Urban Justice

Urban Justice (2007)

Runtime: 96 minutes

Directed by: Don E. FauntLeRoy

Starring: Steven Seagal, Eddie Griffin, Carmen Serrano, Kirk B.R. Woller, Jade Yorker

From: Sony Pictures Home Entertainment

Steven Seagal put someone in the Camel Clutch… and presumably killed them!

If you’re wondering why in the world I would watch and review a random direct to video picture from a reprobate like Seagal, there’s a good reason: despite not remembering that he put someone in the Camel Clutch (broke his back and made him humble!), I actually saw this long ago. I believe it was ’09 that the former Spike TV had on some show where some dude interviewed people in Hollywood while showing a film… which had nothing to do with the film being shown-I don’t know why either. In any case, they showed an edited for TV version of Urban Justice and from hearsay, this was one of the better Seagal DTV efforts.

The punchline is which director was on while they played Urban Justice. It was… UWE BOLL, I swear this is true. No, the all-timer moment did not happen—Boll did NOT talk about Seagal or Seagal’s movies, which I’m still a little salty about. I was still amused to hear Ol’ Uve talk about his pictures. As for Urban, Ol’ Steven in “the hood” is as wacky as you’d imagine.

I also did not recall that he allowed himself to be a middle-aged badass who had an adult son police officer. Son Max is a good cop who is murdered; in fact, involved in the execution were dirty cops… insert your own pithy comments if you so desire. The movie was full of cliché and offered few surprises, although wasn’t terrible in my eyes. Yea, it’s a hood movie full of vulgar language & F-bombs-in hindsight, I don’t know how they made a TV edit!-which I didn’t love… although in more than one scene that was so prevalent I laughed because it was like a parody.

Yes, Seagal was portly by this point and was stationary as he did his martial arts; editing and camera movements were a great asset. In his 2010 movies, he evidently mostly sat down and hardly did any movement whatsoever! Most of those sound worthless. This in contrast was a standard generic action film which has the hilarity of EDDIE GRIFFIN as the lead heel-at least he was a funny villain at times-and a glorified cameo from Danny Trejo.

To its credit, Seagal did more than typical for his DTV era (again, this is hearsay talking), there were giant squibs used for gunshots, and there was lip service paid to the moral issues revolving around getting revenge. For all the movie’s faults, there were some merits and wasn’t unintelligible as evidently most of his 21st century movies were. Yes, Seagal is a bad person IRL and yes, his appearance the past several years is best described as “pregnant with rhinoceros.” I was still glad to have seen Urban Justice in unedited form.

Perhaps I was delighted to finally hear a line that someone I know on a messageboard occasionally brought up as a gag. In a room where he just beat up a gaggle of Black gangbangers, hearing Steven Seagal utter, “Imma be doing the f*****’ now!” was as outrageous as you’d imagine.

Sholay, Revisited

Yes, I saw the famed 1975 Indian movie again-and the first time since late 2016... but this time on the big screen: 

So, I got to see Sholay on the big screen last night. It wasn’t until Tuesday evening that I discovered a Cinemark cinema in Orlando was playing this legendary Hindi-language film until the 19th.

People of South Asian heritage (no matter if you live in India or elsewhere) will likely be delighted I got to see the movie that way. Those not familiar: research plus reviews on Letterboxd paint the picture that Sholay is still one of the most popular & beloved films in the history of Indian cinema—no small feat for a country rich in cinema featuring flicks in many different languages. The cultural impact of that movie-to the point that more than a few lines of dialogue are known to everyone in India-can be read on Sholay’s Wiki page. I’ll explain why I was happy to revisit the picture, this time on the big screen.

Sholay can be seen as a riff on The Magnificent Seven; I say that rather than The Seven Samurai because Sholay can be imaged as a Western set in rural India. A former police officer who now lives in a remote village hires two lovable scoundrels he met a few years ago (who helped him fight off bandits on a train in the first of numerous exciting action setpieces) to capture Gabbar Singh, a vile villain w/ no redeeming qualities who raids the village often.

As it’s a masala movie from India, this means a mix of many different genres & tones. There’s wacky comedy that did not always hit the mark with a dumb white guy like me-the purpose of a prison warden who is modeled after Chaplin’s character in The Great Dictator (including Hitler mustache) is lost on me-suspense, pathos, shootouts, explosions, romance, tearjerking moments, and yes, musical numbers.

As typical, those were catchy tunes featuring well-choreographed routines. I was most captivated by the musical number dedicated to Holi, a Hindu holiday where colored powder and colored water are sprayed/thrown all around. Also unsurprising to me was how the relationship between the two male leads came off as (to a dumb ignorant white guy in America, anyhow) homoerotic. I’ve never sat on a mate’s shoulders while playing harmonica, or vice versa!

Moments that are culturally curious to me aside, I had a great time getting the unexpected experience of seeing classic cinema from another country at a mainstream cinema in Orlando. The story was compelling, never too overwrought or convoluted. Unlike too many modern movies, instead of a pathetic weakling of a villain, Gabbar Singh was a terrifying heel, a credible threat who reveled in being an evil bastard. Amjad Khan arguably was the highlight as Gabbar but our heroes (Amitabh Bachchan, Sanjeev Kumar, and the recently-departed Dharmendra) also were memorable, as were the main women parts as brought to life by Hema Malani and Jaya Bhaduri.

You don’t need to be South Asian to enjoy Sholay and its main themes-revenge, heartbreak, bravery, sacrifice, love, etc. The cut I saw last night was only a minute shorter than Seven Samurai—while a full meal, I was happy the theatrical experience was brought close to home-if not for Sinners, this would be the best film I saw theatrically in 2025, regardless of year of original release. This also contained none of the bombastic, preposterous, OOT moments that is sometimes found in modern Indian film-perhaps it would be better for me if I sought out more classic cinema from the country.

To clarify, the version I checked out last night-the restored version-is a 206-minute Director’s Cut. Not only is that version in 2.20:1 widescreen, the most violent moments (including the original ending) restored; the 1975 theatrical cut had those violent bits excised by the censors. In any event, this is a highly rousing picture I can recommend to anyone.

92 in the Shade

92 in the Shade (1975)

Runtime: 91 minutes

Directed by: Thomas McGuane

Starring: Peter Fonda, Warren Oates, Margot Kidder, Burgess Meredith, Harry Dean Stanton

From: ITC

What an interesting shoot this must have been. I’ll explain later what I’m referring to. This mostly-forgotten 70’s drama was added to the Criterion Channel a few months ago but will leave at the end of the year. Instead of waiting until the last day for viewing, makes sense to do it now. Note that all the versions available are only in SD, VHS both in quality and aspect ratio.

The first interesting detail is that this story was based on a novel by writer Thomas McGuane-not only did it adapt the story to screenplay, this is his lone directing credit. Yes, Michael Crichton did both, but otherwise there still aren’t too many successful novelists turned movie directors. The plot: drifter Peter Fonda returns to Key West, Florida. In that area full of eccentric characters, he becomes a fishing guide. A feud develops with Warren Oates, already an established fishing guide. I’ve been to Key West before, albeit ages ago. It is a charming area full of wacky people—where I look almost normal in comparison!

Besides Fonda and Oates, the rest of the cast was more than enough for me to check out the film: Margot Kidder, Burgess Meredith as his cantankerous grandfather who sadly uses a racial slur, Harry Dean Stanton, Elizabeth Ashley, Sylvia Miles, William Hickey, Louise Lathem, Joe Spinell, and Warren J. Kemmerling. With the setting, 70’s plot, and cast, I wish the movie would have been loved by me rather than just liked. The direction wasn’t bad in general but I wonder what a more experienced pro would have done.

As an aside, what an interesting life McGuane led during the latter half of the 70’s. He wrote a few screenplays, including Rancho Deluxe and The Missouri Breaks. He divorced his wife Becky in 1974; the next year, she would marry… Peter Fonda. Furthermore, he was married to Kidder at the time but had an affair on set with… Elizabeth Ashley. Unsurprisingly, that marriage ended in divorce. His next marriage (in ’79) did stick. He married… the sister of his pal Jimmy Buffett.

The film is as amiable and laid-back as its Key West setting-even by my standards, sometimes too much so. Be that as it may, as flawed as the movie was and as aimless as the plot could be, the lovely setting of Key West/the Florida Keys, the cast, and the 70’s moments made me not regret too hard the decision to check out a movie I first heard about years ago on… the Rupert Pupkin Speaks blog? Letterboxd? Some other source? That’s lost to the sands of time now. Even if the movie wasn’t a masterpiece, I’d still be happy if it was restored by someone in the future.

The Princess Bride

Yeah, I'm still in shock over the news that broke last night. What a family tragedy all around.

RIP Rob Reiner and his wife Michele Singer Reiner

What a crummy weekend between TWO mass shootings and the circumstances of how Rob & his wife were murdered. Having just watched the Spinal Tap sequel on Friday in Kansas before flying back to Florida (it was selected because the movie was new to HBO Max, wasn’t long, and there was interest in a theatrical viewing before the middling reviews rolled in), I wish the film would have been better-liked by me. That said, that doesn’t diminish the tremendous start to his directing career but I’ll discuss that at the conclusion of the review.

More than one of his films was seen by me as a kid and never again as an adult; that includes The Princess Bride. As tackling North for the first time in 30 years doesn’t seem a fitting tribute (even as a naïve young teen, that movie sadly was a flop), instead I’ll finally discuss a flick so beloved, more than one moment/line has become ingrained in Western pop culture to this day. 

Sorry for the obvious comment, but it actually is inconceivable that I waited so many years to finally view The Princess Bride again. A detailed plot description is not necessary; Peter Falk reads his grandson Fred Savage The Princess Bride (the book) when the latter is sick in bed. Those two offer occasional interjections into the playful sendup of an adventure fairy tale involving Princess Buttercup, a Farm Boy, and a man with a Zorro-esque mask. The movie is still a lot of fun.

What a cast. The heroes are likable while the heels are amusing in their own ways. What a trio Wallace Shawn, Mandy Patinkin, and Andre the Giant were. Of course, as a pro wrestling fan it’s always nice seeing the man born Andre Roussimoff. In the 70’s he was quite mobile for his huge size-unfortunately, by this point and his legendary match with Hulk Hogan in the Pontiac Silverdome for WrestleMania III, his body broke down and was rather immobile. Thankfully, movie magic made this not obvious.

I do know the lore of how Reiner’s dad Carl gave him this book, inspiring Rob to adapt the novel when Truffaut, Redford, and Jewison weren’t able to. Thanks to Norman Lear and the support of then-head of 20th Century Fox Barry Diller, the film was made and while not a box office smash, became beloved in later years. The film looked great (not to constantly belabor this point, but especially compared to most modern pictures) and offered scenic views of the English/Irish countryside, along with quality sets. The Mark Knopler score was fitting for the setting; Dire Straits made some great songs, including Money for Nothing… regrettable usage of a homophobic slur aside.

I can’t speak for the tastes of the current generation but the hope is that The Princess Bride is timeless, a tale that can captivate both adults & children even as 2025 concludes. This long-overdue rewatch did brighten my spirit and made me feel better about what appears to be a family tragedy. Without a doubt, in the years away I’ll visit and revisit more of Rob Reiner’s work.

Portrait in Crystal

Portrait in Crystal (Shui Jing Ren) (1983)

Runtime: 84 delirious minutes

Directed by: Hua Shan

Starring: Jason Pai Piao, Lau Yuk-Pok, Wang Yong, Chen Szu-Chia, Teng Wei-Hao

From: Shaw Brothers

This sure was a bizarre early 80’s Shaw Brothers film. I mean, not all the entries in that category have been viewed by me, but I’m referring to the likes of The Boxer’s Omen & Buddha’s Palm here. If you thought those films featured inscrutable plots hard to follow, wait until you see Portrait in Crystal!

Ostensibly, the story concerns a pair of dudes who create crystal statues--the leader of the two decides to bleed on the statue to “give it more life”… even though his chubby pal correctly noted the lore that this would make the statue come to life. As the statue was of a woman, we see a female in a cool outfit kill a bunch of dudes, but there are reasons why this occurs. That isn’t told in a clear fashion, nor are the misadventures that the duo engage in. No one-at least on Letterboxd-seems to have a firm grasp of the plot, as a matter of fact. 

While not as bonkers entertaining as The Boxer’s Omen, the film still has great sets, looks better than most modern movies, has an interesting score (whether or not it uses uncredited music from elsewhere is unknown), fun action, moves as a nice clip and is never boring. This has everything from laser animations-always popular in this region of the world during the time period-to a torture sequence straight out of a pinku movie, to borrow a phrase. Also, a dude wears a featureless white face mask, for reasons that become obvious in the final act.

This Hua Shan joint is a lot of fun; he is best known for the wildly entertaining Super Inframan but from multiple Letterboxd mutuals, he also directed some other wacky films, especially Bloody Parrot-like this film, a recent addition to Arrow’s streaming service. More than one stated in their reviews for Crystal that Parrot was a superior film/experience-one day I’ll find out.

Spinal Tap II: The End Continues

Spinal Tap II: The End Continues (2025)

66% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 134 reviews) 

Runtime: 84 minutes

Directed by: Rob Reiner

Starring: The gang from the first film, plus many others, including mostly pointless cameos

From: Bleecker Street

I’d rather discuss other things rather than this movie. Now I’ll mention that I made it back home to Florida fine-albeit, a long flight delay meant that stepping foot at home didn’t occur until after 3AM! It was still better than my flight back last December; I suffered the worst case of food poisoning in my life and it wasn’t a pretty sight-no, I didn’t have the grilled halibut. I’ll mention some details concerning the trip to Kansas at the end of the review, for anyone that cares. Now, it’s the time to mention that while Spinal Tap the band hasn’t been seen by me elsewhere aside from the 1984 original movie, that original movie is great-a droll mockumentary so authentic to the irrationality of a successful rock band, several acts before and after 1984 thought the movie was about them. A sequel would have been created much sooner, if not for rights issues that took three full decades (!) to resolve.

That’s why I’m especially disappointed that the film mostly missed the mark for me. The idea of a band reuniting for one last concert is a fine one, & rock and roll bands have had feuding members for the better part of the last 70 years. As stated often by me, comedy is the most subjective of genres-while II contained some chuckles, the majority of the humor just did not entertain me. Some of the potential even felt squandered. What sank the movie for me was the music producer character who based on his name was a spoof of Simon Cowell. This film’s Simon was a dumb and not funny caricature of a music producer; I loathed that character.

Furthermore, the references to such modern-day aspects as cryptocurrency and K-Pop felt like senior citizens addressing those topics—that means “not cool.” This is a modern movie trope I haven’t mentioned yet, but only due to my avoidance of such films: a conflict, whether it’s built up throughout or suddenly begins, is resolved quickly and felt superfluous. Sadly, that occurred here. AND, the onslaught of cameos from famous musicians mostly felt pointless.

To reiterate, some chuckles were present and the catchy tunes (whether old or new) were nice. As a whole, though, The End Continues sadly does not go to 11-apologies for the low-hanging fruit of a joke that might may be look like a hack. In fact, I’d rather smell the glove than ever watch this again, while the OG effort will forever be rewatchable.

As for the annual sojourn to Kansas, as always it was nice to see my sister & her family, even if all three of my nephews are a handful. The ability to drive a car out there this time meant that a few interesting locations were visited along the way, not just in Kansas. Getting to see a cleaning robot (w/ cute face) at a Quik Trip gas station was neat, and stumbling across a Golden Chick restaurant was unexpected-it is a small chain based in Texas which has an outpost in Wichita. Visiting a Jack in a Box and Whataburger was rare… even if the former is opening an outpost in Orlando and the latter might return to Central Florida.

However, a Holy Grail place was visited in Dallas: In-N-Out! Somehow, one had never been visited before in my almost 45 years on this planet. After the hope for years that one would be had: the fries were good (as long as they aren’t cold) and the pink lemonade was good… but the burger was quite tasty. That does help demonstrate why the chain is so beloved, even if I still do get why some find the onslaught of praise through the decades at least a bit overwrought. All the fun and travel the past 3 weeks aside, I’m happy for a return to normalcy for at least the rest of 2025.

The Man with the Golden Arm

The Man with the Golden Arm (1955)

Runtime: 119 minutes

Directed by: Otto Preminger

Starring: Frank Sinatra, Eleanor Parker, Kim Novak, Arnold Stang, Darren McGavin

From: United Artists

I saw Man on Turner Classic Movies this morning; they had a marathon of Sinatra movies due to today being his birthday. It's a famous anti-drug screed from the past that had never been seen before now. While of course it being a product of 1950's Hollywood this is far less explicit than something like Christiane F or Trainspotting, the message is still effective.

Ol' Blue Eyes portrayed the somewhat improbably-named FRANKIE MACHINE, a heroin addict who takes the rap for a rat fink and becomes clean while serving his time in prison. Technically, “heroin” is never said and in the novel this is based on, the drug was morphine, but the context clues suggest H. He tries to stay clean and become a jazz drummer; however, he still has his old friends and some of them are also rat finks. He also has a wife in a wheelchair (Eleanor Parker), although Kim Novak-a flame from the past-seems to be a better partner for him, not because of his wife requiring a wheelchair.

As others have proclaimed, Darren McGavin as the guy who forced H on an addict attempting to recover for good might as well have twirled his mustache if he could. The movie was still controversial for its time in its frank depiction of drug addiction-including attempting to go cold turkey-and demonized the drug rather than the individuals hooked to the poison. The cast was swell... Frank Sinatra as the lead, McGavin, Parker, Novak, and while I finally noticed that Arnold Stang resembled a tortoise w/ glasses, he did a fine job as Frankie's annoying/energetic lackey. 

Buttressed by solid direction from Otto Preminger and a great score from Elmer Bernstein, The Man with the Golden Arm is well worthy of your time if the premise/individuals involved pique your interest whatsoever. It also has a sweet opening credits sequence from the legendary Saul Bass.