Scorched

Scorched (2003)

Runtime: 94 minutes

Directed by: Gavin Grazer

Starring: Alicia Silverstone, Woody Harrelson, Paulo Costanzo, Rachael Leigh Cook, John Cleese

From: Code Entertainment

Here's a random movie I picked out on Netflix Instant (it's also on Hulu) mainly because it would be my first time seeing any movie with Rachael Leigh Cook in it. Yes, I've never seen She's All That. I am surprised by that as for a long while I thought that she was rather attractive and from what I know a fine actress too. I looked at Blockbuster and I couldn't find any of her films there so it was off to Netflix Instant I went and even for someone who has done independent movies for a few years now only some of her flicks are on that service. I picked out this one as it sounded the most interesting to me and plus the cast is pretty nice. Even though she has a supporting role here (and a rather short haircut) she was still entertaining in her role.

The plot is quirky but then again this is a quirky sort of comedy... no, not the same way that a Zooey Deschanel project is... this is better than that!

But yes, the plot... three different people come up with ways to rob the bank that they all work at... all independent of each other and stealing three different spots in the bank. “Woods” Valley (Harrelson) is a rather odd dude who has a pet duck and has it out for infomercial king Charles Merchant (Cleese), who happens to have a safe deposit box at the bank that contains a lot of cash. Stu (Costanzo; he was the curly-haired guy in Road Trip) and an annoying pal decide to steal from a safe in order to bet on roulette in Las Vegas. Sheila (Silverstone) has a boyfriend who is the manager of the bank. They get in a squabble so as revenge she decides to rob the ATM machines in order to get the sleazy boyfriend fired. The punk D&D-playing Shmally (Cook) and her stoner pal also figure into things as the movie starts off at the end and then it switches between the different characters throughout as you see how things ended up the way they did.

Like I said this is quirky, and that also describes some of the music you hear throughout. But while it's not always hilarious it's still amusing to watch and there's a hodgepodge of things (including the weirdness of Woody's character... I presume that in real life Harrelson DOES own a pet duck and lives in a strange desert home! Then there's slapstick, ethical drama over one character stealing the money, a crazy little dog, a house getting egged, etc.) so I definitely wasn't bored by it. While I wouldn't say this was awesome it was still a pleasant-enough time and there were some solid laughs. At least it was something out of the norm and it didn't do anything to get me mad at it.

Plus, I imagine this is the only movie that you'll get to see John Cleese wearing a kimono and headband and wield a shotgun... at the same time! It is as great as it sounds.

I'll be back Friday night.

Happy Memorial Day

Unfortunately, this evening I dozed off for awhile when I was going to use that time to watch something (hey, Friday and Saturday nights were pretty lively for me) so instead of a review, I'll wish everyone a Happy Memorial Day and as I haven't really done too many war movies in general I'll mention that you can re-read my short take on The Longest Day, which is a pretty awesome film and a nice thing to think about on this day.

I'll actually have more time on Monday and Tuesday to watch at least one film so for sure I'll have something posted on Tuesday night before midnight unless something really major happens with me.

Bloody Birthday

Bloody Birthday (1981)

Runtime: 85 minutes

Directed by: Ed Hunt

Starring: Lori Lethin, Julie Brown (yeah, not Downtown Julie Brown, but the valley girl one who was in movies like Earth Girls are Easy), Billy Jayne, Elizabeth Hoy, Andy Freeman

From: Judica Productions

If I would have been thinking, this would have been the perfect review to do this past Sunday, as the important plot point of this motion picture revolves around a solar eclipse. But as I'm sure that annular eclipse is still in your mind, it is still OK to do this review now.

This happens to be an entry in the Killer Kids genre. I've only seen a few films relating to that but they've been rather entertaining and well-done. After all, my first-ever review on here was Orphan, and there's also the quality 2008 film The Children.

This, while definitely not as good as those two movies, is still entertaining in its low-budget ways and it's also interesting to see some old stars in it (like Susan Strasberg and Jose Ferrer) along with people that became more famous later, like Brown and even Michael Dudikoff, who has a brief role as Julie's boyfriend.

The plot is pretty goofy but what can you do... three babies are born at practically the same time in a small California town; the births also happen to take place right as a solar eclipse is taking place. This is later explained as meaning that Saturn is blocked while they were born, meaning they have no conscious. Really. Don't get me started on astrology and how it's all nonsense. But, if you can ignore that and go with the story, then it's OK, I suppose. Anyhow, the kids apparently decided to be evil bastards shortly before their 10^th birthdays, and they start killing people and create problems for 18 year old Joyce and her little brother Timmy in particular.

Like I said, the movie's noticeably low-budget and you'll notice if you watch it on Netflix Instant and hear the audio and the near-constant hissing. But hey, even though this technically isn't good it is still entertaining and wildly so at times, and while some of the kills are standard, the others are a little different from the norm and there are actually some setpieces that were creative, at least in idea. The acting wasn't atrocious so that was good, and Joyce and Timmy are pretty likeable, and that was also a bonus.

Speaking of bonuses, the best/funniest scene in the movie; there's actually a nude scene involving Julie Brown, and she doesn't look bad sans clothing! But that's not the great part; the great part is that her character's little sister is the girl of the evil trio and she has a peephole into her room so the evil boys are able to watch her dancing around sans clothing and change into new clothing. Yep, dancing around to music and changing clothes, only in 80's horror films... and the song being played is a totally generic and yet awesome pop-rock ditty from some random no-name named John G. Jones. I wish that entire song was on YouTube, but alas... oh, and in her room are some dope posters for Debbie Harry, Van Halen, Ted Nugent, Roger Daltry, and... for some reason, Erik Estrada.

So, if you enjoy the genre and want to see a wacky but still acceptable example of that, check this out. You definitely get to see the little brats do some really evil things, if that's what you enjoy seeing. I'll be back Sunday night.

Trespass

Trespass (1992)

Runtime: 101 minutes

Directed by: Walter Hill

Starring: Bill Paxton, William Sadler, Ice-T, Ice Cube, Art Evans

From: Universal

I apologize for getting this up so late (and yeah, that's what she said) but I started movie-watching on Netflix late and then after I finished watching this I got wrapped up with a few things online. Finally I had some free time to write about this movie, which I had actually seen once before but it was recorded off of a random cable channel so it was edited for TV and it just wasn't the same as watching it in its original form, which I was finally able to do here.

I'll steal the description of the film from part of the synopsis on IMDb: Two Arkansas firemen, Vince and Don, get hold of a map that leads to a cache of stolen gold in an abandoned factory in East St. Louis. What they don't know is that the factory is in the turf of a local gang, who come by to execute one of their enemies.

There's a lot more but of course I wouldn't want to give it away. Just know that the two white firemen (Paxton and Sadler) have to deal with a gang, led by T, and much of the movie is set in the abandoned factory. Yet, it doesn't seem small at all. The factory is pretty big and there's a lot going on. There's arguing between the two sides and also amongst the members of each side. An old homeless guy (Evans) also gets involved and he's hilarious in his comments and actions. You have various bloody shootings (but of course with this being a Walter Hill movie) and also commentary of how the gold affects people in various ways. Believe it or not, the scripts-from Bob Zemeckis and Bob Gale-is a version of the classic film The Treasure of the Sierra Madre.

Anyhow, this is a wildly entertaining motion picture and if you enjoy thrillers where various people are looking for a special item, then you should check this out. The acting is fine all around and you'll likely recognize some members of the all-male cast. There's Argyle from the first Die Hard and also the legendary Tiny Lister. Cube also acts like his old persona of being a Crazy Mother... rather than the staid guy who appears in family pictures and stars in Coors Light ads, including one ironically with Lister.

I'll be back Thursday night and I'll try to be more punctual.

Best Worst Movie

Best Worst Movie (2009)

Runtime: 93 minutes

Directed by: Michael Stephenson

Starring: This is a documentary; you'll see the cast and crew of the infamous movie Troll 2

From: Magic Stone Productions

Here's a movie I've wanted to see since it played at the Florida Film Festival in 2010 and I wasn't able to see it there due to circumstances beyond my control. Before I get to talking about that, I have to talk about Troll and Troll 2.

The first Troll was released in 1986 and put out by Empire Pictures. It's a wacky tale about a troll king who invades an apartment complex to try and return to his human form, and it involves a young boy who has to try and fight off the troll, often using magic. It's goofy and yet inoffensive and has some famous names in the cast, like June Lockhart, Julia-Louis Dreyfus, and Sonny Bono! But the biggest impact that this movie has had on popular culture is that the young boy is named... Harry Potter! This is long before J.K. Rowling wrote those novels. Hmmm, suspicious, I say.

Troll 2 is a sequel in name only. It is an Italian production that filmed in Utah and used no-name actors and actresses. There was a language barrier and the director may be insane, but there are many reasons why this movie really is as bad as they say. The villains are actually goblins, for example. The full plot can be read on its Wikipage, but in short, a family go to live in another town for the summer and it turns out the entire town is possessed by goblins who want to turn the family into plant/human hybrids so that the goblins could eat them. Yes, the goblins are VEGETARIANS. 

The highlights include the bad acting, the no-money spent on the special effects, all the bizarre scenes, the young kid that's the hero of the story (who was the guy that directed Best Worst Movie) talking to the spirit of his dead grandfather, urinating on the poisoned food so that it can't be eaten, a bologna sandwich figuring into the climax, the town being named Nilbog... yes, it's “troll” spelled backwards! There's so much to say about the movie, but it really deserves its reputation as being all-time terrible.

Like I said, Best Worst Movie is directed by the young kid all grown up and he talks about how the movie was made, the wacky cast involved, and how in some circles it's a big cult favorite. There are some interesting characters involved, as in the actors sometimes having unusual stories to tell. For example, the dad in the film was and still is a dentist and he tried out for a walk-on role and ended up being one of the leads. Another guy was in a mental institution and did it while on a day off from the loony bin. Another person is a creepy cat lady. I don't want to spoil anything else but all those unique people are a big part why this documentary is so entertaining, especially if you've seen Troll 2 before.

I'll be back Tuesday night.

So...

A combination of me not feeling 100 percent the past few days plus me starting to watch a few movies but not liking them at all to the point of not finishing them means that my next review won't be until tomorrow night; it'll be a documentary but it'll be a long take as I have to explain a pair of films before I get to the actual documentary. My apologies but again I can't really help my health.

God Bless America

God Bless America (2011)

65% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 60 reviews)

Runtime: 105 minutes

Directed by: Bobcat Goldthwait

Starring: Joel Muray, Tara Lynne Barr, Aris Alvarado, Dan Spencer

From: Darko Entertainment

You know, this movie more than anything else I can think of, was seemingly written by... me!

On my Blogspot page where I do a weekly update on my life, I often gripe about how American culture/pop culture has really gone down the drain as of late. There's the rise of “reality” TV with repugnant behavior being scripted, garbage on the cable “news” networks (no matter right or left wing), and just a general attitude of being rude and ignorant, not caring how their actions affect others. Well, Bobcat apparently feels the same way as much of what I gripe about appeared in this pitch black comedy/satire/revenge fantasy, which was out on demand last month and has a limited release starting this past Friday.

In short, Joel Murray (yes, Bill's brother) plays Frank Murdoch, a sad lonely middle-aged guy who is divorced, as a horribly bratty 7 year old daughter who lives with her mom, just got fired from his job for BS reasons... oh, and was just diagnosed with a brain tumor. He takes out a gun and is about to kill himself... but then he realizes that there's a bunch of crap on TV (yet another thing I totally agree with) and witnesses such things as a loathsome teenaged girl on a ripoff of My Super Sweet 16, the noxiousness of TMZ (known in this universe as TMI), a take on Bad Girls Club, and an over the top Glenn Beck-a-like, meaning... Glenn Beck. He decides he's better off using that gun on the worst members of American society. Pretty soon in the journey he hooks up (but in a friendship sort of thing, though, a fact the movie makes rather clear) with a cute 16 year old girl, Roxie , who just happens to be rather psychopathic (Barr) and together they rant and rave and do a great job of killing.

Throughout, you get several long monologues, but they're always interesting so I never grew tired of them. You'll see that MANY targets get skewered, from what I mentioned already to rude people in movie theatres, bad parking jobs, crying infants, guys who use “bro” often, Diablo Cody, and so on and so forth. The two leads are quite different in how they act and who they should kill off, but they do agree that certain people should be offed. The focus ends up being on an American Idol-esque show and how they made fun of a young boy (Alvarado) who appears to be mentally handicapped.

While I don't agree with everything in the movie (the rant against George W. Bush wasn't needed, as c'mon now it's 2012) I agree with most of it and this is like Bobcat read my mind and then put my thoughts down on script. What a vicious and blunt (some may say heavy-handed but I don't believe that) movie that is also often quite funny and even charming. What makes the movie are the two lead performances. Murray is great as a quiet guy who snaps and goes on a rampage while Barr is also great as a wild teenager who is more than a little crazy and eggs on Frank to do what they end up doing. If it wasn't for their performances then I would not have enjoyed this as much as I did.

I'll give a warning about this R-rated movie: if what I am about to say turns you off then you might not want to watch this, even though that bit is the most extreme one of the movie for sure... there is a dream sequence right at the start where Frank is upset that right next door to him is an infant that seemingly always bawls and wails. He breaks in, kills the d-bag husband, then the baby gets thrown in the air and SHOT WITH THE SHOTGUN, and you see blood all over and even I went YIKES. Like I said, the rest of the movie isn't as extreme as that.

I'll be surprised if by the end of this year the top two movies I saw this year weren't The Raid: Redemption and then God Bless America (this movie was first released at a festival last fall but it wasn't more widespread until earlier this year). Yep, that is how much I enjoyed this motion picture, and not just because I believe so much of what was said. It's the type of film that I wish more would see, especially those individuals who need to listen to the message so that one of these days this country would rise back up from the cultural depths we have sunk to.

I'll be back Saturday afternoon.

World's Greatest Dad

World's Greatest Dad (2009)

89% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 115 reviews)

Runtime: 99 minutes

Directed by: Bobcat Goldthwait (yes, him)

Starring: Robin Williams, Daryl Sabara, Alexis Gilmore, Geoff Pierson

From: Darko Entertainment

Would you believe that the guy who is probably best known as Zed from some Police Academy movies and having a wacky movie persona and once lit Jay Leno's couch on fire on The Tonight Show 20 years ago is now a renowned independent director? It's surprising to me too but I had never seen any of the movies he has directed yet, until I decided to go see his new movie, God Bless America, a film that I swear wasn't written by me but it might as well have. I actually will watch that Wednesday night and I'll do a review on that the night after, but I first should watch the big movie he did before God Bless America. As it was on Netflix, it was perfect for me to watch it tonight.

I don't want to give too much away with the plot as a big thing with this real dark comedy/drama film is that you shouldn't go into it with too many conceptions as to what you think it's about as there are various surprises along the way. I'll try to be brief, though: Williams plays Lance, a poetry teacher at a high school who tries to be a published writer but has no luck with that. His life is mostly crappy: his son is a 15 year old terror (Sabara, i.e. one of the Spy Kids but this character is a 180 from that), his class isn't popular, he has a much younger galpal but their relationship is secret and the girl (Gilmore) doesn't seem to always reciprocate the love. He is a weak sort who gets walked over, in other words.

THEN, something major happens in the film. Without spoiling things, it really changes things and through that Bobcat says a lot of things about such topics as hero worshipping, being true to yourself, how dumb teenagers act in general, and dealing with grief.

In what may surprise people, Robin Williams delivers a legit great performance that is far and away from his usual manic persona; instead it's subdued and mature and he is able to deliver while expressing a multitude of emotions and he also says a lot when he doesn't say anything at all, if you get what I'm saying. Sabara also does a great job in playing the worst kind of disrespectful rude awful teenager. You'll definitely hate the character but in the right way.

If you can watch a challenging movie that goes some dark places and presents uncomfortable situations and yet is funny in delivering dark humor, then this is a must-see.

Like I said I'll be back Thursday night.

Safe

Safe (2012)

54% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 90 reviews)

Runtime: 94 minutes

Directed by: Boaz Yakin

Starring: Jason Statham, Catherine Chan, Robert John Burke, James Hong

From: Lionsgate

Here is something I finally saw last night after hearing a few weeks of strong praise and it turns out the praise was pretty much right. For whatever reasons this movie was originally going to come out in the fall of last year but was pushed back to April, where it hasn't done so well at the box office; that's unfortunate.

You probably know the plot by now but I'll still copy and paste from the IMDb: “Mei, a young girl whose memory holds a priceless numerical code, finds herself pursued by the Triads, the Russian mob, and corrupt NYC cops. Coming to her aid is an ex-cage fighter whose life was destroyed by the gangsters on Mei's trail.”

Admittedly, the plot is on the goofy side. The Triads find a really smart girl in China and steal her and use the 11 year old to store important numerical information as it's safer to store than using a computer. That's not taking into account some of the other stuff, which I won't spoil. However, it was definitely more complex than I was expecting; the various sides who are looking for the girl are all intertwined together and it's not as simple as you might think.

As for my take, early on I wasn't sure about it; some parts of the setup I didn't really care for, to be honest. However, once things got going I didn't do too much complaining. That is how exciting and well-done the action is. It is filmed in a nice way and is thrilling to watch. That made my earlier complaints vanish and when the movie ends as well as this did (the larger than expected audience seemed to enjoy it overall, but they really enjoyed the big moment) it also helps erase those memories.

I heard some people compare this movie to one of Steven Seagal's films; that is not inaccurate. I won't spoil anything but in general tone and style and how the fights go, I agree with the comparison. And that's not just because there is a moment where one guy's groin gets punished rather harshly and another person gets a limb broken. And I'm talking about the Seagal of old rather than the fat guy we've gotten the past 10 years or so who appears in direct to DVD schlock that is mainly poor, muddled, and has unsatisfying action.

The acting is fine for what it is; the little girl is tolerable for a little girl character. And James Hong doesn't look too much different from when he played Lo Pan a quarter of a century ago; maybe he found the fountain of youth.

If you enjoy the genre then this is definitely worth seeing one of these days, even if it's just on DVD/Blu-Ray. I'll be back Tuesday night.

The Burning

The Burning (1981)

Runtime: 91 minutes

Directed by: Tony Maylam

Starring: Brian Matthews, Leah Ayres, Brian Backer, Larry Joshua

From: Miramax (their first big hit)

Here is a movie on Netflix that I've actually seen before but that was a long time ago so it merited a rewatch. And yes this is a return to me watching and talking about horror films, as this is a slasher flick set a summer camp but allegedly it was written BEFORE Friday the 13^th. No matter the case you'll be reminded of that movie while watching this, as you can't help but do that.

The plot is simple yet effective: Five years ago, some kids at a summer camp get mad at the odd-looking caretaker, known as Cropsey; that's a name which is infamous in the Northeast as it's been a part of varous urban legends. Anyhow, they do a prank where they find a skull with worms and maggots all over it and stick it in his room and wake him up. Oh, and it's lit with candles and there just happens to be a canister of gas nearby... yep, Cropsey gets lit on fire. He ends up in a burn ward for five years before getting released. He goes back to the camp, this time sporting garden shears, and unleashes a lot of mayhem.

The most notable thing about this motion picture is that it was the debut movie for THREE names that became much more famous later on: Jason Alexander, Fisher Stevens, and Holly Hunter. Holly only appears briefly but the two guys have more substantial roles. It's certainly rare for a film to have that sort of distinction, especially a genre movie like this; then again many people do get their start in cheap horror/sci-fi flicks. And this certainly isn't a horrible way to start off your career.

This is the standard slasher from the 80's. You know, there's nudity from both the girls and the boys. There's juvenile humor, feuding between some of the characters, romance, etc. It's what you expect in a typical Friday the 13^th movie, pretty much. But it doesn't really have too much in common with the second Friday movie, which came out the same year. Two assets are that the score is an electronic thing from Rick Wakeman (yes, the former keyboardist for the band Yes) and Tom Savini did the special effects, meaning you do get impressive gore.

Despite what the DVD and Netflix tells you, this version of the film is the original unrated cut and not the cut that had to be haphazardly edited to get an R rating. Thus you see all the carnage, especially in a scene that has become known as the Raft Massacre Scene. Once you see the movie you'll know what I'm talking about. It's something that'll be quite hard for me to forget. It's not until far in the movie that you really get to see what the villain looks like, and it's quite the (melted) sight.

This is an entertaining slasher that is never boring and the characters are at least fine to watch and aren't grating. That and what I've mentiond already makes this worth watching if you enjoy the genre.

I'll be back Sunday night, even though I don't plan on doing something that is related to Mother's Day.

Rulers of the City

Rulers of the City (I Padroni Della Cita) (1976)

Runtime: 95 minutes

Directed by: Fernando Di Leo

Starring: Harry Baer, Al Cliver, Jack Palance, Vittorio Caprioli

From: Cineproduzioni Daunia 70

Here's another Italian movie from the 70's that I watched courtesy of Netflix Instant Streaming. The big reason why I picked this out was that it starred Jack Palance but I still wasn't sure about it so I saw the first scene, which was a surreal thing but eventually I figured out what was going on and it ended with Jack bitch-slapping a boy who looked to be about 12 and knocking him unconscious; after that, it went to the top of my queue and I watched it in full tonight.

The plot: Tony (Baer) works for the Mob but isn't that high on t e totem pole. He collects debts from debtors who haven't paid their protection fee. He and another guy (Cliver) tick off Scarface Manzari (Palance), a rival gangster and a big bad guy. Those two guys do battle with Scarface and other people get involved too, including the most memorable character of the entire movie, the old and old-school gangster known as Napoli... who happens to be flamboyantly gay! Hey, he always wears and ascot and just from the way he acts, it's obvious.

After watching it this evening, here are the highlights of something I thought was great entertainment:

Concerning Tony, he's obsessed with Brazil. He wears a shirt that says Brasil on it and the cartoon image under those words... I have no idea why it's of a black and white cat fishing on a red sailboat, but I would SO wear that shirt. He also drives around a Brazilian car, the Puma GT, converted to a dune buggy.

The only woman character who really gets any time is a dame named Clara who happens to be a whore. Someone accuses her of being a whore and sleeping with a few of them. She actually admits to being a whore, but says that none of them satisfied her!

Early on, Tony fights a few guys and wins. The fighting itself wasn't too spectacular. But what made it was that some little kids were watching, and once he won... they cheer and applaud.

There is a guy who looks a LOT like either Bud Spencer or Ricky Jay, but is neither of them. I'll go with Ricky Jay as he's a card dealer. It's just a brief appearance.

There's another guy who looks like former football coach Dave Wannstedt. This made me laugh as Wannstedt used to coach my favorite team, the Chicago Bears.

Overall, this is a wildly entertaining crime drama that happens to have its fair share of humor too; there's also some homoeroticism and I'm not talking about Napoli here. Anyhow, the story is always entertaining and the  action is usually fine or better. It's an hour and a half that goes by rather quickly. I am so glad I picked this out at random.

I'll be back Friday night.

The Big Score

The Big Score (1983)

Runtime: 85 minutes


Directed by: Fred Williamson


Starring: Fred Williamson, Nancy Wilson (the jazz singer, not the girl from Heart), John Saxon, Richard Roundtree


From: Empire Pictures

Here is something else I found via Netflix; but, I've known about this for awhile. This script was apparently prepared for a Dirty Harry film but it did not happen. Instead it went here and I hope the script wasn't a carbon copy of what was filmed here, because...

But anyhow, what caught my eye was that there was a whole slew of famous B-movie actors from the time period here. Besides who I mentioned already, there's Ed Lauter, a guy who looks so much like Henry Silva that it might as well have been him, Chelsie Ross, D'Urville Martin (from some blaxploitation films of old), Bruce Glover-yep, Crispin's dad-and even Joe Spinell.

The plot is that Fred, John, and Sha.. I mean Richard are all cops working the narcotic beat. They find out about a drug bust and they stop it, but at least a million bucks gets lost and the cops are accused of taking it for themselves. They have to find it while also having to deal with the bad guys (Spinell and Glover and some others) getting revenge and wanting their money back.

Sad to say the premise and the awesome cast are much more than the actual story. A big problem is that the money ends up hidden and it's in what should be an obvious spot but multiple characters never think of looking there. It's just insulting to your intelligence. Then the ending... something was teased earlier which would have resulted in something awesome if it did happen but of course it didn't and instead you get something that is just badly filmed and unsatisfying in multiple ways.

Really, the big draws here are the cast and how there are some wacky/odd moments. To list some examples:

* Williamson uses his ex-wife Wilson as a booty call. Really. You also get to hear her sing in a jazz club, and another scene at the club has a cameo appearance from legendary jazz musician Ramsey Lewis.

* Animals get killed in order to get people mad. Don't let PETA watch this.

* A big fat black man plays a jolly character named Cheech. He was awesome due to how wacky he was. He drinks hooch out of an old paint can, after all.

* The action is alright. But, some people do get literally blown up. Dynamite is used and it's detonated by... it being connected to a wire and someone has to push down a plunger that's on a box labeled "dynamite" to set it off. Yes, like a damn Looney Tunes cartoon!

* One character gets killed and we later are told and not shown (thankfully) that a certain part of his anatomy was cut off and shoved in his mouth. Yikes. I was quite shocked when I heard that bit of dialogue.

So, if you do watch this watch it for comedy reasons rather than this being an undiscovered gem in the action field.

I'll be back tomorrow night.

Caliber 9

Caliber 9 (Milano Calibro 9) (1972)

Runtime: 101 minutes

Directed by: Fernando Di Leo

Starring: Gastone Moschin, Mario Adorf, Barbara Bouchet, Frank Wolff

From: Cineproduzioni Daunia 70

First things first, I have to mention that a few days ago I took advantage of something on my laptop and for the next few months I am a free member of Netflix so I'll be using that service to watch various films via Netflix Instant Streaming. This was the first one I picked out, as I heard about it on a forum. It's a famous example in the poliziotteschi genre; it was popular in Italy in the late 60's and 70's and it deals with such things as the police, corruption, the mob, antiheroes, violence, being a vigilante, and so on and so forth.

The plot of this film is simple yet effective; a gangster just out of prison after serving a 3 year term (Moschin; not that I watch the show but I was told that he looks like Dean Norris of Breaking Bad fame) is believed by both his mobster buddies and the police that he has 300,000 bucks hidden which belong to an American drug syndicate boss, despite his strong protests that he doesn't have the dough. Along the way you see him meet up with his buddies and his lovely galpal Nelly (Bouchet); youalso you get to know his enemies, especially the crazy and menacing Rocco (Adorf, looking like a darker haired and tanned and unibrowed and mustached Jay Leno!). I don't want to give away too much but not everything is as it first appears...

This is one of those slow-burn movies which is never boring. Time is spent with all sides and you get to know them; for example, the police don't always agree on how to do things. When you do get violence it is memorable and it is pretty violent. Why I enjoyed the movie was that it was always interesting and I enjoyed the Milan setting; the characters were also memorable, especially Rocco. If you're not hooked on the movie after you see the awesome opening 5 minutes, where you get to see just how vicious the mob can be if things don't go their way, then the movie is just not for you. Besides, this is the only movie out there where the lead argues with a police commissioner and the commish tells him, in reference to his hot girlfriend, “Go ahead and leave and hang out with her and play with her dangling dingleberries!” Apparently there are multiple meanings to the world dingleberry.

I know I'll be checking out some more poliziotteschi films.

I'll be back Tuesday afternoon.

Robowar

Robowar (Robot da guerra) (1989)

Runtime: 92 minutes

Directed by: Bruno Mattei

Starring: Reb Brown, Massimo Vanni, Claudio Fragosso, Catherine Hickland

From: Flora Film

Here is what I was finally able to watch in full earlier tonight after finding out about it last week and skimming through it; someone I know on Facebook mentioned seeing this random Italian action movie filmed in the Philippines and mentioning that it was a so bad it's good mish-mash of such things as Predator (especially), Robocop, Aliens, and some other things. I was blown away by what little I saw so I had to watch it in full.

By the way, I found the full movie here on Youtube:

Here are the highlights:

* The villain is a robot out of control which attacks the U.S. Army in a tropical location; it looks like the Wraith and sounds like Stephen Hawking's computer voice mixed with Cornholio and Max Headroom!

* Reb Brown plays the hero, a guy named Murphy Black. I can't help but think “Murphy Brown”, which doesn't help his cause in me taking him seriously. He's the guy who starred in such classics as Yor: The Hunter from the Future and Space Mutiny.

* His gang (known as BAM; it stands for Big Ass Mother... well, you know) that gets sent to stop the robot include a bearded guy who looks like a fusion jazz bassist from the 70's; in other words, not that threatening and yet he's supposed to be a soldier. Another guy looks like a bearded Hart Bochner a la when he played Ellis in Die Hard; his nicknames are Diddy and Diddy Bop! There are some other dudes too.

* They go via boat to an island. The boat is called African Queen II. I swear this is true. Diddy is listening to bad 80's metal on his boombox and moving around to the music. Another member of the team-Peel-says, “F*****' Diddy, quit moving around like you're jerkin' off!” He and another guy then start smoking weed! Remember, they're the heroes. Peel then tells the two, “Drug addicts and fags... I bet they got AIDS too”! YIKES. Talk about a scene that you can only get in the 80's. It's horrificially politcally incorrect in 2012, to say the very least.

* One of the gang tells another... “Move along, you walk like a ruptured duck!” I don't even quite know what that means.

* Reb knocks down an enemy soldier during a sequence where the BAM lay waste to an entire village. After the guy gets knocked down, he then gets kicked HARD right in the balls.

* The soundtrack is a real mix but it is filled with both synth drums and wailing guitar; it is SO 80's.

* The Wraith uses laser blasts as his main weapon; they look rather fake.

There's more but I don't want this to be too lengthy. This is a terrible film but at least funnily terrible.

I'll be back Sunday afternoon with a new review.