Haxan

Haxan (Heksen) (1922)

Runtime: 105 minutes

Directed by: Benjamin Christensen

Starring: Christensen, Clara Pontoppidan, Oscar Stribolt, Astrid Holm, Maren Pedersen

From: Several Swedish and Danish companies

I finally understand why this silent has been infamous for almost a century now: 

Both educational and terrifying.

For almost 100 years this Swedish/Danish silent has been a controversial film... one that was originally designed as a documentary and those elements are still present but the bulk of this is re-reactions of purported examples of witchcraft from the past.

This is in seven acts and the first is a serious presentation on the history of witches and demons. After that, it gets wild as vignettes are presented of Satan himself (played by director Benjamin Christensen) and there is a long example of how an old woman is accused of witchcraft, and of course she confesses after being tortured... where she accuses others of the crime. It does present how there was a hysteria back then concerning such things... along with wicked people and spirts engaging in debauchery, including... women literally kissing the ass of the devil! Yep, at times this is darkly humorous. It then gets serious again as a viable hypothesis is formed where mental illness was likely the root of the problem of those accused of that crime back centuries ago.

Even now this is one of a kind; this is surprisingly explicit and shows many macabre and just plain peculiar images, most of which I don't want to spoil here. The images are also tinted various colors, mainly red and blue; it makes for quite the experience and no wonder this got banned in many countries at the time. Even in the middle of 2019, this still has some frightening moments and it still stands out as a product done in an entirely unique style and format.

Quatermass And The Pit

Quatermass and the Pit (1967)

Runtime: 97 minutes

Directed by: Roy Ward Baker

Starring: Andrew Keir, James Donald, Barbara Shelley, Julian Glover, Duncan Lamont

From: Hammer

I am finally caught up here. I saw this a few nights ago on TCM, under its American title: 

As sometimes happens, I've heard of a movie and/or a movie character years before making any effort to see it. Last night on TCM they played this film, which was released in the United States as Five Million Years to Earth, as both then and now hardly any Americans have ever heard of Professor Bernard Quatermass.

This is a slow cerebral sci-fi so it's not for all tastes but I now understood why TCM showed the movie right after 2001: A Space Odyssey. Ancient bones are discovered in the London Underground... then a mysterious object is found right along the bones and it certainly looks like a spaceship. I don't want to give away too much else except that this movie goes bold by delving into such topics as mind control, psychokinesis and the origin of humanity... wild stuff.

Most of the main players were middle-aged or old men of academic excellence, and I was never bored seeing them interact with each other and try to piece together what is a bizarre puzzle. There's also Julian Glover as a military man, and it's not a spoiler to say that a military man in this kind of story or someone played by Julian Glover is an antagonist and also a jerk. Perhaps I shouldn't be so harsh on the character: when you hear Quatermass try to explain what those artifacts are and it sounded like he made giant leaps of logic to what sounds like a wild yarn he's spinning... Glover's interpretation does sound more logical. In addition, cult favorite Barbara Shelley does have a key role and she is more than just window dressing or a damsel in distress-the character is a credible scientist type.

I wouldn't be surprised if one day this got a modern remake. While they would be able to go hog-wild with all the wild things that were implied here, I just know the characters wouldn't be as interesting, the ideas would be dumbed down and it'd have a much faster pace at the expense of taking its time to unveil the plot. For me, this film was a pleasant surprise. Those that love Carpenter's Prince of Darkness...

All This And World War II

All This and World War II(1976)

Runtime: 84 minutes

Directed by: Susan Winslow

Starring: This is a documentary, and a really wacky one at that

From: 20^th Century Fox

Even stranger than Yesterday, Across the Universe and Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.
This is another one of those movies which I've known of for years yet hadn't viewed until last night-a big reason why is that until recently it was incredibly hard to track down, as this is one of those infamous flops, at least at the time. Once I describe what this bizarre documentary is, its lack of success should be readily apparent.

Why exactly someone thought of having a smorgasbord of different popular musical acts doing covers of songs by The Beatles and having this music be the backdrop to... a cursory glance of World War II... I have no damn idea, but this is actually the entirety of All This and World War II. I was baffled before viewing this and it'd be nice to say afterwards that I understood and it all made sense-unfortunately, I am just as perplexed now as I was beforehand. To be clear, the war is covered in chronological order and there's actually plenty of film footage to tie everything together. In a way I was reminded of Myra Breckenridge, and THERE is a movie you really want to be compared to!

At best the music was only tangentially connected to what was on screen so the entire experience was just odd. I can't say it was awful or difficult to get through as the footage was nice and the music was fine... it was just odd. At least the musicians were of high caliber overall and all the covers were OK at worst. The acts include Elton John, Keith Moon, Tina Turner, Leo Sayer, Rod Stewart, Jeff Lynne and The Bee Gees. Peter Gabriel sounding like a Muppet as he sang Strawberry Fields Forever was unexpected (as he usually doesn't sound like a Muppet!) but in a surprise, soft rockers Ambrosia did a surprisingly cool rendition of Magical Mystery Tour.

Astoundingly, 20th Century Fox (!) released this movie; apparently, it was pulled after only two weeks due to both a public and critical lambasting. Due to all the songs I imagine this won't ever be put on disc by a niche label; that is a shame if only because many of those labels would have interviews with at least some of the surviving participants, and I'd love to know just WHY this was created and WHY they thought such a peculiar idea would be something the general public would like. There are plenty of World War II documentaries out there and I imagine most of the songs are on YouTube (heck, the entire movie is on the platform, at least at this time) and many of the film clips used are probably from movies that aren't too difficult to track down; honestly, most people probably won't bother but if you do, it likely only will be viewed once for curiosity's sake and to prove for yourself if this is as puzzling as it sounds.

I Discuss Stranger Things Season 3 & More

A few days ago I viewed a half hour thing on Netflix known as Frankenstein's Monster's Monster, Frankenstein. That was as "good" as you'd expect for something with such a title, even if it stars David Harbour.

To be Frank... this was only watched as a backdoor way to discuss Stranger Things Season 3.

I would have never heard of this if it hadn't been for Letterboxd, as Christ it sure as heck is not being promoted on Netflix. That service wonders why they are bleeding subscribers... if it wasn't for “losing a lot of interesting if obscure films because they'd rather make a bunch of lousy at best movies and only occasionally worthwhile TV shows”, I would say the explanation would be “their interface gets worse and worse each time I on rare occasions subscribe to it”, which is a big reason why I only subscribe on rare occasions. Wait, where was I...

Oh yeah, me sharing another unpopular opinion when it comes to something related to modern pop culture. The first two seasons of Stranger Things I did not love-The Duffer Brothers did not have to have terrible plot points straight out of the 80's too-but it was still enjoyable and not something I regretted spending hours with as it was well-cast and there were bitchin' moments. Season 3, though... at the risk of sounding like a mouth breather to most, I thought it was absolutely terrible! The main story was laughably lame in all the worst ways so I hated it, and I did not like any of the sideplots either. It was just miserable to me and tough to get through; it seemed like the magic was gone and it honestly took me longer than expected to view all the episodes. The Starcourt Mall looked cool and there were some other nice moments, but otherwise Season 3 sucked, to state it bluntly.

By far the worst aspect was how Jim Hopper was absolutely ruined; as several thinkpiece articles have stated, that character suddenly became an abusive A-hole who was constantly angry and at 11 and was a dick to everyone... and the show treated his behavior as a GOOD thing?! What a great message to send, it was OK for Joyce and Eleven to be emotionally and verbally abused for the entire season-honestly, I am baffled as to why everyone else loves 3 as it was far worse than the first two. Of course, it'd be nice if this bizarre 30 minute thing with the unwieldy title would make me think better of David Harbour but instead it reminded me of something else I hate: Adult Swim! None of their original shows have any actual humor and instead it's just weird crap that is supposed to be funny because it is weird and awkward.

The only purpose for Frankenstein seemed to be “wouldn't it be funny if we created an alternate universe where David Harbour had a famous father that was a copy of Orson Welles late in his life?” and “it'd be hilarious if we created a terrible on purpose play that was filmed for TV & was filled with mistakes and poor acting, right?” My response for both queries would be “no.” I've mentioned before how the vast majority of modern comedy is just lost on me and this is yet another example of that. Not even Alfred Molina and Mary Woronov could make this any better than intolerable.
In hindsight, there may be a reason Netflix has buried this release...

The Hitcher

The Hitcher (1986)

Runtime: 98 minutes

Directed by: Robert Harmon

Starring: C. Thomas Howell, Rutger Hauer (RIP), Jennifer Jason Leigh, Jeffrey DeMunn, John M. Jackson

From: HBO Pictures/Silver Screen Partners

By late Saturday night I'll catch up with what I've posted on Letterboxd; for now here is me praising an actor who unfortunately passed away last weekend: 

Naturally I wanted to view something featuring Rutger Hauer as a way to tip my cap to the late actor. It had to be something from him I hadn't reviewed here so far and as great as Blade Runner is, I am happy with my review for it so I don't need to see it right now even if that is his most famous and most heralded performance. Instead, I found this, another role that has been highly praised throughout the years. I've never seen the 2007 remake but I understand it's quite bad... although back in the day I heard a hilarious podcast episode where one of the participants said the movie was more like an uncredited remake of The Terminator and with the evidence he presented, that was not the worst theory; that also says a lot about what must have been a hack, unoriginal story that could not improve the great tale told here.

The plot is simple: C. Thomas Howell is driving a vehicle cross-country and picks up a hitchhiker. Unfortunately for him, it is a psychotic Hauer and not only has he killed, but he has a diabolical scheme to make Howell's life a living hell. C escapes, only to be framed for the title character's crimes, and this is quite the downbeat movie so a LOT of bad things happen to our protagonist.

I would say that the events of this movie are rather preposterous and not that believable how things turned out... unless The Hitcher was supernatural, something not of our world but instead Beelzebub or a similar creature. That said, a mutual devised an It Follows sort of theory concerning the plot and unlike me there are distinct clues presented which add credence to the theory. No matter the “truth” about the film, it is rather bleak and frightening, all these horrible events happening in the rural desert where hardly anyone is around and it's naturally a spooky environment. There's a great score from Mark Isham where the synth usually isn't in your face but instead a lot of it sets the mood & atmosphere as it can be quite moody.

Howell as the poor protagonist whose life has now become a living hell and is forever ruined... he did a great job there, as did poor Jennifer Jason Leigh, who unexpectedly gets roped into a horrible situation; however, it is Hauer and the terrifying villain he played who is the most memorable aspect whenever he is on screen, and the interactions he has with C throughout. This was a great choice on my part to acknowledge the loss of an actor who sadly appeared in a cornucopia of low-budget crap later in life as people shouldn't forget astounding performances such as what he did here.

I Discuss In The Shadow Of The Moon

This weekend I saw an appropriate 2007 documentary: 

Naturally I would have to watch some sort of documentary this weekend that was at least in part about the Apollo 11 mission as my way to tip my cap to this historical event... and it'd be something I hadn't watched before. As this was highly rated, it seemed like a logical choice, and it was a good one.

A lot of information had to be conveyed as multiple Apollo missions were brought up (even if 11 was the main focus) and before the various missions could be discussed, the genesis of the entire operation and how difficult it was had to be elaborated upon. Along with all the great footage was modern (i.e. mid-2000's) interviews with various astronauts, including Buzz Aldrin and Michael Collins... as many have said, Collins is a true highlight as his comments were usually amusing, although every one's statements were insightful as it helped the common person understand just what it's like to be an astronaut and how stressful it is to fly to the moon, even if you stay in the Command Module and the others on your team are the ones who are able to land on that foreign body.

This is straightfoward and not presented in a unique or revolutionary way; it did not need to be as this was put together rather well and explained how all those missions that had people land on the moon (six in all), why this was a tremendous achievement in humanity's history.

The Lion King (Unfortunately, The Remake)

The Lion King (2019)

55% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 288 reviews)

Runtime: 118 minutes

Directed by: Jon Favreau

Starring: A famous cast that usually just sounded bored

From: Disney

I just can't wait to... forget this movie exists.

This is my first experience with these pointless Disney remakes; I know why they keep on making them but all the bad buzz surrounding it from film fans were enough to keep me away. Credit me being in a town I am rarely in (resulting in my attending an AMC in an outdoor shopping mall after I had dinner there and purchased items from a few different stores) and due to the AMC A-List app I decided to check this out. It was on a giant screen in 3D-of course, most of the time the third dimension served little purpose-and indeed the computer animation looked tremendous.

Regrettably, they decided to make this both a shot for shot remake & “serious”-even though it's based on a cartoon that was inspired by Hamlet-and also probably the old Japanese anime Kimba, but Disney would like to “shhh” that detail-and as even pages on Tumblr have noted, lions and other animals have plenty of facial expressions so having every creature have a blank face and that resulting in vocal performances to match... a terrible, terrible idea, even if you don't compare it to the cartoon from a quarter century ago. It makes for a movie that only has its great visuals and sound to keep you interested. Sure, Timon and Pumbaa do inspire some laughs but overall The Lion King '94 is far superior; two summers ago I got to see that again theatrically and the movie is still great with its traditional animation, unforgettable musical numbers-the ones here are incredibly lame as there's no room for theatricality here-and exciting story that everyone can enjoy.

Worst of all, not only is a tremendous moment from Rafiki completely excised, but Scar as a villain is so bland. I don't blame Chitwetel Ejiofor here... if let loose like Jeremy Irons was, I am sure it'd be a lot better. I know that children seeing this story for the first time here will love it-they'd be better served with the OG property instead of something that is totally lacking in personality and wastes a talented, diverse cast. If nothing else, I now can say with certainty that in the future I'll avoid most if not all of these superfluous cash grab motion pictures from Disney or whomever else decides to be creatively bankrupt like this.

Willow

Willow (1988)

Runtime: 126 minutes

Directed by: Ron Howard

Starring: Warwick Davis, Val Kilmer, Joanne Whalley, Jean Marsh

From: Lucasfilm and Imagine Entertainment

This is a movie I had seen before-in fact, one time in a movie theatre than a second time at a drive-in back in '88-but the last viewing had to be on VHS, so I was a little peck and that was many, many years ago. I remember liking it as a kid so it was a relief that I still like the movie as an adult.

This is high fantasy set in a medieval world and the story is not revolutionary, but that is OK. The title character (part of a race of humans with dwarfism) has to protect a baby he found as in a prophecy it will bring down an evil queen, and various characters help him out, including a rogue badass not unlike Han Solo. I can't complain about this being a typical adventure story, as typical adventure stories have entertained people for literally thousands of years and this has such things as weird creatures, magic and sorcery.

It is easy to root for Willow and you hope that he gains more confidence and becomes better as a budding sorcerer. The rural locations in several countries made for a scenic bucolic world and James Horner contributed a nice score. There was more humor than I remembered but it usually wasn't grating or felt out of place. Very importantly for a movie with many practical effects, most of them still look good 31 years after the fact. This includes those transformation scenes, which were the moments I remembered the strongest for my youth, as for a seven year old they were “yikes!”... as an adult of course it is rather mild, although still creepy.

This is from both Ron Howard and George Lucas, before both made questionable decisions when it came to a few subsequent movies. As others have noted before, this has aged well because it is NOT sexist and actually treats its female characters well, and those with dwarfism are shown to be heroes and not child-like creatures which need help from average-sized adults to succeed.

Jubal

Jubal (1956)

Runtime: 100 minutes

Directed by: Delmer Daves

Starring: Glenn Ford, Ernest Borgnine, Rod Steiger, Valerie French, Felicia Farr

From: Columbia

Sometimes, a man's biggest offense is “smelling like sheep dip.”

I finally had the time/felt like watching a film last night, so I chose something that was on Turner Classic Movies. This month, each Monday night is spent showing a few Glenn Ford pictures and this was one of those. I heard good things-and it was released not that long ago by The Criterion Collection so this seemed worthy of a watch; so did seeing the likes of Ford, Ernest Borgnine, Rod Steiger, Charles Bronson, Jack Elam, and Felicia Farr.

This has been described as “a Western Othello” but this only takes a few plot points from that classic Shakespearean work. Borgnine is ranch owner Shep, who finds Ford's character Jubal near death out in the woods. He's taken in and works on the ranch. As he's not a 100% Grade A jerk like Steiger's character Pinky, Jubal is made foreman of the ranch. Not only is this a problem because Pinky is smart and a master manipulator, but Shep's wife is a bored lady who develops the hots for Jubal... and used to have Pinky “put his saddle” on her, so to speak.

The movie has plenty of melodrama but it was all interesting to me as Ford tried to be a good man despite all the pressure he has to deal with, such as avoiding the advances of his boss's wife. Of course, there is still plenty of the expected Western trappings, such as horseback riding, pistol shooting, cattle rustling and yes, a scene set in a saloon. It was nice seeing all those famous faces and they all do a nice job, although Steiger was a highlight as Pinky was irredeemable and an awful human being... and also possessed quite the colorful accent.

This was shot in Cinemascope so the beautiful scenery of Jackson Hole, Wyoming was spotlighted perfectly. I realize not everyone cares for how this was resolved; for me, it fit the overall story pretty well and there are plenty of Westerns out there if you want to see more action. This steamy drama worked for what it was.

Crawl

Crawl (2019)

An amazing 94% on Rotten Tomatoes, albeit only from 16 reviewers so far

Runtime: 87 minutes

Directed by: Alexandre Aja

Starring: Most of the time, it's Kaya Scodelario, Barry Pepper, and a dog

From: Paramount

There is a dog... and it lives.

I usually don't give spoilers like that but I know that for some people in general, a dog or cat dying in a movie is a deal-breaker for them, whether they find out beforehand and avoid the movie or they see it happen and it ruins everything for them. I was glad a pooch death did not occur as cats and dogs dying on film is something done way too often in modern movies these days.

Until a few days ago I wasn't even planning on seeing this movie... at least down here in Florida-where I have experienced hurricanes before and only by luck have they never caused any real damage to where I live-there was some derision over how in a movie set in Florida (actually filmed in Serbia, which is a natural substitute for The Sunshine State) having a house with a basement... that is extremely rare due to the low elevation and the soil being all sandy. Turns out, there are even dumber things that could be nitpicked to death, although at least a lot of it can be explained away, like “this is a rare house w/ a basement,” “normally docile alligators are going berserk due to the weather” or “that ATM must be awfully light, because reasons.” Anyhow, I saw this because I wasn't sure if I would be seeing much in the upcoming month and with the AMC A-List app I use... I don't want to feel like I wasted a month there, you know.

A common refrain these days for new releases is that “films are too long” and they shouldn't be; at times I agree with that, especially with B-movies now falling prey to that mistake. I know then that those people will be happy that this is less than 90 minutes, does not waste much time setting the story up and there's no superfluous characters or moments that are only designed to pad the runtime. Much of this is two characters on the screen, w/ their dog occasionally appearing after about 15 or so minutes and college swimmer Haley goes into an evacuated area to look for her estranged dad Dave. Thankfully then for a movie of that design, both Kaya Scodelario and Barry Pepper do a swell job. My wisecrack about Serbia aside, where most of this is set, it is acceptable that except for pickup shots this was not filmed in the United States.

As the director is Alexandre Aja and Sam Raimi was a producer, thankfully this was a hard R and while not outrageously OOT like Piranha 3D, there are still some rather gruesome moments. The CG usually looked OK so this is like Jaws compared to practically every SyFy Channel creature in terms of plot, characters, effects, and all the rest. This drew a nice crowd (at least at my screenings) and they were really into the movie, reacting like how they should at the big moments. It is unfortunate that this weekend Tropical Storm Barry is going to go over Louisiana-especially considering I know someone who lives in Louisiana-but that is just bad timing and most people who would go and see a movie with such a premise... they will probably enjoy this nonsense; after all, the choice of end credit song makes it clear you shouldn't go through this with a fine-toothed comb made of logic.

I Talk A Classic Silent & More

First off, RIP to Rip Torn; I just saw that news a moment ago.

It is not ideal to start off a review of a legendary and influential silent with an off-topic comment, but I have to say that at least for the next several weeks I won't be on Letterboxd as much because I won't be seeing as many movies... this month already I've been busy with various things and among other things, I still need to watch S3 of Stranger Things as that hasn't even been started by me as of now. I do not know how often I'll post reviews but it won't be nearly every day; eventually things should be back to normal... presumably.

As for this, there isn't too much to say about this 13 minute short, although it is said to be the first-ever with a narrative story and even in 2019, the sets, props and backdrops still impress. I am unsure why the people that go to the moon are apparently old wizards, but there being no intertitles aside from the opening titles manages to not be an issue as the images literally do speak for themselves. For the obvious historical reasons, this should be viewed at least once by all film buffs.

On Second Thought...

My plans did change. Due to circumstances, in the afternoon I revisited The Expendables and in a few minutes I'll view The Expendables 2... both are for the sake of better Letterboxd reviews. I won't watch the third one again, as not only am I satisfied with that review, I don't watch to watch that terrible movie again! Anyhow, on Tuesday I'll be back with a review.

An Update

This month has been more hectic than expected; I will be even more busy in the upcoming week or so, as I'll elaborate upon tonight. At least last night I revisited The Vault of Horror, which I just saw this past September. This time, it was on Shudder, as they have the rare uncut version of the movie, albeit in fullscreen.

Action U.S.A.

Action U.S.A. (1989)

Runtime: 89 minutes

Directed by: John Stewart

Starring: Gregory Scott Cummins, William Hubbard Knight, Barri Murphy, Ross Hagen, Cameron Mitchell

From: Filmtrust/Stewart & Berger

What better film to watch then talk about on the 4th of July than this one? I have seen this ago, albeit long ago... even before I joined Letterboxd so this is my first time discussing this oddity here. It was a made for video thing where a bunch of stuntmen got together to make an action picture and it is as glorious as it sounds. Long ago I downlo... er, I mean “found” this movie and I still have it in my collection, so that is how I made that revisit.

The plot, dialogue, and situations are all standard and yet I know many won't care as long as it don't get in the way, and it don't. Two FBI agents-they might as well be known as “Not Murtaugh and Riggs”-in northern Texas guard Carmen, as her boyfriend stole diamonds from “The Syndicate” and several bad men not only kill boyfriend in front of her, but of course they want the diamonds back also. From there we get such things as:

* A souped-up old Corvette designed for the drag strip, complete w/ giant motor and wheels on the back bumper
* Car chases, shootouts, barfights, dangerous helicopter stunts, stuntmen on fire, and a whole lot more...
* Including explosions-plenty of explosions
* Tremendous 80's music is heard throughout
* One of the agents is known as Panama, and wait until you hear the explanation as to the origin of his nickname
* It was recent conversation on Twitter that made me realize it had been far too long with this, and one person even posted a clip, which was: an hour in, another car chase happens and as this is in a rural neighborhood, a station wagon is accidentally run off the road and... crashes into a wooden house, taking out part of it! The house owners are in the front yard and get mad, but the driver did apologize, before driving away. Then... the house explodes!

The description of that scene likely will sway your opinion either way as to whether or not you want to track this down, along with knowing that the co-stars include William Smith, Cameron Mitchell and Ross Hagen. Hopefully one day it comes out on disc so more 80's B action fans can bask in the majesty of this.

Toy Story 4

Toy Story 4 (2019)

Runtime: 100 minutes

Directed by: Josh Cooley

Starring: Many famous faces... many of which only have what amounts to extended cameos here

From: A company that doesn't seem to believe in original ideas all that often

It's that time again: I have an unpopular opinion!

This movie can go fork itself.

I realize that hardly anyone will agree with my opinion of this motion picture and unlike Armond White, my opinion is not a bizarre troll job... I honestly did not like this movie at all. My recent revisits of the first three show that all of them are still an utter delight to watch, full of funny dialogue, touching moments, quality setpieces, and a lot of heart. I've never wanted a 4 as 3 wrapped up the story perfectly and it seemed utterly pointless. It wasn't until I discovered there were characters voiced by Carl Weathers (albeit, for one scene) and Keanu that I decided to actually see this on the big screen.

Believe it or not, even now I never saw any trailers for Toy Story 4 and not even a full commercial... I was somewhere and saw part of one ad, and what I saw did give me concern as it did NOT seem like Pixar at all. Yet practically everyone around the world loves this movie so I managed to be spoiler-free except for knowing of some characters and one setting of “carnival.” Another concern was knowing that the big new character was named FORKY as it was a spork-which just seemed incredibly lame to me. Yet I swear I did go into this with an open mind, as why would I want to be a hater with something nearly universally beloved?

In context, the character itself I do not have a problem with... Forky being incredibly annoying was. “I'm Forky! I'm trash!” was not funny the first time, so experiencing that for 10 minutes in a row turned me off from Toy Story 4 right then and there. The story: I hated it, it has to be stated bluntly. I did not care about the villain or its lackeys in the slightest, as I could not give a damn about their plight... also, what a strange and dark plot for a film designed for children. The only new character I found not awful was Duke Caboom, and that probably is only because of his Fu Manchu mustache and the voice being from Keanu Reeves... although honestly the character is pretty forgettable as talk about one note.

Then again, Duke and even Forky are works of genius compared to two fluffy newcomers I might as well call “Skids” and “Mudflap” as EVERYTHING surrounding them was obnoxious, irritating, intolerable, and brutally unfunny... the last point is a problem with this movie as a whole. The first three offered plenty of laughs for me-but this, I only chuckled a few times and that was it. None of the running jokes worked in the slightest.

Even worse, I hated how the story wrapped and I had big problems with how most of the supporting characters who return here only have glorified cameos as they disappear for long stretches and when they are around, they have nothing memorable to do or say. Yet another gripe: the toys have to break the established rules for their universe-and often-to make everything work and it was SO not needed. To be blunt, that reminded me of something I'd expect to see in a DreamWorks or an Illumination picture... I can only presume so for the latter as I have never had the “joy” of experiencing anything from that studio.

Ultimately, I never felt that this movie ever gave me an adequate reason for it even existing, especially when it feels completely different in style and tone and characters compared to the first three. The only strong compliment I can give this is that the CG looks stunning, to the point of being photo-realistic at times. I am glad most love Toy Story 4 but personally, in my canon I will happily pretend the series ended with 3 and this strange fever dream where toys will happily break kayfabe and interact with humans on multiple occasions was just that, a fever dream.

Rambo III

Rambo III (1988)

Runtime: 102 minutes

Directed by: Peter MacDonald

Starring: Sly, Richard Crenna, Marc de Jonge, Spyros Fokas, Sasson Gabai

From: Carolco

Featuring RAVE GLOW STICKS.

I might as well follow up a viewing of First Blood Part II with this motion picture... I'll revisit the 2008 Rambo soon before Last Blood comes out but for now, a movie that was out of date by the time it was released in 1988 as perestroika was a thing and suddenly the Soviet Union was more friendly with the West... amazing that in recent years Russia became our enemy again.

I will not punish this movie for that or even the more egregious sin in hindsight of the entire thing being built around Rambo (and in general, America) helping the Mujahideen in their fight against invading Soviet forces, which of course was based on real life and of course years later that really bit America in the ass. This movie really praises the Afghan people and I am sure most of them are very nice and all, but prophetic were the words spoken about how tough they are and are impossible to conquer in war... the United States found that out in the 21st century.

Anyhow, Richard Crenna (and it was nice seeing him have a more substantial role in this installment) asks Rambo to go on a secret mission with him, but he refuses... of course he does a 180 once Colonel Trautman is captured, so he teams up with the Afghan people to free him from being imprisoned by the brutal leader of a stronghold. The bad guys are stereotypical louts but aren't terribly memorable and thus come off as stereotypical. This also dives into mawkish sentimentality as a boy who is like 13 is a soldier and wants to team up with Rambo.

This is even sillier than Part II and isn't as memorable either, but I'll still say this was fine. Even with the production problems that included many of the crew getting fired (original director Russell Mulcahy one of those who got canned) I will still say that this is still fine, due to the jingoistic entertainment this provided... and oh yeah, many SOB's being killed, some in gleefully over the top ways. There were things that made me laugh, such as Rambo getting glow sticks as one of the weapons he gets to carry and not even the character seemed to know what their purpose was-they did either light up a dark area or serve as a distraction-yet I am not surprised that the series took a rest for 20 years. The budget was a then-astronomical sum of 60 million dollars and I could not imagine Rambo in the 1990's.

Rambo: First Blood Part II

Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985)

Runtime: 96 minutes

Directed by: George P. Cosmatos

Starring: Sly, Richard Crenna, Charles Napier, Steven Berkoff, Julia Nickson

From: Several different companies

As the 4th of July is only a few days away, why not view an incredibly American movie that is quite jingoistic? Technically this is not as good as First Blood as while that was a serious look at how veterans are treated once they return from war, Rambo is a big dumb action movie as he is released from prison to help look for POW's in Vietnam, only to be turned against and he is (mostly) on his own against those evil Vietnamese and (especially) those damned Soviets... although American bureaucracy is also an enemy and sad to say, it's all too easy to believe that the scenario presented here could happen with the United States.

After all the time spent on the set-up, there is plenty of action that still thrills and entertains today; Rambo is easy to root for as he tries to rescue prisoners of war while dealing with seemingly insurmountable odds. The villains are easy to hiss at, especially Charles Napier's Murdock. Of course this is preposterous and bombastic (the same goes for Jerry Goldsmith's score) yet if you love 80's action then I am sure you've seen this many times and have always had a good time with it.


Having a crowd-pleasing script (from James Cameron, and Stallone made various changes to it) and being totally a product of its time means that I am not surprised Rambo became one of the biggest icons of the 80's and personified the decade and its attitudes pretty well... for better or for worse.

Catching Up...

I'll be posting two more times today. I will mention now that a few days ago I revisited the 1967 Soviet horror film Viy, as a more complete version of it is now on Shudder. My opinion has not changed: while it is wildly uneven, there are some wild moments that resemble old-school Sam Raimi so it is worth seeing.