68 Kill

68 Kill (2017)

Runtime: 93 minutes

Directed by: Trent Haaga

Starring: Matthew Gray Gubler, AnnaLynne McCord, Alisha Boe, Sheila Vand, Sam Eidson

From: IFC Midnight

I not only saw an appropriate movie for a midnight film, but AnnaLynne McCord was there in person. See all the details below: 

Late last night I saw this film at a midnight screening at the Florida Film Festival. In all the years I've lived in Florida (since 2004) I have only been to the FFF a handful of times. It's a combination of schedule and other factors which made this the case. The other factors include it being more than a few miles from where I live is one thing, but yesterday it was a combo of really bad traffic and someone there being very rude to me which sent me a message that it may be a good thing I haven't gone there more often... sad but true.

Partially so I could also get a ticket for a film I will see tonight and partially because this sounded real interesting, I decided to check this out. I had never seen anything else from Trent Haaga (whether it be written or directed or both) but I was familiar with films like Cheap Thrills or Deadgirl. In addition, the female lead (AnnaLynne McCord) would be live in attendance to do a short Q&A afterwards. I knew who she was but this was the first thing I had ever seen her in. The Q&A was a standard thing and yet because I thought her performance was the best in the picture, I will eventually see more of her movies.

After seeing the film, it was perfect for seeing at midnight. The fact that Haaga started out his career at Troma (heck, he wrote the fourth Toxic Avenger movie) was quite apparent here; it's a sleazy grindhouse over the top tale involving a bunch of scummy characters in Louisiana. The focus is on Matthew Gray Gubler's Chip and McCord's Liza; she is assertive and wears the pants in the family. The wish for more money so she wants to rob a rich D-bag she knows. Things don't go as planned and I'll leave it at that. Things become crazier than you'd expect, and Liza is not the type of lady I would want to personally date, even though there are even worse characters than her that you'll get to meet.

The movie is unquestionably not for everyone; it's greatly over the top and absurd moments abound. Yet I had a lot of fun with this; watching it on the big screen probably aided in my enjoyment but I am glad I got to see it. The most interesting aspect is that Chip is a gigantic wimp and a doofus while Liza and other female characters are much stronger and they steamroll over him. Whether or not he can stand up for himself is an important plot point.

Thank heavens that most of the comedy in this dark comedy is pretty funny; it balances out all the horrific moments you see. Amazingly, this was based on a book (!) and I haven't read that so I can't say how faithful an adaptation it was. I'll just say that if you love ghoulish midnight movies, this is probably something you'll want to see.

Suspect Zero

Suspect Zero (2004)

Runtime: 99 minutes

Directed by: E. Elias Merhige

Starring: Aaron Eckhart, Carrie-Anne Moss, Ben Kingsley, Harry Lennix, Kevin Chamberlain

From: Paramount

Wednesday night I saw Prometheus again, which I did not like back then... I don't like it now. It's more like ProMEHtheus. Last night, I saw this motion picture, which is pretty bad. It shouldn't have been, as I explain below:

Last night I decided to watch something different, so “dark thriller” is where I went. I remembered that Suspect Zero was a thing when it came out but it wasn't until a few years ago I heard how the original script from Zak Penn was highly regarded, but as it was Hollywood they F'ed it up when it came to the big screen. After having seen this, yes the rewrite on the script from someone else was no good and needlessly ruined what on paper sounded like something which could have been real good, even if “inspired” by Se7en.

This article explains how the two scripts are so different, but I'll summarize it: in the original, a brand new FBI agent named Mackelway is taunted by O'Ryan, a genius profiler who went mad with the theory that a Suspect Zero could exist, meaning a serial killer could exist that would do things to disguise the fact he's a serial killer, such as not having a pattern or working where other serial killers are, so O'Ryan tries to hunt down what he believes is a thing-but may be a figment of his imagination-while Mackelway tries to hunt down O'Ryan. It sounds greatly interesting and could have been a 90's thriller classic, something that could favorably be compared to Se7en. However, the script bounced around for years and it was rewritten into this movie, and what a downgrade it was.

Instead, the film is about Mackelway being transferred from Dallas to Albuquerque, New Mexico (actually, it was cheap to film there so that's what Paramount did) and while O'Ryan is still on the hunt for Suspect Zero, it's less of an epic feud or cat and mouse chase between the two characters and instead Mac lucks into a lot of things... oh, and O'Ryan has psychic powers and does “remote viewing”, which was developed by a government program. That's where you are locked up in a room and you can sketch out an image from anywhere in the world... but if you've seen The Men Who Stare at Goats, you already have had that phenomenon explained, and I make the assumption that movie was better than this was.

This movie is a mess. The remote viewing stuff does nothing to make this exciting and instead makes this an absolute slog to get through. There are talented actors present (Aaron Eckhart, Carrie-Anne Moss, Ben Kingsley) but they can't do much to elevate this bad material and incredibly muddled story. It's just not exciting or fun or entertaining to watch. What doesn't help is that-to steal a thought-this looks like a 90's television drama and it's shot in an incredibly dated way where as many tried to do in the late 90's or early 2000's, there are wacky camera angles and random camera filters. It does not look good in 2017.

To think that in the late 90's the original script was almost made into a movie... starring Sly Stallone. As that would have been around the time of Copland, that would have been nice for his career and he probably wouldn't have had to do stuff like... D-Tox, i.e. Eye See You, where he was able to play an FBI agent; I understand that isn't too good either. While it's crappy that Zak Penn had the exact same thing happen to him with the Last Action Hero script he co-wrote, at least he managed to have a Hollywood career and do things like be one of the writers for The Avengers and he will be the upcoming Spielberg movie Ready Player One; despite his scripts sometimes being treated poorly, I still won't shed any tears as he's done fine in Hollywood. Not that it isn't disappointing the original script for this was morphed into a movie that was pretty bad.

Happy Alien Day

Hopefully everyone is having a nice 4/26. Me, I'll watch a film from that franchise tonight and review it tomorrow. Monday night I rewatched Tango & Cash and last night I was out and about.

Long Live Robin Hood

Long Live Robin Hood (i.e. either L'arciere Di Fucco or Archer of Fire or The Scalawag Bunch) (1971)

Runtime: The version I saw was 81 minutes long; it was obvious that the original film was longer

Directed by: Giorgio Ferroni

Starring: Giuliano Gemma, Mark Damon, Silvia Dionisio, Mario Adorf, Nello Pazzafini

From: Several production companies, as this was a co-production among Italy, France and Spain

Yep, I only saw this because it featured Mario Adorf. Most people don't need to see this, to be honest. At least it's OK. See why below: 

This is another random find on Amazon Prime* I only watched because of the presence of someone in the cast. While I wish this could have been the full movie in widescreen, instead this is a truncated version in fullscreen. I will presume that the full version has a larger role for Prince John rather than the brief appearance he has here. To my amusement, that character looked like Prince Valium from Spaceballs, but with orange-brown hair. Also amusing to me is how the role of Friar Tuck was played by Mario Adorf, who I think is awesome because of the great job he did in movies like Caliber 9 and The Italian Connection. The fact that he also had orange-brown hair and even a matching beard likely would only be great to a few people, but it was quite the look for him.

The story is for the most part what you'd expect... aside from the lack of “rob the rich and give to the poor” it's the Robin Hood legend, with the characters and situations that are familiar by now. In every way I say that it's average. It's not the best screen appearance for the story but it's not the worst either; plus, at least in the dub I saw, Robin spoke with an English accent... the film is light in tone and the action is decent.

While I wish I could see the full version, at least what I saw was acceptable and not a waste of time.

* It's an old Italian movie so of course it has had multiple titles throughout the years. It's on Prime as Archer of Fire, which is a literal translation of its Italian title. It's known here and IMDb as Long Live Robin Hood, yet on Wiki it's The Scalawag Bunch.

In Order Of Disappearance

In Order of Disappearance (Kraftidioten) (2014)

Runtime: 116 minutes

Directed by: Hans Petter Moland

Starring: Stellan Skarsgard, Bruno Ganz, Pal Sverre Valheim Hagen, Birgitte Hjort Sorensen, Kristofer Hivju

From: Many production companies, at least judging by the opening of the film

I finally saw this Norwegian/Swedish/Danish movie last night. Of course in the future it will be getting an American remake, which I will naturally presume won't be as good as the original, as Hollywood will screw it up. Read below to see why I did enjoy this film a lot:

WELCOME TO TYOS

This is a film I have heard of for awhile now, and most of the word about it was pretty good. The recent news that the director of this will remake it as a Hollywood film starring Liam Neeson inspired me to finally check this out. I'll presume that because it's Hollywood, Hard Powder (at least for now the new title the remake will have) won't be as good, which will be a shame as Neeson in the starring role that Stellan Skarsgard had here should be pretty awesome, and it'd be as much fun to see Liam raise some hell like Stellan did here. Heck, Taken was a definite inspiration for this movie so it's fitting.

The plot: Skarsgard-as Nils-drives a snow plow truck-his name might as well be Mr. Plow-in rural Norway, which I presume receives a lot of snow throughout the year. His young adult son is killed in what looks like an overdose, but we see he was actually murdered by some gangsters. Nils goes nuts and tries to track down those responsible... only things get complicated as the movie features everything from Serbian gangsters and a young criminal with a lot of power who is a vegan and is driven around in a Fisker Karma (as he's a “hip” and “green” sort of person) to implied mail order brides and

I will admit the movie's pitch-black humor won't be for everyone. But I thought this was wildly entertaining with its twists and turns it took and the times it defied expectations. I will be a cynic and presume that such things as the vegan aspect or various quirks the movie offers up will either not be present or they'll be fouled up. Anyhow, the cinematography is real good and the snowy landscapes of Norway are brought to life very well as they are the backdrop to a movie that has various twists and turns and surprising moments involving supporting characters I dare not reveal; I'll just say that Nils and his family have quite the unfortunate surname.

While the few female characters you see aren't always portrayed in the most positive light, otherwise I have little complaints with this motion picture. If it at all sounds interesting to you, I highly recommend you see this before the destined to be inferior remake comes out sometime in the next few years.

Silver Streak

Silver Streak (1976)

Runtime: 114 minutes

Directed by: Arthur Hiller

Starring: Gene Wilder, and a cast which includes Ned Beatty, Jill Clayburgh, Scatman Crothers and Clifton James (RIP). Richard Pryor is also in this, but his role is not as big as the advertising would lead you to believe

From: 20th Century Fox

This was a movie I was happy to see for a second time, as it was as good as I had remembered. I also tip my cap to someone in this film who just passed away, as you'll see below:

Here is yet another movie I saw once before, but that viewing was years ago; thus, it was a good time for a revisit. Among its cast of familiar faces is Clifton James, who passed away last weekend in his mid 90's. He is best known for playing Sheriff J.W. Pepper in two Bond movies. Many hate the character, which I do understand. He also plays a sheriff here but don't worry, that character isn't quite as over the top. I will tip my cap to James, who acted on TV and in movies for decades and almost made it to 100 years old.

This comic thriller has book editor Gene Wilder on a train from Los Angeles to Chicago. He meets and hooks up with a blonde lady (Jill Clayburgh). He sees a murder but no one believes him. He runs into such people as Patrick McGoohan, Ray Walston, Scatman Crothers, Ned Beatty, Clifton James, Richard Kiel (he sports some interesting teeth... Jaws was not an entirely original creation, I'll put it that way), Fred Williard, and yes, Richard Pryor. He's not in the movie as much as you might expect, although I say he gets enough screentime for my tastes. You'll just have to wait awhile until he pops up out of nowhere.

Quite obviously, Hitchcock was a huge influence on this movie; it's like a sillier version of a Sir Alfred joint. The Lady Vanishes is naturally an inspiration, but other works are homaged, and there is even some noir elements. There are not only solid suspense/tense moments, but there are many funny moments, with some lines and situations that made me laugh out loud. There are a few moments that would be deemed “politically incorrect” these days, but none were too offensive to me personally. Not even an infamous moment where Gene and Richard have to avoid law enforcement at a train station raised my ire; I found it to be more silly than anything to be outraged by, although without question your mileage my vary.

With a bravura ending and it consistently being entertaining, I am glad I finally saw this movie again. The cast does a swell job overall, but it is Wilder and Pryor who were the standouts.

Samurai Cop

Samurai Cop (1991)

Runtime: 96 minutes

Directed by: Amir Shervan

Starring: Matthew Karedas, Mark Frazer, Robert Z'Dar, Janis Farley, Melissa Moore

From: Hollywood Royal Pictures

This infamous movie (along with its made years later sequel) are now on Amazon Prime, which is where I saw it. It is as amazingly bad as I heard, as I explain below: 

NOTE: The rating applies to the entertainment value this movie provides. In terms of such things as filmmaking craft, plot structure, scene transitions, dialogue, logic, continuity... this is a ½ star motion picture all the way.

I did not partake in 4/20 yesterday, but I imagine some reading this did; hopefully you all had nice days getting baked as F, plowing through bags of Cheetos or boxes of pizza. I will presume that this movie is incredible if you viewed it after smoking a bowl of tokin' a bong. It is incredibly inept and yet that is what makes it such a blast to watch, even while sober. If you love things like Miami Connection... this is on Amazon Prime in a great-looking remastered print for me and everyone else to see.

The plot, as it is: a muscle-bound dude with amazing long flowing hair is named Samurai Cop... the character's real name is Joe Marshall, but his name might as well be Samurai Cop. He teams with black cop Frank Washington to take down an evil gang, led by a Japanese man with a great mullet. There's also Robert Z'Dar, random women, an amazingly over the top police chief, doofy henchmen... Z'Dar is supposed to play an Asian man. While he did not look Asian at all, I say it's better than the alternative of Z'Dar being made to “look Asian” in a horrific caricature.

I don't want to give everything away about why this is so damn inept. I'll just mention that this is the sort of movie where characters will fire one kind of gun in a scene and mid-scene it will change for no reason, and hairstyles will also obviously change during a scene. Hell, a “hospital” is obviously a dentist's office and I am pretty sure that police stations don't have pieces of paper taped to doors that tell you which room or department it is! At least there's an incredible police chief. Then, there's the acting... this is a special kind of bad, and that's what makes it so bad. Of course there is plenty of gratuitous nudity for fans of such things, and it's up to you if you think that the sight of both Samurai Cop and middle-aged Gerald Okamura in bikini briefs is a positive.


The sequel is also available on Prime; as they are now in on the joke, I know it won't be as funny or entertaining as the solid gold original.

Let Us Prey

Let Us Prey (2014)

Runtime: 92 minutes

Directed by: Brian O'Malley

Starring: Liam Cunningham, Pollyanna McIntosh, Bryan Larkin, Hanna Stanbridge, Douglas Russell (no relation)

From: Plenty of Irish/British production companies

This is a movie that I did not love like many people do, but at least I saw it and was able to tell people on Letterboxd (and elsewhere) that it was leaving Netflix Instant next week. I give my thoughts below: 

This is another movie I watched due to a messageboard discussion. I saw some people praise it and make an obvious comparison to Last Shift, which came out at around the same time and I had seen before. Both are about a young woman who is a cop just out of the police academy who ends up in a far-flung station and weird things start happening. From there, the stories diverge.

Here, Pollyanna McIntosh joins the force in a rural Scottish town, when a mysterious bearded man shows up and causes havoc among the few other people working at the time, some prisoners, and even another person that stumbles onto the scene. The bearded man is known as Six and well, this movie is not exactly subtle...

I wish I could have liked this as much as most others did. The general idea was fine with me. Unfortunately, the execution... how it was done, it required most of the characters to be real A-holes, and they were more the annoying kind of A-holes than the entertaining A-holes I would have been able to tolerate much more. Also, the way it was done made the story utterly preposterous. The Fate of the Furious was a more believable and logical movie to me than this was. I was disappointed that this was not an enjoyable experience for me at all, despite decent performances all around, some amusing moments and graphic moments for those that enjoy gore.

Plenty of people liked this more than I did so you may think that I am mistaken in preferring Last Shift to Let Us Prey. At least I can say that this has a decent synth score and considering a character is named MacReady... you can see who was an obvious influence.

One Quick Note

In the past I have reviewed the cheesy 80's film Never Too Young To Die. I can say that the new Blu-ray from Shout Factory is pretty cool; I watched it last night and I am glad people can finally see it in good quality rather than a poor VHS print that I've watched on VHS and on YouTube before.

Revenge Of The Nerds II: Nerds In Paradise

Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise (1987)

Runtime: 89 minutes

Directed by: Joe Roth

Starring: Some of the cast from the first, along with the likes of Courtney Thorne-Smith, Bradley Whitford, and James Hong

From: 20th Century Fox

It was about time I reviewed this movie. I've seen both this and the original a good number of times in my life, but I hadn't watched this since before I started doing this blog way back in 2009. Sure, the original is better, but that doesn't mean this isn't chopped liver.

In the past I reviewed the first Revenge of the Nerds. To be brief, it's a movie I have watched many times before and despite it having some material that is more problematic now than it was back in the mid 80's, it's still a motion picture I can enjoy. The sequel is not something I have on as high a pedestal, yet I always thought it as being fine. After this latest viewing, my opinion was confirmed.

The plot is quite similar to the first one; many of the key Nerds have returned, and this time they are in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida for a national conference of fraternities, and once again the Alpha Beta jock fraternity hates all geeks so those two factions feud with each other. There are few surprises and the movie is not as hilarious as the original. It's also not as vulgar due to this having a PG-13 rating, although that isn't necessarily bad and at least there isn't any scenes that come off as really gross in these modern times. If you enjoyed the first one, you may enjoy this too, even if on a lesser level.

What helps is that they shot on location in Ft. Lauderdale, and that provides natural scenery. In addition, some of the supporting cast is comprised of familiar faces. Courtney Thorne-Smith as the leading lady did a swell job of being likable; to be honest, she also looked awfully nice in a bikini. While not the most dignified role for him, it's always nice seeing James Hong in a movie. Here, both Bradley Whitford and Ed Lauter were great at playing real detestable human beings-then again, they are always great in such roles-so they were perfect as the villains.

At least this was better than the lame 3rd and 4th movies, which were made for TV and total yawnfests. I don't even consider them in my personal canon...

Night Of The Lepus

Night of the Lepus (1972)

Runtime: 88 minutes

Directed by: William F. Claxton

Starring: Stuart Whitman, Janet Leigh, Rory Calhoun, DeForest Kelley, Paul Fix

From: MGM

I saw this movie last night, on Turner Classic Movies; really. I hope that everyone had a nice Easter. Mine was fine. Yes I've seen this infamous movie before, but that was many years ago. At least this is pretty good to laugh at, as I explain below: 

Last night on Turner Classic Movies, they showed several movies dealing with rabbits, due to today being Easter 2017. For lolz, TCM decided to show this movie, and not even for TCM Underground. I imagine many are familiar with this infamous movie, but if not, Lepus is part of the scientific name for “rabbit”, and the plot is all about a rabbit injected with a serum which causes it to grow to giant size and well, it breeds like a bunny does and because it's a movie, we immediately get many giant killer rabbits... and that is a hard sell for a lot of people right there, the thought of giant killer rabbits as the villains. That's why the title ended up being where most people wouldn't know what a Lepus was.

The setting is the American Southwest. Not a surprise, as the people who made this used to make low-budget Westerns back in the day. They tried to go the horror route and they cast various actors who they worked with in the past. There are scientists, ranchers, local law enforcement... and a little girl who was written to be annoying and she is the one who causes the whole kerfuffle. The effects that bring the threat to life are definitely quaint... it's either miniatures (which I won't hate on) or people dressed in bunny costumes, which does come across as a little silly. I'll say this isn't the best possible movie we could have gotten with such a premise, but I wouldn't want to see someone like The Asylum or the Syfy Channel do a motion picture with this premise either, as awful CG wouldn't be much better, even if the kills would be more vicious than just seeing mild attacks or the aftermath of attacks, where random people have fake blood all over them.

This is not good but I can't say this is unwatchably bad or insufferable or boring. It just has a goofy as hell premise. You can laugh at seeing cute bunny rabbits portrayed as vicious killers, or enjoy the 70's milieu, or be amused at seeing the likes of DeForest Kelley and Janet Leigh wearing early 70's clothing. “Laughing at it” seems like the best way to enjoy this kitschy piece of crap, where you can watch famous old actors be in a motion picture with such a gonzo premise.

The Fate Of The Furious

The Fate of the Furious (2017)

65% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 174 reviews)

Runtime: 136 long agonizing minutes

Directed by: F. Gary Gray, although you couldn't tell this was the case

Starring: Hell, by now you should know who the main players are

From: Universal

I know that most will disagree... I enjoyed most of the movies in this series, but I thought this was the worst one. This film made me angry. See why below: 

One day I'll do new reviews of most of the movies in this franchise. I'll just say now that 1 and 4 are fine, 2 and 3 aren't good, 5 and 6 are a lot of fun (although once I watch them again I may not rate them as highly as I do now), and 7 was sadly mediocre, although I definitely understand why due to the horrid circumstances and I actually rated it a little higher than I normally would have as it was a great poignant ending as they wrote off Paul Walker's character and also said goodbye to Paul Walker the human being. As for this motion picture, you can tell by my score, I thought this was pretty terrible. I mean, Tokyo Drift suddenly doesn't seem so bad to me anymore.

Everyone by now should know the general plot of how Dom Toretto betrays his “family” and works with Charlize Theron. You find out in the film that her character's name is... Cipher. Really. How brilliant... I won't reveal anything else about major plot points but I can say that most of what comes out of Cipher's mouth is pretty atrocious. It's either the most basic of dialogue or crap that's supposed to be profound but sounds like the drivel from some college student who just tried pot for the first time. I am one of the few people on the planet who didn't love Fury Road but I'd much rather watch that again than this, and they definitely used Theron's talents better there than here.

The rest of the film, the script is absolutely atrocious. For me it wasn't fun and instead our heroes came across as either dumbasses or obnoxious buffoons. The biggest problem, though, is the plot and how stupid it is. It goes far above the stupidity of 5 through 7-which I always wished would have been smarter but at least they were entertaining-and this was just insufferable and so devoid of logic it insulted my intelligence. While some moments are so absurd they almost become humorous, the movie made me sigh and shake my head often. By far the worst moment was something that happened in the middle of the film. It was so stupid it broke the movie (and the fact that this doesn't happen again when by all rights this person should be doing it whenever possible) makes it all the worse.

The more I think about this motion picture, the worse it gets. As I drove home I realized that at the end something happens which pretty much betrays the entire series and makes all our “heroes” look like gigantic A-holes who must not have really cared about someone... I know most won't feel this way but I don't watch superhero movies as I don't give a damn about them so-to steal a thought-these characters becoming more and more like superheroes and being unrealistically unstoppable holds little interest for me, and there's a lot of that here. Before this, plenty of trailers were shown, and it reminded me how these big-budget Hollywood movies are mostly not for me anymore; they are more about spectacle and destruction-porn than anything else, and I just don't care.

To me, this series was like me recently and got a flat tire and had to pull into a parking lot to put on a spare. Yet, I know that there is enough of the general public who just don't know any better or backwards hat wearing douchebros with their stanced cars and their body reeking of Axe body spray who will make this not only a gigantic hit, but also beloved. No offense to those reading this here who have seen this already and love it or will love it once they get around to seeing this... personally this reminded me of all the problems Hollywood has and how most of these movies with bloated budgets just aren't entertaining for me, when that wasn't always the case.

Here, it has the same problem 7 did where too many of the action scenes are too difficult to made out because of the idiotic way they were filmed, and as I speculated back in January, xXx: The Return of Xander Cage was better as a film to be enjoyed by those who love things like Fast Five than The Fate of the Furious; I just had no idea it'd be MUCH better. I know I am out on an island with this opinion but I have to be honest. I'll still be nice and say that those who will be watching this theatrically, you'll get more out of this than I did, and you won't be aggravated or annoyed by the lame humor or rankled by how this is yet another brainless plot we get so often from big Hollywood motion pictures... you'll think this franchise hasn't run out of gas, in other words.

Ben-Hur (Yes, The One From Last Year)

Ben-Hur (2016)

25% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 164 reviews)

Runtime: 123 minutes

Directed by: Timur Bekmambetov

Starring: Jack Huston, Toby Kebbell, Rodrigo Santoro, Nazanin Boniadi, Ayelet Zurer

From: MGM/Paramount

I know, you're amazed too that this wasn't too good... read out why below:

In the time between this flopped hard at the box office and now, I do understand why this was remade. As much of a classic as the 1959 movie is, it takes almost 4 hours to watch in one sitting. There's the 1925 silent, but most of the general public couldn't be arsed with silents. Plus, in the past few years there have been plenty of apparently atrocious religious films released in the United States by small companies which have done surprisingly well at the box office. Unfortunately, for these filmmakers I imagine that crowd just saw this as a random Hollywood movie, still preferred the 1959 classic, and/or would have preferred this be released around Easter instead of August, as they stupidly did here. The fact that this pales in comparison to the legendary Charlton Heston version and was eviscerated by critics didn't help either. I discovered for myself that this isn't too good.

The general story is the same as the previous versions, although they made a few changes and none of them were improvements. I'll give one big example: Judah Ben-Hur and his family got into trouble in the previous versions after a tile from their roof accidentally falls and almost kills an important Roman. Here, some underaged boy who hates the Romans tries shooting one with an arrow-and misses-and Judah decides to protect the boy and decides that it'd be better if he and his family go through all that suffering, because... I don't know, exactly. Other changes (like Messala being adopted by the Ben-Hur family) are less consequential, although maybe not as here the Hur family come across as less likable.

This is bad compared to the legendary '59 film, and even the '25 silent. I got the impression this was originally going to be longer than 2 hours, as it seems that entire scenes were cut out and the movie seems rushed, especially in the final act. I can't say the performances are bad, but the movie is pretty forgettable and inconsequential. As it's Hollywood, even the fact that two of the women supporting characters here were of Middle Eastern descent has to be noted. Then again, this had the problem that is systemic to Hollywood films nowadays where the camera moves around way too much-and this even includes dialogue scenes-so it's one step forwards, two steps back... in addition, the last two movies did not show the face of Jesus Christ, in order to make Him special; they don't do that here.

Even the big chariot race is not as good or thrilling as the ones in '59 or '25. It reminds me how broken Hollywood is and how their influence causes most remakes to be inferior at best. Here, Judah is not as much of a hero or an inspirational figure; ironically, as others have noted, Messala has more of a story arc than that of our title character. This isn't so bad that you can riff on it with your friends; there's just no reason to watch this.

The Devils

The Devils (1971)

Runtime: The version on Shudder is 109 minutes long

Directed by: My non-relative Ken Russell

Starring: Oliver Reed, Vanessa Redgrave, Dudley Sutton, Max Adrian, Gemma Jones

From: Warner Brothers released this in the United States; if you've seen this, you'll be amazed at how a major studio would release the wildest s--- back in the day.

Wow, what a movie this was. I mean that as a compliment, as you'll see below:

A few weeks ago, there was a big deal about this movie suddenly showing up on the Shudder streaming service; while not quite the “uncut” version they said it was, the fact of the matter is... since 1971 this movie has almost been impossible to track down and watch so any version should be acceptable to horror fans. I understand this is basically the version released to the United States back in 1971; there were longer versions which had some REALLY explicit moments... what is on Shudder still has plenty of shocking scenes and bits.

As the director was Ken Russell-no relation-it was pretty likely that this would be pretty weird. Boy was I correct. The setting is early 17th century France and it's actually (loosely) based on a real life story. A lascivious priest played by Oliver Reed not only has to deal with Vanessa Redgrave's depraved hunchbacked nun character (no, really) but also the threats of Louis XIII-portrayed here as a fey fop-to take over the town. I won't say much about all the unexpected moments you'll get to see, except that such things as a stuffed crocodile are involved. As you can tell already, it's not the type of look at religion you'd normally expect when you hear that a priest and a nun are involved; believe me, it isn't.

Even in 2017 the movie is shocking and audacious; I can only imagine what it was like seeing something like this then Clockwork Orange in a short amount of time. It is more than just something made to shock and offend. It's an audacious tale which is still enthralling as it's an interesting tale which always left me enraptured. Mr. Russell is certainly a talented director so it's well-shot and there's also an appropriate score from Peter Maxwell Davies. But it is the performances from the two leads which are excellent and they help make me rate this as I do. Redgrave has been in plenty of prestigious work but it's a shame that Reed had such a legendary love for the bottle that it had such a negative effect on his life and he starred in plenty of crappy low-budget films which weren't worthy of a man who had such talents; he nailed some of the over the top moments this film had.

One reason I decided to see this movie was to tell everyone they can see it, at least if they have an account with Shudder. Turns out, I am glad I watched this motion picture; it was something I'll never forget. What a ride it was.

Ben-Hur

Ben Hur (1959)

Runtime: I saw the 222 minute version that has the Overture and Intermission

Directed by: William Wyler

Starring: Charlton Heston, Jack Hawkins, Haya Harareet, Stephen Boyd, Hugh Griffith

From: MGM

As Easter is right around the corner, I figured it was time for me to sit down and watch this almost 4 hour film in one sitting, so I can review it. I know some may disagree but I feel that it still deserves its legendary status. I do not feel this way because I am listening to the critics of old who proclaimed it one of the best films of all time. I say it is still outstanding all these years later and despite its length I had no trouble watching it all at once and I never felt bored or had my mind wander to other things.

Considering we had that misguided remake from last year (not to mention how beloved this movie still is) I imagine most at least know the basics of the plot of how Judah Ben-Hur is a wealthy man who is turned against by a former friend so he becomes a slave until fate goes his way and he becomes a success again... oh and Jesus Christ shows up a few times and becomes an important part of the plot. Thus, I won't dwell on that.

Like I said, I never found this to be dull despite its epic runtime. The length was appropriate as no scene is rushed and there is plenty of time to tell the compelling story. Not to utter a cliché but they really don't make movies like this anymore. It is epic in scope and there are scenes with many, many extras. No matter your opinion on religion, the story is greatly compelling as it's a classic riches to rags to riches again story and anyone can get behind Ben-Hur and his desire for revenge against a former friend, his devotion to his faith (Judaism) and his love for his family. The fact that Heston is great in the role does help a lot; it's backed by such things as quality direction and a tremendous score from Miklos Rosza.


What everyone remembers about the movie is the epic chariot race sequence and that indeed is still a stunner even today. However, I say the movie is much more than just that scene. I say it's excellent throughout. Where there is a cringe-worthy moment or two (especially when a white man pretty much rubs shoe polish on his face to play “an Arab”... it's a nice performance and all, but that doesn't excuse it), overall I believe this is something everyone should see, even if I am sympathetic to how it's a big investment to check out something this long. Hopefully one day I can see it on the big screen, where I imagine it'll look great in its 2.76:1 scope.

Hatchet For The Honeymoon

Hatchet for the Honeymoon (Il Rosso Segno Della Follia) (1970)

Runtime: 88 minutes

Directed by: Mario Bava

Starring: Stephen Forsyth, Dagmar Lassander, Laura Betti, Jesus Puente, Femi Benussi

From: Pan Latina Films/Mercury Films

In the past week I have had more free time than usual-that'll be ending real soon-thus, me sometimes watching more than one film a day. In addition, I have had the Shudder streaming service on Amazon since I am a Prime member. It's fine but that month expires tomorrow and I'll at least do week-long trials of other streaming sites that are on Prime, for the sake of variety. Anyhow, my last Shudder review will arrive tomorrow night but I figured I should continue on my journey of watching giallo by checking out this Bava picture. It's not his best but that doesn't mean this is not fine.

The story is not the type where there's a mysterious black-gloved killer and several people have to band together to try and solve the mystery. Instead, we know that the killer is John Harrington, a man in his 30's who we sometimes hear narration from as well. John has an Oedipus complex and because it's a movie, he needs to kill women dressed in bridal gowns so he can help remember a traumatic event from his past he has suppressed. In addition, he has a pretty awful wife, a shrew harpy-hey, that's how the movie portrayed here-and I'd probably be driven mad to the point of murder just from dealing with her. Anyhow, there is a new woman who comes to model for his job at a factory which makes wedding dresses. Who will Say Yes to the Dress next?


The movie did not quite turn out like I expected, but I am not saying that as a bad thing. It is full of macabre moments and is always interesting as we follow Harrington and wonder how often we'll see him kill. While the murders-yes, the weapon is more a cleaver than a hatchet, but maybe things are different over in Italy-are of an arty style and thus aren't blood-drenched, we do still see some claret and at times things become quite colorful, both literally and figuratively. Thus, even though it's not the best giallo, it may still be worth seeing, especially if you enjoy psychosexual films.

The Grapes Of Death

The Grapes of Death (Les Raisins De La Mort) (1978)

Runtime: 85 minutes

Directed by: Jean Rollin

Starring: Marie-Georges Pascal, Felix Marten, Serge Marquand, Mirella Rancelot, Patrice Valota

From: Several French Companies

If only the movie was as good as its title... see why below in a short review:

They see me Rollin', they hatin'...

I am sorry for the goofy pun; I just couldn't help myself. Unfortunately this will be a shorter than usual review from me. I was hoping I'd enjoy this as the plot (insecticide is sprayed on grapes in the wine country of France and that causes people to be zombie-like creatures) sounded interesting. Alas, this was mostly “meh” and aside from some inspired bits, gory moments, and the type of gratuitous nudity you'd expect from Jean Rollin, but overall I can only rate this as average.

I do wish the zombie-like creatures would have been more like zombies, and the plot more engaging and characters I cared more about, but alas... at least it does have a nice Gothic and atmosphere. I wouldn't actually mind a remake as the premise is at least cool, even if I have been fatigued from zombies in entertainment for awhile now.

Bet To Kill

SUPERCOCK (1975) (yes, this is its real original name)

Runtime: 80 minutes

Directed by: Gus Trikonis

Starring: Ross Hagen, Nancy Kwan, Tony Lorea, Joonee Gamboa, Louie Florentino

From: Hagen-Wayne Film Organization

Yes, there was a legitimate movie made with the name of Supercock. It's amazing, yet true. You definitely want to read all about it below: 

I am not sure quite when I first heard of this movie. Of course it is impossible to forget a movie which sounds like a XXX feature starring Ron Jeremy or John Holmes but instead is a PG movie about cockfighting. It is incredibly obscure, so I was delighted when last night I stumbled upon an article which stated that Troma-but of course-had the movie uploaded to their YouTube channel, under the name Bet to Kill (presumably that name is because the Warren Oates movie Cockfighter is also sometimes known as Born to Kill); Supercock has several different names.

The version Troma has is a print which doesn't call it Bet to Kill, but rather Fowl Play. The distributor who originally released it under the name actually marketed it as a FAMILY movie, which is quite perplexing to me. As far as I know nothing was cut from the film and as you can see from this short video (the link is here), this movie you were supposed to bring the whole family to see at the local cineplex has a number of cock-related puns. I have twin nephews who are 4 years old; I wouldn't want them to see this!

Honestly, I knew that the movie would be impossible to live up to what I had built up in my head, between its plot description and incredible original title. Sure, I laughed a lot at all the mentions of the word “cock” and also at the phrase “little pecker”, which is uttered a few times... a lot of the movie is decidedly average, but I managed to be entertained nonetheless, thus the decent rating. It's about an American cowboy (Ross Hagen) who goes to The Philippines to enter his cock in a big cockfighting tournament. He runs afowl of the local champion, and use Nancy Kwan to do so.

There were some hilarious moments. Hagen meets a skeevy guy who calls himself G.I. JOE and as he's a huckster, he befriends the guy with the large cock. Later on, Joe uses street children to try and help him out (which they do), and there is some action, including an inspired bit involving horse-drawn carriages. For those squeamish about seeing actual cockfights (after all, it's banned in the United States), even though these peckers use spurs, the little footage you do see of the fights is not really nauseating at all and I think the majority of people will be fine with what is shown.

I am glad that this movie which I saw for entirely juvenile reasons was at least competent and wasn't a slog to get through. I am not a fan of cockfighting myself but I did not let that get in the way while I was watching this motion picture. I do have to mention that the version Troma has up, the picture is wonky a few times and there's about a minute of film (around 35 minutes in) where the audio is so garbled it's impossible to make out. Otherwise the print is fine. Oh, and if you can believe it the opening credits are basically the animation from the opening to Disney's Robin Hood and the song is also a ripoff of what you hear the rooster sing and play... except that this opening is not good, like at all. Then again, Disney's Robin Hood doesn't have street kids beating up a mute Japanese man so a supporting character can escape...

The Midnight Meat Train

The Midnight Meat Train (2008)

Runtime: I saw the 102 minute unrated version

Directed by: Ryuhei Kitamura

Starring: Bradley Cooper, Vinnie Jones, Leslie Bibb, Roger Bart, Brooke Shields

From: Lionsgate

The only time I saw this, it was a year before I started writing here in August of 2009. I was happy to see this again, as I explain below:

As sometimes happens, a recent messageboard discussion inspired me to watch this film again. I hadn't seen it since it played in the second-run “dollar theatres” when Lionsgate did the gross thing of putting it there rather than giving it a proper release. It was not the only time Lionsgate has done something this insulting to filmmakers, so even though they release a lot of genre films-some of them pretty awesome-I have thought of them as massive A-holes for years and I'll always feel that way about them.

Anyway, I finally got to see this movie in unrated form-Netflix Instant has it-and for you gorehouds, this is a must see as at times it's quite graphic. Bradley Cooper is a photographer (Leon) who slowly gets enveloped in a bizarre world involving the subway system of Los Angeles, where several people have gone missing. As he discovers that Vinnie Jones is behind it, Leon becomes more and more dangerously obsessed, much to the consternation of his girlfriend Maya (Leslie Bibb).

The first thing I noticed about this (it's based on a short story from Clive Barker, and as the movie got the gist of the story, the film is pretty damn weird and outrageous) is how some of the CG doesn't look so good in 2017, I mean like not at all. Otherwise, I can't really complain about this. While it's not a beloved horror classic nor is it the best Barker adaptation-it's no Hellraiser-that doesn't mean I can't rate it as fine and something I was happy to see again. The only other Ryuhei Kitamura movie I've seen was Godzilla: Final Wars (many years ago; I am sadly meh about it), but I can say he did a fine job directing here. Such things as that and a nice score can really help a movie, as is proven here.

I also have to mention that the cast as a whole does a nice job. Vinnie Jones generally looks like an imposing figure-a guy you don't want to anger-but he especially is menacing here. It also is not a surprise to me that Bradley Cooper became a lot more famous after his starring role here. I thought he was quite good as an average vegan man who changes as he becomes enveloped with a terrifying situation. It is a shame that Lionsgate treated this like it did; at least both versions of the movie can easily be seen via the streaming services, and people can see a movie that has everything from Brooke Shields to MMA fighter Quentin “Rampage” Jackson.

Picture Snatcher

Picture Snatcher (1933)

Runtime: 77 minutes

Directed by: Lloyd Bacon

Starring: James Cagney, Ralph Bellamy, Patricia Ellis, Alice White, Ralf Harolde

From: Warner Bros.

I should watch old movies more often. I enjoyed this, as I explain below:

It's been a few months since I had seen a movie this old so I figured this was a good time for a change of pace, and I was pretty entertained by this movie. Long before today, I had heard this compared to Nightcrawler, and only in a few ways that is true. The plot is about mobster James Cagney being released from prison, and because of his alcoholic pal (Ralph Bellamy) he gets a job at a newspaper, but it's the tabloid paper of New York City. That newspaper is incredibly lurid so Cagney takes scandalous pictures. He gets into hot water after taking a photo of a woman being executed by electrocution. Amazingly, it's loosely based on a real life incident in the 20's where a woman named Ruth Snyder was executed for murdering her husband and a reporter by the name of Tom Howard snuck a camera in and took a picture. Personally, I am not surprised that the newspaper who asked Howard to do this is the rag known as the New York Daily News. Howard actually has a Hollywood connection, as one of his grandsons is George Wendt and one of his great-grandsons is Jason Sudeikis; no kidding.

As this is an old-timey movie, there is a romance, although at least I found it amusing because Cagney was fooling around with a young woman and he soon discovers her dad is a cop that once arrested him. He isn't creepy or disturbing like Lou Bloom was but Old James still was quite sleazy in this role. He slapped around women, talked crap to everyone, and in a moment that made me lol, he even spoke in a high-pitched voice so he could impersonate a woman while talking on the phone. It's all entertaining, mainly because of Cagney's natural charisma and star power.

The story is quite wacky but as it's only 77 minutes long it never overstays its welcome, let alone become boring. There is time for a big shootout for those that mark out for such things in 30's gangster pictures. There are even some poignant moments, but what I'll remember the most are the satirical barbs and potshots taken against the sensational and exploitative media, which sadly are more relevant now than they were back in '33, which is why we have such things as the movie Nightcrawler and the loathsome entity known as TMZ.

In a moment that is funnier now than it was back then, early on Cagney takes a bath, and BATH SALTS are used. However, it was actual bath salts and not those drugs that cause you to becomes psychotic. Anyhow, I do know I should watch these random '30's movies more often.

Demons 2

Demons 2 (Demoni 2... L'incubo Ritorna) (1986)

Runtime: 92 minutes

Directed by: Lamberto Bava

Starring: David Edwin Knight, Nancy Brilli, Coralina Cataldi-Tassoni, Bobby Rhodes, Asia Argento

From: DACFILM Rome

Last night I rewatched the first Demons-which I still do enjoy-and then saw this movie for the first time. Thankfully I enjoyed this too, although not as much. I explain why below: 

While I have seen Demons more than once before, Demons 2 was something I had never seen before last night. Tracking it down was the big issue, but I finally was able to watch the sequel. Even though I don't think it's as awesome as the original, it doesn't mean I don't find it to be worthwhile.

The plot is very similar to the first one: a demon is set loose in a big building where a wide variety of people are at and due to reasons they can't escape and the demons increase as people become affected. This time, the setting is an apartment building, so there are also kids... some outrageous moments happen to them and I'll leave it at that. A few actors from the first Demons show up here, playing different characters.

I've mentioned plenty of times before how old Italian horror doesn't always make sense. That definitely is the case here, clearly more so than the original film. Plus, there is more than one character that can accurately be described as “a wet blanket”. Yet, despite what I just said and me thinking the movie isn't as pure fun as the first Demons, it doesn't mean I did not enjoy this nor think that there weren't some tremendous scenes, as there were. There are also the requisite gory moments for fans of such things.

The important thing for me is that the movie-despite its flaws-is still fun. I enjoyed all the wacky moments and how several very popular properties were straight up ripped off for this motion picture. Then again, it seemed like this movie was ripped off in the 31 years since this was released. The soundtrack was cool, even though I do like heavy metal a little more than New Wave, which this movie is full of. If you like The Cult, The Smiths, Dead Can Dance, and/or Art of Noise, you likely will dig the soundtrack. If you like Asia Argento, this is one of her first films, although of course she was just a kid here and not an adult in uncomfortable nude/sex scenes which were filmed by her father... I am not sure why her character here vanishes for long stretches of time but I guess that sh*t happens. If you like smoke machines... this will be like manna for you.

I am thankful this wasn't a film that let me down. Seeing such things as Bobby Rhodes (who played the immortal Tony the Pimp in the first movie) played a heroic trainer of bodybuilders-a phrase I never thought I'd type-who tried to band together bodybuilders and random people to try and fight off the demons... like I said, this motion picture is fun.

The Gallows

The Gallows (2015)

16% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 102 reviews)

Runtime: 81 minutes

Directed by: Travis Cluff/Chris Lofing

Starring: Reese Mishler, Pfeifer Brown, Ryan Shoos, Cassidy Gifford

From: Several companies that should have known better

Yep, this was as atrocious as I expected. Read why below: 

Here's a movie I never thought I would see; I always heard the most dire things about it. However, the combination of hearing a hilarious review about it and seeing it was streaming on Amazon in HD for only a dollar rental, I bit the bullet. Well, I paid too much to see it; this found footage movie was real bad.

The plot is about a random high school in Nebraska where a tragic accident happens during a play known as The Gallows. 20 years later, they try to do the play again; if that isn't dumb enough, the accident involved the gallows themselves malfunctioning and a student hanging himself... so they build another real life gallows that could malfunction again? The stupidity doesn't stop there. There is a cornucopia of stupidity throughout. In the beginning, we see footage from the original play that was filmed in 1993. The people filming are talking through it, which is real nice. It's an info dump, but that information is revealed later anyhow...

What makes this so bad is just not that it's not scary nor that the story is complete nonsense; it's that we end up following 4 teenagers in 2013 and three of the four are complete A-holes. They are the worst stereotypes of teenagers, especially Ryan, who unfortunately films much of what we see. Ryan looks like a douche and is a douche who always says rude things-even to his girlfriend-and you see him be a bully too; wonderful. Expect plenty of “bro” and “dude” utterances from this f---. It was not a pleasant experience watching a non-frightening piece of crap you don't buy for one second with loathsome piles of crap.

Then, there's things like an ending that totally seems tacked on at the last minute and doesn't do anything to improve matters. Oh, and Ryan films himself and others committing felonies, just because. Or, how people don't know knowledge of the 1993 play that they should have known long beforehand. LOL to them half-assing the attempt to make it look “real” by making it look like this footage is from the police department and the characters' first names are the actors' first name. I wouldn't have minded either some... gallows humor.

Point is, there are plenty of found footage horror out there worth seeing before you watch this, and there's also plenty of independent horror that far more deserved a wide release than this somehow got.

Smokey and the Bandit Part 3

Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983)

Runtime: 85 minutes

Directed by: Dick Lowry

Starring: Jackie Gleason and the rest of the expected cast. There's also Colleen Camp

From: Universal

Oof, I remembered this being bad, which it was. It was more disjointed than I recalled. Read all the details below: 

I was not planning on seeing this movie at this time, but yesterday I got a flat tire (and this was a week after my battery went bad and died) and as from a YouTube video I know that there's a scene where Buford T. Justice and Junior get two flat tires (and minutes later drive away as if the car has no flat tires? I can tell you that is poppycock) and it seemed appropriate on what was a crappy day. At least that tire was replaced today and with any luck my string of bad luck will end.

Before I get to that, I have to talk about the obvious: the long-standing rumor that the movie was originally known as Smokey IS the Bandit, where Jackie Gleason played both roles, until it was shown to a test audience, who hated it/was endlessly confused, and Jerry Reed and Colleen Camp came in as The Faux Bandit and Faux Frog. There's been a lot said about the veracity of this rumor and no one knows for sure what the truth is. Yet, I can say it's apparent it was a troubled production and there is footage shot which obviously looks done after the fact so it'd match footage shot earlier. The whole film is a mess and incredibly disjointed. There is the rumor that the film wasn't going to be Gleason playing both roles but instead it'd be Buford T. Justice who would be acting like The Bandit and doing the challenge of Big and Little Enos. Maybe that was what happened... it'd explain why the Enos clan try to troll Buford and make him fail the challenge, and why The Bandit's only role is to be another troll.

The plot, as it is (and unlike the plot listed on this site): Big and Little Enos bet money that Buford can't drive a police car with a large stuffed fish from Miami to Texas. It advertises a fish & chips joint they're about to open, which I understand. I can't quite get why their restaurant will be known as Enis Fish & Chips... you can see the attention to detail that went to this product. There's car crashes and many things being run into or run over, but the story is so not cohesive and it's quite dumb, I can't say this is worth watching, even with some funny lines from Justice and oddball moments, like a scene involving a pickup truck full of Klan members, or the amount of nudity in this PG movie (ahhh, the 80's and the days before PG-13).

The brief appearance from Burt Reynolds is not enough to make this worthwhile, either. Instead, you have to see Jerry Reed cosplay as The Bandit and quite frankly act real kooky about cosplaying as his longtime buddy. As people call him The Bandit, it is easy to see how footage can be tacked on after the fact. I'd love to see different versions of this so at least some of the tales can be put to bed and we can find out what is true and what is apocryphal. Alas, I know that aside from the footage that was added on for network TV airings, all the footage was likely thrown into a dumpster in 1983 and has been gone for over 30 years. I don't know if it'd be any better than what was released but it'd be nice to have the mystery solved, you know. Instead, what we have is a movie where a lot of the action is obviously filmed on either the most rural of roads or on roads that aren't even open yet for the public. What a shame this was not the fun movie it could have been.

Underground Aces

Underground Aces (1981)

Runtime: 93 minutes

Directed by: Robert Butler

Starring: Dirk Benedict, Melanie Griffith, Rick Podell, Randy Brooks, T.K. Carter

From: Filmways Pictures, Inc.

Here is a random movie most people would not have heard of before. It has quite the character name which was slightly modified and became much more famous a few years later. Sadly, despite a nice cast and awesome title song that I wish was an MP3 of its own somewhere, the film itself is not good. Find out why below:

Here's a movie I had never even heard about until real late Sunday night, when I stumbled upon it, free for anyone who has Amazon Prime. I noticed that the director was Robert Butler, who did a lot of TV but also directed everything from Turbulence to The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes and even the awesome cult favorite Night of the Juggler. Even though the plot being about “zany” parking attendants (mostly teenagers) at a posh hotel sounded silly, look at the cast. The highlights there are:

Dirk Benedict
Melanie Griffith
T.K. Carter
Michael Winslow
Audrey Landers
Jerry Orbach
Nicky Katt
Sid Haig (playing an “Arab” character)
Jerry Orbach
Ernie Hudson
Frank Gorshin

Some roles are bigger than others, but I have to mention Gorshin's character. He wears a hat and trenchcoat as if he's a noir detective, even though he's just the head of security at the hotel and is a natural foil for our “heroes”. Note that his name is... FRED KRUGER. Yes, with that spelling. What must these people think when a few years later Wes Craven “borrowed” the name and changed it in the most minor of ways for one of the most famous slasher villains in movie history?

Once the opening credits start, you hear the bass loudly poppin', and the title song is pretty awesome, especially when you find out it's from The Commodores-of all bands-and that makes it even better. Then the actual film starts... it's not good. It's not atrocious and I did laugh a handful of times, but it's not good. As I feared, the young adults that are our heroes are real asstagonists, meaning A-holes I in general didn't really like, as they acted like jackasses and typically weren't good at their job either. I wasn't supposed to but when Fred Kruger wanted to fire all of them, I agreed! Hell, I prefer Freddy Krueger to those jokers.

The plot is utter nonsense revolving around A-holes being A-holes to each other, people dealing with love, and an Arab character (as stereotypical as you'd expect; Sid Haig is his Arab bodyguard) falling in love. It's really not worth discussing. I see why this movie with its cast has been long-forgotten. A Nightmare on Elm Street and the title track are both much better than this motion picture.

Smokey & The Bandit II

Smokey and the Bandit II (1980)

Runtime: 100 minutes

Directed by: Hal Needham

Starring: Burt Reynolds, Sally Field, Jerry Reed, Jackie Gleason, a bunch of Burt's friends

From: Universal

I am sure most people realize this movie isn't good. Well, it's true, as I explain below:

In the summer of 2015 I rewatched the original Smokey-which I have seen often in my life-so I could review it here and despite its flaws, I'll always enjoy that silly yet charming movie with its laughs and big stunts. The sequels, I've never shared that same love. While I hadn't seen either in many years until I saw this last night (and I'll try to see the third soon, so I can get it out of the way), I never thought they were any good, and my opinion hasn't changed with this movie.

This script is full of contrivances. It's best not to explain how it happens, but Big & Little Enos rope in Snowman and The Bandit to transport an elephant from Miami to Dallas for the Republican National Convention. It's also best not to think of how you never see the elephant ever eat any food or how it was treated by all the characters, or why Frog would marry Junior a second time, or... things are like a big cartoon at times and I guess that is OK, except that this is not a lot of fun and it's mostly just stupid. There is an amusing sight gag or two and some funny lines (especially from Buford T. Justice, even if it's politically incorrect) but otherwise this doesn't have the magic of the original.

This is one of those Burt Reynolds movies where his various pals appear in the film so you get to see various “country and western stars” (as my parents would call them) and pro football players. I can't complain about that or the nice car destruction in the final act. The wasting of two other characters played by Jackie Gleason, not so much. But the worst aspect is seeing The Bandit as a deluded alcoholic loser. Sure, he improves as the plot progresses but seeing that was no fun nor was him and Frog arguing.

It's movies like this which helped kill Burt's career, and it's a shame that this couldn't be mindless fun like the original was. It's just lame. There's nothing else to say about it besides "lame".

An Update

When I said on Thursday night that I'd be watching something new... I lied. Instead, last night I rewatched Meet the Feebles, which is still a movie that makes me laugh and laugh.