First Spaceship on Venus

First Spaceship on Venus (Der Schweigende Stern) (1960)

Runtime: 79 minutes

Directed by: Kurt Maetzig

Starring: Oldrich Lukes, Ignacy Machowski, Yoko Tani, Julius Ongewe, Mikhail Postnikov, Kurt Rackelmann

From: DEFA/Filmowe Iluzjon Film Studio

This was more serious than expected. It was an East German/Polish production which was re-edited for release in the United States, playing on a double bill w/ a re-edit of Ishiro Honda’s Varan, so high camp was expected. Instead, I should have focused on it being a product of the Iron Curtain and unlike the AIP films that used footage of Soviet sci-fi and added campy elements, no camp was included here as Crown International Pictures released the film instead.

Despite its notoriety as appearing on an early episode of MST3K, the movie is momentous; after all, only after viewing was it discovered that The Silent Star (to translate its German title) was based on the novel The Astronauts, by Stanislaw Lem of Solaris fame. In the far-flung future of… 1985, a flight recorder from a spaceship is found. A translation revealed the ship was from Venus so a spaceship is sent to the planet. Note that the flight recorder was from a spaceship that exploded—and the film proclaimed that exploded ship was the famed Tunguska Explosion of 1908, a real-life explosion of in Siberia of likely either a comet or meteor. 

The first half is the preparation then the journey to Venus; there is a giant info dump by the narration and obvious editing in the opening minutes which was an obvious sign to me that Crown excised some material… which they did. The viewer should be patient that the big event in the opening half is a meteor shower. Once on the planet colloquially known as The Morning Star, there are trippy visuals on a barren set, augmented fog, colorful spectral images, and the usage of color almost as good as Mario Bava. Literally in this case, the destination was worth the journey.

On Venus, the movie was much more thoughtful than expected; a message for humanity is even present. An original English-subtitled print of The Silent Star’s original cut couldn’t be found after a cursory search. The cut of First Spaceship on Venus still worked for me due to its period sets-a quaint look at the future-and the clinical, utilitarian style. The cast is multicultural and when the dumb white guy that resembles Christopher Nolan tries to rekindle a past relationship w/ a Japanese lady scientist, she is the one who shuts him down, demanding a professional relationship during the critical mission.

I was reminded of such films as the Czech Ikarie XB-1 or perhaps even closer, such Soviet sci-fi of the era like Planeta Bur, Nebo Zovyot or Mechte Navstretchu. Those original movies can be found on YouTube; the American edits XB-1, Bur and Nebo are best as curios but of course are inferior. The low opinion that many have of Venus is understandable; however, Venus did push my buttons. There’s even a proto-R2D2 if he was combined w/ a tank.

Top Secret!

Top Secret! (1984)

Runtime: 90 minutes

Directed by: ZAZ

Starring: Val Kilmer (RIP), Lucy Gutteridge, Chrisotpher Villiers, Omar Sharif, Peter Cushing

From: Paramount

RIP Val Kilmer

As a child of the 80’s and 90’s, I first saw him on screen via the theatrical experience of Willow in 1988 at the age of 7. After that it was films like Tombstone, Top Gun, Heat, and Batman Forever, the latter another theatrical viewing. Then, The Island of Dr. Moreau happened… among all its other issues was Val engaging in a metaphorical phallus-measuring contest with a legendary temperamental actor in Marlon Brando; that alone ruined his Hollywood career. As that allegedly wasn’t the only instance of bad behavior, that’s why his career never recovered. I was still sad that he had those bad health issues for years before passing away. That inexplicable character he portrayed in The Snowman… that one can never be explained. Thankfully he got a nice send-off in Top Gun: Maverick.

Despite viewing The Naked Gun movies (BTW, the coming out this August… I just saw the trailer, and no thank you) along with Airplane in the past, Top Secret was a first-time watch. If you’ve never tackled Secret at all, it is important to note that it is a level of parody comparable to the ZAZ films I just mentioned. East Germany wishes to reunite w/ West Germany and their plans would coincide with a big cultural festival. Kilmer-in his film debut-was Nick Rivers, a big rock star whose song Skeet Surfin’ is heard in the opening credits. That spoofs several Beach Boys tunes.

Indeed, Rivers becomes mixed up with this insidious plot. I don’t want to give away too many of the gags or why the film’s main poster features a cow; I can say that the movie is quite funny as these old spoofs used to be until they became rotten in the 21st century. There’s a wide variety of jokes, including some wild ideas that (mostly) land. An underwater fight is marvelous.

As the movie mainly parodied both World War II dramas about the war and the cornball 60’s Elvis pictures, thankfully Kilmer nailed his role. As he was a graduate of Julliard, he also nailed the songs he sang and the moments which required dancing. There are only a few other famous faces although it’s always great seeing Michael Gough, Omar Sharif and Peter Cushing.

As it’s a ZAZ film, of course there are crude, ribald moments; also like in ZAZ films, that doesn’t overwhelm the movie as many of the gags aren’t more silly than crude or ribald. As I’ve said a decent amount of times on Letterboxd, shame that it took a death for me to view a film I found to be quite enjoyable. In the future, I will of course see more of Val’s work-perhaps even some obscure efforts. Again, Rest in Peace to Val Kilmer.

A Trio of Stooge Shorts

A Gem of a Jam: 

(Short # 76 in Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk: The Columbia Shorts of The Three Stooges)

This short is far from a gem, although the end result is still good. The blue collar jobs that the boys have this time is “janitors;’ they work in the doctor’s office of “Hart-Burns & Belcher.” After a shootout, one of three bandits is wounded so they storm into the office and despite their protests, the crooks refuse to hear that they’re not doctors so antics occur when the other two are out of the room.

The first ten minutes has some nice laughs, such as Curly being scanned by the 1943 version of an X-ray machine, Curly’s mugging for and the fate of the wounded criminal. Then, the rest was just weird. For some reason, in the same building as the doctor’s office is a large room full of “Mannikins and Wax Models” which also has a huge jack in the box that pops up for a gag. 

Curly falls into plaster of Paris which leads to some wacky moments but the main highlight there is Black actor Dudley Dickerson w/ a larger role than the standard bit part he got. His characters were sadly emblematic of the era yet he still did his role well-in this case as the building’s watchman. 

They made 10 of these shorts in 1943, which was a record. 1944 and 1945 had far less, due in part to the Stooges making appearances to support the war effort… and Curly’s health declining. Yeah, those sad times are coming and I remember ’44 as having more than one lousy short… but one classic too.

Crash Goes the Hash: 

(Short # 77 in Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk: The Columbia Shorts of The Three Stooges)

“Such levity… you remind me of The Three Stooges!”

This was another occasion where the boys portrayed members of the paparazzi. Actually, they were tradesman who were mistaken as journalists by Fuller Bull, the chief of the Daily News; his regular reporters have all been injured attempting to snap a photo of “Prince Shaam of Ubeedarn” (the name’s a hint) who is rumored to marry a local socialite. 

This means that most of the short is set at a soiree full of rich people. Once again they poke fun at the wealthy which must have delighted the common folk at the theater even during World War II. Their confusion over canapes results in peas being placed on dog biscuits. Bud Jamison-in sadly his last role; he would die of cancer later in ’44-is the prince’s majordomo who noted that Moe, Larry, & Curly reminded him of The Three Stooges, which they took offense to. A rare fourth wall breaking, but a funny one.

As time is spent in the kitchen, that is usually a recipe for success and it was here. They cosplayed as a cook & butlers, so there’s plenty of laughs involving lemonade, the canapes, a parrot that climbs into a turkey, etc. Some old gags return, although done in a different way. There is a larger amount of slapstick moments than typical; mix in an amusing plot and it was more upsetting IRL than on screen that Curly at some points talked in his normal off-camera Jerome Howard voice because seemingly his health was starting to decline.

Busy Buddies: 

(Short # 78 in Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk: The Columbia Shorts of The Three Stooges)

This short started off fine, then it ran out of steam. The first few minutes was the trio running a restaurant, where they are bad at their job so they require taking a second job hanging posters, where they stumble upon a… milking contest where the winner receives $100. Sure. Curly attempts to milk a BULL, which yes reminded me of a scene in Kingpin, a film only seen once in the late 90’s but that scene left an impression. The bull tosses Curly over the fence during each failed attempt. 

The final few minutes are the competition, which… only has two competitors, the one other opponent is a dude who looks like a 1920’s strongman dressed like Bluto, and they are in a boxing ring, and there are rounds… it makes as little sense as it does via description. Then, the cows are switched out between rounds, allowing for Moe and Larry to… dress up in an obvious cow costume. “Juvenile” is a word used to describe these antics.

Busy Buddies isn’t totally bereft of laughs or even chuckles. Curly uses fancy terms for food in the diner that presumably was legit era used by the chef and staff in diners of the time-those were cute, along with the cows on screen. However, many of their shorts are better than this and don’t have baffling moments like the milking contest portrayed here.

I Spit on Your Grave

I Spit on Your Grave (1978)

Runtime: 101 minutes

Directed by: Meir Zarchi

Starring: Camille Keaton, Eron Tabor, Richard Pace, Anthony Nichols, Gunter Kleeman

From: The Jerry Gross Organization

Until last night I had never seen I Spit on Your Grave, and that’s no April Fools joke. This admission will be surprising due to my viewing of the original Last House on the Left plus films like Thriller: A Cruel Picture & Ms. 45 in the past. The title’s been familiar to me for ages yet due in part to its lack of easy availability on the streaming front, the trigger was never pulled… or in this case, the knife was never plunged into the heart. However, Arrow’s streaming site just put the film on their service; as nothing was on the agenda for last night, the infamous cult classic was finally experienced… or perhaps it should be “endured.”

Camille Keaton portrayed Jennifer Hills, a New York City writer who rents a cabin in bucolic rural Connecticut to write her first novel. Immediately she runs into a quartet of horrible human beings. This is a trio of real A-holes who utter the vilest misogynistic comments plus a mentally handicapped dude who tags along. It’s not long before the harassment starts then a LONG segment of repeated sexual assault. Besides the raw, visceral nature was the length. Your opinion on whether the attack needed to be this graphic or be that large a percentage of the runtime will determine your opinion of the movie.

Ratings have always been all across the board—Ebert despised Grave while a number of people just on Letterboxd find it to be a classic.
Me… while I am unsure if the intent for the segment necessitated such a presentation, the goal of upsetting the viewer was incredibly successful at least for my tastes, and the sweet, sweet revenge was satisfying. As the filmmaking wasn’t always great-to say the least-and the majority of the acting is best described as “inexperienced,” thank goodness then that Keaton was in the lead role. A lesser actress & the film would have lost me as the first half would have lost me, never to win me back once the revenge occurred.

Anyone’s opinion of the film is valid, whether love, hate, or somewhere in-between. While it is not something for me to watch again (at least in full) due to its content-and rape/revenge movies by design are rarely tackled by me-the film wasn’t a disappointment in terms of “entertainment” and also infamy. Kent, Connecticut and the surrounding environs are at least scenic woods and are charming as long as you don’t connect them with this film in particular.

I Spit on Your Grave had a sequel released just several years ago, along with a remake which itself spawned two sequels. The chance of seeing those are low, although my opinion could always change. Oh, and this was originally released as… Day of the Woman, which isn’t a great title. A few years later another distributor came up with its current all-timer of an unforgettable title. Note that I’ve heard the woman in the famed poster of the film where only her back is seen is none other than… DEMI MOORE! No kidding.