame and unoriginal; this is rather close to T2 and believe me, T2 is MUCH better than this crap. The characters, the effects (too much of which looked rather ropey and not convincing), the action beats, the plot, the logic behind the plot, having sympathy for the protagonists... massively inferior to Judgment Day. Not only do important plot points crumble into pieces once you apply a modicum of common sense to them... I swear there is a scene which was supposed to be included but was missing! A bomb goes off, killing various people and knocking down our heroes... suddenly, it immediately cuts to our heroes in another location, captured yet I have no idea who or what brought them there. It was like the movie went from A to D and skipped steps B & C.

Not only I am penalizing the movie for that, but to me far worse was how the character of Sarah Connor was treated. While watching the movie she came off as unappealing with her attitude and that made me mad due to how great the character was in the original movies and how inspirational she was as she morphed from a down on her luck waitress to a badass who was taught by great warrior Kyle Reese and she passed on those traits and general leadership to John Connor... and here she was jut an angry old lady who kept on arguing with augmented human Grace, because both are women (?!)... hell, I dunno.

By now many people know that a shocking moment happens in the opening minutes and I dare not spoil that here... even though by now it is easy to accidentally stumble upon this spoiler; thankfully this realization did not occur until after I viewed the film yesterday. I don't agree with that decision, especially after the rest of the movie happened and I realized this was a crap movie which told the same story but in a poor way where there are massive plotholes & like with too many movies these days, there is unnecessary humor and most of it was terrible. Hell, I say that the fact that T2's critical message of “Choose your own fate” is tossed away here and the movie teaches us something entirely contradictory just for the sake of “being different”... thankfully I'll be happy to ignore this in my personal canon and keep on pretending that only the first two movies happened, where fate is what you make it is still a thing.

I could go on and on but I'll close this out by saying that both the new and old cast do try their hardest, I suppose... “generic teenage girl” is no John Connor and there being more diversity here does not matter too much for me when I am not sure all the right people were chosen for the roles and broached topics of “technology intruding on modern society” and “Mexican immigration” are only addressed superficially. This stupid movie makes me better appreciate actual worthwhile big budget modern action movies... look at how awesome Mission Impossible: Fallout turned out. Doctor Sleep being different in style compared to The Shining won't make everyone happy... be that as it may, I imagine more would have been unhappy if King wrote the Doctor Sleep novel as adult Danny Torrance returning to the Overlook Hotel w/ his family and the exact same scenario occurs... I am glad that went in a different direction, and thankfully that was done well. Look at The Predator (one of those movies I'd rate far lower now) as it's an original story involving the property... but was not good as there was WAY too much humor and way too many illogical moments.

I guess this is what I get for actually giving this money and wasting part of yesterday with another example of a piss-poor Hollywood product.

A Skynet-Sponsored Update

I have just now returned to being in the swing of things and on Saturday night I revisited the original The Terminator... which is still incredible. In a few minutes I'll post a review to Terminator: Dark Fate; that was incredibly bad.