Randomness

Well, no review tonight. Instead, some random tidbits.

I am not watching the Oscars tonight. I have better things to do. It's overblown pompous hype, so I'd rather not waste 3 plus hours with that nonsense. Given how I've heard from my pals on Twitter how awful the presentation has been this year, it seems like I've made the right choice. I usually like to watch a total trainwreck, but like I said, the arrogant nature of it all is not for me.

Way back when in March of '10 I found a copy and reviewed a movie called The Phynx, a movie best known for being a huge bomb. It has an astounding and bizarre cast of celebrities and it has never gotten even a VHS release, let alone DVD. It only aired on TV a few times back in the day. Well, between then and now someone put the film on Veoh. You have to download and install their player in order to view it all, but I've done it and no harm will come from doing that. It's the easiest way to see an extremely rare film.

I mean, I'd say The Phynx is better than Cop Out, which I tried to watch a few days ago. I rented it for someone I know, who saw it on the big screen last year and they and their friends loved it. I was surprised, as I didn't think they were the types to enjoy a Kevin Smith film. Then again, I only sometimes enjoy a Kevin Smith film myself! So, I tried to watch it, even though I heard it was God-awful from most reliable sources and I've never enjoyed Tracy Morgan at all. Well, I only made it 15 minutes in, and if it wasn't for the fact I was eating dinner at the time, I would have turned it off 5 minutes in. No joke. It was AWFUL. I couldn't even manage to watch more than that. The entire movie was just stupid as hell and not entertaining at all. I chuckled once or twice but that was it. Tracy Morgan's performance... that SO turned me off. I thought I've gotten mad at characters like Justin Hammer in Iron Man 2, but this takes the cake. I don't know if I have *ever* been so aggravated with a character, as a matter of that. That opening scene with Tracy interrogating a suspect via quoting movie lines... that was a travesty. All he did was yell as loud as he can and act like a crackhead. Yep, he'll never be funny in my eyes. Avoid this at all costs.

This week I plan on seeing at least one film on the big screen, so you can look forward to that. My next review will be up Tuesday night.

Man and Boy

Man and Boy (1971)

Runtime: 98 minutes

Directed by: The greatly named E.W. Swackhamer (real name, Egbert Warnderink Swackhamer Jr., which is even greater)

Starring: Bill Cosby, Gloria Foster, Henry Silva, Yaphet Kotto

From: Columbia

Now, here’s another dip into the obscure files. I stumbled upon this movie somewhere (nevermind how) and I decided to get it as hey, it’s BILL COSBY in a “starkly dramatic role” in a western set in the late 1800’s; judging by its low vote total on IMDb, it shows how obscure the film is now. That just sounds strange... the fact that Cosby stared in a serious role. Not that he hasn’t done roles with drama involved in his career (I’ve seen Uptown Saturday Night before back in my college days and I’ve seen Mother, Jugs & Speed a few times) but a role where it’s no clowning around, and that just strikes me as being odd.

The story is about how Caleb Revers (Cosby), a Civil War veteran who moved out West with his family afterwards, has his horse stolen and he and his young son (George Spell) have to go and retrieve the horse. That’s about it for the basic plot, but the rest of it is the encounters they have while looking for the horse. The trailer pretty much explains it all, although as it’s a trailer, it gives quite a bit away. Yes, even back then they sometimes did that sort of thing.

The highlight is about halfway through; a bearded Cosby gets mad at Nate Hodges (Kotto), an old rival from the past, and they get into a 2 ½ minute fight. It’s wonky at times but it looked like those two men did a lot of it on their own without stunt people, so that’s pretty cool. It’s entertaining and plus, it’s Bill Cosby brawling with Yaphet Kotto! He also almost beds a widow, which is another thing you may not expect from Cosby.

The movie is a little wacky and improbable at times (like in the fact that they try to find a horse that could be anywhere in the desert) but it managed to be fine overall. Despite some action stuff like the aforementioned fistfight and some gunplay, it’s mostly a serious drama revolved around the son learning to become a man, racism, and that sort of jazz. It was an interesting way to spend an hour and a half, at least; the villain (Douglas Turner Ward) sort of looks like an older Danny Glover and sounds sort of like Samuel L. Jackson, so that amused me. But yeah, the movie isn’t an undiscovered gem or anything… it’s still fine and not a bad hour and a half time-waster. The score having a contribution from Quincy Jones means that of course it was pretty funky, which I enjoyed.

I’ll be back Sunday night with a new review.

Out For Justice

Out For Justice (1991)

Runtime: 91 minutes

Directed by: John Flynn

Starring: Steven Seagal, William Forsythe, Jerry Orbach, Gina Gershon

From: Warner Brothers

These days, Steven Seagal is often thought of in a negative fashion, with his lawsuits, legal problems, his weight gain, and what have you*. Yet, back in the day he was pretty awesome and was popular for good reason. I’ve seen some of his flicks in the past, so I figured I would talk about them here. Here is one that some say is his best. Before that, though…

• Although, at the two UFC shows he’s appeared at the past few months, people in the sports bars I saw the shows at marked out for him.

I’ll mention his first three movies, as I have seen them before. I won’t describe them as well as the awesome book Seagalogy does, where his oeuvre is discussed in a mostly serious manner; besides, I can’t really quote the book as it’s lost somewhere in my room. Above The Law was a nice debut for him. It had a busy plot but it was a lot of fun seeing him as an Italian cop who had to deal with corruption. Hard To Kill is a cop film with the gimmick that Seagal ends up in a coma for seven years and suddenly he wakes up and in little time he gets his revenge. It’s entertaining. Marked For Death has the Sensei as a former DEA agent who deals with Jamaican drug dealers. It’s wacky at times but it’s fun as hell, and he spends some time teaming up with the great Keith David, and they do make a fine team.

Now, onto this film. It’s another movie where Seagal plays an Italian cop; this time he has the hilarious name of Gino Felino. However, this one stands out for a few reasons, besides the entertaining action you get to see (which has some martial arts but there’s also a car chase and some nice shootouts). It’s set during the course of an afternoon and evening. It’s in a neighborhood in Brooklyn. And, the villain is just plain evil and has little to any redeeming qualities. That villain is Richie Madano and is played to scenery-chewing greatness by Forsythe. He kills people in cold blood out in the open. He smokes crack, which explains why he’s so out of control. And, as I’ve heard one person describe him, it’s as if Scorsese directed Yosemite Sam. But, that’s what makes things so tremendous.

Madano has mob ties but isn’t officially tied in with him. Neither is Felino, but he chats with them a few times; both he and they are on the hunt for Richie after he kills Gino’s cop partner; they both run into him and chaos happens. The shooting appeared to be totally random, an act from a drugged-out man, but as the hunt continues, the truth reveals itself. To reveal more would ruin things.

If you’re an old-school action film and you haven’t seen this, you must correct this mistake as soon as you can, as this is a grand old time, where you can laugh at some of Seagal’s victims howling in pain for an extended amount of time after they get hurt by the Sensei. You even get to see that SS is an animal fan and he saves an abandoned dog, which ends up resulting in a great gag.

I’ll be back tomorrow night with a new review.

I'll Be Back Wednesday Night

Well, unfortunately the past few days have been busier for me than expected (and my birthday is tomorrow) so my next review won't be until Wednesday night.

The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia

The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia (2009)


Runtime: 86 minutes

Directed by: Julien Nitzberg

Starring: The title characters, the White family

From: Dickhouse

Yep, I’m reviewing a documentary AND one from the guys responsible for that brilliant bit of cultural nourishment known as Jackass (i.e. a show I loathe for being so lowest common denominator); but, I had heard about it for awhile and it looked to be pretty wacky.

Wacky doesn’t explain half of it.

The White family of Boone County, West Virginia (not to be confused with my old home of Boone County, Illinois, even though there were enough bucolic people there too; I’ve known enough of them and they’re good people, if a little wild at times; not as wild as what you see in this movie by any means, though) are the most (in)famous residents of that rural coalmining area of West Virginia. The old patriarch, D. Ray White, was an expert at what is known as “mountain tap dancing” but he was killed long ago; the movie focuses on son Jesco, who inherited his dad’s fancy feet (and he himself has had a variety of TV programs done about him, and has become something of a cult figure, with mentions in various songs) but he and all of his relatives are happy to break all the laws, engaging in fighting, cussing, drug abuse, drinking, and what have you. This trailer pretty much shows their character. They’re admitted white trash and rednecks.

Through D. Ray taking advantage of the system and getting his kin classified as mentally incompetent so that they’d get state aid (something that still goes on today, although I wish the movie would have taken more time to explain that curious situation), they are able to not work at all and engage in all that debauchery.

To be honest, it was hard to feel sympathy for much of them due to the wild way they act. Sure, you can talk about life in a county that is based on something like coalmining, but the movie doesn’t spend too much time talking about it, so why should I do the same thing? Point is, they can change their ways but don’t so it’s hard to feel sympathy for most of the clan that you get to see in action. Having a drug-fueled (and clothing optional) party at what is supposed to be the birthday party of your octogenarian mother and grandmother (D. Ray’s wife)? Snorting prescription drugs at the hospital soon after you give birth? It’s tough to feel much love for them. It’s mainly just gawking at their wild ways, although there’s enough drama with them having to deal with various legal issues.

While you have Hank Williams III appear in the movie and praise the Whites for being “true rebels” (and man, he sounds so much like his grandfather), I say that it’s no surprise given who produced it that it seems like exploitation. Yet, I still managed to enjoy the flick. You’ll be appalled often and yet you’ll also laugh at the Whites. Sure, they seem to be having a good time often, but there’s a lot of sad moments too so I guess that most people who see this can feel better about themselves. To think that there are probably a lot of people in the U.S. who live similar lifestyles. Not that I’m saying all or even a decent number of “good old boys” are disgusting white trash like this. As I’ve said before, I’ve known that type of person before and they don’t act like that, and even when I’ve been out and about at places like wrestling shows, the biggest rednecks I come across have more self-respect than these individuals.

No matter what, the movie is fascinating to watch.

I’ll be back Monday night with a new review.

Fantasia

Fantasia (1940)

Runtime: 125 minutes

Directed by: Many Dudes

Starring: Besides the cartoon stuff, there’s narrator Deems Taylor, composer Leopold Stokowski and the Philadelphia Orchestra

From: Disney

Here’s a movie that I’ve seen available as a rental at Blockbuster for awhile and just earlier this week I decided to pick this up. I had seen the movie once before, but it was when it came out on VHS back 20 years ago, so it was that long since I had seen it. I didn’t remember too much about the film but as a kid I think I enjoyed it; some of it was over my head, though. I don’t plan on seeing Fantasia 2000, though; I’ve heard some negative things about that.

This, though, has become a classic after being a disappointment at the box office when it was released. It was ahead of its time, I guess. I’m sure it helped that when it was shown again in the late 60’s, people saw it while drugged out of their minds and enjoyed the abstract visuals and accompanying music.

Me, seeing it as an adult, it’s a great piece of work. Sure, narrator Deems Taylor delivers some stuffy narration, but otherwise it is a tremendous piece of art. You get 8 different segments accompanied by various classical pieces of music from the likes of Bach, Tchaikovsky, Stravinsky, and Beethoven. Like I said, the wordless animation manages to work in telling a story and it fits like a glove with the classical music. There’s not too much else to say about it, as it’s really a movie best seen rather than described by me. It’s especially nice on Blu-Ray. Sure, if you watch it that way the aspect ratio is 1.33/1, meaning that there are black bars to the right and left of the picture, but there is an option where those get replaced by images that fit with what’s on the screen at the time; that’s what I did and it’s nice.

By the way, speaking of movies I’ll never see, The Sorcerer’s Apprentice. I don’t plan on ever watching that live-action flick from last year, as it looks just plain bad. I’ll stick with the great 10 minute segment you see here, thank you very much. Also, I thought it was odd that one thing from the movie’s been edited out since the 60’s, which is a character in the Pastoral Symphony segment that was deemed to be offensive to African-Americans. You can find the original segment on YouTube with only a little digging. I’ve seen it that way and yeah, it’s politically incorrect, but I don’t know if it’s bad enough that it needs to be banished forever.

Then again, despite making a huge ride out of it at Disney Parks, who knows if the U.S. will ever get a proper release of Song of the South (which can also be found on YouTube with little effort, and of course I’ve seen it in the past few years that way; one of these days I’ll do a review of that too). I thought it was odd that got removed when there’s a brief segment called “Chinese Dance” (it’s part of the Nutcracker Suite) involving mushrooms dancing around, and well, they looked stereotypically Chinese, with the slanted eyes and all. Curious. Heck, those mushrooms were even on the cover of the Blu-Ray!

But anyhow, it is a unique experience you should watch if you’ve never viewed it before. I'll be back Friday night with a new review.

Sanctum

Sanctum (2011)

30% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 136 reviews)

Runtime: 109 minutes

Directed by: Alister Grierson

Starring: Richard Roxburgh, Ioan Gruffudd, Rhys Wakefield, Alice Parkinson

From: Universal

Oh man. What a miss this was. And it shouldn’t have been this aggravating to watch. The main reason why I went to see this was that I was bored last night and I wanted to go to the AMC Theatres at Downtown Disney in order to enjoy their giant ETX screen and their Coca-Coca Freestyle machine, where you get 106 different flavors, remember. This was the only movie that fit the bill. I certainly won’t go to the ETX now that they’re showing the Justin Bieber concert movie… although I wonder if I would have enjoyed that more than this movie!

You’ve probably seen the ads, but in any case, this movie is about some cave explorers who are in Papua New Guinea to do some exploring. Complications happen (in this case, a cyclone arrives out of nowhere and flooding happens), resulting in the characters having to try and find another way out.

I can’t say I’ve seen too many cave films before. I doubt there ARE too many of them out there, as it must not be easy to try and film. The Descent does a great job of that. Besides the monster stuff there are many tense moments with the characters trying to get out of their situation. There’s also The Cave, which I haven’t seen but I hear it is very similar to The Descent, only it’s not as good. I’ll have to watch that one of these days for comparison reasons. I think I’d enjoy that rather than this movie, to be perfectly honest.

It isn’t the 3D stuff that was the devil in the details. Using James Cameron’s fancy cameras, it looked pretty nice. Rather, it was the script that sunk things. It is based (rather loosely) on a true story. It’s hard to believe given all the stereotypes and stock situations you see here. It’s hackneyed and cliché-ridden. There’s the gruff father who’s a master at exploring caves (Roxburgh), the whiny bratty son who has daddy issues (Wakefield), a rich thrillseeker who is funding this operation (Gruffudd), and so on and so forth. Then there’s the situations they are put in. Totally out of the screenwriting playbook. It was so disappointing. There could have been some creative and interesting situations that they could have been put in if you’re making most of it up. Instead, it’s standard situations with some stupid plot twists.

And, the characters that get trapped down there don’t act intelligently. Rather, they act dumb and do dumb things, only because the script told them to do so. I can’t blame the actors for it. But what *really* grinded my gears was all the arguing that they did. It happened constantly to create drama, which I didn’t think was needed in the situation. Look at The Descent, for example. There were many tense moments in that, even before the monsters appeared and did their damage. There was suspense that was done well and it didn’t involve people arguing and griping with each other about what to do, or them making the dim-witted decision just to advance the story. There is a tension-filled movie done right. This, though, was a disappointment and I don’t think I can say much more than that.

Although, I do have to mention that a guy named George (Dan Wyllie) who was the one person I didn’t hate. He was just wacky. He wore a Ramones T-shirt early on, said some colorful phrases, and mentioned that he got “The Clap in Mexico”. Tremendous.

I'll be back Monday night with a new review.

Blood and Bone

Blood and Bone (2009)

Runtime: 93 minutes

Directed by: Ben Ramsey

Starring: Michael Jai White, Julian Sands, Eamonn Walker, Dante Basco (yes, Rufio from Hook)

From: Remarkable Films

Now, here is an action movie released on DVD in the DTV market that is well worth seeing if you enjoy the genre.

I’ve heard about this film for awhile from a certain thread on a messageboard that is filled with hardcore action film fanatics. I even bought it last year from the Blockbuster by me that was closing down. Yet, it was just Friday night that I sat down and watched this.

The story isn’t high art. Isaiah Bone (White, who should be a bigger star in the genre, for damn sure; he more than proved himself in a serious role like this and also a funny role like Black Dynamite) gets out of prison and goes to LA. He finds a room for rent and stays there. He comes across an underground fighting league, and he hooks up with a promoter (Basco) and for a cut of the profit, he goes through various fighters. However, he also comes across people who are out to take him down, along with a few peeps who are related to the buddy he had in prison who got shiv’ed and died. It’s not much more complex than that.

Yet, it’s great entertainment. The story is entertaining enough and you don’t get bored by it. There are such quirks as a big scene involving the 80’s “classic” Dance Hall Days. There’s racist characters who explain their racism in a rather colorful way. The villain does some rather evil stuff in order to make you want to root for the hero. But, you’ll enjoy the plentiful fights and action scenes. From the beginning with Bone fighting off some thugs (including Kimbo Slice!) in a memorable way to the ending, the action stuff is fun, is easy to watch (no shaky-cam awful crap), and it looks good too.

Various MMA personalities appear (including Gina Carano, Bob Sapp, and Maurice Smith, along with karate dude and former pro wrestler Ernest “The Cat” Miller) in small but still unobjectionable roles. There’s such quirks as Miller being an out in the open homosexual, to the point that he wears a wig with curlers during his fights. It’s stuff like this that just makes the movie fun. Sure, it’s violent and there’s no lacking in very strong language, but if you enjoy your movies that way, you should particularly enjoy this little gem. Don’t let it going straight to DVD turn you off.

I’ll be back on Friday night with a new review.

Locked Down

Locked Down (2010)

Runtime: 99 minutes

Directed by: Daniel Zirilli

Starring: Tony Schiena, Vinnie Jones, Rashad Evans, Bai Ling, Kimbo Slice

From: Lionsgate

I’ve mentioned before there’s been some quality action movies that happened to go to direct to video instead of getting a theatrical release. I’ve reviewed some of them before, such as Ninja and Universal Soldier: Regeneration. For the next few weeks I’ll review a few more of those films for any of you wanting to check something out in the action genre and what’s been on the big screen hasn’t whet your appetite as of late.

This movie is NOT one of those.

This is one of those movies from Tapout, the clothing line. They “present” it so I’m sure that’s why you have some recent DTV films out there which “star” some popular MMA guys but their roles likely are glorified cameos. Those movies don’t really get talked about in the community, which I consider to be a red flag. But, I took the plunge anyhow and picked this out at random at Blockbuster to see how it was. The MMA guys here are Kimbo Slice, Joe Doerksen, Cheick Kongo, Forrest Griffin, and Rashad Evans. Only Evans has a role that’s longer than a scene or two. He’s fine. Kimbo is amusing as he’s pretty much playing himself. The other guys… not so much.

Another movie from recent years that has gotten love in the action community is Undisputed II, a sequel loosely related to a movie devoted to boxing in prison. I haven’t seen II yet, but it’s MMA fighting done in prison. Well, I haven’t seen that but I understand this movie has a lot in common with that… only UII is much better. In short, a cop gets set up by someone and ends up in prison, where a mob dude (Jones) runs an MMA fighting thing in the basement of the clink; no kidding, and everyone is in on it and is fine with the whole deal.

Even with the laughable plot, the movie isn’t worth watching. The fight scenes are only alright, some of the acting is rather poor (and not just from some of the MMA guys), and I’m sure Undisputed II is a lot better than this film.

I will at least list some notable things so that you don’t ever have to watch this:

* The fighting stuff is alright, I suppose, but it does look overly choreographed. Kimbo Slice, though, does a powerbomb in one bout, as if he's a WWE wrestler! The opponent no-sold what should have been a finishing move; that pissed me off.

* There's random female nudity throughout, which I didn't complain about.

* You do get to see Bai Ling in her bra and thong panties in one scene; I didn't complain either! However, I don't really buy her in the role she had, which was that of a prison guard! I kid you not. She also managed to get into a fight in the jail with the lawyer that represented our hero.

* Did you know that Wushu is a JAPANESE martial art? That's what the movie tells you, anyway. I hate to break the news to the filmmakers, but Wushu is a popular CHINESE martial art. And, the statement comes from the stereotypical "wise old sage" who used to run a martial arts school before getting sent to prison! Talk about insulting.

So yeah, hopefully I’ve explained adequately enough why this is something you shouldn’t rent or buy.

I'll be back Saturday afternoon with a new review.