Shanghai Joe

Shanghai Joe (Il Mio Nome e Shanghai Joe) (1973)

Runtime: 94 minutes

Directed by: Mario Caiano

Starring: Chen Lee, Piero Lulli, Carla Romanelli, Gordon Mitchell, Klaus Kinski (yes, that's right)

From: C.B.A. Produttori e Distributori Associati

Here's another film from one of the collections of public domain Westerns I got on Monday. The blurb on the back said that this was a guy from the Far East in the Old West; believe it or not there were a handful of those back in the 70's, doing it long before Shanghai Noon in the late 90's. I then looked it up and saw that it featured legendary crazyman Klaus Kinski, and that seemed like a good reason to see something that sounded so odd. Turns out, it was greatly entertaining.

The plot: Shanghai Joe (Lee) emigrates to the Old West from China and experiences a whole lot of prejudice. Despite this, he remains noble and well-spoken. However, when he has to, he will unleash a whole lot of martial arts fury. He comes across an evil rancher who illegally uses Mexican labor (Lulli) and after pissing him off, the rancher hires some goons with wacky names like Scalper Jack (Kinski), Pedro the Cannibal, Tricky the Gambler, and Burying Sam, to try and take him out. He also engages in some interracial romancin' with a lovely Mexican lady (actually played by Italian Romanelli).

The movie was definitely better than I expected from some wacky Spaghetti Western production from Italy that was cashing in on the then-new martial arts craze. As I already stated, Joe was a noble character who spoke well and wasn't a crazy vengeful person. That was a nice touch. Yet, he also did things like punch a guy through his chest, knock out a bull when he was forced into a bullfighting ring, and even ripped out a dude's eyeball, so... this is an Italian production so there is indeed sleaze. Plenty of racial slurs are heard, and not just against Asians but also Hispanics, African-Americans, and Native Americans. The goons with the wacky names were certainly over the top, but also memorable and I wish we could have gotten more screentime with them. Alas, I still enjoyed the movie more than I thought I would.

The film is like a videogame, really. Joe travels through various areas, deals with bad guys and he has big battles before moving onto the next area. Yes, he even uses martial arts against Kinski's character (Scalper Jack), but in a unique way; Jack crippled Joe's legs with bullets so he has to use different ways to do battle against him, and it's pretty cool. Kinski delivered the unique Kinski performance.

People in this film look like 70's-era Kris Kristofferson, a fat Richard Dreyfuss circa Jaws, Jerry Garcia in the last years of his life, and even modern-day Dolph Lundgren. That guy was Burying Sam, played by Mitchell. He was a bodybuilder who went to Italy in the early 60's to make sword and sandal films, and he stayed there after that trend died out. He also happened to look like Dolph at the time.

While I wish the movie wasn't in fullscreen and panned and scanned from its original widescreen release, it otherwise was something nice that I stumbled upon. As it's public domain it's not hard to find on YouTube; two different copies are uploaded as of now.

I'll be back Friday night.

God's Gun

God's Gun (Diamante Lobo) (1976)

Runtime: 94 minutes

Directed by: Gianfranco Parolini

Starring: Lee Van Cleef, Jack Palance, Sybil Danning, Richard Boone, Leif Garrett (yes, Leif Garrett)

From: Golan-Globus (yes, the guys behind Cannon)

So, I haven't seen too many Spaghetti Westerns in my life; I decided to try and fill that hole by watching this, a movie I only heard about earlier in the year. A movie filmed in Israel and produced by the guys who would form the tremendous 80's studio known as Cannon Films, with that cast... it certainly sounded promising to me.

The plot, which I am stealing from the back of a public domain collection of Spaghetti Westerns I got today: “A retired gunslinger heads to Juno City to seek revenge upon the man who murdered his twin brother, the local parish priest.” Not too surprisingly, Palance was the bad guy, and Van Cleef played the twin brothers. Also, “Juno City”... I can't help but shudder whenever I hear the word Juno, due to that terrible film, but that's another topic for another day.

As for the film... it's definitely uneven. Some parts were lame. But there were some great parts too. Palance and his band of sleazy (and sleazy-looking) ruffians certainly did a lot to make themselves evil bastards. For example, their love of fondling and raping women, which you do see some of throughout. When you see Palance walk in on some members of his gang in their saloon trying to have their way with some ladies, he sees this and... starts cackling out loud. Yep, it's that kind of movie. 

There's also plenty of wackiness with the plan that the gunslinger uses to get revenge, and I'll leave it at that. Like I said, this is uneven but it's not awful either. It has the stereotypical Spaghetti Western musical score, which is not a bad thing. I wish it would have been awesome considering the talent involved (Leif is not included in what I call “talent”; he was annoying at times, to say the least); that said, it was still an acceptable watch.

I'll be back Wednesday night.

Malibu Express

Malibu Express (1985)

Runtime: 100 minutes

Directed by: Andy Sidaris

Starring: Darby Hinton, Sybil Danning, Art Metrano, Shelley Taylor Morgan

From: Malibu Bay Films

Here's the first film in a set of movies I got awhile back but hadn't tried to start watching until last night. It is part of Girls, Guns & G-Strings: The Andy Sidaris Collection which you can find online at Amazon for only a few bucks. The late Mr. Sidaris directed various sports programs then made some random films before deciding here to create direct to video films set and filmed in sunny locales featuring plenty of busty women, almost all of whom take off their tops and expose their bare breasts. That's most important of all, even more so than story or acting ability; there seemed to always be a few Playmates who appear in this films.

The plot, as is: Cody Abilene (Hinton; he played Daniel Boone's kid on the 60's TV show of the same name) is a private investigator. He is asked by a Countess who is also involved with a computer company (Danning; not surprisingly, she is one of the ladies who exposes her boobs) to investigate what's going on with the theft of computer secrets to “The Soviets”. What ends up happening is a busy case of wacky individuals, from a fey guy who ends up being a cross-dresser to two muscle-bound thugs. Other characters appear who apparently are only there to pad the run time, like a stereotypical band of hillbillies who always want to race Cody on the streets.

On a technical scale, the movie isn't great. The pacing seems off and I often got the feeling that it wasn't edited the best. The story is actually complex and even when the last few minutes of the movie are someone explaining all of the events, it doesn't always make sense. More time was spent on showing how many ladies find Cody to be arousing. More than a dozen different women end up exposing their breasts! No kidding. One of the women who go topless has the name JUNE KHNOCKERS. Yes, that's how it was spelled. That says a lot about what sort of film this is.

Yet, while there isn't a lot of action (I have heard the later movies he did had more of that) it is still a rather entertaining movie for the goofy lark it is. The hero-who drives a red DeLorean and carries around a cowskin case!-is a flawed hero; while he has a .44, his aim is terrible and it's rare for him to successfully hit anything. Danning and Metrano have small roles but as well-known actors don't always appear in Sidaris's films, their contributions are noted. It's a comedy/action/mystery sort of thing and it usually is funny. That makes it an easy watch. The boobs help out too! It's not high art for sure but it is fun to watch if you want to shut off your brain one rainy afternoon or evening. It's not painful at all; you should enjoy all the goofy moments and how Mr. Sidaris has a small appearance as a dude who drives a big RV with his wife.

So overall I am glad I finally saw one of his films. I've known about them for many years and it was about time. I'll be back Monday night.

Three The Hard Way

Three The Hard Way (1974)

Runtime: 89 minutes

Directed by: Gordon Parks

Starring: Jim Brown, Fred Williamson, Jim Kelly, Alex Rocco

From: Allied Artists

As I had nothing to really watch tonight, I decided to go back to that 4 movie set of Blaxploitation films I got earlier in the year, i.e. the set that had Black Belt Jones. Well, another film in there also happens to star Jim Kelly... along with Jim Brown and Fred Williamson. Now there's an awesome trio. I heard from a messageboard that the movie is quite amazing and filled with the sort of things that a 12 year old would like. That could mean a variety of things so I was interested in it.

The plot, from the IMDb: “The story revolves around a white supremacist plot to taint the United State water supply with a toxin that is harmless to whites but lethal to blacks. The only obstacles that stand in the way of this dastadrly plot are Jim Brown, Fred Williamson and Jim Kelly, who shoot, kick, and karate chop their way to final victory.”

This film... I am actually unsure how to rate it. There are things I enjoyed, for sure. But there are also plenty of dumb moments, which is one thing... but there's also bad plot moments that left me puzzled. There are plenty of sons of bitches who get shot down or die in vehicle explosions (they happen easily) or die via martial arts. But I thought too often if there was something I was missing as the plot made no sense; I wondered why the heroes didn't elaborate for further information to try and solve the case, or why a lackey for the good guys didn't explain more about the bad guy's plot. I laughed at the villain being named Monroe Feather and yet I wondered why the movie is so dumb it'll have you believe that it's easy to transport a 70's van filled with weapons on a cargo plane... AND for reasons unknown to me that van is usually a bright blue GMC Vandura, and other times it's a bright blue Ford Econoline. Those two vans look nothing alike, and yet the film wants you to believe they're the same vehicle. What in the shi...

It's things like that which I don't expect from the director of the original Shaft, you know. That's why I felt disappointed with this, despite there being a good amount of fun action to watch. I did laugh at some things, but not enough. Corbin Bernsen has a real small role in this, because his dad produced this film. There are characters who look like Sharlto Copley and a skinnier Cee-Lo. And my favorite...

The heroes get a lackey of the bad guys and keep him at their place. One of them hires a trio of bikers... lady bikers, who show up and they go and meet the lackey... and then take off their tops for no reason at all. Not that I'm complaining about them being topless. It's implied they sexually torture that guy. Then after two of the heroes briefly talk to him, the ladies show back up, and the lackey literally dies of fright! I'll admit that was great. Unfortunately, I wish I could have loved this more than I did.

I'll be back Friday night. I hope everyone has a nice Thanksgiving.

The Man From Hong Kong

The Man From Hong Kong (1975)

Runtime: 103 minutes (at least that's the version I saw; I've seen several different runtimes for it, all longer than what I watched)

Directed by: Brian Trenchard-Smith, Yu Wang

Starring: Yu Wang, George Lazenby, Hugh Keays-Byrne, Roger Ward, Sammo Hung

From: Golden Harvest

Here is a film I discovered via clips of it being in Not Quite Hollywood. Those clips, which you can watch here, made the movie look pretty great, although apparently you also discover that the star Wang was a real A-Hole, at least according to those people that worked with him. Finally, I recently discovered a copy of it on YouTube. It's not too hard to find... although who knows how long it'll stay up.

The plot is rather simple: A drug courier from Hong Kong (Hung) is found at Ayers Rock, so Hong Kong detective Fang (Wang) goes down to Sydney. He discovers that there's a colorful drug dealer known as Jack Wilton (Lazenby) and Wilton does not like him being around, so he tries to eliminate him. It's about as simple as that.

This movie... it's a quality film and not just a quality example of the Ozploitation genre. This co-production between Hong Kong and Australia as a story that's simple yet effective and it's a lot of fun. You get to see plenty of action and not just of the kung-fu kind. There's also a big car chase where the cars get utterly destroyed, for example. Wang is apparently not a nice guy in real life and his character came across as an A-Hole, but in a good and funny way, to at least me. 

He steals an innocent's person car to start the chase and he ends up destroying that poor Australian vehicle known as the Chrysler Valiant Charger. He also disobeys constantly his Australian cop pals (Keays-Byrne, Ward), which is a shame as those two blokes are pretty cool guys. But hey, Fang does plenty of bad-ass and awesome things, at least. He has a great lengthy brawl with Stunt Rock's Grant Page (a renowned stuntman) in a Chinese restaurant and it's a great scene; they really destroy that poor place. All that and a groovy 70's score (along with top 10 hit Sky High, by Jigsaw) makes this something I am glad I finally got to see and I am glad I was not disappointed by it.

There are also plenty of things to laugh at (in a positive way), including how Lazenby-to steal a line-looks just like Ron Burgundy! No kidding. Seeing Ron Burgundy as a racist martial arts master who happens to be a suave dude with a totally 70's apartment was quite a sight. Fang gives Sammo Hung a swirly in a jailhouse toilet. One henchman has big hair and a big beard and looks a lot like the Geico Caveman. So yep, plenty to enjoy along with the general fun nature of this film. I'll be back Tuesday night.

A View To A Kill

A View to a Kill (1985)

Runtime: 131 minutes

Directed by: John Glen

Starring: Roger Moore, Christopher Walken, Tanya Roberts, Grace Jones, Patrick Macnee

From: UA

Yep, I have returned, a few hours late but I still returned. I am feeling fine, all things considered. That is all I'll be saying about what happened late Monday afternoon. As I mentioned this film when talking about Skyfall, I figured I should go out of order in talking about Bond movies by discussing this flick, which many 007 fans rank in the lower half of all the films.

The plot: Horse racing, steroids, horses on the juice, and microchips collide together as Bond runs into Max Zorin (Walken) who is a product of World War II experimentation by the Nazi's and is psychotic and yet also happens to be a microchip industrialist. He concocts an incredible plot to flood Silicon Valley in order to create a monopoly in his field. He has May Day as a henchwoman (the one of a kind Jones).

Well, what an 80's-riffic picture, from the movie making snowboarding popular because of what 007 does as improvisation during the quality opening ski scene set in Siberia; I don't know why the movie set that moment to a cover version of California Girls (done by Gidea Park; looking on YouTube, they apparently were a group that did cover medleys of famous 60's artists back in the late 70's and early 80's, including The Beach Boys and The Four Seasons; the more you know), but oh well. There's Grace Jones; enough said. Then there's the awesome Duran Duran title song; the opening credits scene in general is awesome, come to think of it.

The movie... it doesn't always seem like a Bond movie. As cool as that chase scene was involving the fire truck vs. the cops in San Francisco, to steal a line I heard elsewhere, it seemed like something you'd expect in a Hal Needham film. You know, like Cannonball Run, which Moore actually DID appear in, claiming to be Roger Moore the actor (long story; one of these days I should watch that movie in order to explain it, but he pretty much &was& 007 there; you can imagine what the Bond producers thought of that). Then there's the way that Zorin shows how psychotic he is; as soon as he's done with the minions who enable his diabolical plot to destroy Silicon Valley... he gleefully guns them down. It probably isn't a surprise that Moore as an actor did not like that decision by the filmmakers.

Then, there's other things, like how Tanya Roberts (Moore romancing her made him look like a dirty old man due to his advanced age) was a big ditz and annoying at times, how the horse racing stuff dragged at times and ultimately did not play too big a part of the plot, and Moore was just too old for the role at the time. Not to mention, you briefly see a competing Soviet agent played by Fiona Fullerton who comes across as real cool but she vanishes out of nowhere and I wish we could have seen more of her, for sure.

Still, I say this isn't the worst of the Bond movies in general. Walken was Walken so it was mostly good. While he wasn't quite Silva from Skyfall, he was still at least a unique villain who was ahead of his time in knowing that microchips and computers would be a rather important thing in the future.There's some action that's pretty good. When it doesn't drag, it moves at a good pace. And Dolph Lundgren makes his film debut, appearing in one scene as a bodyguard. He was dating Jones at the time (what a couple) and he visited the set that day. They needed an extra extra, so they used him as he certainly looked the part.

Hilariously, Papillion Soo Soo has a small role here; she is best known for being the hooker in Full Metal Jacket who lets the soldiers that “me so horny” and “me love you long time”. At least this wasn't as painful an experience as I thought it would be. I'll be back Sunday night with something different.

So Yeah...

I hate to do this again, but something big in my personal life happened today (I won't get into it except that everyone is fine; yep, I got in a car accident) so I don't feel like doing this again until Friday night. By then I should hopefully be fine-enough to be back to normal.

Skyfall

Skyfall (2012)

91% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 230 reviews)

Runtime: 144 minutes

Directed by: Sam Mendes

Starring: Daniel Craig, Javier Bardem, Ralph Finnes, Naomie Harris, Judi Dench

From: MGM/Columbia

Finally, last night I was able to check this out in a jam-packed theatre; I had heard much about the movie from messageboards and what have you since it was released in the UK and elsewhere then made its way to North America a few days ago, where I heard mostly strong buzz for it. I was at least hoping it'd be better than Quantum of Solace.

Don't worry, it blew Quantum out of the water.

The plot... I don't want to give too much away (at least what wasn't shown in all the trailers) so I'll just use what the movie has used to describe the plot: “Bond's loyalty to M is tested as her past comes back to haunt her. As MI6 comes under attack, 007 must track down and destroy the threat, no matter the personal cost.”

The first thing I'll mention is that the threat here has nothing to do with the Quantum organization you see in the first two Craig Bond films. The villain here, Silva (a blonde-haired Bardem, who delivers an incredible performance; I've already heard some compare the movie to The Dark Knight in terms of villain and his plan; it's not the worst comparison as I had the same thought. The character and his motivation are great, but Javier was awesome in the role and made it so memorable) is doing things on his own and his plan is vengeance. In some ways I was reminded of Max Zorin, played by Christopher Walken in A View to a Kill. Both have light blonde hair, act rather crazy, and they happen to use the technology of the time rather well. I'll leave it at that. I won't even say where Bond travels to except you see action both in Europe and Far East Asia.

I wasn't sure what to expect action-wise from the director of American Beauty but it turns out, he films it quite well. No shaky-cam or quick-editing crap. Plus, the action itself is quite great. The opening bit before the famed credits and Adele title song (and that song is much better than that crap you got from Quantum) is tremendous and sets the mood perfectly. The story too... it is more of a Bond film than the first two; 007 is happy to bed women, for example, and as you know from the trailers, the new Q shows up. Yet the story is also mature and deals with the lead characters having to deal with serious conflict and doubts about themselves, looking to the future as well as the past.

So all around, this is one of the best films I've seen this year, let alone in comparison to the 007 films of the past 50 years. I give it my highest recommendation. I'll be back Monday night.

Quantum of Solace

Quantum of Solace (2008)

Runtime: 106 minutes

Directed by: Marc Foster

Starring: Daniel Craig, Mathieu Amalric, Olga Kurylenko, Giancarlo Gianni

From: MGM/Columbia

Yep, I saw this for the first time in 4 years (as I mentioned the last time) and at the time I really did not care for the film. It did not compare to Casino Royale, for sure. I figured I should watch it again and give it another go even if I understand you don't need to have this memorized before you check out Skyfall.

The plot: Despite him saying no, 007 is looking for revenge against those who killed his lady Vesper Lynd. He finds out more about the mysterious Quantum organization as he learns about a Eurodouche (the best term for him) known as Mr. Greene who is buying land in Bolivia that appears to be worthless. Bond also meets up with a Russian lady who has an agenda of her own.

Turns out, my opinion of the movie hasn't changed too much from seeing it in November of 2008. The biggest thing which hurts it is that there was the writer's strike which happened right as they turned in the first draft of this script, so of course they couldn't do further drafts as they always do to improve it. It really shows. The story I just don't really care for. The childish feuding between 007 and M, the story being so slight and not really advancing what was presented in Casino Royale, a character being named Strawberry Fields but she's only ID'ed in the film was “Fields”, she wears a trenchcoat for a few minutes as if she was a flasher, her death is a lame version of one of the most famous deaths in the entire Bond franchise... yet on rewatch I thought the first half of the film wasn't that bad, despite the problems and Mr. Greene being a limp and weak villain. But in the second half-when they get to Bolivia-there's just so much stupid it disintegrates like that plane Bond and Camille jump from and they open a parachute 100 feet from the ground but they end up uninjured when they should have been killed instantly... and let's not even talk of the finale with the luxury hotel being built in the middle of nowhere in the desert. That was really bad all around. But, it turns out that the now-famous Stana Katic is the girl in the final scene where Bond gets revenge on a certain guy.

Then, there's the action scenes. There are cool things done, but it's hard to make out as it was filmed with the “hip” and “cool” style of it being both shaky-cam and way too quick editing, making it really hard to enjoy and watch. I really hope that trend dies soon. It ruined things here.

So, with the crap story and the badly filmed action scenes, the movie still isn't any good in 2012. And speaking of no good, the opening credits song from Jack White and Alicia Keys... I've never thought that Jack White was any good and he did not change my opinion of him with that garbage tune. Thankfully Skyfall sounds much better. I'll be back Sunday night to talk about that motion picture.

Casino Royale

Casino Royale (2006)

Runtime: 144 minutes

Directed by: Martin Campbell

Starring: Daniel Craig, Eva Green, Mads Mikkelson, Jeffrey Wright, Judi Dench

From: MGM/Columbia

This wasn't exactly how I planned on doing it, but I do plan on seeing Skyfall within the next few days; the exact date, I am not sure yet. I figured it would only be appropriate to talk about the first two Craig Bonds before I go see the third one. Plus, it's a nice refresher; although, I have heard the new one is more of a stand-alone thing than a flick that directly follows the last one.

You should know the plot by now: The dude who now has the code name James Bond (hey, that's the theory to explain the different guys with the same name and how he's been alive for so long) has to deal with Le Chiffre, a banker for a mysterious terrorist organization. Chiffre enters a high-stakes poker game at the Casino Royale in Montenegro in order to win back money that was lost after Bond thrawted his stock-related scheme. 007 has to stop him by winning the game, all while trying to find out more about his group and falling in love with the lovely Vesper Lynd.

While you could carp about some things with the film, like how there's seemingly a 4^th act that isn't as awesome as the first three, how the big game was changed to poker from baccarat as the former is easier for people to understand and because-unfortunately-poker on American TV was a huge deal back in the day, how the narration of the game wasn't really needed, or even that it isn't that much of a traditional Bond movie. All of those points aren't unwarranted; despite that, I still really enjoyed the film, especially compared to what was to follow two years later... the story was certainly engrossing, the action scenes were really well-done and nicely filmed (especially the parkour vs. Bond chase where that dude jumps and flips around in a fancy way using the environment where 007 uses his brains and his brawn and the entire Miami sequence), the settings of Madagascar, Montenegro, and Italy were all nice-even if they weren't all filmed at those locations-and yeah, Eva Green isn't bad-looking either. The fact that for the most part it is real nicely-paced (even with the long Montenegro stuff) is another bonus.

I am glad the movie still holds up well and I still dig it a lot. I do know that Friday night I'll rewatch Quantum of Solace for the first time in 4 years. Maybe I'll think a little higher of it with time, but I have a feeling I'll have quite a few negative things to say about it.

The Man With The Iron Fists

The Man With The Iron Fists (2012)

55% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 40 reviews)

Runtime: 95 minutes

Directed by: RZA

Starring: RZA, Russell Crowe, Rick Yune, Dave Bautista, Byron Mann

From: Universal

Here is what I did late last night instead of watching the latter half of the election results. I decided to go to the cinema to forget about all of that for a few hours and to try and have a good time. I had heard rather mixed things about this film, and even the people who I suspect would hold the most interest in it had differing opinions. My knowledge of this sort of movie is rather limited as I haven't seen too much in the genre; Lord knows that RZA has like a million times more knowledge of it than I do, so I hope he would deliver something appropriate. To steal a line from somewhere, it was more like a movie you would see in a Grindhouse 2 that will never happen rather than a classic Hong Kong film from the 70's, but...

The plot isn't exactly complex: there are various clans in China in the 19^th century. A bad man known as Silver Lion takes over his Lion clan and they look to hijack a shipment of gold from the Emperor. They try to do it in a small village (Jungle Village... oh-e-oh-e-oh) where RZA is a blacksmith (and yes they actually do explain how he ended up in China), he has a lover (Jamie Chung) and there are other personalities that get involved, including a huge ripped dude with magical powers (Bautista), the head of a brothel (Lucy Liu) and a British soldier (Crowe).

The story is a mess and you can tell RZA is not what you'd call an experienced director at all, this being his first feature film. But, despite its warts, how the action isn't always filmed the best (although thankfully it isn't that shaky-cam crap) and overall it does seem slight and not as awesome as it could have been, I did manage to enjoy this wacky, strange film where judging by the performances and the story they had to be going for camp and silliness. I certainly wasn't bored, which was a complaint I heard on a site. It was so weird, I had no idea what to expect next so that kept my interest. It was a colorful world, for sure, and also a bloody one. You see a #lot# of blood throughout. As others have said, Crowe is the highlight as the brash opium-smoking Jack Knife. Yes, that's what he calls himself. Then again there are people known as Silver Lion and Brass Body, so there you go.

I do not know if I'd recommend seeing this on the big screen in a first-run theatre but maybe it's best for a dollar joint or a Redbox rental. I am glad I did not hate it after some of the bad reviews I heard. Even the odd mix of songs/score work for it for the most part. I could have done without hearing a Kanye West song but that is mostly because I've always thought of him as a loathsome human being. I am surprised a 20 million dollar wacky kung-fu film got made and released by Universal in 2012; that was a ballsy move and I don't know if it'll work out in terms of the box office. I am glad it happened given that most of what the big studios put out I could not care less about.

I'll be back tomorrow night.

The Spy Who Loved Me

The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)

Runtime: 125 minutes

Directed by: Lewis Gilbert

Starring: Roger Moore, Barbara Bach, Curt Jurgens, Richard Kiel

From: UA

As Skyfall is coming out in a matter of days in the United States, I figured I should talk about another Bond film. I do plan on rewatching both Casino Royale (which I am looking forward to) and Quantum of Solace-I am not looking forward to that-before seeing the new one. I've heard mostly good things about that so that makes me happy.

Now, onto talking about this film, which many people rate highly... me included. The plot is pretty similar to You Only Live Twice, but I do say this does it better. A megalomaniac known as Stromberg (Jurgens) set up a scheme where Soviet and British submarines disappear and each side blames the other. His scheme is to cause nuclear war so the world would be destroyed and his Atlantis underwater base would be the start of a new civilization. Bond has to team with a sexy Soviet agent (Bach) to try and stop the madman... along with his famous pal Jaws.

The movie started off on a good note with the groovy disco-esque score from Marvin Hamlisch and the ski scene opening with the incredible jump off the cliff into the Union Jack parachute opening. The opening also sets up the relationship with the agent XXX (not Vin Diesel, thankfully) as Bond unkowingly kills her lover. The action goes from Austria to Egypt to Sardinia and then the Atlantis base and the giant ship which has captured the submarines. The locales all look nice and I enjoyed the action throughout. The battles between Bond and Jaws are still classic today. Sure, it's ridiculous how unstoppable he is but that's part of the charm. Also classic is the scene with the white Lotus where it went underwater. There are many memorable scenes, come to think of it. There are hot women in Barbara Bach and Caroline Munro, the plot is cartoony but still a blast... it's great.

While I understand when I heard some people slag it for being like a “best-of Bond” movie due to the elements from earlier films being brought in here-including the basic plot to a film from 10 years ago-I still rate this rather highly. I just find it tremendous in the entertainment category. I especially like that epic-long battle between the British/Soviet/American forces and Stromberg's forces in the giant ship. That was sweet all around.

I'll be back tomorrow night with a review of something completely different.

Left to Die

Left To Die (2012)

Runtime: 90 minutes

Directed by: Leon Ichaso

Starring: Rachael Leigh Cook, Barbara Hershey, Nicholas Gonzalez, Emily Foxler

From: Sony Pictures Television

Yep, another Rachael film. This time, it is one that just made its debut last night... on Lifetime. Yes, I watched something on that network. I was not expecting this film to already have aired, as I know this was filmed just a few months ago in August, mainly in Colombia of all places. As it's Lifetime it's about a woman in peril, there's romance, and it was based on a true story. I think that at least one of those qualities can be seen in all the programming seen on that channel!

Unfortunately, this is based on a true story as it involves an older lady (Hershey) vacationing in Ecuador and she gets set up in a drug bust and gets jailed and her daughter Tammi (Cook) has to try and get her out of there. It took 22 months (!) and many false starts but it finally happened.

Overall, it's a standard cable TV movie. I don't mean that as an insult. I am just stating fact. It's a fine way to spend a few hours and it's also educational... it doesn't really make you want to visit the lovely country of Ecuador, though! Sure, I understand the laws there have changed which makes it harder for the sad case of Sandra Chase to take place, but it still makes you want to visit another country in South America instead... maybe even Colombia. Don't ask why I know all this knowledge of the film, I just do.

Besides the deal of someone being jailed, she is also ill, Tammi's sibling less than reliable, the prison is a craphole (it's open-air but it still isn't a place for an American lady to be), Tammi has a romance along the way... so no wonder it was made for this channel. The performances are all fine and the reason why I checked this out... she looked pretty hot and she should wear white pants more often! That is a nice look for her. Her dressing up like a nun in order to secretly visit her mom in jail was a rather interesting look.

I tell you, this movie has to be better than the one I saw advertisement for on that channel; it'll debut soon and it is The Christmas Consultant and stars both Caroline Rhea and... David Hasselhoff! He gets shoved into a Christmas tree and both tumble over; for some reason, I unfortunately think that he's drunkenly fallen into a Christmas tree before...

I'll be back tomorrow night.

Dracula Has Risen From The Grave

Dracula Has Risen From The Grave (1968)

Runtime: 92 minutes

Directed by: Freddie Francis

Starring; Christopher Lee, Rupert Davies, Veronica Carlson, Barbara Ewing, Barry Andrews

From: Hammer

My apologies for this being up late. I was preoccupied with other things. I figured I should continue with the horror theme for tonight, before I move onto other things and then Bond next weekend.

I watched this via a 4-pack of Hammer Draculas from Warner Brothers. They are four random ones in the long series due to how scattered the rights are to Hammer films in the States. Many different companies have put out their films here over the years, so the rights are all screwed up.

Last year I watched Horror of Dracula. A few years later there was Brides of Dracula, which did not actually have Dracula but Peter Cushing returned as Dr. Van Helsing. Two years before this movie came out there was Dracula: Prince of Darkness, where Lee returned (someone bled on his ashes so he was revived) and it was about some students who got stuck at his castle. I heard that was a mixed bag. Now, onto this film...

The plot: I do know that the climax of Prince of Darkness revolved around Dracula literally being put on ice. There apparently was also a scene where a girl was killed and put inside a church bell. The beginning here was that girl being found. A year later, no one wants to enter the church due to that, the castle's shadow being cast on the church, and everyone still being scurred of the Count. The priest of the church and the monsignor go up to the castle... or rather, the priest only goes up halfway before wimping out. Something happens and the priest falls and busts himself open; that blood seeps through the ice and revives Dracula.

No, really. That's actually what happens.

While that's going on, the monsignor does a sort of exorcism on the castle (again, really) and puts a giant cross on the front door. The Count is PISSED about it so he seeks revenge... it involves such people as Paul and his lady friend Maria; there's also a saucy redhead (is there any other kind?) named Zena who loves to show off her “dumplings” and her cleavage.

I heard elsewhere the movie be described as “sloppy but fun” and that seems like a good take. Note that despite some flaws I did enjoy this as a wacky yarn of a tale. Sure, there are some continuity things that are distracting if you are on the look out for them (for example, Dracula's reflection is seen more than once; that shouldn't be the case); that said, it was not offensive and while it isn't Horror of Dracula, it still is fun to watch. It is also filmed well. The director's main forte was cinematography and among his work there was Glory, The Elephant Man, and the Cape Fear remake.

Dracula is a real bastard again, and this time acts sadistic. He's great at getting revenge at those who wrong him. Maria is a very pretty blonde, Zena is a memorable trampy character, there is a member of the clergy who is conflicted (to say the least) and Paul is hilarious in that he might as well be Paul Asperger. I am not saying that as an insult. Rather, he's just rather blunt to the point of thinking it's OK to tell a monsignor that he is an atheist. A wacky yarn, and quite enjoyable.

Also, this movie is rated G but LOL to that. There's blood spurting out of wounds, a lot of cleavage, the sadism, and the overall sexual nature... rather comical.

I'll be back Monday night.