Just Imagine

Just Imagine (1930)

Runtime:  109 minutes

Directed by: David Butler

Starring: El Brendel, Maureen O'Sullivan, John Garrick, Marjorie White, Frank Albertson

From: Fox 

For those that enjoy me watching/discussing old cinema, what a relatively obscure curio this is. How I first learned of this sci-fi musical comedy from Fox is lost to time. I’d love to see a restored version of the film… it’s just now in the public domain so I’ll presume that it won’t be any physical release plus it’s Fox so yeah… that’s regrettable as the production design and effects are the clear highlight. Metropolis this isn’t; instead, expect plenty of melodrama.

This world’s 1980 has flying vehicles, people only have names like J-18, food & drink is in pill form and marriages are arranged by the government. We follow J-18, who is miffed that he can’t marry LN-18-understandable as it’s the most famous name in the cast today, Maureen O’Sullivan. J has RT-42 as his roommate; sadly, even in this world there’s odious comic relief and his name was RT-42. They befriend a dude revived from being deceased 50 years after being struck by lightning. The former Peterson calls himself Single O. Single O was portrayed by a long-forgotten vaudeville comedian whom called himself El Brendel and you might remember from 1927’s Wings. His gimmick was being a Swedish immigrant; that was a negative stereotype of the time.

O served as the fish out of water character that learned about this bizarre 1980 world where the worst aspect is that sex isn’t a thing-babies are created artificially! I won’t reveal much more of the plot—except that out of nowhere, J-18 (a great pilot) is guided to fly a ship to Mars for the first time. In fact, he did get his ass to Mars. The movie is rather creaky at times, as static and flat as you’d expect for something in the first few years of the talkie era. The “musical numbers” typically are just one or two people singing to the camera while it is stationary; those songs are best described as “inoffensive.”

All that noted, I was still charmed by this oddity. It was strange, full of imagination, and great sets/backdrops throughout. There is one instrumental musical number that is buckwild; it involves at least 50 people doing a routine with an amazing backdrop. As O also provided some laughs and there was never boredom while viewing this colorful creation, this is why Just Imagine was something I liked despite its flaws. Its predictions of the future that were accurate weren’t that bold… others predicted the likes of the 1930 idea of the Ring doorbell camera and Skype. Yet, I was entertained by this quaint picture.

Chariots of the Gods?

This is a 1970 documentary which wasn't poorly made yet its content is full of falsehoods and flim-flam: 

Erich von Daniken is probably another person I shouldn’t say “RIP” to. For those unaware, on Saturday this Swiss author passed away at the age of 90. He is renowned for the 1968 book Chariots of the Gods? I’ve never read the book; as the YouTube account that uploaded this proclaimed, the “documentary” based on the “nonfiction” book is the original Ancient Aliens. That’s a show I’ve never watched either and only know it for the meme of that weirdo guy. The book was such a massive success, this German documentary was created, which was also successful.

The book purportedly offers evidence of not only aliens, but that they visited the humans of the ancient past and assisted them with technology they gave early man. Via both the writings of legendary skeptic James Randi and the book’s Wiki page, this evidence is nothing but half-truths at best, if not outright hogwash & poppycock. The proof offered here was also rather flimsy. An early example was how those on remote South Pacific islands thought that Americans in World War II were Gods when they created landings strips to land their airplanes on. The scene showed Black people (instead of Polynesians) praying to an effigy of an airplane… and this is one of the “better” examples of the film “proving” the pseudoscience in the documentary.

My low rating is not due to the filmmaking craft on display. The Peter Thomas score is fine, as is the direction from Harald Reinl. The former created some scores for krimi movies I liked and the latter directed both fun krimi and German Westerns I was a fan of. Furthermore, there’s nice footage of various ancient ruins from across the world.
It’s rather the content that was a turn-off. No offense to those that do believe in ancient aliens but just on the “evidence” provided in the film, nothing was done to prove that thesis to me.

What’s presented omits or ignores already-learned science, examples are cherry-picked, or is just piffle. The most infamous example is of an image on a Mayan sarcophagus is of “an ancient astronaut”… that is baloney! Rather, those ornate details are found on other Mayan art and historians have deciphered what they mean. Examples can be found via a simple online search.

There are reasons to be offended by such conspiracy theories. One is that apparently in the book, von Daniken did not question how such structures as the Parthenon or Stonehenge were created, monuments created by white people; rather, it’s those ancient monuments created by those with more melanin in their skin… yeah, that’s ugly. The movie at least did mention what the Greeks and Romans created. More debatable but still possible is that belief in rather “minor” conspiracy theories like UFO’s begat the horrible theories popular with some about vaccines, COVID, etc. which have harmed plenty of people.

It's a shame that such misinformation is now popular; in comparison, the History Channel devolving into a useless platform full of terrible “reality” shows and programs devoted to pseudoscience is something I can’t object to too strongly. Unless you are a fan of the author and/or programs like Ancient Aliens, no way could I recommend this to anyone.

 

Titan: The OceanGate Submersible Disaster

This is a Netflix documentary released last year: 

Hopefully the viewer remembered the Titan submersible imploded due to extreme pressure on the carbon fiber vessel. Aside from the opening that features news footage of the crazy week back in June 2023 (can you believe it’s been 2 ½ years already?), the actual day of the implosion isn’t extensively covered in this documentary by any means. That won’t exactly make it evergreen for any theoretical viewers streaming the film-or downloading it straight to their cerebral cortex or whatever technology we have decades from now-but I was someone who viewed some YouTube videos in the months after the tragedy, that detail wasn’t a big deal to me last night.

As we soon learned after the implosion, OceanGate owner/CEO/Grand Poobah Stockton Rush is solely responsible for what occurred. He was a fool from old money who wanted to make deep sea exploration more accessible by creating submersibles that were much lighter than the ones made of steel/titanium. Admirable, except that the vehicle was unsuited for diving 4 thousand meters down to visit the wreck of the Titanic. Besides the talking head interviews (which included several key employees who left OceanGate before the tragedy), plenty of footage filmed of Rush and OceanGate demonstrated that Rush was not only a stubborn fool who refused to admit defeat and refused to certify Titan, he was a narcissist and as a former employee referred to him as, “borderline sociopathic.” He threatened to ruin people’s lives just because they strongly disagreed with his refusal to change his doomed plans.

Some criticisms are worthwhile… we didn’t really need some YouTuber I’d never heard of (no matter how many millions subscribe to him) for a few minutes only because he was on a failed dive soon before that tragic day… be that as it may, I was still a fan of this documentary. Hearing from the ex-employees, the whistleblowers, the lead investigator from the Coast Guard, etc., the footage of Rush’s abhorrent behavior, clips from the government hearing of the accident-that was all interesting to see and helped me better understand the events of that day.

My non-fiction/documentary bias may be showing here but I should see more of Netflix’s offerings in the genre in the future. Perhaps not all their true crime efforts (I know more than one is rather controversial) but otherwise…

Conan the Destroyer

Conan the Destroyer (1984)

Runtime: 103 minutes

Directed by: Richard Fleischer

Starring: The returning Arnold & Mako, along with the likes of Wilt Chamberlain, Olivia D’Abo, Tracey Walter, and Grace Jones

From: Universal

This is no Conan the Barbarian… but as silly as the film is, I can still say that Destroyer was fine.

The movie is to its credit not a carbon copy of Barbarian. Sure, the tone is notably lighter, Conan is made to look a fool while drunk, and there’s odious comic relief in Tracey Walter (he at least can fight and kill people so I can’t get too mad) but despite toning down the violence in an attempt to garner a larger audience, the movie is still fine even if it feels generic in comparison.

The main plot of a film is a quest; Sarah Douglas is a queen who asks Conan and another wacky group of characters to bring virginal Olivia D’Abo along to retrieve an item… but it’s to resurrect a horrible entity portrayed by an uncredited Andre the Giant in a great Carlo Rambaldi costume. Conan’s crew was larger than in Barbarian. Besides Conan and D’Abo, there’s the queen’s bodyguard Wilt Chamberlin-the only acting role for the extremely tall basketball legend-Walter, the returning Mako, and soon joining them is Grace Jones. As always, she’s a striking presence and believable as a female warrior. They all contributed along the way during the journey.

I was still entertained nevermind the potential for something more akin to the first film or the original novels. Perhaps I’m a simple man but at least in 2026, I can greatly appreciate practical effects, scenic locations (the rural Mexican locations were scenic), and violence that proved the movie’s PG rating was right before PG-13 was created… one dude has arterial blood spraying from him and someone else was beheaded. Some nice sets were built and while not legendary, Basil Poledouris’s score was still good.

Of course, the movie is not as raw & visceral as Barbarian; the negative reception is understandable. I’ll make the blind assumption that the film is more to my tastes than the 2011 Conan the Barbarian remake. I’ll mention two random details that might only amuse me:

1. If you know what Wilt Chamberlain is most famous for aside from his basketball accomplishments, the casting of him as a bodyguard who needs D’Abo to stay virginal for the sake of her sacrifice… it’s hysterical.

2. I’m glad an old YouTube video is still available online after all these years. If you search for “Dead or Alive ~ You Spin Me Round (Conan the Destroyer)”, someone place that 80’s classic tune over footage of Conan fighting in a hall of mirrors against a man-creature who literally spins Conan around at one point. That was the only thing on my line when viewing that scene in the film.

Kaleidoscope

This is a 2023 Netflix limited series of 8 episodes devoted to a heist & its aftermath which has quite the gimmick: 

This is the order I chose to watch the episodes in: 

Green
Blue
Orange
White
Yellow
Red
Violet
Pink

For those unaware, I mention that for a specific reason. I’ll explain at the end how I discovered the 8 episode show on Netflix from a full three years ago that I somehow never heard a thing about until a few months ago… what intrigued me was the show’s gimmick. This surrounds a heist done by Giancarlo Esposito, who recruits some wacky goofballs to steal non-negotiable bearer bonds (yes, Die Hard is specifically mentioned) being held by Rufus Sewell, who is a CEO of a corporate security firm but is a rat bastard who turned against Esposito many years ago.

The gimmick is that the episodes are titled after different colors, and the viewer is given free will to watch the episodes in any order they desire. Judging by older reviews, it appeared that Netflix originally didn’t give you as much free will and apparently forced you to view the heist episode last-I’m a little confused about that as there’s no restrictions regarding that now but regardless, I was glad to pick my own order. 

Perhaps I could have been more adventurous and started with White (the heist itself) first then gone in a random order, or even watch it in reverse chronological order as if it was Memento; instead, what I chose wasn’t that bold yet still wasn’t in chronological order so I shouldn’t second-guess myself. Of course I have nitpicks; the dialogue wasn’t always great and I’m not just talking about all the foul language although yes that was a problem also. Modern “humor” was sometimes present-naturally that didn’t make me laugh all that often.

Be that as it may, even with the nonsensical/baffling moments and a logic flaw or two, my opinion of the enterprise was still positive. While I’m not sure the gimmick was best for this heist story, I still enjoyed the gimmick and the option of choice. People don’t have to follow the order I selected—except that Pink (the last chronologically) is likely better seen last. I was still interested in the heist and its aftermath-it isn’t a spoiler to mention that things don’t go as planned.

At least some will appreciate the diversity in the cast; there’s an important character that’s bi and her wife is either bi or a lesbian, along with several different ethnicities on display. I was entertained by Kaleidoscope, the dark tone, and (in general) the twists throughout. It was preferable to many of the original movies released by Netflix. People may still look down on Jai Courtney due to how Hollywood used him. Between this and Dangerous Animals, he should have played similar villain parts while in America. 

Of most interest to me was the choice old soul songs that played throughout the series; other genres are also heard but it’s mainly old soul music, most of which I knew the artists but not the deep cuts that were chosen. Props to whoever was responsible for suggesting the usage of Melting Pot by Booker T & The MG’s along with tunes from Solomon Burke, OV Wright, Irma Thomas, Esther Phillips, etc. It certainly beat most of the lazy needle-drops we get in modern cinema. I get why Kaleidoscope did not work for everyone but I liked the show, and more than just for the gimmick or its soundtrack.

As for how I discovered this show just a few months ago: discussion on a messageboard surrounded the career of Robert Townsend after I saw I’m Gonna Get You Sucka. Him directing two episodes of this show was brought up; ever since, I’ve had the idea to give Kaleidoscope a shot… I’m glad that happened.

Conan the Barbarian, Revisited

Of course I'm referring to the 1982 movie: 

Getting to see Conan the Barbarian theatrically last night was a grand old time. I’ve watched it on previous occasions and even wrote a review for the film a few years ago; however, this was the first time on the big screen. Regal Cinemas has continued the practice of showing one older movie a night most nights; for my wallet’s sake I wish AMC would have done that instead so my A-List app could be used but alas.

The movie is still an epic adventure which is more than just Arnold Schwarzenegger getting revenge on the SOB’s that murdered his parents & his village, then was sold into slavery. It’s a tale where a hulking mass of humanity becomes a badass but he isn’t infallible-he has assistance from a wacky group of people he meets along the way. There are still struggles as his foe (Thulsa Doom) and his minions aren’t pathetic simpering laughable weaklings-instead they are formidable foes yet his bloodlust for revenge allows for a rampage in a variety of exotic locations in an alien world where “giant snakes” are one of the enemies-as many films have done through history, the natural scenery of Spain allowed for a cornucopia of different genres to be filmed in the country.

While not exactly what Robert E. Howard brought to the page when he created the pulp novel character Conan the Barbarian, writer/director/madman John Milius brought to life one hell of a pulp hero for the silver screen. Conan was a man of few words-his presence and how he was presented spoke volumes… it was a great physical performance-but was still a sword-wielding badass who was easy to root for as he engaged in a series of adventures with or without his companions. Doom was a great villain, and James Earl Jones naturally added plenty of gravitas to the role as the evil leader with cult leader overtones. It was also nice seeing Max von Sydow for a few minutes; he asked our gang to retrieve his manipulated daughter from Doom; the quest aspect of course is another common trope in this genre.

Milius and Oliver Stone (but apparently it was mostly the former’s script that appeared on screen) used a mix of many different sources-the novels, the operas of Richard Wagner, a ghost story that was used in the film Kwaidan, etc.-to create an unforgettable, distinctive world that was brought to live via great practical sets and great practical effects in a well-directed film. Even better than getting to experience a mature, masculine story (there’s no shortage of women sans clothing seen throughout) on the big screen with the impressive visuals: hearing the rousing, heroic, bold score from Basil Poledouris. That’s an all-timer of a score-it was a key component in making the film a compelling journey.

As I mention that it won’t be too long before I finally discuss Conan the Destroyer on Letterboxd, I’ll mention a few last details:

* A belated RIP to Renato Casaro, a famed Italian artist who created a number of legendary posters for films (including Conan the Barbarian). He deserves credit for helping sell a movie to the general public. I should also give a belated RIP to Drew Struzan, another artist who created legendary film posters. Imagine being a legend who gave us the posters to Star Wars, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Back to the Future, AND E.T.

* The auditorium was ice-cold for the screening. Not ideal, although it made the opening minutes in that snowy landscape a 4D experience!

* I was not expecting COSPLAY at this showing yet it happened. Note that it wasn’t an elaborate get-up you’d expect at a comic-con. Rather, a dude wore his version of tunics, faux wrist-guards and a cheap horned Viking helmet. While no one in the film looked like that costume, I was still charmed. Hopefully he and his girl had as much fun seeing Conan the Barbarian on the big screen as I did.

 

Avatar: Fire & Ash

Avatar: Fire & Ash (2025)

66% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 337 reviews)

Runtime: A LONG 197 minutes

Directed by: James Cameron

Starring: The usual faces, plus the true highlight in an underutilized Oona Chaplin

From: 20^th Century Studios

No one's more surprised than me that I was finally let down by a James Cameron film.

Prefacing needs to occur first. This would have been watched sooner after release like I did with the first two-my schedule prevented that for a variety of reasons. It wasn't a lack of interest-simplistic plots aside, the first two Avatar movies were enjoyable. The audio and especially the visuals were naturally the standouts but I didn't mind the plots. Regrettably, that changed this time. The audience experience at the IMAX 3D screening wasn't the greatest-however, even if I was alone viewing the film on the world's largest IMAX screen, my opinion likely would be the same.

A huge problem: while I still enjoy the kids (including Spider)-constant usage of “bro” aside-this time around, I shouldn't be hating both Jake Sully and his old lady, yet that's what occurred here. Both were idiotic, insufferable fools who made moronic choice after moronic choice. So was the tribe from the second film, whose domicile they were still residing at. Before anyone retorts, yes I realize that they (along with the Ash tribe introduced in this movie) were the most blatant examples of the Native American allegory Cameron has always pushed. That did not make for an entertaining movie, IMO.

That Ash tribe-especially their badass lady leader Varang-were captivating. I understood their motivations and she was a dominant badass. Unfortunately, they then suddenly weren't so captivating and that was a major letdown. Many bad, baffling choices were made throughout, the number of convenient moments utterly staggering. In addition, even by Cameron standards, some of the dialogue and one-liners were rather putrid, especially for the scenarios where those lines were uttered. The fact that it seemed like little had changed from The Way of Water and the movie too often felt like a rehash of The Way of Water: that was also a huge issue.

This time around, the audio/visual component and some entertaining action did not make up for the plot (which constantly spun its wheels and felt totally stale compared to the grandeur of the first two pictures) and characters. Furthermore, for a movie 197 minutes in length, I shouldn't have felt like scenes were missing, so jagged was the story at times. I shouldn't have been confused so often at how we got from one scene to the next. An additional issue was how the movie felt longer than Satantango-RIP Bela Tarr.

All that plus an utterly preposterous final 15 to 20 minutes before the end credits finally hit-there's no need for me to ever watch the film in full again. Of course, I left as soon as those end credits rolled; to make another unpopular comment, I wanted to avoid the “song” from the utterly loathsome Miley Cyrus, the former Blackface artist and perpetually disgusting, vile creature. At least I can laugh that she looks like a 50-year old woman now!

But back on topic... Oona Chaplin and Stephen Lang are innocent of all charges. They share none of the blame for the failings of the film. As I've said too often in recent years, I'm glad that most others love the film but sadly, that love can't be shared by me. Aside from nice visuals and characters that were interesting at first, I'm happy to forget most of Fire & Ash.