A Night With Burt Reynolds & Smokey and the Bandit

Smokey and the Bandit (1977)

Runtime: 96 minutes

Directed by: Hal Needham

Starring: Burt Reynolds, Sally Field, Jerry Reed, Jackie Gleason

From: Universal

Now, here’s a 70’s film I’ve seen many times before throughout the years, but never on the big screen, and never quite like this.

Turner Classic Movies this month has done a deal where they go to 10 different cities and with a free pass printed out online, you can watch a classic movie on the big screen with an actor from the movie getting interviewed by a TCM host. The other 9 cities got more prestigious pictures, but Tampa got this movie (fitting, really) and the special guest star was Burt Reynolds. As it was being held in the Tampa Theatre-a joint I never visited before but I knew was huge-I figured there would be a lot of people willing to see Burt and the film live. I was correct.

I got there 2 hours before they started letting people in, and as I figured there was already a good-sized line. Overall, in a building that I hear has almost1,500 seats, many of them were filled. Some people got there in the late morning to wait in line! Me waiting for 2 hours to get in doesn’t seem so bad in comparison. There were many hardcore fans there.. to the point that people dressed as The Bandit and some ladies wore wedding veils. LARP’ing at this movie!

You can get a recap of what happened by reading this article, but I’ll try to be brief. Burt didn’t live up to his alleged reputation of not being the nicest person. He was on his best behavior here during the interview, and he got a great reception from the audience. They also loved the movie, laughing at all the funny moments/dialogue and cheering on the action. It was definitely a great way to see this flick.

The movie is not high art by any means (you don’t want to spend too much time thinking logically about the plot) but it’s definitely crowd-pleasing and you enjoy all of the characters, so that’s why it’s so beloved and was only out-grossed in ’77 by a little film called Star Wars. It’s a simple tale where The Bandit and Snowman have to go from Georgia to Texarkana, Texas and back to pick up a crapload of Coors Beer (back when Coors wasn’t sold out East); The Bandit finds a runaway bride, so the father of the groom, the gruff good old boy Buford T. Justice (Gleason, in a great performance) goes after him. I’m sure you know the rest, as I presume most people have seen this already. If not, check it out.

As Burt himself noted at the screening, it was good clean fun as while cops crash their cars, none of them ever got hurt. So, you can’t hate the movie; it’s just a lot of fun. The second and third movies, though… feel free to hate those crap films.

I’ll be back on Friday night, but that’s no April Fool’s joke.

Taxi Driver

Taxi Driver (1976)

Runtime: 113 minutes

Directed by: Of course, Martin Scorsese

Starring: Robert De Niro, Albert Brooks, Cybill Shepherd, Jodie Foster

From: Columbia

Here’s the first of a two-part deal where I was fortunate to watch a pair of famous 70’s films on the big screen. I watched this on Tuesday night; AMC Theatres showed it on that night and Saturday night at various locations across the country. I went to Altamonte Springs to check it out. Believe it or not, I had never seen this movie before aside from some brief moments.

I’ll admit something right off the bat: I know it’ll be considered blasphemous to many, but I’ve only seen a few of Scorsese’s movies, and while I rank very highly Casino and especially Goodfellas, Mean Streets did nothing for me at all and Raging Bull just left me cold. As for this movie…

I’m sure you know the general plot but to be brief, the movie is about Vietnam War vet Travis Bickle (De Niro, delivering a tremendous performance) who lives in New York City. He’s an insomniac so he decides to work for a taxi company at nights, and he runs into a wide variety of (usually) seedy people. He gets disgusted with those types. He also meets up with Betsy (Shepherd) and a young child prostitute, Iris (Foster), who has Harvey Keitel as a pimp… and oh, what a pimp he is. He sports long black hair and dresses in ridiculous 70’s clothing. His role is small but it took a lot of effort to me not to laugh at his appearance. Anyhow, it all builds up to when Bickle snaps and he loses control and goes on a rampage.

As for what I liked about the movie, there’s the performances. As I already mentioned, Robert does a great job as Travis. You can clearly see him slowly but surely snap. The other cast members also do a commendable job. The setting of a run-down New York City is done well. There’s enough tension, the score works well with the film, and there are some very memorable shots, and I’m talking about with the cinematography, and not with Bickle shooting firearms.

However, with that said, I can’t say I ended up really liking the film in the end. The plot was just structured weird for me, and it seemed to meander at times. I didn’t really need to see an ultra-annoying Scorsese have a small role in the movie as a guy who wants to kill his wife for cheating on him, for example. But, it’s the final 20 or so minutes that really turned me off.

I don’t like to go spoiler-heavy here, but in this case I have to. A lot of time is spent building up Bickle snapping and going on a rampage. So he does one day. He shaves his hair into a Mohawk (because it looks cool, I guess) and he tries to assassinate the presidential candidate Betsy works for. Why… because Betsy ended up turning him down due to his poor way with the ladies? I suppose so. Travis fails in a spectacular manner but he’s able to get away without getting spotted. He then goes after the people responsible for Iris being a child prostitute. That’s definitely violent and all (so much so that Marty had to desaturate the film so that all the blood wasn’t so bright, or some such thing to allow it not to be cut; it’s definitely graphic, but the look of those moments is just distracting as the film then looks so different from the rest) but then I was stunned when he wasn’t killed by the cops that showed up, but instead survives and shows up again with a head full of hair and he has a happy meeting with Betsy. What?

Yeah, I know after the fact that there have been several interpretations of the final moments, including it was a dream… that said, how the final 20 minutes turned out and the odd plotting didn’t light my world on fire, to say the least. I’d rather stick with Goodfellas or Casino than watch this again. At least those movies didn’t have what look to be a manufactured and contrived “happy ending” to a downbeat story.

I’ll be back Saturday afternoon with a special recap/review of the night I had in Tampa on Wednesday.

The Children

The Children (2008)

Runtime: 85 minutes

Directed by: Tom Shankland

Starring: Eva Birthistle, Stephen Campbell Moore, Jeremy Sheffield, Rachel Shelley, Hannah Tointon

From: Protagonist Pictures

Here’s another movie released by Ghost House Underground in the United States, but this one was made in the good old United Kingdom. It is one of those “killer kids” film a la Orphan, the first movie I reviewed here and I really dug that.

Like with that aforementioned film, this is set in a snowy setting out in the woods. In this case, it’s a middle of nowhere place somewhere in England. One family joins up with another out at their house (the two moms are sisters) and there’s a whole menagerie of kids, including a teenage girl-Casey-who is made up to look like Amber Tamblyn (not a bad thing, I say) and dresses up like Avril Lavigne. She’s the moody teenager type. Both sets of parents are rich stuck-up types who don’t have much in the way of street sense. That causes problems when the young kids start getting sick and then… the fit hits the shan, so to speak. The children turn evil; no explanation is given for what’s going on, which makes it all the creepier. It turns out that Casey is the only sane one of the bunch, so not only does she have to deal with kids that are out of control, but also their panicked parents.

I managed to hear of Hannah Tointon before, despite being a dumb American. Some photos of her were posted on a messageboard I sometimes frequent. If you look her up, she’s rather attractive, to say the least. Even in this movie, made up to be Goth, she’s easy on the eyes, in my opinion. But, that has nothing to do with me saying that she delivered a quality performance here in a tough role as someone who gets yelled at and gets some emotional AND physical abuse. She did a nice job in carrying the film.

It is a movie that does a great job in the delicate balance between being very suspenseful and tense and also showing off some gore; what gore you see is pretty graphic and it’s effective. But, it’s mainly about the suspense and it’s tense for most of its runtime. I found it to be pretty creepy that the kids did what they did, and the parents couldn't deal with the situation. I think it's a horror movie worth tracking down.

I'll be back Thursday night with a review of a classic 70's movie that's playing on the big screen, and it's something people will likely be shocked that I haven't seen yet.

Strangers on a Train

Strangers on a Train (1951)

Runtime: 101 minutes

Directed by: Alfred Hitchcock (but of course)

Starring: Farley Granger, Robert Walker, Ruth Roman, Leo G. Carroll, Patricia Hitchcock

From: Warner Brothers

I figured it was about time to review a classic film*, and as I recently reviewed what I deemed to be a Hitchcockian film, why not go and see a film from The Master himself? Via TCM airing it late Monday night, I got to see this again. I’ve only seen it once, way back in like 2003, on a VHS tape, which I rented from a videostore in Normal, Illinois, back when I used to go to college down there. I only remembered bits and pieces of it, so this viewing was almost brand new for me.

* As I've seen my share of mediocre or worse movies as of late, that's for damn sure.

The basic plot is that a rich socialite type (no, not Paris Hilton; instead, it’s Bruno, played by Walker) meets up with an up and coming tennis player who hopes to be a politician eventually, Guy Haines (Granger). The socialite is more than a little nutty, and he knows about Guy’s personal life due to the newspapers. Guy has a girlfriend who’s the daughter of a politician. Problem is, Guy is already married to a shrewish woman named Miriam, who is also pregnant, but not with his child. Bruno also has the dilemma of having a father who he does not get along with at all. So, Bruno comes up with a scheme where they criss-cross and they kill each other’s arch-enemy, so that they’d get away Scott-free. Guy doesn’t agree to it but Bruno thinks he does, so he strangles old Miriam.

From there… I won’t give it away, but it’s a great yarn that is a lot of fun while at the same time being real suspenseful. Some of the shots are classic. And, I certainly did remember the ending from the time I saw it in college. It’s pretty hard to forget. There’s a legit extremely dangerous stunt that was done (it’s no trick photography) and I certainly remembered that.

What makes the movie go is that Walker played a great loony yet menacing figure. It’s a classic performance. I also enjoyed the director’s daughter Patricia as Barbara, the mousy other daughter of the senator. She was pretty entertaining at times with her brashness. But, I also have to give props to Hitch for the way it was shot and how suspense was garnered out of such things as the length of a tennis match Guy is involved with. It’s great entertainment and I’m glad I got to see it again.

Note that I haven’t seen any of the later variations on this story, even Throw Momma from the Train. Maybe I will one day, though.

I do know that I'll be back on Sunday night the 20th with a new review.

Yet Another Night Of Randomness

I’ll quickly mention two films I saw recently and also plug a store to get cheap movies that I hadn’t even heard of before until a few weeks ago. It will stand in for my usual review of a film.

First, MovieStop. It’s related to GameStop. There, they have a huge variety of DVD’s and Blu-Rays available, both new and used. In the past few weeks I’ve gotten a decent number of DVD’s there, including stuff hard to find for purchase anywhere else, like the Briana Evigan-starring Burning Bright, and even something long out of print, which is the original 1998 Criterion DVD version of Akira Kurosawa’s Seven Samurai. Sure, it was released again in later years, but to stumble upon something that was out of print for years and I only had to pay a little less than 20 dollars for it… what a hell of a steal.

The first movie I saw recently was (500) Days of Summer. Yes, I did rent it because I knew that Minka Kelly had a brief role in it, and the movie seemed to be highly rated. Well, I couldn’t even finish it! It was a “quirky indy comedy”, and I’m rarely a fan of those. That’s why I’ve never seen Garden State. When real early on I see the main guy demonstrate that he’s in a bad mood by slowly breaking the dishes in his kitchen… no, just no. Sure, some interesting ideas were there in the way it was presented (except for the fact that the chronology was jumbled… because Tarantino did it first, I guess) or that it was filled with music I didn’t care about (because Tarantino did it first, I guess… although with him I usually like the music he picks), but overall I did not like a lot of what I saw at all. I did end up seeing the last scene, as I had it accidentally spoiled awhile back; plus, I got to see who I wanted to see. Yep, she looked nice but even that made me mad, as she revealed what her name was… not to give anything away, but the movie has the title it does as the lead guy dates a girl named Summer for 500 days. Well, Ms. Kelly’s character’s name is Autumn! What an insult. If you want a quirky romantic comedy with odd touches with it that’s actually good, stick with Annie Hall.

The second movie I saw recently was The Thaw. Basically, it was similar in a few ways to The Thing, except that, you know, The Thing is actually good… no wait, it’s a great film. This, however, instead ended up being a preachy film (that can be a problem) about global warming (that’s always a problem with me, personally) where characters end up doing really stupid things just because the script told them to do so when a few words could have solved some of their problems. Mainly, I saw it not because I wanted to see Val Kilmer sleepwalk through another role but rather because the girl I’ll probably always refer to as Becca from Superbad (i.e. Martha Macisaac) was in it too. Sure, it has some decent moments and a male character apparently got infected in his Johnson, but otherwise this is not a film you should ever check out; just stupid with The Thing instead.

I’ll be back Wednesday and this time it’ll be an actual review, and it’ll likely be of an actual classic film.

The Roommate

The Roommate (2011)

5% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 55 reviews)

Runtime: 91 minutes

Directed by: Christian E. Christiansen

Starring: Minka Kelly, Leighton Meester, Cam Gigandet, Billy Zane

From: Screen Gems

Yep, I went and saw a movie to gawk at some pretty girls on the big screen.

I’ve heard about this movie for a few years now, way back to the point that the two lovely leads were signed for the movie; they were selected as hey, many people have said they look awfully a lot like each other, which is true. You can also say the same about the comparison between this movie and Single White Female. I’ve never seen that flick, but I generally know what it’s about, and it sounds awfully similar to this movie… except that this movie is PG-13. Go figure.

I knew going in that the movie got some pretty bad reviews. That’s why I didn’t go see it at first, even though I find both of the leads to be rather easy on the eyes, especially Minka Kelly. In terms of celebrities and looks, I think she ranks right at the top for me. I haven’t really seen her act, but with those looks… my heart is a-flutter with looking at pictures of her on the Internet and elsewhere. The fact that she doesn’t come off as a fame whore (to put it bluntly) and doesn’t end up in the tabloids like Britney or Lindsay or Paris or the Kardashians is a big plus. And, she doesn’t seem to have a bad personality either or act stupid/ignorant. Sounds like the perfect lady for me! But, I have a feeling she’ll stick with baseball star Derek Jeter instead.

Anyhow, the movie is about Midwestern girl Sara (Kelly) moving out to LA for college. Her roommate ends up being local girl Rebecca (Meester). At first things seem fine; but, then Rebecca seems awfully clingy… and then odd things begin to happen. Sara mentions some things to Rebecca that are bothering her, such as an ex-boyfriend who keeps on calling her, or a fashion class professor (Zane, who looks like pro wrestler/Olympian Kurt Angle after about a 3 day bender) who flirts and then kisses Sara. Rebecca decides to get revenge, but in a hilarious way; at least I found it to be hilarious. Sara leaves her phone in the room one night and Rebecca answers when he calls. She plays along, pretending to be her roommate (and he’s too dumb to know the difference) and “her hands go down South”, to state it in a clean manner. She then tells him never to call back. She sets up Billy Zane in a compromising position in order to get him fired and he ends up getting kneed in the groin. Poor Billy Zane. However, Rebecca is just plain crazy and more demented than just someone who goes to extremes to help out a pal.

The movie is just not that good at all. It seems like it was edited with a chainsaw (especially during the final half hour or so) and things are brought up and dropped. I wonder if there were reshoots involved. It seemed like that was the case on a few occasions. I also wondered about a few glaring plot holes. For example, there’s a subplot involving a cute little animal. Not to give more away than I have already, but Rebecca puts the cute animal into the dryer at what I presume was the dorm’s laundry room. According to that movie, when someone eventually finds the animal in there, it doesn’t become news around there and Sara doesn’t discover what happened to that cute animal. It’s that kind of movie.

Yet, with this suspenseful thriller that wasn’t suspenseful or thrilling, I managed to be entertained, if only because I was able to laugh at how bad it was and how it missed the mark. Sure, I guess it didn’t miss the mark of showing off the two leading ladies, as it managed to do that pretty well. They both looked very nice in how they looked and what they wore. So, at least now I can say I’ve seen Ms. Kelly on the big screen, even if it’s something that should have been better. It isn’t so awful that you want to stop watching it; it’s just that it’s easy to laugh at it. But, I will admit that while Minka was fine as the lead (and I’m not just talking about her appearance; rather, I’m talking about her performance), I thought that Leighton was good as the psycho lady, even though not much was given to explain just WHY she was so crazy, aside from some basic diagnosis that a click on a Wikipedia page (no joke) gives. Also, I do have to mention that I found it rather intriguing that a supporting character sings a song in the shower (no, there’s no nudity involved) and the tune is… Crimson & Clover. Yeah, the 60’s song by Tommy James & The Shondells. I have no idea why; maybe someone was a fan of the Joan Jett version, or maybe it was a rib. I just found it odd, that’s all.

I’ll be back Monday night with a new review.

Road Games

Road Games (1981)

Runtime: 101 minutes

Directed by: Richard Franklin

Starring: Jamie Lee Curtis, Stacy Keach, Marion Edward, Grant Page

From: Quest

Here’s an Oz-ploitation film I heard about from the movie Not Quite Hollywood. In terms of Australian films, all I’ve reviewed is Mad Max and its sequel, and Crocodile Dundee, and I don’t recall seeing much more than that in my entire life. In the future I hope to rectify that, even if I only see a few more films from that country. Via TCM Underground showing this movie late Friday night, I was able to watch it this way without using “unethical” means. As some people on a messageboard had praise for the movie, I especially figured I should check this out. It turned out to be the right decision.

In Not Quite Hollywood, this movie is brought up and clips are shown. The main thing I got was that various people in the production and out of it weren’t happy that the otherwise all-Australian movie starred two famous Americans in an attempt to get attention. Think of that how you will.

The movie is about an American truck driver, Quid (Keach) who has traveled the world and ended up in the Land Down Under. He thinks highly of himself, quoting poetry often. The only companion he has on those long trips is his dingo, who he often speaks to in order to cure the boredom of traveling across a country as large as Australia. Early in the movie, he comes across the suspicious act of someone at 5 AM observing the garbage being taken out (and that the dingo is pawing at). Not to give anything away, but the movie makes it clear that the someone is a killer who has killed before. Quid runs into him as they both go from the eastern part of the country towards Perth. Through acts that the someone does and Quid’s quirky nature, suspicion comes across his way that HE is the killer. Along the way he meets up with another American, Pam, who is a hitchhiker he picks up.

The movie-quite a bit like Rear Window, actually-deals with people having trouble believing Quid is telling the truth about the killer he has seen driving an ugly green van. He runs into characters he sees earlier in the movie and later on he seems them again and sometimes interacts with them. There’s a lot of suspense as characters sneak around. There’s also quite a bit of flair from native-born director Franklin. He was a big fan of Hitchcock and it showed, from the obvious (there’s a magazine cover you see with Alfred on the cover) to the way it was shot. Franklin ended up making Psycho II, which was much better than you’d expect from a sequel to a classic film made 23 years later. Also, he made Cloak & Dagger, which is another Hitchcock homage but involves Dabney Coleman as an action hero (!) and an Atari cartridge being an important plot point. I remember watching that on TV when I was real young. Just a few years ago I watched it for the first time in more than 15 years and it held up pretty well. Sad to say, Franklin didn’t do too much after that and he died a few years ago of prostate cancer; what a shame.

As for this movie, sure it’s a little odd at times and the ending was more flat than I expected, but otherwise it was an entertaining thriller. A lot of the movie is hearing Keach talk to himself, but it manages never to be boring or grating. Stacy does a nice job as the lead. That helps make the movie enjoyable to watch.

I do have to mention two tidbits. First, in the outback of Australia, apparently the way to distinguish the men’s restroom from the women’s restroom… use a picture of Fred Flintstone! No kidding. Secondly, I solved a mystery that I’ve been wanting to know for many years. A long while ago I heard a voice sounding like Keach stating, “Sex! I’m talking about sex!” I don’t remember where I first heard it, but I know I have heard it in more than one clip. It turns out, it did come from Stacy and it was a soundbite from this movie. What a thing to stumble upon.

I’ll be back Thursday night. It won’t be another movie from Australia (although in the future I’ll try to track one or two down, even if it’s by less than ethical means) but rather it will likely be a movie on the big screen. It may be a wacky one, so at least there should be some laughs.

Drive Angry: Shot In 3D

Drive Angry: Shot In 3D (2011)

47% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 97 reviews)

Runtime: 104 minutes

Directed by: Patrick Lussier

Starring: Nicolas Cage, Amber Heard, William Fitchner, Billy Burke

From: Summit Entertainment

Here’s a genre movie which is doing worse at the box office than expected, and that’s a damn shame. It’s not a surprise, as this sort of film in the past few years haven’t done well at the box office; for example, Grindhouse, Piranha 3D, Machete, and so on and so forth. Like I said, it’s a shame.

Going in, I wasn’t sure about the whole supernatural aspect of the movie; the ads on TV seemed to neglect the whole aspect that Nic Cage literally escaped from Hell and Fitchner was dispatched to hunt him down and bring him back. Yet, after watching it, everything somehow worked.

As you probably understand from seeing the trailers, Nic Cage (playing Milton) literally escapes from Hell in order to save his granddaughter (not daughter, as you probably inferred from said trailers); he connects up with Amber Heard in a sweet ’69 Dodge Charger, and they go after the Satanists who wish to do harm to the granddaughter; the leader of the Satanists is the charismatic Jonah King (Burke). And, as I said already, The Accountant (Fitchner) is on a mission to bring Milton back to Hell.

Not that I’ve seen too many films from the 70’s that have the trashy Grindhouse motif. The one that I did review was Race With The Devil, back in November of ’09. I wish I would have said more about it at the time, but alas. That film dealt with Satanists also, and various people have compared Race with Drive Angry. With this movie, the 3D looks pretty nice, there are attractive and often busty women (including Heard and Katy Mixon, who definitely fills the “busty” requirement), entertaining and often graphic violence, and there’s dark humor too.

The highlight of the movie is a scene lasting a few minutes which is all done in slow motion. I won’t give more away than that, but it’s SO out there, it’s genius. The story is not something you want to spend a lot of time thinking about, but that’s fine. As long as you ignore some logical points, you should really enjoy this. Heard is not some whimpering sidekick who gets in the way; she’s a tough chick who’ll probably kick your ass. It’s touches like that (and some things that happen in the climax) which especially made me enjoy this.

I'll be back Monday night with a new review.

One Tough Bastard

One Tough Bastard (1996)

Runtime: 100 minutes

Directed by: Kurt Wimmer (yeah, the guy who directed Equilibrium)

Starring: Brian Bosworth, Bruce Payne, Jeff Kober, M.C. Hammer

From: Live Entertainment

The fact is, it wasn’t until recently that I had even heard of this obscure 90's action flick. It wasn’t long ago that I was on IMDb and I was looking up a film. I scrolled down and noticed that a film entitled One Tough Bastard (no kidding) was linked to it. They had a DVD cover of it for the image, and the guy looked like Dolph Lundgren so of course I was intrigued. I went to the movie’s page and saw that it was actually Brian Bosworth* and the movie was otherwise known as One Man’s Justice, although from here on out I’ll call it One Tough Bastard, as that is a great title. It's from 1996. Besides The Boz, there was M.C. Gainey (in a cameo), Bruce Payne-the villain in Passenger 57-and most hilariously of all, M.C. HAMMER. Suddenly, I needed to find this movie to watch it. Even better, it was directed by Kurt Wimmer. Yeah, the guy who gave us Equilibrium, but also Ultraviolet.

• If you don’t recognize the name, he was a highly regarded college football player in the 80’s who was full of charisma and he was supposed to be a big star in the NFL, but he didn’t live up to expectations there. He starred in a few movies, as he’s not a bad-looking guy and he’s in shape.

I watched it online (hey, I’m being honest; someone uploaded it to YouTube, so why not?) and while it’s wacky at times, it’s no Stone Cold, which is Bosworth’s most famous (or infamous) film in action circles.

The film is the typical revenge story about The Boz-who plays a Sergeant in the Army-going after the people responsible for killing his ex-wife and their young daughter. As the main dude involved is a member of the FBI, that's quite the pickle. Bruce Payne (sporting some tremendous long flowing locks) is the heel FBI dude. Would YOU believe an FBI agent with long flowing locks and a nose ring? Then again, for reasons unknown for me, sometimes he’s referred to as a cop! I have no idea why either.

Besides what I mentioned at the time, the highlights include:

• So, the plot revolves around “superguns”. Trust me, it’s not really important.

• A guy who got kicked right in the dick pukes due to this action.

• One of Bruce Payne’s henchmen looks a lot like pro wrestler Mick Foley.

• One of those picture books filled with tattoos that you find at a tattoo
parlor… that can be used as a weapon to knock someone on their ass! Also, it’s normal to drink a 40 while you’re getting inked.

• It’s very easy to break into an FBI agent’s office.

• M.C. Hammer tries to be Nino Brown (Wesley Snipes's character in New Jack City); it doesn’t work.

• So, the Boz’s buddy to help him along… a 12 year old gangbanger wannabe who gets used by The Boz to “spread rumors” to help him in his mission. No kidding.

• Apparently, lighting the nozzle end of a gas dispenser at a gas station won’t cause a wild out of control thing where you likely light your ass on fire. Rather, you can easily dispense the fire on some chump you want to burn, literally.

The movie sounds like cheese of the highest order, and I can’t deny it, it’s true. Yet I was so perplexed by the overtly-convoluted plot that I couldn’t get that much enjoyment out of it, even though the action stuff was acceptable-enough and Payne hammed it up as if his name was Porky Pig with his acting and odd one-liners. Eh, oh well. You should watch Stone Cold instead; it's also on YouTube. It's just unfortunate that a great title like One Tough Bastard was given to this movie instead of something from the likes of Steven Seagal or Dolph Lundgren during their best days.

I'll be back on Friday night.