The Ninth Configuration

The Ninth Configuration (1980)

Runtime: 118 minutes

Directed by: William Peter Blatty

Starring: Stacy Keach (RIP), Scott Wilson, Ed Flanders, Jason Miller, many others

From: Warner Bros. 

RIP Stacy Keach

When I was out of town, I heard this news & was bummed out. Whether it be him narrating various programs or appearing in films for decades, he's been enjoyed by me for many years now. Everything from Roadgames & Fat City to Up in Smoke & Body Bags has been a delight. The Ninth Configuration was watched by me... in my college days, meaning “more than 20 years ago.” As this also has a supporting role from Tom Atkins (who just turned 91 today; Happy Birthday to someone else awesome), there wasn't any better film to see today then post a review of now.

This film-the directorial debut of author William Peter Blatty-stars Keach as an Army psychiatrist who is assigned to an awesome old Gothic castle in the perpetually-rainy Pacific Northwest that hosts an asylum for those in the military “suffering from mental illness,” to use the parlance that people likely would describe the place now. The Vietnam War has caused a spike of these cases... are they faking it? Those patients are allowed to live out their delusions; expect acres of wild, unforgettable dialogue, spouted by one heck of a cast. A key character is Captain Billy Cutshaw, who in The Exorcist was the astronaut Chris MacNeil's party who was told by Possessed Reagan that he would die in space. This caused him to go crazy, resulting in his stay at the castle.

Where else would you hear lines like “Rudolph Valentino hated cabbage,” “Robert Browning had the clap,” “this man treats crocodiles for acne!”& “you green-soaked caterpillar-torturing bastard!” The Ninth Configuration is unforgettable, wholly unique in its plot, the storytelling, the dialogue, the surreal imagery, the shift from dark comedy in the opening half, to more sobering in the back half... I've never forgotten this peculiarity. This has a character in BLACKFACE singing an Al Jolson song, after all. I don't want to reveal too much more, but this also has a Bela Lugosi poster, religious imagery, Edgar Cayce, Hamlet (fitting, as Keach once famously played the character on stage), at least one biker who could have been in the film Cruising, & much more. The explanation for the movie's title is provided... it's high-brow & relates to the important themes here of humanity & life.

What a cast this has. There's also Neville Brand, Jason Miller, Scott Wilson, Ed Flanders, Moses Gunn, George DiCenzo, Robert Loggia, Joe Spinell, Alejandro Rey, and Richard Lynch; how can you go wrong with all those great talents? I understand why some would think this is too weird, too off-kilter, too bold from the opening minutes for them; fair, but thankfully this singular picture that was well-directed + had a fine score from Barry De Vorzon works for me. Technically, you probably will be reminded of a certain famous film that came out later, but no spoilers as that would reveal the plot of two motion pictures...

I was happy to have finally discussed this movie on Letterboxd. Configuration can be overwhelming at times but broaches serious, philosophical topics & is overall an unforgettable showcase for many talented actors, including Keach as the lead. It was a nice way for me to tip my cap to an actor I'll miss.

 

Return of the Living Dead: Aftermath

 

I watched this mostly AI film & deliver a novel-length review so you don't have to watch a second of this POS! The original The Return of the Living Dead is a lot of fun & should be viewed by those that dig horror-comedies.

(To clarify, I'm glad Aftermath was seen on Monday & I had most of this LONG review written before I unexpectedly had to go out of town on Tuesday. I'm back home now; the last part of the review was written then right before posting.)

If you consider this to be a “movie”, then it's the worst I've ever seen, no exaggeration. Before anyone melts down over how I viewed Aftermath... a random YouTube channel uploaded an SD copy. As they themselves stated--”director” Richard Driscoll of course doesn't have the rights to this property; this is one occasion where we have to root FOR Amazon to do the right thing & sue.

Recently, a huge stink has been raised over this travesty. In short, RotLD stars Linnea Quigley & Beverly Randolph were duped into becoming involved with something that evidently was to be a mix of Sunset Boulevard & Rocky Horror (?!)... only they filmed nothing with either star. They both have denounced this.

Randolph plays a different character from the original, anyhow. Instead, their likenesses were used for something that was almost entirely AI-prompted... and not even good AI prompting. As preposterous as this will sound, the plot is such nonsense, it's as if Driscoll asked AI to create an 80-minute script for a RotLD sequel then he used that same service to “film the script” without looking at the script OR the finished product before releasing it!

The “plot” makes absolute zero sense from a logic standpoint, nor does the presence of modern technology (cars, computers, etc.) in a movie set in Louisville, Kentucky on July 3, 1984. Ostensibly, this is footage of a TV station broadcasting the carnage of that night. EVERYTHING is wrong with this. Let me list just some examples:

At one point, a gun makes 80's video arcade game sounds!

The “zombies” constantly change in appearance.

The logo of the TV station-which is in the background of the “news desk”-is a synthwave sort of monstrosity. The logo on the mics of the reporters changes constantly. This local station has like 50 reporters.

There's missing dialogue, screams, & sound effects at multiple points.

This turns into an FPS shooter more than once! One of these segments is in essence a cop's body cam which has the date of... Halloween, 2024!

A rocket is “fired” from a tank... only it shoots off 90 degrees left of the barrel!

Of course this would have day for night issues. This is so inept, smoke from an ashtray is frozen at one point, not to move until someone passes by the ashtray!

Also of course this would sometimes feature text that is a garbled mess instead of English... will that always be an AI hallmark? This also features misspelled English words due to incompetence.

Words are mispronounced... including “Louisville” & “VHS” as “VAS”!

The paramedic from the OG movie appears... w/ a British accent.

A “music video” is filmed, only the movie is way later than 1984

The second half finally features AI versions of Chuck & Spider, briefly. The back half's just as much a disaster as the front half.

The nadir might be a dude filming a YouTube video for his video podcast... yes, in 1984. I'm not demented nor mentally ill enough to make up such a detail. He's attacked by AI Tar Man. That's at least better than the original creation of “Patient Zero”, which is basically a clown demon!

One horrific moment was ripped off from Alien, soon followed by the footage randomly appearing UPSIDE DOWN for a few seconds, before righting itself. Note that this scene also contains a voice that sounds suspiciously like CONAN O'BRIEN.

There's another Alien homage during an ending that makes zero sense even compared to what preceded it.

If these seem like a bizarre stream-of-conscience rambling from someone on meth—I'm not smoking any pipes, that's how incoherent Afterbirth was. Many of the scenes could have been assembled in any order and the story would have been as inept. That's not even factoring in the “acting” from the AI characters that's naturally robotic, or the stilted dialogue.

Evidently, “director” Richard Driscoll went to PRISON for three years for “fraud inflating the values of invoices of” three movies in the United Kingdom. If this wasn't bad enough, Driscoll is also purported to have a release coming out “starring” Quigley which is more AI nonsense where its genre is a mystery. It might be a DOCUMENTARY, as insane as that sounds.

No matter what that is, don't expect a review. There's still way too many actual films (& me acknowledging those who have recently passed away) for me to even view abominations like this, let alone writing a novel about them. Even something like Manos, The Room, or Birdemic have more value than Afterbirth.

Attack on London: Hunting the 7/7 Bombers

This is a Netflix documentary I saw on Monday night. I didn't see any movies Tuesday through Thursday due to unexpectedly being out of town: 

As is customary, a documentary is viewed while I'm subscribed to Netflix. This was selected as shamefully, I was a Dumb American who didn't know enough about those terrorist attacks.

Note that this shorter than typical review is being posted now due to circumstances beyond my control, a last minute deal that happened. Nothing serious, but it may be a few days before another review's posted.

It's a standard documentary but I was fine with that and don't need those “elevated” examples that have a bizarre fictional opening filled w/ overwrought dialogue-I gave up on more than one recent documentary a few minutes in that did just this! Those won't be mentioned by name. Instead, Attack (thankfully a traditional example where the events were presented in chronological order) presented the facts of the case where radical Islamic terrorists became suicide bombers & detonated their homemade explosives on 7/7/05 in London. 

A wide variety of people talked on camera: law enforcement (including those in anti-terrorism units), victims, those in the media, etc. There's even then-Prime Minister Tony Blair offering his insights. The chaos & horror of that month-there were attempted attacks two weeks later-were decently presented. The theme of British Muslims experiencing prejudice is a key plot point, due to an event that occurs in the second half of this 4 episode series, 3 hours in total.

I was happy to learn about something I was dishonorably ignorant about; thus, I'll deem this a success.

I'll Catch Up Tomorrow

Note that from early Tuesday afternoon to late this afternoon, I was unexpectedly out of town. However, I'll try to be caught up by late Friday night.

Deadlier Than the Male

Deadlier Than the Male (1967)

Runtime: 101 minutes

Directed by: Ralph Thomas

Starring: Richard Johnson, Elke Sommer (RIP), Sylva Koscina, Nigel Green, Steve Carlson

From: The Rank Organisation 

A belated RIP to Elke Sommer. I'd only seen the German actress in a few films but she was relatively popular in the 60's & 70's on film and on television, including appearances on Hollywood Squares. She passed just before turning the age of 86; viewing an Eurospy movie seemed an appropriate way to tip my cap, given I've generally enjoyed the ones I've seen from this grand time in 60's European cinema.

Richard Johnson was Bulldog Drummond; yes, the literary detective who was modified into the Eurospy world... not the only time this occurred. In London, he becomes involved with the mysterious deaths of those involved with oil companies looking to be purchased by a mysterious individual who proves to be a disruptor. Naturally, this person uses a pair of attractive women (Sommer & Sylva Koscina, who are a wacky duo that don't get along w/ each other) to dupe stupid horny men. Meanwhile, Drummond's young adult nephew-who is a real cad-decides to spend time at his uncle's swanky pad.

The vibes, décor, and music are as swingin' & groovy as I'd hope for a genre movie released in '67. One aspect I enjoy quite a bit w/ these films: the exotic locations they visit for filming. The first part is on location in London, but the back half is at a scenic seaside town in northern Italy.

Male (the title is taken from a Rudyard Kipling poem; the title song stresses how females are deadlier than males. This is sung by the cult favorite band The Walker Brothers) is not as OOT or wacky as other genre examples. Be that as it may, there are still elaborate deaths sometimes involving wacky gadgets, attractive women in bikinis, brawls, guns being fired, and bombs/explosions. Deadlier was a fun time where Elke was delightful as “the bad girl.” Nigel Green is the other famous name in the cast, although personally I enjoyed Virginia North (of The Abominable Dr. Phibes & On Her Majesty's Secret Service fame) appearing in a few scenes.

I haven't seen that much in the way of Eurospy flicks the past several years; the frequency going forward will hopefully be a little more often.

 

Top Hat

Top Hat (1935)

Runtime: 99 minutes

Directed by: Mark Sandrich

Starring: Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers, Edward Everett Horton, Erik Rhodes, Eric Blore

From: RKO 

This is my first Fred Astaire/Ginger Rogers. The classic film fans might think I'm a MILDEW DONKEY upon hearing this revelation, but 'tis true. Song and dance musicals aren't really my forte, although some have been seen in the past. As this duo is still well-known in some circles, it seemed right to finally watch one film featuring their act.

He's Jerry Travers, a tap dancer who spends time in London to star in Edward Everett Horton's production. As he spends time in Horton's bedroom, he tap dances and much to my amusement, Rogers is sleeping below but is awoken by the racket. She storms up to complain, he swoons over her... there's other characters and situations but that's the gist. Ginger isn't that interested at first but of course that changes. Also of course, there are misunderstandings-many misunderstandings.

To be frank, this is silly piffle which features someone that speaks with an EYE-talian accent (Erik Rhodes, who evidently made a career of this) and another character speaks in malapropisms. However, people would most care about such aspects as:

The art/set design
The dancing
The singing
The soundtrack

All those are quite swell. I enjoyed the art/set design, the Max Steiner soundtrack charmed me-as did the Irving Berlin songs-and golly gee, the dancing between the two leads was marvelous. Cheek to Cheek is the most famed number from the film-the movie itself has been referenced in everything from The Penguin miniseries and The Green Mile to La La Land. The romantic types might enjoy Top Hat even more than moi.

A steady diet of films like these is not in the cards for me; however, once in a blue moon as a change of pace will be a thing you can expect from me. Top Hat in particular made me laugh alongside the stars cutting the rug quite well. Perhaps years in the future I'll see more from Astaire/Rogers; I do know that another famous effort (Swing Time) features BLACKFACE, which Hat thankfully does not.

 

Seven Chances

Seven Chances (1925)

Runtime: 56 minutes

Directed by: Buster Keaton

Starring: Keaton, T. Roy Barnes, Snitz Edwards, Ruth Dwyer, Frances Raymond

From: Buster Keaton Productions

This is a famous Buster Keaton effort finally seen by me. Beforehand, I did know some moments were rather, ahem, “questionable”, especially a century later. The basic story I knew—this is based on a 1916 play and has been adapted a number of times—most famously to me by The Three Stooges in their classic Shemp short Brideless Groom.

Buster's a cad who's afraid to commit & marry Mary, despite their love for each other. He discovers his grandfather passed & bequeathed him 7 million dollars (more than 136 million dollars in today's money), only he has to be married by 7 PM... tonight. He fumbles the bag w/ Mary so he has to go on a quest w/ a lawyer and his brokerage partner to find any woman that would accept his hand in marriage.

To address the elephant in the room, there is a BLACKFACE character seen on several occasions. Of course, the white man cosplaying as a Black man is an idiot. Also, I've seen comments how Buster was walking the street and he rejected a woman one he saw that she was Black. That does look horrible... but in most areas of the United States, interracial marriages were illegal. Let's say that was the reason why he rejected her.

Anyhow, Buster's an awkward dork so he's rejected—until the news is placed in the late edition of the newspaper. Several hundred potential brides (including Jean Arthur, apparently) show up to the church! Yes, there's the “gold digger” stereotype not everyone will accept. Even so, “Buster Keaton running” is one of my favorite moments in all cinema-it's of course grand to see him run away from all those women.

While not the best Keaton I've ever viewed, this was still delightful, moments that aged poorly aside. The first half featured more subtle gags as it set the table for the outrageous back half. For a movie that Buster only did to settle a debt w/ producer Joseph Schneck & he did not care for much of it, Seven Chances was still a very good way for me to spend an hour last night.