Runtime:
69 minutes
Directed
by: Cirio H. Santiago
Starring:
Jeannie Bell, Stan Shaw, Pat Anderson, Ken Metcalfe
From:
New World Pictures
Runtime:
90 minutes
Directed
by: Charles B. Pierce
Starring:
Lee Majors, Cornel Wilde, Mel Ferrer, Jack Elam, Kathleen Freeman
From:
American International Pictures
Here's
a pair of obscure movies I found on Netflix Instant... well, one of
them I found by it being recommended on the homepage of Instant,
while the other I found out about via a website that mentioned it.
First, the blaxploitation/kung-fu movie known as TNT Jackson, which
is a great title at least.
Here
is the plot to TNT, filmed mainly in the Philippines: TNT (Bell) goes
to Hong Kong to go look for her missing brother; the brother ends up
being killed so she gets involved in getting her killers while
getting involved with a gang of feuding drug dealers. That's pretty
much it from this New World Pictures (Roger Corman) production. Even with him I would expect more from this film. It looked that cheap and bad.
Now,
this is real low-budget, the martial arts (when she isn't doubled)
from the lead Bell is absolutely atrocious (it's Dolemite-level; if
you've seen that you'll know what I mean), the story is blah and it
seems long even considering its ridiculously short run-time. The main
bad guy sort of looks like a bearded James Cameron from the late 80's
and a bit player resembles Dr. Ken Jeong, but those certainly aren't
recommendations to see this, unless you are real desperate for
laughs. And to think that this is one of the few movies that
legendary cult actor Dick Miller wrote/co-wrote. Sad to say Miller
isn't in this film.
Just
last night I saw The Norseman; I've known about it for a few months
after seeing it mentioned on a website. It's about Vikings and the
lead is LEE MAJORS. Yes, that guy as a Viking. They go to America to
go look for their missing king. Turns out, he and his pals were
kidnapped by Indians so they have to rescue them.
This
movie takes history and wipes its ass with it. While Vikings have
been said to have visited North America a few hundred years before
Christopher Columbus, it was up in the Canadian Maritime area, not
Florida, and yet while the movie's poster claim they dealt with
Irioquois Indians, from the scenery and their dress they pretty much
had to deal with Seminoles. So OK, this is alternate history, like
Harry Turtledove. Yet, even with such a wacky premise, it was
obviously low-budget, the action you do see is lame and unexciting,
and most of it is boring talking scenes. Thus it isn't really worth
it to spend an hour and a half watching this crap.
I
will mention some hilarity, though: the film has famous (at the time)
football players Deacon Jones and Fred Biletnikoff played Vikings.
Yes, Jones is African-American. You see, they explained he was an
African prince who got captured and he decided to dress like them for
whatever reason. Yep, the good guys wear the stereotypical outfits
you'd expect of them, including the pointy horn hats that you might
find on a college frat guy on a Saturday night. And these Vikings...
not exactly the hardcore badasses that they're known for. At least Elam (as a wizard named Death Dealer!) came off not so badly.
And Freeman
plays an older Seminole woman. Once you see know you'll recognize her
from being in various TV shows and films from the past, from Dragnet
to Point Blank. But I best know her from being The Penguin nun that
ran the orphanage in The Blues Brothers. Yes, THAT woman as a Native
American. Rather silly, just like much of this film; it was a vanity
project for both the star (he and his then-wife Farrah Fawcett
produced it; sad to say she isn't in this) and the director, who had
his son cast as a kid named Erik; I hope not Erik the Red, as he was
already dead by 1006, when we're told this movie was set in. Like I
said, don't watch this.
I
will be back Wednesday night.
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