More Stars Than There Are In Heaven

Psycho (the remake, unfortunately)

2012-02-11T15:42:00.000-05:00

Psycho (1998)

Runtime: 105 minutes

Directed by: Gus Van Sant

Starring: Vince Vaughn, Anne Heche, Viggo Mortensen, Julianne Moore, William H. Macy

From: Universal

Yes, I actually watched this movie for the first time in over 13 years; I was inspired by someone I know on Facebook mentioning that they were watching it. It got me to thinking that the only time I watched this was when I went to the theatre and watched it on the big screen. Don't worry, I saw the original before I saw the shot for shot remake. I don't need to tell anyone how great the 1960 film is even now, 52 years later. Anyhow, I saw it, it ended, and as everyone walked out, I don't think anyone enjoyed it, me included. It was just something that was not needed. I thought I did not need to ever watch this again (and thankfully later on I was able to watch the original on the big screen) but then that discussion online plus this blog inspired me to rent this film and give it a second viewing.

Before I get to that, though, I have to mention the realization I came to a few hours after that Facebook post from the pal... this was likely the first-ever R-rated movie I saw on the big screen on my own without my parents! For some reason I'm thinking that I MAY have seen Scream 2 on the big screen on my own but given that it came out in late '97 and I don't know if it was still out in late February right after I turned 17... if I did see it, then I shouldn't have. Whoops on the theatre's part, not mine. But I am more definitive in saying that Psycho was the first R-rated theatrical experience on my own, and I really wish another movie held that distinction! Hey, back then I rarely went to the cineplex. I probably only went out a few times a year in those days, if that.

But back to this motion picture...

Viewing it so many years later, my opinion really hasn't changed; this movie is just a giant waste of time and I have no idea why it was done except to prove a point that even a shot for shot remake (which actually isn't really that as you had some changes, such as making it clear that Norman Bates was diddling his fiddle as he was a voyeur spying on Marion) isn't the same as not only is it dumb for a director to try and imitate another director but that casting does a lot to make or break a movie. Anne Heche is no Janet Leigh, and I thought that at the time, even before she made those really bizarre statements about being two different people and an alien, or whatever that nonsense was. After knowing that, it's real hard to enjoy her as Marion Crane, to be perfectly honest. And as many have said, while Anthony Perkins was a weird shut-in and a nerd he still seemed like a nice guy; Vince Vaughn always came off as a real, well, psycho, and a creep too.

That alone ruins things but then there's other crap, such as surreal dream stuff added in, and it just doesn't add anything positive to the procedings. Sure, some of the performances from the talented cast were fine, but when there are issues with the two leads, that's a big problem. There were definitely things I did not remember from the late 90's viewing, such as the dream stuff or especially briefly hearing a Rob Zombie song in one scene!

So yes, while it was interesting to watch this again after so many years, it pretty much was as I remembered it: it wasn't God-awful... just extremely pointless, especially compared to how great the original film is.

I'll be back Wednesday night.

Yes, I Went And Saw Episode I in 3D

2012-02-10T23:37:00.000-05:00

So, I don't need to do the proper intro nor give a plot synopsis for this movie, as you all know it, and I'd say that you all hate it, but after Friday morning at 12:01 AM, that would be inaccurate. Besides, despite the off-putting voice and all the off-color humor, the Red Letter Media reviews for all of the prequels explain far better why they're all poor than I could.

Despite agreeing with that I decided to go and view it in 3D; it gives me something to write about, the visuals would at least be nice (and yeah, they still look nice in '12) and the crowd I figured would be interesting. Boy was I not let down by the last part. I watched it at Downtown Disney at the AMC, and they're showing it now on their giant ETX screen, with pumpin' audio too, so it'd be a good way to watch that film. A lot of people were there, and even I was surprised by the number of fanboys (I won't use the term “nerd”) who were there wearing either the appropriate t-shirts or in Jedi robes, usually with fake light sabers! Really. I guess those guys will never turn down the chance to dress up like their heroes. Say what you will, but at least it was a well-behaved audience and there was no idiocy to talk about. It should be no shock that the one trailer which got by far the biggest reaction was for the new Spiderman film.

Yes, the movie still sucks. But, the crowd was so amped for it (to the point that I actually heard laughs for Jar-Jar Binks and his dialogue!) I did not hate the experience at all. As for the 3D, it's still not the sort of thing where you'll see a lot of stuff flying out at you. Rather, it's the depth of field thing, and in that way it does work. As long as you know that... anyway, it was a unique time at the cinema so it wasn't a mistake to spend that money and go out late at night for that viewing.

I'll be back tomorrow afternoon with something more traditional... and it includes a story about my teenage movie-going years.

Slaughter's Big Rip-Off

2012-02-09T01:47:00.001-05:00

Slaughter's Big Rip-Off (1973)

Runtime: 92 minutes

Directed by: Douglas Gordon

Starring: Jim Brown, Ed McMahon (yes), Brock Peters, Don Stroud, Gloria Hendry

From: AIP

Here's a movie I was inspired to track down, and I was able to do it in a not so ethical way, as a few months ago I stumbled upon a podcast known as Bad Movie Fiends; where they not only review awful movies with little merit like Battlefield Earth and The Happening but also awesome low-budget films that technically aren't good but are awesome to watch anyway. I burned through all 100 plus episodes they've done and they're great to listen to and enjoy. Anyhow, I wrote them an e-mail asking them about blaxploitation movies and recommended Slaughter, a movie I saw last summer and thought was pretty great. Much to my surprise they liked the idea so much they watched that movie and this month for them will be blaxploitation. They also managed to enjoy Slaughter a hell of a lot so I am quite flattered they liked my ideas so much.

Anyway, they knew of this sequel but no one knew if it was any good or not, and not even I could answer that, until now.

The plot is that Slaughter is back in LA. He's on a picnic in the country with some pals. Suddenly, a bi-plane appears and machine guns his best friend, while Slaugher survives; needless to say he's PISSED that “The Syndicate” is after him so he I on the path to take down Ed McMahon (!), a.k.a. Duncan, who he finds out is the guy that ordered the hit. Along the way he meets up with a cop (Peters) that coerces him to getting a special list from Duncan that has all of his contacts, including fellow people on the police force. There's also interactions with a wide variety of people wearing lout and wacky clothing from the period, including Scatman Crothers, who only appears in one scene, and doesn't use The Shine. He also has to get help from a pimp (Dick Anthony Williams) who overacts to a hilarious degree.

While it isn't as awesome as the original it's still pretty great and filled with many laughs. Slaughter does some tremendous things, like threaten to shove a guy's face into an airplane propellar, and he even bitch-slaps a guy who has curly hair and a porn 'stache. He dropkicks a guy as if he was a WWE wrestler. He also has to team up with a pimp named Joe Creole who overacts to the nth degree and thus is always hilarious. Needless to say, Slaughter ends up killing many sons of bitches.

Oh, and there's SCATMAN CROTHERS who briefly appears as a jive dude but he only appears in one scene for about 2 minutes. My favorite scene, though, was when Slaughter and the pimp break into a mansion to retrieve the film's McGuffin and you see Ed McMahon make out in a hallway with a woman in her 20's. They then go into a bedroom where you hear them have sex, and it includes Ed McMahon moaning like he's going to orgasm! That is a sound I'll never forget.

About the only bad thing I can say is that when MGM released the movie on DVD they were cheap and didn't pay the cash to have James Brown's soundtrack appear so it was replaced with generic funk and that's unfortunate. Still, this movie has lines such as, “I'm going to kick your eyes out your ass”, and I probably don't need to say much more than that.

I'll be back Friday afternoon with something interesting, and I'll also be posting something about Episode 1 (yes) on Saturday afternoon.

Live Sports On The Big Screen

2012-02-05T16:19:00.002-05:00

On this Super Bowl Sunday, why not do something a little different and talk about the few times I've seen sporting events on the big screen?

The first one was back in early 2009 with the BCS National Championship Game between the Florida Gators and the Oklahoma Sooners. I drove all the way to Bradenton to watch it in an auditorium (and a bunch of crazy Gators fans) because of the fact that some locations across the country were showing it in 3D. When it worked, the effect was nice. It's just that the way they filmed it wasn't always the best, and there were such mistakes as entire plays being missed to show a replay, the cameras having trouble following who had the ball, and that sort of thing. I guess that was why Cinedigm (the people that at least presented it; it was a game that was broadcast on FOX so I'll always be happy to blame them for it, as FOX is the dirt worst of all the networks) never tried to do that again.

Then, for four events in 2010, UFC pay per views were presented by Fathom Events in theatres. The pay per views weren't always the greatest but I always had a good time and while the crowds varied in size, the people that did show up seemed to have a good time too. As I presume not enough people showed up to those events, that's why they stopped doing it.

Then, just yesterday UFC returned to theatres, but this time from Cinedigm and instead in 3D. The production was a lot better than the BCS game. There was only a glitch or two and none during the fights themselves. There was only a few instances of the ghosting effect, and it was minor and did not ruin the effect for the bouts. The fact that it was a good pay per view was an added bonus. The attendance where I was... it was pretty good. Hopefully they'll do this once every few months as I'll always attend.

If only events like the Super Bowl would be shown in theatres in 3D... I think that could be pretty awesome.

I'll be back Wednesday night and this time I promise I'll do a traditional movie review.

Damn You, Streaming Video Services!

2012-02-04T16:14:00.001-05:00

I was going to review something I stumbled upon which was on a streaming video website but the stream ended up not workng out, so I was SOL. I will be back tomorrow, though, where I'll talk about the experience of watching sporting events on in a movie theatre. Wacky and something different, but I also hope it will be something interesting.

The Grey

2012-02-02T02:22:00.001-05:00

The Grey (2012)

77% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 146 reviews)

Runtime: 117 minutes

Directed by: Joe Carnahan

Starring: Liam Neeson, Dallas Roberts, Dermot Mulroney, Frank Grillo, Joe Anderson

From: Open Road Films

Finally, I've seen a quality movie released in 2012. I realize not everyone will agree with this statement but I'll get to that in a bit.

The way this movie has been advertised, you might think it's Taken with wolves, but it's much more than that. To steal a quick plot synopsis from IMDb:

“In Alaska, an oil drilling team struggle to survive after a plane crash strands them in the wild. Hunting the humans are a pack of wolves who see them as intruders.”

It sounds simple but it's more complex than that. You start off by seeing that Liam (I might as well call him that instead of his character name, due to how awesome Mr. Neeson is) is unhappy as the guy who keeps guard and shoots any wolf who tries to attack the people working on the oil drilling team. He clearly misses his old lady. It isn't long before the team boards an airplane and fly back to Anchorage. Suddenly, the plane crashes, and holy crap I haven't seen a plane crash in a fictional movie in such a terrifying fashion.

So, after the crash it's just Liam and six surviving males; those dudes are all rough and tough guys so it's no surprise that there are arguments and disagreements as Liam becomes the alpha male of the group and decides to move the figurative wolf pack and leave the crash site to try and reach civilization as a literal wolf pack decides to track them down as they don't like those men in their space.

Overall, this movie isn't just a badass affair where dudes have to team together to go against nature. Rather, you get to see that these tough guys are human beings and they have families and they have to deal with the fact that it's likely they won't be seeing their loved ones again. I will warn you that the movie is pretty downbeat, if you didn't get that impression already. I don't want to give too much else away but I say that all of it is effective and you have quality acting jobs, especially from Neeson, who has some unforgettable scenes. Also, the scenery of Alaska (actually filmed in rural British Columbia) is quite beautiful.

Now, if you haven't heard there's a segment of the audience that saw this which did not like how things turned out. I won't spoil anything but I did not hear about that backlash until someone I know personally on Facebook mentioned it the night before I saw this, then I look online and a forum has a thread which has people echoing his thoughts. Me, I was fine with how things turned out; I thought it worked for this sort of motion picture and I had little to carp about. Yet, some people out there were so displeased they hated the entire movie, and I say that's unfortunate. This sure as shit isn't The Devil Inside!

Oh, and there is a really short stinger that comes after the end credits but I say it doesn't really add anything so you can just find out what it was AFTER you see the film.

So, I say this film which reunites the star and director of the surprisingly good The A-Team is pretty damn good in a totally different way and it's well-worth seeing. Just don't be misled by what you may infer from the advertising, which I do say can make you think this is something it is not.

I'll be back Saturday afternoon with a new review.

Dark Of The Sun

2012-01-28T01:36:00.002-05:00

Dark of the Sun (1968)

Runtime: 100 minutes

Directed by: Jack Cardiff

Starring: Rod Taylor, Peter Carsten, Yvette Mimieux, Jim Brown

From: MGM

Here is a movie I've heard about for awhile via a forum, but have never seen it despite it being on TCM once in a blue moon, as when it's on it's at weird times, like it was late Thursday night. I did not know it was on until about 40 minutes in, so I was disappointed by that. My mood lightened when I looked online and I saw it was on Veoh. You just download the free player and it allows you to watch anything on there.

I'll copy and paste the short plot description from its IMDb page:

A band of mercenaries led by Captain Curry travel through the Congo across deadly terrain, battling rival armies, to rescue $25 million in uncut diamonds.

Yep, that sums things up pretty well... except it was actually 50 million dollars in diamonds.

This movie (actually filmed in the UK and Jamaica instead of deepest darkest Africa) is pretty darn good. Things get started right away as you see Curry (Taylor) and Ruffo (Brown) arrive in the Congo as it's in the midst of the Simba Rebellion. In short, it's a real-life rebellion starting in '64 where some anti-government people tried to start a revolution. For the sake of this film, all you need to know is that the mercenaries are hired by the President of the country to go to a mine in Simba country to retrieve some diamonds so that the rebels don't have them in their possession. They find an alcoholic doctor and also an ex-Nazi (Carsten) who only gets hired for his military skill. Via train they travel there and back, and along the way they meet up with nice eye candy Mimieux.

I don't want to give too much away but even in 2012 the action you see here is satisfying. You have fire, explosions, big guns being fired-along with small ones-fights, and so on and so forth. There's even a moment where one guy gets his head forced onto a train track, as his enemy wants his head run over! That's pretty ruthless. Not to mention, all the people getting killed Also, there's the natural conflict with the damn Nazi, so that provides a lot of drama. And I mean that in a good way.

It's a grand aventure which I wish was more easily accessible as it deserves to be better known than it is, and I don't mean watching it on Veoh; I mean a nice Blu-Ray. Yeah, I enjoyed watching it that much. It's a good old manly time with enough action (it's graphic for the time), drama, and intrigue to entertain you and never leaving you feel bored or disappointed.

I'll be back Wednesday night with a new review.

Red Tails

2012-01-26T02:12:00.003-05:00

Red Tails (2012)

35% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 85 reviews)

Runtime: 121 minutes

Directed by: Anthony Hemingway

Starring: Nate Parker, David Oyelowo, Ne-Yo, Tristan Wilds

From: 20th Century Fox

Here's a movie that has sounded interesting to me for awhile, despite the aspect of it being executively produced by a certain George Lucas. After his last few films, it's natural to have at least some reservations about something with his name attached to it. But, then again it was a movie he had been looking to do since '88 and he put in many millions of dollars to have it made so it was a labor of love for him.

I was going to see it during this past weekend and then on Monday but things got in the way of that, so it wasn't until earlier tonight that I was able to go out to the local cineplex to check it out. To steal the plot synopsis from the official site of the film:

1944. To help win the war, the Pentagon brass has no choice but to consider the untested African-American pilots of the experimental Tuskegee training program. Just as the young Tuskegee men are about to be shut down and shipped back home, they are given the ultimate chance to show their courage. These intrepid young airmen take to the skies to fight for their country - and the fate of the free world.

That is a pretty accurate description of the movie's plot. Even though I'm a history guy I doesn't know as much as I should about the Tuskegee Airmen. After I watched this, I still am not sure how much more I learned about them. I just hope Hollywood didn't fabricate too much. Then again, I heard old George did a lot of research through the years on the subject so I guess I shouldn't worry about that too much.

As for the film, the story isn't always presented in the best way, the dialogue and situations seem straight out of a World War II film that was made while World War II was still going on (at least Lucas isn't still in the 1930's serials), and it's real cornball stuff at times. Yet, I can't say I hated the movie at all; in fact, I thought it was entertaining for what it was. The performances all around are nice (even from Ne-Yo, playing a character named Smokey who believe it or not did remind me of Smokey from Friday), with Oyelowo as the hotshot Lightning definitely being the most dynamic and intriguing character. You also have roles from Cuba Gooding Jr. and Terrence Howard, with small roles from Bryan Cranston and Major Dad... whoops, I mean Gerald McRaney.

The flying scenes are cartoony but hell, they are exciting so you won't see me carp about that. As long as you know going in how cliché and cornball things can get, then you should probably enjoy this tale about some truly great men from history's past who deserve the attention for the contributions to the history of the United States. The cliches may be old and hoary, but some of them still work rather well. Oh, and this sort of movie with a predominantly African-American cast should do well as it would be nice for Hollywood to produce more films such as that; Lord knows this is far better than the gobshite you get from Tyler Perry!

I'll be back Friday night with a new review.

The Long Riders

2012-01-24T00:01:00.003-05:00

The Long Riders (1980)

Runtime: 100 minutes

Directed by: Walter Hill

Starring: The Carradine brothers, the Keach brothers, the Quaid brothers, and the Guest br others

From: United Artists

Due to me not feeling at 100% on Saturday and having football to watch on Sunday, that is why I'm going to talk about a movie that I first saw a few years ago, but it was before I started up this blog, so I might as well write about it, right? It's a western so it helps fill a genre that I don't give as much love to as I should.

The one big hook of this movie based on the lives of famous outlaws the James Brothers, the Younger Brothers, the Millers, and ultimately the Ford Brothers (given that a few years ago there was a movie which came out called The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, it sort of gives away what the ending of this film is; then again, if you've read up on the history of this gang then you'll know more than a little about the plot of this film, along with probably generally be entertained by their exploits) is that four sets of famous acting siblings were cast in those roles, thus you have James and Stacy Keach as the James Boys, David, Robert, and Keith Carradine as the Youngers, Dennis and Randy Quaid as the Millers, and Christopher and Guest as the Fords. It's a gimmick which works as every one of those brothers delivers a performance that is at least fine and is usually better than that.

This film-which I don't think is entirely accurate to the truth but hey, it's still fun-portrays the gang in a sympathetic light as they rob trains and banks to provide for their families while dealing with such things as some of the guys wanting to start families of their own and deal with the Pinkerton Detective Agency, who are on the hunt for them and the movie makes them look to be dicks, willing to kill innocent people to get their men.

Overall, it's an entertaining western and if you enjoy the real-life story then you should check this out. When you do see violence it's certainly bloody and visceral. I mean, when people get shot with a shotgun, they go flying backwars something like 20 feet through windows. It's not very realistic... but is it cool? I say yes. It's a manly movie directed by a manly man, and after the PG-13 crap news of last week, it was nice to see an R-rated film like this one.

I'll be back Wednesday night with a new review.

Oh, What A Week

2012-01-20T23:39:00.002-05:00

No review tonight; to me I have a good explanation. Would you want to do one after the events of the past few days, with all that SOPA/PIPA stuff (thankfully that is at least being postponed now, but that was just announced hours ago) Megaupload being shut down by the U.S. Government, because they apparently have nothing better to do or bigger problems to combat, three great R&B people passing away in Etta James, Johnny Otis and Jimmy Castor, some unfortunate news about a movie I was eagerly looking forward to... not to mention during one night I had a dream where one of my friends died? Not the best past few days.

The news I'm referring to is the whole controversy revolving around The Expendables 2 and its rating. Recently someone discovered Chuck Norris saying on a Polish TV show-of all things-that he only agreed to do it if it was PG-13, as he doesn't want to do something where people say a lot of bad words. I didn't really believe it, given that Chuck is rather loony at times so I figured it doesn't matter what he says, it's going to be rated R.

Then, Sly Stallone actually confirmed the news.

Needless to say, a lot of people online are not happy about this news, and I agree with them. It's pretty ridiculous to try and get teenagers to go and see a bunch of old action stars fighting against each other.

But, this profane video I found online explains my feelings pretty well. I don't agree with all of it but as one of the thousands of Hitler parody videos, it's pretty great.

In case it gets deleted sometime in the future, I'll say it's one of those videos with subtitles over a ranting and raving Hitler; that clip is from Downfall, a Eurpoean war movie which I understand is actually great but most people know it just for that one scene and how it's been used in thousands of different ways to laugh at such thing as in this case, the FAIL of Expendables 2 being PG-13.

With this strong backlash hopefully they'll change their mind, but at this time people are PISSED and hopefully you can see why I felt like doing this sort of writing instead of watching and reviewing a motion picture. Oh, and I also watched the rare Friday night UFC show, which for it having fighters that are almost all in the middle of the pack, was pretty darn good.

I will be back to review a flick on Monday as it is in my plans to watch one during the weekend.

Project A

2012-01-17T22:55:00.002-05:00

Project A ('A' Gai Wak) (1983)

Runtime: 98 minutes (that's the length of the American version, anyhow; the original cut is a few minutes longer and edits out some minor stuff)

Directed by: Jackie Chan and an uncredited Sammo Hung

Starring: Jackie Chan, Sammo Hung, Biao Yuen, Dick Wei

From: Golden Harvest

It was recently that I realized not only do I need to talk about more foreign movies, that I hadn't actually talk about a Jackie Chan motion picture yet. That is quite the surprise to me; besides his American films that can vary wildly in quality, there are his Hong Kong movies, some of which are pretty awesome. That includes this one; I say that as someone who has only seen the American version, which cuts out a few minutes of scenes, has dubbing instead of subtitles, and even adds in a soundtrack that is more obtrusive than fitting for the film. While I wish I could see it more in its original format, you can find this movie, its sequel, and the two Operation Condor movies on one Blu-Ray disc for pretty cheap at places like Wal-Mart.

Anyhow, this movie is set in the late 1800's in Hong Kong and has Jackie (as a dude named Dragon Ma!) as a member of the Hong Kong Marine Police. Apparently at the time those guys dressed like Donald Duck... although thankfully they had pants on. They have a rivalry going on with the regular Hong Kong Police Force. The Marine Police is a little wacky and goofy and apparently not all that successful, which is bad when they have to try and defend the area from pirates. Stuff happens and Jackie and the rest have to stick to land and join the Police Force. More stuff happens and... I won't spoil it, but it involves his friendemy-that's normally a hipster sort of term I'd never use; it happens to fit the relationship between the two characters perfectly-Fei (Hung) and they have to deal with such things as the pirates on the ground and double crosses. It's a cool plot that has depth to it but it's never a labyrinth of a mess.

Along the way you see what you expect from a typical Chan movie, which is a mix of comedy that's actually funny for the most part along with some eye-popping stunts and crazy action. This motion picture delivers on all fronts. It's great fun and it's never boring. Not only do you see some stuff that literally almost killed Jackie, but some of the stunt people took rather hard and awkward falls. It was interesting to see that in the days before CGI. I mean, I hope they didn't almost get killed themselves. No matter the case, if you're an action fan wanting to see something strong and virile instead of weak and flaccid (as you get too often these days) you should not be disappointed with this. Like I said, even the inferior American version can be found for real cheap and if you can track down the superior version then I imagine you'd have a superior time watching it compared to my still highly positive experience.

I'll be back Friday night with a new review.

Happy MLK Day

2012-01-16T23:18:00.000-05:00

Well, the past few days have been even more chaotic than I expected, so it won't be until around this time tomorrow that I post my next review. My apologies but that's how my schedule turned out.

Super 8

2012-01-13T23:28:00.003-05:00

Super 8 (2011)

82% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 254 reviews)

Runtime: 111 minutes

Directed by: J.J. Abrams

Starring: Elle Fanning, Kyle Chanler, Joel Courtney, Gabriel Basso

From: Paramount

Before I get to talking about this movie that I finally got around to seeing, let me mention something quick:

A few days ago I purchased a portable Blu-Ray player with some Christmas cash and a gift card I got for the day from Best Buy. The portable DVD player I had (which was from a relative who didn't need the old thing anymore) crapped out recently so instead of getting a new thing to just play DVD, I figured I would make it easier for me to watch Blu-Rays so I splurged and got that.

Now, onto this movie. I never got to see it on the big screen. I thought it could be interesteing but despite strong praise I never made the plunge until I rented the Blu-Ray yesterday. After all, might as well watch a film having at least some scary moments for this day, right?

I think what may have been turned me off was the marketing for it, which at first made it sound like a Cloverfield 2, and generally either confused people or angered people who bought into the hype for Cloverfield itself and while I enjoyed the film, I know that most of the marketing was garbage and meant nothing. Plus, the name always made me laugh and for the longest time I've called it The Motel 6 Movie. I know, they got the name from the Super 8 camera used back in the day, but c'mon now, when most people hear Super 8, guess what they think of? That's right, a low-buget hotel chain!

Now, onto the movie. By now you should know what the basic plot is: some young kids in late 70's Ohio make a zombie movie using a Super 8 camera. They film by a train station at night when suddenly a train derails and it just so happened to be carrying an alien, so it gets loose. Stuff happens, then the end.

Overall... what an overrated movie. I'm surprised it's gotten as much love as it has. Sure, the kids were all great and believable in their roles. None of them annoyed me, which is a big bonus. Elle Fanning did a great job with her role. She was the best part of the entire film. It was just fun watching those kids put in the effort to make their little short.

Problem is, there's the other stuff. Whether it be the drama stuff with some of the kids and their parents (it involves them not relating to the kids and all that eye-rolling crap) or stuff with the military or adults griping at each other, it's just tiresome. Then there's the alien, which you never get a clear bright look at. From what I saw it was nothing original or special. There are various aspects to the creature which I won't discuss as it's spoilers, but various aspects of the alien and whether or not you're supposed to feel sympathetic to it... it's just incredibly confused and like I said, aside from the stuff with the kids being kids and trying to make that movie, I thought this was more a miss than a hit. And I wish they would have been a little more subtle with their idea of making it clear that this movie took place in 1979. You see an overabundance of crap to remind you of this.

At least there is something I can compliment: during the end credits you actually get to see the short the kids made. That was pretty dope. Otherwise, though, I say this was disappointing to me. Attack the Block did a similar thing SO much better.

I'll be back Monday night with a new review.

The Devil Inside

2012-01-10T01:33:00.003-05:00

The Devil Inside (2012)

7% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 44 reviews)

Runtime: 87 minutes (although it seems like the final 10 of those are comprised of the slowest-moving end credits you'll ever see)

Directed by: William Brent Bell

Starring: Fernandina Andrade, Simon Quarterman, Evan Helmuth, Ionut Grama

From: Paramount Insurge (a new sub-studio which will release movies just like this; yep, the found footage thing isn't going away anytime soon)

Oh boy, this movie... it may be the worst of 2012 that I see! I don't do worst-of lists as I don't seek out current bad movies like I do current good ones. However, if I see one worse this year, I'll be surprised. Thank goodness I saw this at the Silver Moone Drive-In, located in Lakeland. If it was located closer to where I live I'd go there more often. You can watch two movies for a grand total of only $4! That is an amazing deal. After hearing all the toxic reviews I figured that would be the best way to see this movie; I was correct. I saw it and then watched Paranormal Activity 3 again. PA3 is SO much better in comparison.

Now, onto this movie; to use a popular joke, the INXS song of the same name is quite a bit better than the movie. In fact, I think I'd rather commit autoerotic asphyxiation than watch the film again! Here's the reason why:

As the marketing for the movie has explained (it worked rather well, given this actually earned over 30 million bucks at the box office, shocking everyone; starting today, though, I imagine the auditoriums will be rather barren for screenings of this), there's a woman named Maria Rossi who went crazy one night in 1989. She killed three members of the clergy who were trying to exorcise her. She was found not guilty by reason of insanity and she ended up at a mental hospital in Rome, Italy, because... well, that's what the script said they should do. Note that from the fake news footage you see (the best part of the movie, you could argue) the murders were committed in Connecticut. Anyhow, 20 years later her daughter Isabella (Andrade) takes a documentary dude (Grama) and go to Italy to meet up with old mom. They end up being buddies with two renegade priests (yes, you read that right; they were played by Helmuth and Quarterman) who perform exorcisms outside the realm of the Church. From there than fantastic foursome do some exorcisms and try to get old mom right.

The main problem is that this movie just isn't all that scary or terrifying. I mean, not at all. The exorcism scenes you see, for example, are pathetic in comparison to The Exorcist, to list the most famous example in the possessed genre. Everything, from the actual scares to the rites performed, are amateur hour and don't get the heart rate raised. You also get a bunch of not so greatly performances and a lot of arguing and characters acting stupid and doing the wrong things. Shockingly, this did not make me enjoy watching this claptrap or wondering what would happen next.

Some “shocking” plot twists happen and then suddenly, the movie stops rather than ends. THAT is what gotten so many people upset with the film. I mean, there have been reports of people booing, throwing stuff at the screen, and what have you. I didn't get quite that reaction at the drive-in but I imagine a lot of those people weren't happy. I know I wasn't delighted! This movie is just a waste of time; don't even bother ever trying to watch it, even if it's on The Movie Channel by this time next year.

I'll spend the rest of this giving out some SPOILERS as I have to in order to talk about something involving the end of the film. If you don't want to read that, you can stop reading and I'll tell you I'll be back Friday night.

Now, onto the spoilers. The ending is that three of the characters end up in a car and they have to drive somewhere. Suddenly, something happens to the driver and the car gets crashed. Then... that is where the movie ends, and you are asked to go to this website for further details. That seemed to imply that the rest of the story would be finished there.

Problem is, the story does NOT get finished there! I couldn't believe what I saw instead. What you got was an incredibly amateurish website (why they went that route, I'll never understand) filled with misspellings and a blatant continuity error involving a big detail of where the documentary filmmaker filmed his first flick. It's just ridiculous and makes the middle finger ending a double bird once you know the website is a giant waste of time. I mean, the videos you see on the site look to be the first few results that they got when someone searched “exorcisms” on YouTube and they pasted the results on there!

Showdown in Little Tokyo

2012-01-06T23:28:00.001-05:00

Showdown in Little Tokyo (1991)

Runtime: 79 minutes

Directed by: Mark L. Lester

Starring: Dolph Lundgren, Brandon Lee, Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa, Tia Carrere

From: Warner Brothers

Here's a movie I'm basically writing about as I watched it earlier in the week on Encore HD. A big draw for me was that as of now you can only get the movie on DVD, and unless it's been re-released it was only put out in the early days of the format and the picture is full screen and doesn't look that great. While the movie was show 1.85:1 and thus it's not that big of a tragedy the DVD is full screen, needless to say the picture was quite a bit nicer on Encore HD.

As for the movie, it's just like something goofy and slight yet extremely entertaining too. And this is despite Warner Brothers obviously editing things down to such a short runtime. For the most part that doesn't hamper the movie too much. The story is that American cop Chris Kenner (the great Dolph) happened to grow up in Japan; he also happened to see his parents get murdered by a member of the Yakuza. Early on he is teamed up with fellow cop Johnny Murata (Lee), who is partially Japanese and yet dislikes that part of his heritage. They go against Yoshida, a member of the Yakuza who started up a drug ring disguised as a brewery. As this is a movie, of course Yoshida was the guy who killed Kenner's parents.

The movie itself was obviously shot on the cheap and some moments are incredibly fake. Despite that, the film still works as it's like something from the 80's that bled over into the 90's. It's an action-comedy buddy-cop sort of thing so there's a lot of cheesy dialogue and one-liners, which makes it never boring. There's also a lot of nudity, which I'll never complain about. Funnily enough, there's also quite a bit of homoerotic moments, and not just the infamous moment where after seeing Kenner fight in the nude, Johnny out of the blue compliments Chris on his penis size! I'll say that's also an element of the 80's action genre but that's another topic for another time. If you enjoy that sort of thing then I recommend trying to track this down. There are various uploads of it on YouTube so it shouldn't be too hard to find.

I'll be back Monday night and this time I won't review an action movie. It'll be in a different genre, I promise.

No Holds Barred

2012-01-03T22:00:00.001-05:00

No Holds Barred (1989)

Runtime: 93 minutes

Directed by: Thomas J. Wright

Starring: Hulk Hogan, Kurt Fuller, Joan Severance, Tiny Lister Jr.

From: New Line Cinema

I figured that the first review of 2012 should be something interesting, so why not go with finding a popular amongst many people my age pro wrestling film that has never even made it to DVD? Nevermind how I found it (oh OK, I downloaded it from here; it's rather clear it was a VHS rip from the old RCA Columbia Home Video tape, as the first thing you see in the file is the RCA Columbia Home Video logo); this was the first time in what had to be almost 20 years I had watched the movie.

To steal the plot from the site I got the download from: “Hulk Hogan, in an inarguably appropriate casting choice, plays a professional wrestler in this action-packed drama. Rip (Hogan) is a grappling star who is approached by Brell (Kurt Fuller), the new head of the World Television Network. Brell wants Rip to wrestle on his network, but Rip insists on honoring his commitment to another outlet. Brell responds by launching a show called "Battle of the Tough Guys," in which the beefy regulars of a particularly rough drinking establishment fight each other on camera. Zeus (Tommy "Tiny" Lister) soon emerges as the bad guy champion on this new show, and Brell uses Rip's friendship with his assistant Samantha (Joan Severance) to arrange a bout between Zeus and Rip. Rip is not at all interested until Zeus injures his brother and makes the fight a matter of personal pride.”

Yeah, that sums things up pretty well.

As for the movie and what I thought of it... it's about what you'd expect from a movie produced by Hogan and Vince McMahon. Despite it technically not being a good film, oh it's great in how ridiculous and cheesy in its 80'sness. Besides the star, there's also such things as the 80's saxophone-heavy soundtrack, for starters. Then there's the fashion...

Here are some of my other highlights:

* Fuller's performance. He was Snidely Whiplash in terms of subtlety. But it was so over the top he was great as the bad guy.
* Fuller's constant use of the term jock-ass, which was one of the things I remembered from watching the movie way back when.
* Hogan's near-constant growling, which goes with how many people in the cast growled.
* Hogan wearing an orange Speedo in one scene; also during the scene, it's seemingly implied at one point that he is furiously pleasuring himself! Only it's a gag as he's doing something else.
* Rip apparently owns a Lamborghini LM002, an SUV (!) the company made back then.
* In 2012, the comments about the Battle of the Tough Guys show being filth but yet Brell being fine with the negative publicity as it's still publicity... that sounds about right in this day and age given how much crap is on TV (usually “reality” television) and despite how much bad press it can get, it's still popular and that alone seems to be fine for the people who put that garbage on the air, Jersey Shore and most everything on TruTV now as prime examples.

It's that kind of movie. Sure it's not good but it was nice as a bit of nostalgia and as cheesy fun. It's certainly better than watching Zeus wresttle in the WWF in “real life”. Lister is awesome and all and even now he'd rip out my spine, but as a pro wrestler he was pretty bad.

I'll be back Friday night with another review.

My Best Movies of 2011 Blog

2011-12-31T20:36:00.001-05:00

Alright, so here's my list of the ten best movies I saw that were released theatrically this year. Note that I haven't seen all of the films that I've wanted to this year, and if I saw a certain few then maybe one or two of those would take a spot on this list. That said, I'm still happy with the list as at least this year I was able to come up with a solid 10 choices, unlike in '10.

I have these in order from 10 to 1 (with one honorable mention) and each movie listed you can read the review of by clicking on the title. The list isn't written in concrete in terms of how they're ordered. Really, the only one I'm certain of is 1, as I strongly feel it deserves that spot.

Honorable mention: The Mesrine movies

These two French/Canadian movies were released in '08 and got a limited release last year stateside. I just happened to see both on the big screen back to back in January. The films, based on the life of notorious French criminal Jacques Mesrine, were wildly entertaining, as he was a wild character who was best known for his elaborate escapes from authorities.

10. Drive

Sure, I thought this was overrated for all the hype it got, and I didn't necessarily care for how it ended. Yet, I'll still say it belongs on the list, due to its great style, nice performances all around, and the groovy 80's electro-sounding soundtrack.

9. Devil's Double

This film that got a theatrical release on a limited basis was based on a true story of how Uday Hussein got a former pal to be his double due to the number of attempts on his life. The story was pretty outrageous and I don't know how faithful to the truth it was. But, it was entertaining sleazy trash and Dominic Cooper was great in a dual role where he had to play two very different characters.

8. Hangover Part II

Yes, this was almost as big of a copy of the first film as Home Alone 2 was to the original. I do agree that Alan was more off-putting as a character this time. Yet, I still laughed often while I watched this, so I had to include it. I guess I enjoyed the interesting Bangkok setting that much.

7. Paranormal Activity 3

Oh, if only the marketing for this one wasn't so damn dishonest... still, in a different way this was as fun as the first two movies in the series, so it belongs here, even if I wish they didn't explain the backstory as I don't really like what the backstory is.

6. Hobo With A Shotgun

What an insane and out there flick this proved to be. Extremely sleazy, extremely trashy, extremely graphic... and yet extremely fun to me too. Seeing Rutger Hauer in this kind of motion picture is still surprising to me. Just head my warning if you're the squeamish type.

5. Drive Angry

I was one of the few who got to see this on the big screen in 3D. I guess most people didn't care for this kind of flick. However, I happen to be one of those who enjoyed this ridiculous and ridiculously fun ride, filled with enough sex, violence, and car chases to make me happy. Amber Heard was also a great heroine.

4. Tucker & Dale vs. Evil

I am glad I was able to see this at a cineplex. The movie was a send-up of slasher movie cliches and it worked well as both a comedy and a horror film. It featured two good-old-boys who love Pabst Blue Ribbon who get mistaken for killers by some dumb teenagers. If you love comedy/horror then this is a must-see.

3. Fast Five

I had only seen the first two movies in the series before I heard many rave reviews for this. It turns out the hype was warranted. While this may be the most preposterous movie I've ever seen it was also great fun, with a nice cast (The Rock was really memorable here) and a final 20 to 30 minutes that was pretty awesome.

2. 13 Assassins

I was lucky to see this Takashi Miike motion picture on the big screen via the Florida Film Festival. I'm usually not a Miike fan but this was quality stuff. It's a simple story of various badasses getting together to go against an evil Lord and his much larger army. The final 45 minutes or so is in essence one long action scene and like the big scene I referred to in Fast Five, it's filmed nicely with everything being easy to follow and it's none of that Michael Bay crap.

1. Attack The Block

I feel pretty strongly this is the best movie I saw all year. I am thankful I got to see it theatrically back a few months ago. It took some time but I'm glad I did have that opportunity. This tale of some tough young London teens (and a nurse) doing battle against a cadre of hairy aliens with glowing teeth is pretty tremendous throughout, from the electronic score by Basement Jaxx to the acting to all the action and gore you see. What's best, though, is that this is greatly written. Everything flows together so well. If only more movies were like this.

I'll be back Tuesday night. I thought I had a nice year of watching movies all in all. 2012 looks to be quite the eventful year, at least on the big screen. One thing I think I'll try to do is to watch more obscure movies, as those are always interesting to write about. Until then, have a good New Years Eve.

Mission Impossibles 2 Through 4

2011-12-29T21:36:00.003-05:00

Mission Impossible 2 (2000)

Runtime: 123 minutes

Directed by: John Woo

Starring: Tom Cruise, Thandie Newton, Dougray Scott, Ving Rhames

From: Paramount

Mission Impossible 3 (2006)

Runtime: 126 minutes

Directed by: J.J. Abrams

Starring: Tom Cruise, Michelle Mongahan, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Keri Russell

From: Paramount

Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol (2011)

93% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 175 reviews)

Runtime: 133 minutes

Directed by: Brad Bird

Starring: Tom Cruise, Jeremy Renner, Simon Pegg, Paula Patton

From: Paramount

For my last review of the year, it'll be a 3 in 1 deal, although I'll mainly talk about Ghost Protocol, which I actually saw before 2 and 3. I had to use Wikipedia to get the low-down on the plots for both before I was able to watch them.

2 concerns a virus known as Chimera and its cure, which are stolen by a former IMF agent (Scott) and Ethan Hunt has to use Newton as her womanly charms will help him get close to Scott. They go to Australia and have various adventures there. That's about it for the plot.

I did not really like this one at all. Woo appeared to be a parody of himself here with how he used slow-motion and his various motifs, such as doves and what have you. But what really sinks things is that all the characters I could not stand for various reasons. I mean, they act really stupid most of the time and if they don't act dumb, they're just obnoxious. It's a shame, as the Australian sights are nice and so is some of the action.

3 I definitely preferred. The story was better, Cruise seemed more like a team player than a solo act, Hoffman was pretty cool as he cashed in a fat paycheck for his rare appearance in a blockbuster rather than his standard indy faire (hopefully in the future he plays a Bond villain, as that could be tremendous) and there's some nice action present too. However, as I heard elsewhere, it seems like a TV show too often and too often there's an odd color tint to things. I guess that's Abrams as a newbie (at the time) big-screen director. If he did it now I'm sure it'd be better, but this movie is at least a fine time-waster, even if it could have been pretty good with some changes.

Now, onto Ghost Protocol, which I got to watch on a giant screen last Thursday. This series isn't my favorite, to be honest; however, I think this is the best one. While I wish the villain would have been fleshed out more and not such a cypher and the story wouldn't have been as popcorn slight at times, it still works quite well as entertaining shut your brain off fare and if you enjoy fun and exciting action that isn't as insulting or insufferable as Transformers or other films of its ilk, then you should have a good time and I am glad I saw this on the big screen. Some of the scenes were made for a large screen.

The story isn't too complex. Ethan Hunt and his IMF pals Benji (Pegg) and Jane (Patton) have to do a mission at the Kremlin; this is to get information to help them stop an evil Russian looking to use a nuclear weapon to his advantage. However, they get set up there and the Kremlin is bombed. Thus, the IMF is disbanded and the three agents have to go rogue to stop that Russian and his pals. They end up going to Dubai and another exotic location which I won't divulge. Brandt (Renner), who is an “intelligence analyst” gets involved and there are some secrets he has.

While the story isn't the most original it at least is fun escapeism. The action is pretty darn good throughout. The stuff you see in Dubai is especially exciting and well-done. For a guy that previously only directed animated films, Brad Bird did a great job helming this. I certainly prefer that directing style to the likes of directors who use that shaky-cam or quick-edit crap. Hopefully he directs a Bond film one of these days. Speaking of that, this was a much more satisfying spy adventure than Quantum of Solace was.

I'll be back on the 31st where I will reveal my 10 best movies I saw this year.

Silent Night Deadly Night

2011-12-26T02:14:00.000-05:00

Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

Runtime: 85 minutes

Directed by: Charles Sellier

Starring: Robert Brian Wilson, Lilyan Chauvin, Toni Nero, Linnea Quigley

From: Tristar

For Christmas, I decided to recently watch an infamous movie from the 80’s about a young man who dresses up as Santa Claus and goes spree killing during the holiday season. As it’s still December 25 on the West Coast as I write this, it works… at least that’s what I’ll claim. If you want more Christmas-related movies I reviewed you can go to last December as I covered some related to the holiday season.

I saw this movie once before during my teen years. I mean, it was so long ago I saw it on VHS tape via a rental from the mom and pop video store, which closed long ago. I recently found it on YouTube, which even offers up a link to a full video download from Megaupload, if that’s what you want to do.

The story involves Billy, who as a young kid visits his catatonic grandfather in the mental hospital; while the rest of the family is away old gramps talks to him and stresses how Santa punishes naughty boys. The family comes back and they all leave. On the way home they come across a thief in a Santa suit who kills the dad and then attempts to rape and then kills the mom, in front of Billy and his infant brother. Yep, this movie isn’t exactly subtle. So, you then see Billy in an orphanage having to deal with a really mean Mother Superior (Chauvin).

You then see Billy at age 18 as he gets a job… at a toy store during the holiday season. To quote a review from long ago, that aspect is a little goofy given what happened to Billy as a kid. It’s as of something horrible happened to someone as a kid on Valentine’s Day, then as an adult they get a job as a florist. Anyhow, as it nears the holiday season, a co-worker yells at him for allegedly slacking off at this time of year and even calls him a “moon goon”. No, I have no idea what a “moon goon” is either. Through contrivances, Billy ends up having to play Santa Claus at the store, and that’s when he snaps, and goes off on a killing spree on people he sees as being “naughty”, such as those who do bad things to his cute brunette crush Pamela (Nero).

I didn’t remember this from the first time I saw this, but while very entertaining in a trashy way, this movie is rather mean-spirited too. I mean, besides what I said already, you have such things as more than one attempted rape, plenty of nudity, hardly any subtlety at all, Billy having sexual fantasies about Paula which end in him getting killed in his dreams… like I said, mean-spirited. You also get some really cheesy generic 80’s songs, Linnea Quigley showing off her bare breasts (oh wait, this is typical for her), and some memorable kills.

Overall, while this movie is rather ridiculous, and the acting isn’t always the best (to say the least), but it’s a slasher so that’s expected. Despite how cruel it is at times, it’s still a watchable and fun movie to watch, I say. Hopefully that doesn’t make me sound a little strange. After all, back when this was released theatrically this received a HUGE amount of negative publicity. I mean, a lot of people were downright pissed that a movie about a guy dressed up as Santa who kills people was released. The movie didn’t last long on the big screen before Tristar pulled it and no surprise, they never released it on video or DVD and instead other companies did so.

I’ve never seen any of its four (!) sequels. However, if you want a spoiler-filled recap of all five, you can read this FearNet article posted just last night. I’ll mention the four sequels in brief based off of what I know about them. Part 2, about Billy’s infant brother Ricky all grown up, has a lot of footage from the first one edited in, just because… but the new footage includes a scene so ridiculous out of context (or probably in context too) that it’s become an Internet meme. That’s right, the “garbage day” scene. It’s rather graphic but you can still watch the YouTube clip of it here; you get to hear a bad guy say “that’s what she said.” Really. Then you get a few minutes of some incredible cinema. Part 3 involves Ricky returning with what looks like a fish bowl on his head (!) and such things as telekinesis is involved and it just sounds strange. Oh, and genre legend Bill Moseley plays Ricky now. Parts 4 and 5 have nothing to do with the first three. 4 sounds even more strange and deals with bugs, witches, and the Egyptian god Isis. 5 is my favorite in terms of plot alone. I need to see all four sequels, but I need to watch 5 especially to see Mickey Rooney (!) play somebody named “Joe Petto” and has a son named Pino, and yes the names are referring to exactly what you think they are. Why, I have zero idea.

I’ll be back on Thursday night with a post covering the other three Mission Impossible movies, then on the 31st I’ll mention in order my 10 favorite movies released this year that I saw.

Mission Impossible (The First Movie)

2011-12-23T02:49:00.000-05:00

Mission Impossible (1996)

Runtime: 110 minutes

Directed by: Brian De Palma

Starring: Tom Cruise, Jon Voight, Emmanuelle Beart, Henry Czerny, Jean Reno

From: Paramount

Believe it or not, this is something I had not seen before this week. I just never felt like it. However, I heard strong stuff about the new MI out on the big screen now, so I figured I should at least try watching the first three in the series. I went and saw this via a DVD rental, and it was an original DVD from ’98, which showed via its presentation… and the disc being scratched up, so I had to fix it.

That wasn’t the only time I was reminded of the 90’s. The movie had data transported on floppy disks, after all, and my personal favorite, major conversations happening in Usenet! That certainly dates things.

The plot as such is that the IMF team led by Jim Phelps (of the 60’s TV show; this time it was played by Voight rather than Peter Graves) go do a mission in Prague but it gets screwed up so it’s left to Ethan Hunt (Cruise, delivering a Cruise-ian performance. You can decide if that’s a good or bad thing) to try and fix things up and not have people think that HE was the one who allowed things to go awry.

The movie has such has a lot of spy stuff such as “moles” and gadgets and wacky setpieces and what have you. It is popcorn entertainment and not something you want to think too much about. But, I don’t mean that as a slight. It’s still entertaining to watch 15 years later. The ending in particular is highly ridiculous; that said, it was still thrilling to watch. In fact, many of the special effects still look fine in 2011. So, while this wasn’t a great movie by any means at least I can say I’ve seen it.

I’ll be back Christmas Day with a review appropriate for December 25. Expect it to be up in the afternoon.

A Change Of Plans

2011-12-22T03:20:00.003-05:00

My plans have changed now, which I don't like doing, but it does mean me viewing a few movies within the span of several days. I'll be back in about 24 or so hours to post a new review, and by the end of the year I'll have several reviews and even one devoted to the holiday season.

The Loved One

2011-12-17T02:00:00.001-05:00

The Loved One (1965)

Runtime: 122 minutes

Directed by: Tony Richardson

Starring: Robert Morse, Jonathan Winters, Rod Steiger, Liberace

From: MGM

Now, here’s a movie I’ve seen before but I stumbled upon while looking through various VHS tapes (yes; I still use them in 2011; it works for me); I recorded this another time after I first saw it years ago so that I could watch it a second time, but that second time just came this evening.

This was a movie I heard about long before I got to see it. It was described as being “something to offend everyone”, and I’ll agree that for its time period, I am surprised they were able to get away with some of the things that they did.

To sum up the plot, Dennis Barlow of England won a ticket to L.A. so he decided to use that ticket to escape London. As he’s an aimless sort he had the time to hang around Southern California with a bit. Having a famous uncle who works as a production staffer in Hollywood (John Gielgud). They hang out but it isn’t long before the uncle gets canned because of his age. He decides to kill himself via hanging, and you do see him at the end of a noose. Some British expatriates say that he should be buried at the prestigious Whispering Glades Cemetery. That’s where the crux of the movie takes place at, both this place and a pet cemetery that Dennis works at to earn some income.

Along the way he meets up with some rather unusual people and falls in love with a lady who works at Whispering Glades. There are also other people around, like Mr. Joyboy (Steiger), someone who is as bizarre as the surname would suggest. There’s also Liberace briefly appearing as a casket salesman, and in hindsight, it seems funny to me that a lot of people didn’t catch onto the fact that he was… well, you know. I have no problem with that orientation. All that matters to me was that he was quite the showman and quite the piano player too.

Anyhow, this movie has a lot of dry and wry British humor. After all, the short story was from Evelyn Waugh; he (yes, he) was a novelist from across the pond. That sort of humor isn’t for everyone (even me sometimes) but I found this to be rather amusing. It’s mainly a satire on the funeral industry so various things associated with that field are parodied, and the barbs also go towards the Hollywood industry. It also is never boring, as the movie goes in rather strange directions that you couldn’t predict. I won’t give it away as it’d probably sound preposterous from what I’ve said most of the movie is about. Yet, it manages to work somehow.

So, if you like the wry sort of thing, this movie is worth seeing. It sometimes is played on Turner Classic Movies, which is how I saw it. I’ll be back Wednesday night with a new review.

The Slams

2011-12-14T01:12:00.002-05:00

The Slams (1973)

Runtime: 91 minutes

Directed by: Jonathan Kaplan

Starring: Jim Brown, Judy Pace, Roland Bob Harris, Frank De Kova, Dick Miller

From: MGM

Here is a movie I literally had never heard of before but saw that it was playing real late this past Friday night on TCM so I decided to record it as the plot sounded interesting and the lead was Jim Brown, which is a good sign already for me. Now, I’ve talked about some of his movies before, both good (Slaughter*) and not so good (The Slip**; if I ever get to see it again I may have to review it again just so I can give a more extensive take on why I didn’t think the movie was as good as others have said. With that sort of cast it should have been awesome and yet it wasn’t at all). Like The Slip this is almost impossible to find as I don’t think it ever got a VHS release, let alone DVD, as amazing as it sounds in this day and age.

* http://blairreviewsmovies.blogspot.com/2011/05/slaughter.html

** http://blairreviewsmovies.blogspot.com/2009/08/split.html

The plot, I’ll lift from the IMDb, as it’s concise and explains things rather well: “After a heist Curtis Hook (Jim Brown) is caught by the police. In jail various people want to know where he stashed the loot. But the places where he stashed the loot ($1.500.000) will be demolished so he has to get out of jail to get to the dough.” That is indeed what happens, but let me elaborate a bit.

The movie starts off and you see the heist take place. It involves going to an oil field and the way that the gang wipes out the people guarding the money (and the heroin, which was part of the deal that Jim Brown did not know about) involves the exhaust pipe of a 60’s Ford Econoline and cyanide! Rather inventive, I say. The fit hits the shan and only Brown remains alive, but he ends up in jail, i.e. The Slams. That’s a term I’ve never heard of before to describe the slammer. He meets up with various characters there, all of whom know that he knows where the cash is located. The usual clichés are shown, from cliques to corrupt prison wardens, from racism to prisoners who get special treatment.

I’ll say that the first 10 or so minutes and the final 20 are rather entertaining. I won’t spoil what happens at the end, but for me the middle hour isn’t as strong. It feels like at times that the wheels are spinning in that there’s stalling in order to fill up time. Still, overall the movie is decent and fine. I just don’t think it’s worth spending a whole lot of effort to try and track down given how aside from it appearing on TCM it’s pretty much impossible to find.

Oh, and you get to see Ted Cassidy (i.e. Lurch from the original Addams Family TV show of the 60’s) without makeup. He’s an interesting-looking dude. I’m not poking fun at him, though. Sure, he passed away in ’79 but I still mean no disrespect. Plus, I’m sure he was a gentle giant, all six feet nine of him.

One last thing: HA at TCM rating the movie TV-14. There’s plenty of racial slurs and some homophobic ones too. You see some violence, along with some F bombs and MF bombs too. Oh, and the one scene with several ladies topless. I think the full movie wasn’t watched before it was rated.

I’ll be back Friday night (i.e. maybe Saturday morning) with a new review.

Lisztomania

2011-12-10T15:31:00.001-05:00

Lisztomania (1975)

Runtime: 103 minutes

Directed by: Ken Russell (no relation, I swear)

Starring: Roger Daltrey, Sara Kestelman, Paul Nicolas, Ringo Starr (yes)

From: Warner Brothers

This is the movie I referenced recently with the recent passing of British director Ken Russell. He is probably best known for directing Tommy, the movie about the Pinball Wizard. From what I knew, a lot of his films were just plain strange. Awhile back I found it online and downloaded it (I know, I know) as at least in the United States it never made it to DVD. It turns out that probably because Russell passed away, more than one person uploaded it to YouTube. This is the best copy. However, if you do watch it, it may be best if you ingest various psychotropic drugs beforehand!

This motion picture is allegedly a biopic of Franz Liszt, a Hungarian pianist in the 1800’s who for a short amount of time was the Justin Bieber of his day! No, really. When he performed there was mass hysteria a la when The Beatles first performed in America. That hysteria was known as Lisztomania, explaining the title. However, what this movie actually is… it seems like it came from the mind of a deranged lunatic. I mean, I’m talking Naked Lunch or Forbidden Zone level of WTF-ness. And, Russell even took liberty with the facts. In real life Liszt and Richard Wagner were pals, which is far from the case as presented here.

The movie… wow. Let me tell you how it starts off. Literally, the first thing you see after the Warner Brothers logo is a metronome, and Daltrey uses it to rhymically kiss the bare breasts of a woman! Then, Richard Wagner (yes, the composer) busts in and wants to kick Liszt’s ass, as Franz was diddling around with his woman. They fight to what sounds like ragtime music, then it gets narrated (?!) in a wacky fashion. He and the wife then get locked in a piano, which gets run over by a train! Then, Liszt wakes up… I think. Who knows for certain.

Anyhow, the opening credits appear, and here’s some of the really strange things I saw:

• A LOT of phallic imagery. I mean, Daltry literally rides on a giant penis at one point.
• A bearded dude in a sailor’s outfit who proves to be a vampire… but it’s a dream sequence… maybe. I know for certain that Wagner IS a vampire.
• The Pope appears, and it’s Ringo Starr!
• Wager is resurrected and he’s a cross between Frankenstein and Hitler; yeah, it’s too weird to even be offensive, even when he fires a machine gun shaped like a guitar.
• Also appearing is a cryogenic Viking named Thor (!) played by Rick Wakeman (!!), of Yes keyboarding fame. He drinks beer and belches.
• By the way, I swear that all I’m saying actually appears in this movie. I could say more but I wouldn't want to ruin any surprises for anyone brave enough to watch this.

The music itself fits the film, I’ll put it that way. Synthesizer stuff and what have you.

I can’t even say that the movie’s good or bad. Like with Naked Lunch or Forbidden Zone, you can only watch in amazement at what you’re seeing.

I'll be back Tuesday night with a new review.

Immortals

2011-12-07T23:51:00.001-05:00

Immortals 3D (2011)

36% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 100 reviews)

Runtime: 110 minutes

Directed by: Tarsem Singh

Starring: Henry Cavill, Mickey Rourke, Steven Dorff, Freida Pinto, John Hurt

From: Relativity Media

Finally, here’s a review of this movie, which I saw in 3D early Sunday evening. When I first heard about it a few months ago I couldn’t have cared less. It just didn’t look appealing to me. Then, I heard from some people online that the 3D visuals look tremendous and it was a fun story. Then, once it came out I heard more of the same. So suddenly it was of interest of me. But, it was just this past Sunday that I had the time and felt like checking this out.

The story wasn’t too complex, to say the least. It’s set in the BC era in Greece, and there are Gods and their enemy, called the Titans. Rourke’s character King Hyperion is evil and mad at the Gods so he wants to unleash the Titans to destroy said Gods. He has to find a magical bow and arrow to do so, though. Meanwhile, there’s Thesus, a common person who has to escape the village he lives in as Hyperion is going to lay waste to it. Things happen and he meets up with an oracle (Pinto). It turns out that Thesus may have been blessed by the Gods… literally.

As I expected, the story wasn’t anything special. It’s serviceable, though. If you enjoy the “sword & sandal” sort of story then you might enjoy this. What was clearly the highlight (well, besides the nudity from the body double of Pinto) were the visuals and the violence. The director had only done two other movies before, both visually strong, and that was more of the case here. The violence literally in your face was pretty sweet. It was like 300… only good. That’s another topic for another day, though.

There isn’t too much else to say. The movie was exactly what I expected. I am glad it wasn’t boring to watch. The pace is quick-enough and it’s cheesy fun. It looks great and if you do want to see it, I recommend doing so in 3D.

I’ll be back Saturday afternoon with a new review.

So...

2011-12-06T19:43:00.003-05:00

I fell completely behind on this; yesterday I went to Jacksonville to watch some pro football. I'll just tell you that I watched Immortals 3D and I'll post a review for that by tomorrow night, promise. It's a movie with a typical story but the 3D visuals look rather nice.

Deliverance

2011-12-04T01:47:00.000-05:00

Deliverance (1972)

Runtime: 109 minutes

Directed by: John Boorman

Starring: Jon Voight, Burt Reynolds, Ned Beatty, Ronny Cox

From: Warner Brothers

So, this is something I wasn’t planning to see but a death made public on Friday plus finding the movie on Blu-Ray for cheap at a Barnes & Noble meant me watching this Friday night. Bill McKinney, who appeared in seven Eastwood movies-along with this one-passed away at the age of 80. He was best known for playing a key role in one of the most terrifying scenes ever put to film, which was in this film. He was one of the hillbillies who made Ned Beatty squeal like a pig in this movie. And, he wasn’t the one with the missing teeth, but rather the guy who, ahem, assaulted Beatty. He passed away due to cancer, so why not say a few words about this movie, plus at the end tell a short story about the connection between my dad and the river this movie was filled on? Anyway, RIP to Bill McKinney.

So, most people know this movie just for the squeal like a pig scene plus the dueling banjos scene where Ronny Cox plays acoustic guitar with a backwoods boy playing banjo. However, this movie is much more than just that. This is about a quartet of men from the city with various levels of experience in the outdoors who decide to canoe a river in the South as in a short amount of time that river will be dammed, literally. You get to see the four differing personalities interact with each other for a bit, and you see some very pretty scenery. Then, the guys run into the hillbillies, and deal with them. The ramifications with the decisions they made in that difficult situation fuels the rest of the movie.

I don’t want to give too much away but it’s a quality drama/thriller, even almost 40 years after it was released. You get very good acting from the four leads, which plays a big role in this movie’s goodness. You get nice scenery, exciting canoeing action, some action, character arcs… if you haven’t seen the movie yet you really should. It looks nice-enough on Blu-Ray, too. Oh, and it doesn’t necessarily always portray white trash people who live in the hills and the woods in a flattering manner. But, the movie sometimes makes the leads look dumb for their stereotypes concerning those people, so that is another layer to this movie.

As for the story I referenced, years ago my dad and his pals went down to the Chatooga River, border South Carolina and Georgia, which is where this movie was filmed at and has never been dammed up. They rafted part of the river and no, they did not run into any rednecks who wanted to violate them nor possible inbred types.

I’ll be back on Monday. Late Sunday afternoon I plan on seeing a movie on the big screen for the first time in over a month.

A Special Case Of Randomness

2011-11-30T20:42:00.000-05:00

Unfortunately, I have to do this as the thing I was planning on watching tonight is out the window. It’s a long story, but to try and be short… I was going to watch a movie from the late Ken Russell (no relation, I swear; he was a British director best known for helming Tommy; in general he was known for directing flat-out weird movies. I don’t think it’s quite like David Lynch, but still odd nonetheless) which I happened to download from the Internet awhile back but never watched. I know, I know, but it’s one of those movies which I don’t think has ever been released on DVD, at least not Region 1. I was going to watch it on a portable DVD player I got from a relative long ago, but it finally crapped out on me, and as that’s the easiest way for me to watch burned DVD movies… that review will have to wait for a later day, although I see that someone did upload it to YouTube just a few days ago, likely as a tribute to Mr. Russell.

So, to fill time I'll post something I posted on a messageboard recently. It was something strange I stumbled upon on a religious channel, and I only saw parts of it. However, it was so odd I might as well post it here too.

So, earlier this afternoon I was channel-surfing and I stumbled upon a surprising sight, and on a real surprising channel. I landed on one of the religious channels I get, and who do I see? Why, Gary Busey... acting a scene with Margot Kidder! I later find out it's some crappy religious-themed movie called Apocalypse III: Tribulation, which concerns The Antichrist (Nick Mancuso) and his pals (apparently members of the Illuminati... hey, they use the pyramid with the eye on top) wiping out most of the world and brainwashing the rest of it via a *virtual reality helmet*. I kid you not, there's brainwashing involved and they do it to those who don't believe automatically by using one of those virtual reality helmets from the 90's. And yet this movie was released in 2000. Believe me, I didn't watch all of it but instead some random scenes, and it is pretty bad. Here are some more things of note:

* Busey and Kidder play brother and sister.
* Gary ends up in a coma and you see him awaken years later. He sports a Kris Kristofferson-style haircut with matching beard. It's quite the look. Somehow, he manages to shave the beard and cut his hair BEFORE escaping from the hospital.
* I see some guy with black-rimmed glasses and a goatee, and I think, "No, it can't possibly be him", but indeed it was Howie Mandel (!!)
* Margot Kidder is apparently an atheist, and it wasn't until production started that she realized this was a serious religious production. But of course.

I do wish I could have been on set for the making of that film. I can't imagine a more batshit insane male-female duo than Gary and Margot!

I'll be back Saturday night. As I plan on finally seeing some movies in December, I should be a little more active than I was this month.

When Nature Calls

2011-11-27T01:55:00.001-05:00

When Nature Calls (1985)

Runtime: 85 minutes

Directed by: Charles Kaufman

Starring: David Orange, Barbara Marineau, Nicky Beim, Tina Marie Staiano, David Strathairn

From: Troma, but don’t be turned off by that

Yes, I’m technically reviewing a Troma movie, but it’s really only from that company as the owner’s brother directed this. The movie is far from the puerile and immature crap you get from that company, although on the DVD you get an introduction that’s terrible as it shows off Troma's style in the worst way. The less said about it the better.

This actual movie is a parody film a la Airplane or The Naked Gun and I first heard about it from reading someone’s review on a site a long time ago. I mean, I have no idea what the site was and by this time I’ll presume it’s long gone from the Internet. The reviewer really enjoyed the movie and once I saw that the movie has brief roles from a bizarre grouping of people (the late wrestling manager Classy Freddie Blassie, G. Gordon Liddy, Gates McFadden*, comedian Morey Amsterdam, and even legendary baseball player Willie Mays), it sounded so odd I was glad I was able to find it on DVD. It turns out, after viewing it, it really is an entertaining film and I’m surprised there seems to be a lot of hate for it online. When you compare it to the God-awful parody garbage we’ve gotten in recent years (the feces from those talentless Epic Movie/Date Movie/etc. douches as the prime example) the film looks especially good.

• Star Trek: TNG fans will be delighted to know that McFadden appears in a shirt and her panties.

You start off with some fake trailers a la Grindhouse before you get to the movie itself, which concerns a family man in the city who needs a break from that hectic life so he decides to take them and himself and they move to the countryside. That’s pretty much it for the plot. It’s filled with gags throughout. I mean, it’s rather heavy per minute and it has different varieties of humor so if something didn’t make you laugh, the next joke or visual pun likely will. You get everything from a spoof of Ingmar Bergman movies to the family’s teenaged daughter and a grizzly bear falling in love (it’s tame), from jokes about Jerry Lewis being terrible to an intermission that spoofs those old candy ads with cartoon characters/claymation that you’ve seen somewhere before as a bit of nostalgia for what was shown way back when at the cinema/drive-in, but in a cruder way that you’ve seen before.

Sure, it’s uneven and aside from some crude bits it’s otherwise tame, but for a low-budget thing I think it’s a movie worth checking out if you enjoy how parody movies SHOULD be. It’s also better than Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls. If you’re able to track down this movie, you may think it’s worth what may be quite a bit of effort.

I’ll be back the last day of this month with a new review.

Omega Cop

2011-11-22T00:35:00.001-05:00

Omega Cop (1990)

Runtime: 90 minutes

Directed by: Paul Kyriazi

Starring: Ron Marchini, Adam West, Stuart Whitman, Troy Donahue

From: Cine Excel Entertainment

Here’s yet another movie I found out about via the Bad Movie Fiends podcast. It was a film they loved watching for its low budget action-ness and after some searching I found it on a site offering up downloads of really obscure films. The comments section for each post offer up the movie for download, via Megaupload file.

Oh, this movie… it’s real low-budget and it’s one of those post-apocalyptic films. Apparently there’s only a few cops left in this small area. That department is led by… Adam West! He looked like he was still missing the days 25 years ago when he was a big star on TV. You also get some small appearances from the other famous faces (Whitman and Donahue) but most of the cast is unknowns. The Omega Cop (Marchini, a martial arts fighter from back in the day when Chuck Norris fought in those battles. In fact those two once fought and Chuck only barely won) goes against a band of slave traders and picks up some chicks in the process.

Here are the reasons why I managed to enjoy the film:

• The soundtrack is mainly something you’d expect from an old-school John Carpenter film, but for reasons unknown, a few times you hear neo-oldies! You know, groups from the 80’s going for the sound of songs in the late 50’s and early 60’s. I have no idea why the producers went that route but I’m glad they did.
• The Omega Cop loves crotch kicks and crotch punches. Even more so than Steven Seagal does. The best one was when a bad guy unzipped his pants and was about to relieve himself when he got kicked right in the nards.
• One of the main bad guys looked like Ron Jeremy with a beard.
• The Omega Cop’s hideout is the locker room of a small baseball stadium (!) and it’s guarded by a skeleton with a gun in its hand (!!)
• He really cares about his accessories. He will go far distances to acquire the hat and gun belt that gets stolen from him. It’s part of all the running you get to see him do.
• The action isn’t exactly like you’d see in a Hollywood blockbuster… it still works and it’s fun to watch. There’s even a quality explosion or two.

So, this movie is technically terrible but hey, I found it to be rather entertaining. At least the action is fun to watch, there are wacky and unique moments like the oldies stuff or all the abuse to the groin (and other things that I won't spoil, except that West's final scene is memorable), and it's just plain wacky. There's a sequel, Karate Cop, and I also could download it, but I hear it's not quite as great as this movie.

If you want a 1 minute taste of what this movie is all about, check out this YouTube clip.

As it's a holiday week I won't be back until Saturday night.

Arena

2011-11-17T02:03:00.000-05:00

Arena (1989)

Runtime: 97 minutes

Directed by: Peter Manoogian

Starring: Paul Satterfield, Hamilton Camp, Claudia Christian, Shari Shattuck

From: Empire Pictures

Here is a movie whose cover I remember seeing as a young kid at the videostore way back when. I was inspired to watch the movie from listening to a review of it on the Bad Movie Fiends podcast. That particular episode is here if you want to hear a detailed spoiler-filled recap of that movie. I found the movie and watched it on YouTube, but “shhh” on that.

Basically, this low-budget faire is the Rocky sort of boxing story but it’s set in the future in space, and it’s more like kickboxing or even what would now be called MMA. It’s a standard sort of thing: there’s a dominant champion who can’t be beaten, and he’s controlled by an evil dude. Steve Armstrong (Satterfield, who looks a LOT like Christopher Reeve, but with blonde hair) is a short-order cook on the space station where the fights take place. Steve gets into a fight himself at the diner, so he gets fired and doesn’t even have enough money to go back to Earth. He gets convinced by four-armed Shorty (Camp) and manager Quinn (Christian) that he should become a fighter. He does, and as he becomes more successful, he gets more attention, both good and bad.

As you can see, the plot itself is rather standard. Yet, it’s still entertaining to watch. There’s comedy, both intentional and unintentional. There are some interesting touches which makes things entertaining despite the fact that you can really tell at some points it’s low-budget. You get to see a hologram of a girl who sings songs, a la The Star Wars Holiday Special, something which I may very well review for the holiday season this year. That was more weird than anything else but at least they were trying here.

At least the creatures for the most part look fine. My favorite was Stitches, a creature the same color at Thing from The Fantastic Four and looking like a cross between an armadillo and alligator, and also with crab claws. And he’s the training partner of Steve! Not to mention, he speaks English. It’s only a small role for that creature; as mentioned by the BMF guys, it’d be great if Stitches would have had a bigger role, and if he would have been buddy-buddy with Steve, the two “cruising for chicks” or what have you.

It’d be pretty rad if there was a modern remake of this where it’d be straight-up MMA action you get to see with various creatures fighting against each other. That could be money if done right. For now, though, if you like goofily entertaining low-budget action, check it out. What goes on in the ring isn’t the only fighting/action you get to see.

I’ll be back Monday night with a new review.

So

2011-11-13T23:12:00.001-05:00

My schedule ended up being more hectic than planned so, no review for tonight. I'll be back Wednesday night and I'll do that then, I promise.

Diamonds Are Forever

2011-11-09T02:05:00.000-05:00

Diamonds Are Forever (1971)

Runtime: 120 minutes

Directed by: Guy Hamilton

Starring: Sean Connery, Jill St. John, Charles Gray, Bruce Cabot

From: UA

You know, this movie managed to be worse than the first time I watched it!

As I alluded to before, I was never a fan of this movie, despite there being people out there who rate this rather highly. I wish I could see what they did. I just don’t quite get it.

In this entry, I presume it’s a direct follow-up to On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, as the opening has Bond on the warpath after Blofeld (this time, Gray) for killing his newlywed bride Tracy. He tracks down Blofeld and kills him… only it’s a ruse, as he somehow was able to have various people perform plastic surgery to look exactly like him. That’s not the only eye-rolling “oh come on” moment of the plot. From there the story starts, and it’s nonsense about diamonds being smuggled by a mysterious person, thought to be Howard Hughe… oh wait, I mean Willard Whyte (Jimmy Dean; as an actor, he made good sausages) and the action moves from Holland to Las Vegas; it turns out the acquiring of the diamonds was actually for a satellite… WITH LASERS! Sorry for the Austin Powers reference, but at times I swore I was watching one of those movies rather than a Bond production. The camp value here was rather high, regrettably.

That’s about all I have to say about the confused plot. I’ll say that it isn’t all that entertaining to watch, although a few times you’ll probably laugh for the sheer WTF value. Some of the acting left a lot to be desired. Lana Wood, as “Plenty O’Toole”, had acting ability that was the inverse of her impressive cleavage. Actually, I hope that in her other movies she acted better than she did here. I hope she acted even half as well as her sister Natalie did. Oh well, at least the two were fine-looking ladies in their heyday.

The only two performances I thought were interesting were the unusual Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd, played by Bruce Glover and Putter Smith. Looks-wise you can easily tell that Crispin is his son, and judging by the performance, I have a feeling strangeness runs in that family. Putter Smith was a jazz bassist, so I have no idea why he was chosen for this role, unless it was for his distinctive look. The duo had an odd chemistry and yet it works, and the jazz guy wasn’t a bad actor either. Apparently, judging by a throwaway line, the duo happened to be homosexuals. Why that was included, I don’t know, as it meant nothing for anything you see. That’s one of many questions I have with this movie.

Even the action-something I tend to count on with most Bond movies-wasn’t too great here, aside from an entertaining fight in an old elevator. Otherwise it didn’t do much for me, and the strangest moment for me was Bond fighting two acrobatic chicks named Bambi and Thumper. See what I mean about camp? Aside from it being interesting to look at how Las Vegas was back 40 years ago, this movie is just not good. It’s definitely the worst of the Bond movies that Connery was in. I am not counting Never Say Never Again, as that’s not an official Bond movie in canon, and plus it’s even worse than this one!

Speaking of that, here’s the Connery Bond movies ranked from worst to best in my opinion, and I included the links to the reviews I did before.

6. Diamonds Are Forever
5. Thunderball
4. You Only Live Twice
3. Dr. No
2. Goldfinger
1. From Russia With Love

I don’t know when but I’ll try to make it not too long before I get to the Roger Moore Bond flicks. I’ll be back Sunday night with a new review.

On Her Majesty’s Secret Service

2011-11-04T21:18:00.000-04:00

On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (1969)

Runtime: 140 minutes

Directed by: Peter Hunt (please, don't giggle)

Starring: George Lazenby, Diana Rigg, Telly Savalas, Gabriele Ferzetti

From: UA

Oh boy, here’s a movie I was actually hesitant to revisit, thus why I haven’t reviewed a Bond movie in order in so damn long. I didn’t really care for it the first time around, as I thought Lazenby was a terrible Bond and some parts of the story were blah to me. I still feel the same about the latter, but watching it again made me realize that George wasn’t as bad as I first thought, although still the worst Bond there’s been.

Of course, I decided to watch this last night after hearing the announcement of the new Bond movie, coming out a year from now. It’ll be known as Skyfall, and the cast is rather nice, and it’s got to be better than Quantum of Solace. Once I eventually get to that one… I doubt I’ll have too many nice things to say about it. I haven’t seen it in three years now, but I’m still sure I’ll strongly dislike it. Oh, what a massive disappointment that was.

But onto this one… we all know the story now about how Lazenby was chosen for this huge role and he was a dumbass so he only did this one movie as he thought much more of his talents than everyone else did (although there were apparently other reasons why he only was Bond once). He wasn’t as bad as I first thought, but he’s no Moore or Dalton, let alone Connery. Maybe I’m being harsh as this was his first acting role, period. Still…

The story revolves around Blofeld (Savalas) once again, this time threatening germ warfare… not for cash, though, but for more practical reasons. That’s really all you need to know, aside from the fact that while you see some action in Portugal (including a bullfight, but it’s really tame compared to how bloody those things end up) much of it is set in Switzerland, which provides some great scenery. Oh, and Bond ends up falling in love with a young woman named Tracy, who he ends up marrying. As this was the only movie she appeared in… well, need I say more about her fate? It did lead to a memorable finale.

Me, viewing it again I say that despite a choppy and oddly edited at times first hour and some odd moments in the story (you can tell there were production problems) the movie still is rather entertaining despite its faults. The scenery is great, the score is memorable, there are some sweet action scenes, and the fighting stuff is filmed in a way that really is ahead of its time. You know, quick cutting and all that. It almost becomes something that I would dislike but it ends up being fine. It’s no Michael Bay or Paul Greengrass; the camera never shakes as if the operator is experiencing a seizure. It’s just quick cut, that’s all. It’s also definitely not like how incomprehensible much of the action in Quantum of Solace turns out. Really, I hope Skyfall doesn’t end up quite as serious as the first two Craig Bond flicks have been and there’s at least a little more humor added. You know, Q and Moneypenny and the goofy charm that you expect from most 007 motion pictures.

What was I saying… oh yeah, the movie was better on second viewing. I can’t really compare it to the other movies in the series as I prefer to rate things by the actor who plays the role. It’s just easier to do it that way, I say. There’s definitely other movies in the entire franchise I prefer to this, I’ll put it that way; it’s not at the bottom of the giant list either. It does depend on what you think of Lazenby. If you don’t dislike him, then you’ll be able to enjoy a fine story which is mostly grounded in realism and isn’t quite so fantastical.

I’ll be back Tuesday night, and I’ll be reviewing another 007 movie I’m not quite looking forward to revisiting, Diamonds are Forever.

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-31T20:45:00.001-04:00

Unfortunately, no new review or anything else from me today. I'm burned out on horror films for the time being, and I was busy the past couple of days with a pair of big wrestling shows, and now some relatives from out of state are down here. So, no time for any reviews, Dr. Jones. I figured I've done enough the past few weeks.

I will at least give a podcast recommendation. If you love reading/listening to discussion about bad films, give Bad Movie Fiends a try. They talk about crappy movies, both enjoyably bad (like Robot Jox) or just plain terrible (like Battlefield Earth) The main trio are hilarious pals so it's fun to listen to.

I'll be back Friday night with a new review, this time something not in the horror genre.

The Howling: New Moon Rising

2011-10-25T22:35:00.000-04:00

The Howling: New Moon Rising (1995)

Runtime: 90 minutes

“Directed” by: Clive Turner

“Starring”: Clive Turner, John Ramsden, Jack Huff, the citizens of an actual town playing themselves (no, really)

From: New Line Cinema!

As this movie was brought up recently on a forum I look at, I figured I would talk about this; while I haven’t seen it in years, I did see it more than once so I say that’s good enough for me. I might as well review one of the all-time terrible movies I’ve seen as an adult. Plus, you can read an extensive recap of the movie here and watch a video review here which contains clips from the movie which proves that it really is as bad as many have said. I don’t even remember how I first heard about it, but I do know I’ve seen it more than once, which makes me quite the masochist.

Describing the plot is rather futile but in short, a drifter comes to town and (off-screen) killings take place. Some investigators nearby try to solve the murders, and meet up with some people from earlier Howling movies. That’s pretty much it in terms of stuff that moves from Point A to B. The rest of it…

I’ll be honest and say I haven’t seen any of The Howling movies in full. Not that it really matters for this one as none of them are related to each other in any way. Yet, director/producer/writer/actor/everything else Clive Turner tried to retcon things by having some characters from a few of the sequels appear here and he tried to tie it all together… to zero success, according to what I hear. No matter what things are just confused all around.

Besides the awful screenplay, the barely-there presence of any werewolf action, and the special effects being a joke even for ’95, the bizarre decision was to set the movie in an unincorporated community known as Pioneertown (built in the 40’s in order to provide a backdrop for western features of the time), and all the residents of that town play themselves! Do I need to say that the non-actors deliver terrible performances? It’s a crime the full movie isn’t on YouTube anymore, as that’s probably the easiest way to watch this if you want to punish yourself for an hour and a half. It’s only on DVD overseas and you know it’ll never be ported over here. I mean, much of the runtime is filled with awful country songs (no matter what you think of the genre, this material is putrid) and line dancing! This really is one of the worst movies I've ever seen in my entire life.

How anyone thought this was a good idea, I do not know, and how it got released by New Line Cinema… that still befuddles me today. No wonder why there hasn’t been another Howling movie until just recently, The Howling Reborn, which just came out earlier this month and I’ve heard it be best compared to Twilight, so yeah I’ll avoid that at all costs.

I won't be back until Halloween night due to the rest of the month being busy for me. I'll try to find an interesting and appropriate movie to write about.

Paranormal Activity 3

2011-10-21T22:58:00.000-04:00

Paranormal Activity 3 (2011)

Runtime: 84 minutes

Directed by: Henry Joost, Ariel Schulman

Starring: Christopher Nicholas Smith, Lauren Bittner, Jessica Tyler Brown, Chloe Csengery

From: Paramount

Oh, this series… I’ve reviewed the first movie and the second one when they were released but in short, I first heard about the original Paranormal Activity way back in ’07. For two long years I waited to see it, and when I finally did I wasn’t disappointed. Due to some clever marketing it became a shockingly huge hit, guaranteeing a sequel. That proved to be better than I expected. Can they do it once again?

This movie was helmed by the guys who gave us Catfish, a controversial movie due to question of how much of it was actually real. Funny then that they were given a fake documentary to direct.

You’ve probably already seen too much from all the damn commercials (more on that later) but I’ll try not to reveal anything here. Basically, you see sisters Katie and Kristi as kids and you get to find how what they alluded to in the first two movies concerning the strange stuff that happened to them as kids. Their mom’s boyfriend films weddings so thus that is why he has the ability to film stuff at night in 1988. And what references to the late 80’s you see, from the fashion to the big VHS camcorders to best of all, a Teddy Ruxpin doll! I’m old enough to remember them back when they were a huge fad.

As for the movie, it’s not bad at all; I’d just rank it below the first two. It’s a shame as the performances are all fine and like the first two, there’s the feeling of dread for most of it and what does scare you, it works. Some of it is obvious special effects, more so than the first two, but the audience went “oh darn” (or rather, cuss words; I just cleaned it up there) a few times. The problem is, where the story went… I heard some people complain about how in the second movie the expansion on the mythology sort of ruined things as they didn’t like what the story was really about. Well, I’m sure they’ll especially dislike the additions made in this movie to the overall story. Even I was unsure about some of it. I mean, I just thought it was goofy.

Then, there was something I can’t really blame the movie for but particularly put a bee in my bonnet. The ads you saw for this movie seemed to give away a lot. That alone doesn’t make me happy; even worse, one major shot you see in the ads, I was expecting to see in the movie. So of course that clip doesn’t appear in the movie at all! I don’t want to give it away as it’d be a spoiler but I even watched all of the end credits to see if there was a surprise after those; no dice. I was-and still am-pretty peeved about that. As is, the ending you saw was certainly creepy… if open-ended. Despite those quibbles, if you enjoyed the first two, you need to check this out.

I'll be back Tuesday night.

Screams 3 & 4

2011-10-20T16:05:00.000-04:00

Scream 3

Runtime: 116 minutes

Directed by: Wes Craven

Starring: Neve Campbell, David Arquette, Courteney Cox, Scott Foley

From: Dimension

Scream 4

Runtime: 111 minutes

Directed by: Wes Craven

Starring: Neve Campbell, Emma Roberts, Hayden Panettiere, David Arquette

From: Dimension

I actually saw these two movies last week, but waited until this time to talk about the two. Scream 3 actually was an interesting viewing experience, as I only saw about the first half of it before the scratched-up disc from Blockbuster finally stopped working properly. Thus, I had to go on YouTube to finish watching it! I know, but I had to. Hell, there were a few different copies of it on there.

This was the first time I saw the movie since I watched it on the big screen back in 2000 and I got pretty mad at it for a rather stupid plot device (and I’m being literal there with the usage of the word device) which was not only such a cheat for the plot, it was what I would call “impossible technology”, and I say that’s true in 2011, let alone 2000. That and some brief shots were really all that I remembered about the movie.

After watching the movie, there was a good amount of dialogue that I found was entertaining and I chuckled or even laughed at. Maybe it was me, but I laughed at the references to 60 Minutes II, due to how dated it is now. The problem is, the movie didn’t really seem like a Scream flick. It really clashes with the others. It was more about comedy here than blood and guts stuff. I don’t really remember too many of the kills one week later, which isn’t a good sign. It’s obvious that the change of settings to LA (due to the whole Columbine thing scaring the crap out of movie studios at the time) and the constant script changes (including on the set; why it changed so often, I’m not quite sure) really affected things, and not in a good way. Heck, Neve Campbell only being able to work on the movie for a short amount of time-she pretty much plays a supporting role for the majority of the movie-also threw a monkey wrench into things. No wonder why they didn’t release another one of these for 11 years.

And yeah, the plot device thing still made me mad. Now, onto Scream 4.

I watched this movie and I heard some mixed reviews on how good it was. I watched it, and the opening was goofy yet entertaining; it also presented how ham-fisted it was going to be talking about torture porn and the rise of horror remakes. It’s the opposite of clever how the movie discusses those things.

Overall, it had a collection of good/fine moments, but overall as a movie it doesn’t come together all that well. While it was interesting seeing Sidney Prescott as a successful author now and seeing her niece and her pals as the youths of the series (not to mention how the universe is now that there are such things as YouTube and iPhones), there are some stupid moments too which brings things down. It’s a shame as a good amount of the movie is rather entertaining, and it’s much bloodier than the rest of the movies in the series. Both Emma Roberts and Hayden Panettiere were better than I expected.

Who the killer(s) were… also interesting and that led to some great bits. It’s just that the ending really brings things down. It’s not that great. The way it should have logically ended… I hear that’s how it ended in the script. But the studio changed it and for the worse. If not for that changed ending, Scream 5 could have been a gigantic breath of fresh air. Alas… who knows if there will be a Scream 5 given that worldwide it did fine but in the U.S. it was a disappointment.

I'll be back tomorrow night with a review of Paranormal Activity 3, a movie I'm really looking forward to.

Maniac

2011-10-18T01:16:00.000-04:00

Maniac (1980)

Runtime: 87 minutes

Directed by: William Lustig

Starring: Joe Spinell, Caroline Munro, Abigail Clayton, Kelly Piper

From: Magnum Motion Pictures

For awhile now I’ve heard of this controversial movie, which was release unrated and even now in some countries is still banned. Yet I haven’t felt like seeing it. Well, because it’s coming out on Blu-Ray soon, Grindhouse Releasing and Blue Underground decided to release this to any sort of art-house and indy joint that wanted to show it. Well, the hipster hangout known as the Enzian decided to do just that, so just this past Saturday I watched it for the very first time, and in front of a small but appreciative audience.

The plot… I’ll yank it right from the IMDb. “A schizoid serial killer randomly stalks and kills various young women in New York, which he sees as revenge for the mistreatment he got while being raised by his own abusive mother.” That sums things up pretty well. That man, Frank Zito (Spinell; he also came up with this story; I’m not sure what that says about him) otherwise is a normal person. But in private you see that he’s a crazy person who is still haunted by the memories of his late mother so he randomly kills people, and when they’re women he scalps them and uses their hair to dress up the various mannequins he has in his apartment.

Between that, the grainy and naturalistic look the movie has, and how tense things are, that makes the movie rather uncomfortable to watch at times. Oh, and all the violence you see contributes to that too. Tom Savini (who also plays a disco guy who almost has sex with a woman in the backseat of his car) does a great job with the special effects and the best one is where you get to see Tom’s head explode in graphic detail via shotgun blast to the head.

What I thought of this… I was skeeved out more than anything else. It isn’t a bad movie by any means, but it does leave you feeling creeped out due to how it’s presented. I’ll say that as a compliment, as I presume that was their goal. It’s not all gore and kills. There are some really suspenseful scenes which work very well, and there’s also some things which made me laugh and helped liven up the mood.

First off, there’s the idea that an average schlub like Frank Zito could successfully get more than one date with a fine-looking British babe like Caroline Munro. But even better was this upbeat disco song you heard during one scene. It definitely is the opposite of the rest of the movie, which usually has a groovy synth score.

So, if you’re brave enough you should give this a go. Just be warned this isn’t the easiest movie in the world to watch. I’ll be back Thursday afternoon with two reviews in one.

So...

2011-10-17T01:17:00.001-04:00

Due to my weekend being busier than expected, I'll be back in about 24 hours time with a new review.

I can promise you, though, that the rest of the month will include reviews of such things as Ghostbusters, Paranormal Activity 3, Screams 3 and 4, and some other things.

Aliens

2011-10-13T00:04:00.001-04:00

Aliens (1986)

Runtime: 154 minutes (The Director’s Cut, anyhow)

Directed by: James Cameron

Starring: Sigourney Weaver, Michael Biehn, Lance Henriksen, Carrie Henn

From: 20th Century Fox

Now, if you want to know which films I rank highest among my favorites, I don’t have a particular list of which ones are the best but this one is up there somewhere in the discussion. As much as I enjoy Alien and its claustrophobic and intense setting (one of these days I’ll review that), I more enjoyed this pumped-up macho adrenaline rush where the action and horror genres are melded together perfectly, along with a great story and such themes as being a mother and trust issues.

It’s difficult to try and figure out what to say about this that will come off as intelligent and well-written given that many people have done so before. So, that’s why I’ll be brief here. I will say that I watched the movie via the Alien Anthology Blu-Ray collection and while the print there isn’t crystal clear it still looks better than it did on DVD, for sure. This long review of the set includes thoughts on all four movies and I agree with a lot of what is said about Aliens.

What I’ll say I enjoy about the movie the most-besides it turning out to be an almost non-stop thrill ride for the second half-is that the first half takes its time building up the story and introducing the characters and how they interact with each other. They’re all very entertaining, especially Hudson (Bill Paxton). The movie often throws funny lines out there, lightening all the tension that’s going on. I don’t mind at all that the movie is 2 ½ hours long as it doesn’t seem that length when you’re watching it. The action also more than delivers and even in 2011 it’s a great rollercoaster of excitement and just plain emotion.

If I could see it on the big screen one of these days it’d be the cat’s pajamas. I got to see Alien that way a few years ago; while it was likely a DVD projection (it turned out to be the Director’s Cut that Ridley Scott did which he didn’t even want to do but had to do just so there’d be a different version of the movie out there) I still thought it was great watching a classic in that format. Watching Aliens that way would make me quite excited. I mean, if more movies were like that (in terms of action, story, and not being insulting to the audience's intelligence) I'd be a happy camper.

I’ll be back on Sunday night, where I plan on discussing a more obscure film than Aliens but I will be watching that for the first time and it happens to be on the big screen and I’ve heard some good things about.

Screams 1 and 2

2011-10-10T23:15:00.000-04:00

Scream (1996)

Runtime: 111 minutes

Directed by: Wes Craven

Starring: Neve Campbell, Skeet Ulrich, Rose McGowan, Matthew Lilliard

From: Dimension

Scream 2 (1997)

Runtime: 120 minutes

Directed by: Wes Craven

Starring: Neve Campbell, Jerry O’Connell, Liev Schreiber, David Arquette

From: Dimension

Here’s a two-fer, which I’ll say counts as two reviews. As I’ve heard some real mixed reviews on Scream 4 and never saw it on the big screen, I figured that eventually I’d watch it, but I should re-watch the first three as I hadn’t seen them in years, and the third one I never saw after I saw it on the big screen and got pretty ticked off with it, but I’ll talk more about the reason why once I watch and review that movie.

The first movie certainly saved the ass of the horror industry when it came out in ’96, as for awhile there it seemed to be on life support. It truly was something unique at the time. Now… but let me review the movies in order.

I don’t need to explain the two plots as I’m sure everyone’s familiar with them by now. Instead, let me talk about what I thought of the films viewing them in 2011. The first movie, it was SUCH a 90’s movie. I mean, it could have only been made in that decade. It was so 90’s, you expected to hear Hootie & The Blowfish and the Gin Blossoms. I mean, the characters were in your face, yelling at you (especially the guys played by Jamie Kennedy and Matthew Lilliard… not that anyone should be surprised those two guys would ham it up to a tremendous degree), and there’s a lot of dialogue which tries to make it look like the movie is oh so smart with its horror references. In the age of the Internet and all that, I don’t know how impressive that looks now. There’s also the general goofiness with the series, such as the whole relationship with the characters played by later married then divorced couple David Arquette and Courteney Cox.

Despite those gripes, it was still an entertaining movie. There was a nice amount of gore and blood. There were many funny moments to go with the scares. Henry Winkler’s character of the school principal was more entertaining than I remembered. Who the killers were and their motivations were still fun. Skeet Ulrich looked like a bootleg version of Johnny Depp in the 80’s and early 90’s. It was still interesting how they bended genre clichés. So, despite some annoyances while viewing it with modern eyes, I’m glad I decided to revisit what ended up being an important movie in the genre.

Soon after I saw the first, I watched the sequel on a Showtime channel, as that is the only movie in the series that my local Blockbuster doesn’t have. My opinions on that… it was both better and worse than the first, so it’s tough to judge. It was a more entertaining movie and the hip references didn’t seem so shoehorned in. The stakes were indeed raised as stated by the Jamie Kennedy character. There were more deaths and they were bloodier. Yet, it was overlong, you could tell that things were changed due to what had to be a really early example of a script leaking out via the Internet, and the ending wasn’t quite as good as the first; also, with that there was an overload of characters appearing, I say. Still, it was an acceptable way to spend two hours.

One thing that I was instantly reminded of while watching the two movies was how Scary Movie (the original title for Scream) ended up doing a nice job of spoofing the series. If only Scary Movie 2 would have been any good, and in my world I can pretend that Scary Movies 3 and 4 weren’t made. I never saw them and I understand that’s for the best.

I don’t know when but eventually I’ll watch 3 and 4. It may be soon and it may be not so soon. It depends on what I find on TV or pull out of the giant pile of “to watch” movies. I will be back on Wednesday, no matter what.

RIP Charles Napier

2011-10-07T21:53:00.000-04:00

So, due to my schedule, I didn't have the time to do a review. Instead, I'll say RIP to Charles Napier, who passed away on Wednesday. I've only seen a few of his films but he was great as Murdock in the second Rambo, where he played a great bad guy who also happened to be extremely sweaty. I also enjoyed him in Silence of the Lambs and even the Austin Powers movies. I was sad when I heard he passed away.

I'll be back Monday afternoon. The rest of the month I'll try to be a little more active; I also think I'll mainly be doing horror films, but don't quote me on that.

My 200th Review: Tucker & Dale vs. Evil

2011-10-04T02:16:00.000-04:00

Yes, this is the 200th review I've done. It doesn't seem like I've been doing this for that long, but I started a little more than 2 years ago and for the most part I've enjoyed doing this, and I hope to be doing this for years to come.

Tucker & Dale vs. Evil (2010)

87% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 79 reviews)

Runtime: 89 minutes

Directed by: Eli Craig

Starring: Tyler Labine, Alan Tudyk, Katrina Bowden, Jesse Moss

From: Magnet Releasing

For awhile now I’ve heard about this horror comedy spoof and finally it was a few days ago that it started playing for a two night run at the artsy-fartsy Enzian Theatre. It turns out it was a good idea to listen to the strong praise I’ve heard from this and go out and see it in front of a crowd.

To copy and paste the plot from IMDb: Two lovable West Virginian hillbillies, are headed to their "fixer-upper" vacation cabin to drink some beer, do some fishin', and have a good time. But when they run into a group of preppy college kids who assume from their looks that they must be in-bred, chainsaw wielding killers, Tucker & Dale's vacation takes a bloody & hilarious turn for the worse.

That pretty much sums things up rather well. It’s a spoof where a pair of good old boys get into a bloody case of mistaken identity where some things happen that unwittingly convince some dopey college kids that they’re crazy killers you’d expect in a Rob Zombie movie. At first I wasn’t sure about it but as I stuck with the film, I understood why it’s been so highly praised. It’s often quite funny. The title guys are loveable hicks who are simple country folk and love drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon and fishing on the local lake. The college kids prove to be obnoxious and annoying, so you don’t feel bad that “accidents” began happening to them, further convincing them in error the rednecks are evil folks.

While the movie is not perfect and the last part wasn’t as great as the others, it’s just a fun and entertaining movie to watch; also, for you gorehounds, it does deliver on that front. There’s a lot of blood and guts to see. However, it’s also a nice movie as it actually has a heart and a nice relationship between two of the characters. No, Tucker & Dale don’t fall in love with each other!

I understand the movie is also out on demand in various locations. No matter how you see it, this is a good old time where you see various horror tropes get poked at. It actually does live up to the hype.

As an aside, this is the director's first feature-length film... and his mom is Sally Field! No joke.

I'll be back Friday night with a new review.

Fast Five

2011-10-03T02:22:00.000-04:00

Fast Five (2011)

78% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 175 reviews)

Runtime: 130 minutes

Directed by: Justin Lin

Starring: Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, The Rock, Joaquim de Almeida

From: Universal

Here is something I wasn’t actually expecting to see, at least not for awhile. After all, I’ve only watched the first two movies in this franchise, the first one being entertaining and the second one less so. I’m not a fan of the idea of “boy racers” goofily modifying their Honda Civics or Mitsubishis with nitrous or whatever to race each other; I’ll never understand it and that’s why for a long time now when I’ve seen a vehicle like that I say that the car was “The Fast & The Furious’ed”. Yet, when this film came out it got really strong reviews not just from critics (shockingly enough) but from action fans on various messageboards who usually don’t care for this kind of movie.

But, as AMC is doing a deal until Thursday the 6th at its IMAX joints where for only 7 bucks you can watch this, Star Trek, and Inception. Not a bad deal at all. I decided to take the plunge and watch it that way. This proved to be a wise decision.

From remembering the two movies (and reading what happened in the last one via Wikipedia) it wasn’t too difficult to follow this. This wasn’t really about cars like earlier in the series and instead this was basically a heist movie, which is fine with me. To try and not spoil too much, the familiar gang end up in Brazil and they do a job for cash. Things go awry and for revenge they go and target an evil drug dealer and his cash (de Almeida, looking like a mean Brazilian Mario Andretti); as those guys are wanted fugitives of the law, the U.S. sends some Diplomatic Security Services guys, led by Hobbs (The Rock) to get them back. All three fight with each other and its wild stuff and it’s never boring.

Overall, I have to say that while I usually don’t care for movies that go way out to be absolutely preposterous and ridiculous, in this case it’s just that this may have been the most ridiculous movie I’ve ever seen! Yet they went balls-out and due to how entertaining the cast was (I’m sure they had a blast while making this) I actually got into all the impossible things I was seeing and my brain took a vacation as I went along for the ride. At times it does feel rather long but otherwise it was a story which wasn’t boring and you ended up rooting for a bunch of people who were on the wrong side of the law.

The movie looked great in the IMAX format. To be honest, I didn’t mind looking at Gal Gadot (a very nice-looking gal, for sure) in that format either. The action was fast-paced and yet for the most part was actually easy to follow and wasn’t that shaky-cam crap. Rio (or rather, Puerto Rico standing in for Rio) looked very scenic; and of course there’s a lot of action to witness. The last 20 or 25 minutes of the movie… totally devoid of logic, but pretty amazing to watch nonetheless. I can see why a lot of action fans want to see director Lin helm big projects in the future.

I tell you, it’s obvious that there’s going to be a sixth in this franchise. Besides the outrageous amount of money it made at the box office, I did stick around to see the teaser at the end of the first part of the end credits. I understand that’s about as ridiculous as everything else, but now I’m actually looking forward to watching the sequel… and even watching all the movies in the franchise, including the third one with Sonna Chiba apparently dressing like a pimp and the oldest kid from Home Improvement.

By the way, how can I hate a movie which either as a code name or as his real name has the Korean guy named Han Seoul-Lo? Now there is a pretty awesome messageboard name for people to use.

I’ll be back probably around this time tomorrow for my next review.

Drive

2011-09-28T22:26:00.001-04:00

Drive (2011)

Runtime: 100 minutes

Directed by: Nicolas Winding Refn

Starring: Ryan Gosling, Cary Mulligan, Bryan Cranston, Ron Perlman, Albert Brooks

From: FilmDistrict

Here’s a movie I’ve been hearing a lot about this month. After some people saw it, they lost their minds and unleashed some rather strong statements about how great the movie was, calling it a classic and that sort of thing. Always a skeptic, I wasn’t sure what to think. I know that I enjoyed the 80’s motif the movie had and what I heard of the soundtrack was awesome, as it was 80’s synth pop and that’s always a good thing.

Last night I finally went and saw the movie to see if the hype was warranted. Before I get to the film itself, I have to mention that I thought I would get to see it with no problem as I went to the local Cineplex which is usually not a busy place; some other people were at the screening also and as it’s Florida, a few of those people were Troglodytes and just acted stupid. I swear that my opinion on the movie was not colored by my less than ideal experience while watching said movie.

To try and be brief, this is about a stunt car driver named Driver (Gosling) who also does some side jobs which could be called less than ethical, although he also works for a mechanic pal (Cranston) He meets up with a neighbor (Mulligan) and her young son. Her jailbird husband (Oscar Issac; for some reason his name is Standard; was he named after Standard Oil?) comes back from prison. He quickly gets himself into trouble so Driver tries to help him out to be nice to his new lady pal and her son. The fit hits the shan, and… but I don’t want to give too much else away, except that some unsavory characters are seen (Perlman and Brooks, both delivering memorable performances).

One thing I can say right away is that everyone there to see the film-me included-were quite surprised at just how violent this was. There are some REALLY graphic moments. From what I could tell, the rest of the crowd did not seem to care for how the movie turned out. Me, I had a more positive view on it although I didn’t find it to be a classic or the best movie of the year or anything of that sort.

What I did like were the performances in general. This is the first movie I’ve seen Gosling in and I was really impressed. He wore an awesome silver scorpion jacket. The story was always interesting throughout. The 80’s synth music (actually modern songs with that particular sound) was tremendous and was an asset to the film. However…

This was artsy-fartsy at times; you know, long takes, silence, and that sort of thing. At times, even I was wondering why it was taking so long to get to the point. Even I was turned off by how graphic some of the scenes were. But it has to be made clear that this is one downbeat and dour tale. I don’t have a problem with that necessarily; it’s just that you should be prepared that this is the sort of story that isn’t cheery and happy. For you Christina Hendricks fans, her role in the movie isn’t as large as her che… er, I mean as large as has been advertised.

I also had some issues with how the last 15 minutes or so turned off; I can’t really explain it without giving away big spoilers; I just thought it wasn’t as good as what preceded it. You should also note that the movie doesn’t have as many car chases as you’d think given the subject matter; it’s a shame, given that what chases you do see are well-done.

So, this isn’t something I disliked by any means. I’m sure this will end up on the list of the 10 best movies I’ve seen this year (if only because I haven’t seen as many movies as others) but this definitely isn’t the best movie I’ve seen all year, like a lot of people are thinking.

I’ll be back Sunday evening with a new review.

Friday the 13th Part III

2011-09-24T16:48:00.000-04:00

Friday the 13th Part III (or 3-D) (1982)

Runtime: 95 minutes

Directed by: Steve Miner

Starring: Dana Kimmell, Paul Kratka, Tracie Savage, Larry Zerner, Richard Brooker

From: Paramount

I decided to keep it simple last night by watching once again the 3-D version of this film. A few years ago it was finally released in that format, and even though you have to watch it with the old-school red and blue lens and it likely will screw up your vision for a few minutes afterwards, if you watch the DVD version upconverted on a Blu-Ray player, it’s not so bad; on a regular DVD player, it’s not so good but upconverted, it’s not that bad, although it is inconsistent. I hear the Blu-Ray version isn’t much better in terms of image.

Anyhow, this is a movie I’ve always enjoyed despite itself. It’s a typical Jason movie, meaning bad acting, goofy moments, implausible things, and yet at least in this case it was a fun time. If only I could see this one day on the big screen… as for the plot, it doesn’t really matter. A bunch of young people, including a girl with baggage (Kimmell), a Latina lady, a chubby nerd (Zerner), a blatant ripoff of Tommy Chong, and more end up at a rural house on Crystal Lake. Jason acquires his hockey mask and raises hell, unleashing bloody kills that use the 3-D format rather well. The movie is technically poor but in this case it don’t matter.

From the tremendously goofy and yet great theme song to the movie (an extended version can be found on YouTube) to the near-constant reminders that the film is indeed in 3-D-quite often, there are gags where stuff is hurled towards the screen-I can’t help but enjoy this. I mean, there is a trio of bikers who you see for a short amount of time, and they appear to be there only to kill time, but again I can’t hate. If only all of the movies in the series could have been like this, and if only the poor-quality movie from ’09 could have been like this too.

There are also usually some nice kills to see, which is good. I wish that the original X-rated print would have been saved for future generations like us to view, but lack of foresight ruins a lot of things, including that. But anyhow, you can go look and laugh at the fact that there’s a Wiki for this series, and you can check out the page for this movie, if you wish.

I’ll be back Wednesday night.

High Tension

2011-09-23T03:18:00.000-04:00

High Tension (Haute Tension) (2003)

Runtime: 91 minutes

Directed by: Alexandre Aja

Starring: Cecile De France, Maiwenn Le Besco, Philippe Nahon, Franck Khalfoun

From: Europa

Oh, this movie… for a long time I’ve heard about it and how it had an ending that turned people off as it was rather stupid and unnecessary. Me, I say that there are actually two twists that are likely to get people up in arms. I’ll tell you what the second twist is in a moment.

This French movie is about a pair of young ladies, Alexia (Maiwenn) and Marie (De France) who travel to the rural farm home of Marie’s family, in order to study for the weekend while experiencing peace and quiet. However, you soon see a big scary killer invade the house, and cause a lot of havoc (although some of it is REALLY preposterous to the point that it turned me off to the movie right there) and he ends up taking Marie. Alexia has to try and save her friend… and I’ll leave it right there.

I’ll give away the second twist right now, as it’s better off if you stop the movie 30 seconds before it actually ends. The final scene seems to imply that it was all a dream! What a giant middle finger to the audience that was so not needed I can only speculate as to why that was done.

I won’t give away what the first twist was; it takes place about 75 minutes in and it really changes things. I thought that the idea was actually interesting and if it would have been done well, it’d be a quality twist and it would have been something great and different for the horror scene. However, unlike many people (at least from what I’ve seen) I thought that the movie before that twist 75 minutes in, aside from some good moments and a few tense scenes, wasn’t all that great. There was the really preposterous stuff which just insulted my intelligence, and the fact that I didn’t really like any of the characters-even Alexia and Marie-is definitely a problem.

A shame, as the main idea was pretty cool and if done better I could have gotten behind some of the hype I’ve read about this throughout the years. Alas, I thought it did not come together and I really wish there wouldn’t have been so many dumb moments, especially if you think about the twist and how it makes what you saw the preceding 75 minutes rather impossible at times. As for the gore, it definitely delivers if you love seeing blood and guts on the screen. It’s just that at times I thought it was too much, that it was being done as a sick joke. I mean, it ended up getting rather ridiculous.

I’ll be back Saturday afternoon with another review.

[Rec] 2

2011-09-22T02:06:00.000-04:00

[Rec] 2 (2009)

Runtime: 85 minutes

Directed by: Jaume Balaguero, Paco Plaza

Starring: Jonathan Mellor, Oscar Sanchez Zafra, Ariel Casas, Pablo Rosso

From: Filmax

Here’s the sequel to the popular Spanish “found footage” movie [Rec], which I watched and reviewed last year, and which spawned an American remake, Quarantine, which is almost identical. Now, Quarantine 2 is completely different from this movie, funnily enough.

To bring things up to speed, this movie starts 15 minutes after the first one ends; as a refresher, the first film was about a film crew from a news station that followed around the local fire department. They get called into an apartment complex and it turns out that there was a sickness there and the government sealed them in due to what the sickness was, which would cause people to become blood-crazed lunatics. Here, a SWAT team and a guy who calls himself a doctor go into the apartment complex to see what’s going on there and if there are any survivors.

My opinion on the movie… well, I got done watching it about 10 before midnight, and since then I’ve been on a messageboard bitching about it, so that says a lot right there.

Now, I should have enjoyed this movie being like Aliens to the original’s Alien. Unfortunately, I didn’t. One thing is that as the movie expands on what you found out in the first, I wished that I knew less. The creatures ended up being changed and for the worse, I say. It’s so bad it almost ruins me watching the first movie as I now know more about those creatures and what they’re all about.

Then, there’s the bitching… throughout the movie you get a LOT of bitching, arguing, crying, moaning, whining, and so forth. I mean, sure you get that in the first, but it pales in comparison to what you get here. After awhile, it just becomes tiresome. Even the SWAT team isn’t as awesome as you’d expect. To steal a quote I saw online, all of them act like Hudson in Aliens. One of him is great, but all of them? No, doesn’t work.

Unfortunately, I have to give out a spoiler here but it’s important. The four SWAT guys and the doctor aren’t the only characters you see throughout. About 40 minutes in you’re introduced to some other characters in what seems like a sidetrack that is uncomfortably shoehorned in. Those characters made the regular ones seem levelheaded and sedated in comparison, as they *really* up the ante on arguing, bitching, crying, moaning, and all that. I loathed those characters and really wish they wouldn’t have been shoehorned in.

Things pick up but then the ending, and the preceding 10 or so minutes… it’s just stupid and doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Once the movie ended, I almost wanted to throw my remote at the TV in frustration. What a disappointment this turned out to be. From the plot description, it could have been awesome; aside from some moments that I DID think were well-done, it otherwise was a real letdown.

I’ll be back Thursday night (or maybe Friday morning) with a new review.

Wattstax

2011-09-20T23:34:00.000-04:00

Wattstax (1973)

Runtime: 98 minutes

Directed by: Mel Stuart

Starring: This is a documentary, so you’ll see many performances from people on the Stax label, but there’s also soliloquies from Richard Pryor

From: Wolper Productions

Here’s a documentary I first saw on PBS a few years ago (with the cursing bleeped out) and I later tracked down on DVD. It’s not only a documentary-something I’m inclined to like-but it also features great music. It’s about the title event, held in 1972 in the huge Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum; it was presented by the Memphis-based record company Stax Records to note the anniversary of the Watts riots of ’65.

Besides all the songs you hear from the likes of Isaac Hayes, Rufus Thomas, The Staple Singers, The Bar-Kays, Luther Ingram, and others, there’s also soliloquies you get to hear from Richard Pryor where he humorously talks about a variety of things, AND you also hear various people in the area talk about the Watts riots and whether or not things were changed for the African-American or not. It’s all very interesting and you can be any race, creed or color and enjoy the discussion, laugh at what Pryor says (oh, and Isaac the Bartender from The Love Boat also appears, and a dancer you briefly get to see is Rerun from What’s Happening!!) and enjoy quality songs back when R&B music was actually good rather than the lameness most of it is now.

You also get to hear a short speech from Jesse Jackson. No matter what you think of him and his ideological beliefs, you have to laugh at the afro he sports! At least that made me laugh.

If you enjoy any of the things I mentioned above, then you should track this down. The DVD is pretty cool too, with some nice bonus stuff.

I’ll be back tomorrow night something with something new.

A Quick Bit Of Randomness

2011-09-19T23:13:00.000-04:00

Due in part to my schedule the past few days and also due in part to me being dead tired the past few days, I’ll do one of these now and tomorrow night will be a review. It’s just that I realized after the fact there are some things to say about the recent movies I saw.

Re, Apollo 18, the movie is starting to become worse to me in the days after I saw it when I heard and read more reviews of it; yet, it also became better after I realized something that I haven’t heard anyone say yet. I know I’m going to spoil the movie, but eh, oh well, I doubt that anyone cares by this point… what causes the problems on the moon is an arachnid-like creature that hatches from certain rocks. It wasn’t until a few days later that I realized this, but I swear they ripped off that idea from an awful movie that was on Mystery Science Theater 3000! I’m referring to The Giant Spider Invasion, a terrible film about spiders from space who hatch from what looks like rocks. The fact that this movie ripped out such an idea from a movie like this… that is pretty amazing. As for the MST3K episode, it’s tremendous as they just tear apart all the trashy redneck characters you see in the movie, and as someone from Illinois, I have to laugh at the anti-Wisconsin jokes.

As for Fright Night, on a messageboard I read discussion that the original and the remake actually has homosexual subtext to it with the vampires representing homosexuality, and people “converting” has a whole different meaning to it. That’s rather interesting and if I see the remake again and when I see the original, I’ll try to view it in that way. Of course it’s interesting that the original had at least two people in the cast who happened to be gay, and at least one other who has had rumors about his true sexuality.

In terms of Giallo, there is one scene I should mention just for it being gross. The killer views photos of the woman he just brutally attacked, and from his arm motions and sounds, you can tell that he’s “pleasuring himself” to those images. Not something I needed to think about, so of course I mentioned it here.

I’ll be back tomorrow night, this time with a review.

Fright Night (The Remake)

2011-09-15T23:31:00.000-04:00

Fright Night (2011)

74% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 143 reviews)

Runtime: 106 minutes

Directed by: Craig Gillespie

Starring: Anton Yelchin, Colin Farrell, David Tennant, Imogen Poots, Christopher Mintz-Plasse

From: Dreamworks

Here is a movie I finally went to see; I listened to a podcast where I heard some strong arguments about the movie, ranging from “meh” to “hatred”, which is similar to what I’ve heard from both critics and movie-goers, although oddly enough the majority of the former actually liked this. I decided to watch this last night as I could offer up a different perspective as someone who hasn’t seen the 80’s Fright Night films (but I will eventually; I have both on VHS tape) and thus that won’t color my opinion on this movie just being another damn remake that really didn’t need to take place.

Overall… this movie wasn’t God-awful as I heard but it wasn’t all that good either. In Las Vegas, a former geek Charley (Yelchin) who now hangs out with “the cool kids” (including a guy who I noted looked a lot like James Franco; turns out, that was James’ younger brother) and ignores his old pal (McLovin’) and his claims that he somehow found a vampire named Jerry (Farrell); how he discovered that Jerry was a vampire wasn’t explained. A lot of things weren’t explained during the movie; there were many plotholes and you have to accept things such as no one caring about a structure exploding in fire or chaos at a casino. He, his prospective girlfriend (Poots), and his mom (Toni Collette) end up getting involved, and Charley ends up going to the Criss Angel-ripoff known as Peter Vincent (Tennant) as he’s also an expert in vampire lore. Will those two guys get together to battle Jerry the vampire? Will there be many goofy coincidences and chance meet-ups? What do you think?

This movie isn’t awful. After all, there are some exciting moments, and some humorous ones too; there is even an interesting idea or two. There just isn’t enough of that to balance out all of the dumb moments, aggravating and douche-y characters (most of the main ones you get to see), the giant logic gaps, and the griping that the characters unleash on each other. So, that’s why I say this movie isn’t that great, unless you want to see Lisa Loeb play McLovin’s mom in one brief scene. By the way, I got to see this in 2D, so seeing the obvious 3D stuff that way just made things silly.

I’ll be back Monday night.

Giallo

2011-09-14T01:25:00.000-04:00

Giallo (2009)

Runtime: 92 minutes

Directed by: Dario Argento

Starring: Adrien Brody, Emmanuelle Seigner, Elsa Pataky, Robert Miano

From: Hannibal Pictures

My apologies for getting this up late but I happened to watch a movie on pay cable TV (yeah, I still somehow am able to get Showtime and The Movie Channel channels for free, but shhhh; the cable company doesn't need to know about the mistake) which was discussed about on a messageboard so I took the bullet and watched it in order to talk about it there... and here.

First off, I haven't really seen any movies in the giallo style period, so I can't tell you with any certainty if it even lives up to its name or not. The only movie I've seen from the legendary and influential Argento I've seen before is Suspiria, which I mainly enjoyed despite its nonsensical story because of its great visuals and usage of color; oh, and the Goblin score too. He has a lot of fans in the horror community, which makes it all the sadder that he keeps on making films but pretty much all of his recent output is pitiful and awful compared to his best in the 70's and 80's.

Oh, and it's also amusing to me that this movie caused conflict when-as I understand it-the movie producers did not give Brody as much money as he was promised so he sued and blocked the movie from being released here until he got his cash. Not a great sign for the quality of the movie; I've known this story for awhile so I was expecting a bad movie when I finally watched this... and I wasn't proven wrong.

I've also heard that the awful I Know Who Killed Me-which I unfortunately HAVE seen and one of these days I'll review here-could be considered part of the genre too. I say it's a crap film that really rips off Argento and his usage of color and leave it at that.

While Giallo wasn't terrible like I Know Who Killed Me, it's just not a good film. As I've heard other reviewers say as I'm looking for other opinions now, it's just flat-out boring for much of its run time, and you'll forget much of what you have seen minutes after you're done watching the movie. It's just a bunch of stuff happening, mostly listlessly. The plot as it is: in Turin Italy, a serial killer kidnaps a hot model (Pataky) and her sister (Seigner) is directed to a police investigator on the hunt for him (Brody).

There are some interesting ideas, as to why Brody's detective character is so good at tracking serial killer types, but otherwise... blah. That detail and many others aren't really explained or explored as well as they should have been. There's not much in the way of scares or thrills, and while there's some decent blood and gore, there's not a whole lot of it; hell, there's not even much in the way of kills.

There are definitely some goofy moments; even then, though, not even to want to watch the movie to laugh at it. Everything about the serial killer is pretty silly. He's also played by Brody and he wears goofy makeup which made me think either Rocky Dennis or Marv in Sin City. He has what you could call yellow skin, I suppose. It's caused by jaundice. He also speaks with a bizarre accent which can't be native to any ethnicity of people on the planet.

Now, this is what you'd call a spoiler; it's so silly it has to be mentioned. The reason why he has jaundice? His mom was a drug user who shot up while pregnant with him, then he was left at an orphanage*. Both the mom and the son have... Hepatitis C! That's right, a serial killer with Hepatitis C. He kidnaps pretty foreign chicks, "makes them ugly", then kills them. It's all blah and there's no reason for anyone to see it, even to chuckle at the dumb moments. You see Brody smoke a lot (because it's a modern European film, I guess) and it's deathly dull. If you're an Argento fan I'm sure you'd be the most disappointed. Stick to his famous films or track down the most famous of the giallo movies, which is advice I should follow myself.

* There's a brief flashback that nearly had me dying from laugher. You saw the serial killer as a young boy, being teased for having jaundice. For some reason, they really wanted to stress that he was yellow, so he was practically glowing neon yellow like the sun! No exaggeration.

I'll be back Thursday night with what will likely be another review of a horror film, even if this Giallo movie wasn't really even giallo as I understand it or much in the way of horror either.

So...

2011-09-11T23:09:00.000-04:00

After some thought, I realized that posting any sort of review today wouldn't be the best idea, given what today is. Plus, I wasn't able to watch anything and I'm dead tired now so I didn't want to watch anything after the night football game finished and then I'd post a real late review. Instead, I'll mention that I'll finally do a new review on Tuesday night and then I'll try to be more frequent with them for the rest of the month.

Since I'm typing I should at least mention the funny story of how a generic horror movie with the generic title of Creature somehow got a 1,500 screen release and given that the advertising budget was approximately 2 or 3 bucks it shouldn't be a shocked that it totally bombed at the box office, not even finishing in the top 25 and the numbers were so bad, an approximate average of SIX people paid for a ticket to watch it at each screening; six per screening, that's a total disaster.

Then again maybe I should cry instead of laugh... as I read somewhere a few days ago, this low-budget movie that apparently is God-awful too got released on 1,500 screens and yet quality genre films like Attack The Block, Let The Right One In and 13 Assassins would probably perform illicit sex acts with a bum in an alley to have gotten that sort of release when they were out in movie theatres! Typical Hollywood/movie-making system. At least I was able to see all three of them the proper way, but Creature sounds like such a waste I doubt I'll ever see it out of the sake of being curious.

Apollo 18

2011-09-06T22:37:00.000-04:00

Apollo 18 (2011)

18% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 44 reviews)

Runtime: 88 minutes

Directed by: Gonzalo Lopez-Gallego

Starring: Warren Christie, Lloyd Owen, Ryan Robbins

From: Dimension Films

Here is a movie that sounded interesting to me, as while it’s yet another found footage it at least had an interesting and fresh angle in that it’s alleged footage from a covered-up Apollo mission that was said to never happen but the story of the movie was that it was a secret mission which was covered up by the government. This had its release changed from spring this year all the way to spring next year, then they changed their mind and moved it to Labor Day weekend. I wasn’t sure if that was a good sign or not. I heard a toxic review from a website that I trust, but a reviewer on the site that I don’t trust, so I wasn’t sure what to expect; that’s why I took a chance this afternoon and went out and saw it.

Without giving too much away-such as who or what was causing all the mysterious stuff you saw in the trailers/TV ads-I’ll say that this movie says it was footage taken from the government and uploaded to what is a viral website for this movie that shows there was an Apollo 18 and why it was kept secret from the public. A trio of astronauts are shot up into space to go to the moon, with the usual setup of two of them walking on it and a third staying up in orbit around the moon. Soon after they get there, they discover mysterious stuff going on; what could it be? The answer… but again, I won’t spoil it for anyone.

Who or what it turns out is behind all the shenanigans on the moon is what I’d call goofy. Then again, the whole plot can raise a lot of logical questions if you think about it a little; what those questions are… they’re spoilers so I can’t even elaborate on that but it makes you wonder why those previous astronauts on the moon like Neil Armstrong or Buzz Aldrin did not come across it before. Yet, despite that sort of thing, I still thought the movie was entertaining-enough. A lot of the footage did look like it came from the era of late 1974, when they said the mission happened. The acting was fine and I wasn’t annoyed by any of the three astronauts, which is a plus. There was enough creepiness and jump scares-but not too much of them-to entertain me. Plus, at times the movie has a mean streak; in this case that worked instead of being a turn-off for being too mean and nasty.

So, judging by popular opinion I may be in the minority but maybe the low expectations I had due to the negative reviews helped me think this was entertaining, if not a masterpiece by any means. If you can turn your brain off it’s fun. I certainly did not think it was awful as many reviewers loudly proclaimed. Having a found footage movie with typical movie credits at the end was a little silly, but alas…

I’ll be back Sunday night with a new review.

Scarface

2011-09-01T23:05:00.003-04:00

Scarface (1983)

Runtime: 170 minutes

Directed by: Brian De Palma

Starring: Al Pacino, Steven Bauer, Michelle Pfeiffer, Robert Loggia

From: Universal

Here’s one of the most famous movies of the 80’s, which I finally got to see on the big screen last night due to a one night only thing across the country from Fathom Events. I first saw this movie on VHS tape; I only saw the first part of it freshman year of college 10 years ago. I saw it in full that summer, and I became one of the many people who enjoy the film.

Sure, it’s filled with many excesses (just like the 80’s) and it is rather long, but I always found it to be entertaining despite the main figure being an anti-hero at best.I won’t get into the plot of the movie as you all know by now the rise and downfall of Tony Montana (Pacino delivering a bravura performance) so I’ll instead say that I am glad I got to see it in a movie theatre-this was done as the movie is coming out on Blu-Ray this upcoming Tuesday-and instead of watching it in the Orlando-area, I drove down to Lakeland to watch it at the Cobb Theatres Lakeside 18 for the first time; it was a pretty nice place and I wouldn’t mind going there again in the future. Even better was that the crowd wasn’t as “rough” as I expected and they didn’t act as stupid as I had feared either.

The movie looked and sounded great on the big screen. It sure as heck beat the VHS I watched back in the day. I was able to enjoy the scenic South Florida location (the South Beach of then was pretty poor compared to what it is now) and the quality 80’s-riffic score by Giorgio Moroder too.

As it was the first time in a long while I saw the movie in full, I was able to fully appreciate it; it’s just an entertaining and engrossing story and the performances are nice too, so no wonder it’s become so beloved, even if undesirable types tend to enjoy it (gangbangers and thugs and whatnot) and they seem to only pay attention to Tony Montana’s rise to the top and ignore his downfall. People should also follow the advice of not getting high off of your own supply. I enjoy the movie due to how entertaining it is and not because it has elements that appeal to the ruffians and cads of the world.

I’ll be back Tuesday night, as I don’t want to do any work on this on Monday.

More Randomness

2011-08-30T00:31:00.000-04:00

I didn’t have the time to watch any movie the past few days so I’m doing a quick one of these instead. I’ll mention a movie I did see on DVD last week, then…

I watched a movie I was interested in as I heard some good things, which was Insidious. It had its ups and downs. There are scary moments that worked and the violin score worked with the film and it creeped you out too. However, I thought it took awhile to get going, there were some dumb moments, and what I presumed to be unintentional humor was funnier than the stuff that they wanted to be funny (i.e. those two ghostbusters who helped out Lin Shaye’s character); still, despite that and the final 20 or so minutes showing the limitations of the low budget, it wasn’t a bad film and it was nice that an original horror movie did well-enough at the box office.

Wednesday night, I’ll be going to a screening of Scarface; it’s a one-night only thing at various locations across the country. It’s a movie I wanted to see on the big screen for a long while now. I fear what the crowd for the screening will be as I know the type of audience that loves Scarface the most but I think I’ll be fine. It’s not like I need to bring a shiv or brass knucks or mace or anything of that sort. I’ll review the movie and the whole experience Thursday night.

Attack The Block

2011-08-24T22:07:00.001-04:00

Attack the Block (2011)

89% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 110 reviews)

Runtime: 88 minutes

Directed by: Joe Cornish

Starring: Jodie Whitaker, John Boyega, Alex Esmail, Leeon Jones, Nick Frost

From: Studio Canal

Now, here is a foreign horror movie that is more to my liking. This import from England appeared in Orlando for a week after playing at various spots across the United States. I heard it was good but I mainly remained in the dark as to what it was really about. Once I made the long drive to the east part of Orlando to check it out with a small crowd, I was quite happy with my decision to check it out.

I’ll try not to spoil things myself but I’ll give a few details. The movie starts off with a quintet of young hoods in South London robbing a young lady, Sam (Whitaker). Something suddenly crashes into a car. The end result is that alien creatures appear, and what wacky creatures they are… in a good way. They’re described as “alien wolf space mother*******”, to paraphrase a little bit. They also happen to have glowing teeth, as if they’re from the Tron universe. They’re actually effective monsters and not silly. It’s all in how they’re presented. They manage to work even if they sound silly as described. So, those young hoods actually do battle with those creatures, and that young lady also gets involved. To reveal more would ruin things, but one character has a Biblical name, and I don’t think that was by happenstance.

So, this movie works extremely well. It has a low budget (an estimated 13 million bucks) but it looks pretty good and there was only a time or two where I thought the low budget hurt things. The monsters look great and never look silly. The pulsating soundtrack is by house music duo Basement Jaxx-yes, the guys who did Where’s Your Head At and Red Alert way back when; I was shocked they were still around-and it fits the movie like a glove and gives thing a constant energy, which is aided by the movie just being well-paced, never allowing you to be bored with it. It has a unique setting, which is a city block in South London, in and out of an apartment building. It has a light tone to it and it’s often pretty funny. After all, some of the characters you see are pot dealers and you do see the ganja get smoked. Also, there’s enough funny dialogue mixed in with the serious stuff to keep it lively. Sure, there's some British slang that is hard to make out to my Yankee ears, but that's no big deal.

The main thing is that this just feels fresh and different from the usual alien invasion film and it’s just a blast to watch. I haven’t seen the similar Super 8 yet but some of the negative things I’ve heard about that makes me think I would prefer this to movie named after the hotel chain (OK, so not really, but I can’t help but think that) anyhow. I am glad I got the chance to see this on the big screen. If only if it would have been in front of a rowdy crowd. Alas, though. I know that this will rank very high on the list of the best movies I’ve seen this year.

I’ll be back Monday night with a new review.

Atrocious

2011-08-23T00:57:00.000-04:00

Atrocious (2010)

Runtime: 75 minutes

Directed by: Fernando Barreda Luna

Starring: Cristian Valencia, Clara Moraelda, Jose Masegosa, Chus Pereiro

From: Nabu Films

Sometimes, the jokes really do write themselves… the movie is not SO bad that the title proves to be a one word review of the movie’s quality, but it makes me wonder why this Spanish/Mexican movie got the release it did. It was part of something that started a few months ago with AMC Theatres and the Bloody Disgusting website. As described here, they have midnight screenings two times a week for a short amount of time for some low-budget horror flick. The first few movies they put out weren’t interesting to me but this movie, yet another found footage flick, sounded like it could be worth something and plus, the title just made me laugh, even for the wrong reasons.

The plot isn’t too extensive; a pair of teenage siblings (Valencia, Moraelda) have to spend Easter vacation at a house that their family owns that’s out by the woods, which are supposedly haunted. As fans of “urban legends”, they decide to use their video cameras to investigate the woods and see if the legend is actually true. They soon discover that it is, due to… well, you don’t actually SEE or HEAR too much at all. It’s not like Paranormal Activity where you hear some things and you see a lot of spooky stuff, or even The Blair Witch Project* where you mainly hear spooky stuff and your imagination does a lot of work as to what’s causing all the hullabaloo. Instead, here you have some odd things happen but it’s presented in a way that will make you go “meh” and “eh, whatever”, such as something getting broken in their kitchen or the dog vanishing but you only see the aftermath and not the dog getting yanked away or what have you.

• I haven’t seen that movie in years but I should revisit it one of these days to see what I think of it in modern times. At the time, I wasn’t so hot on the movie, as the characters were rather annoying.

I don’t know why I’ve read some decent to even good reviews of this movie, as I thought not enough happened here at all. Then again, maybe things were seen but it was impossible to make out as there was too much shaky-cam going on where you couldn’t make out what was happening. I swear, there was what seemed like a 5 minute segment where the male teenager was running in the dark in a labyrinth* and all you could see in night-vision was a bunch of shakiness and once or twice he reacted as if he saw something, but hell if you could make out WHAT he may have seen, and with that and his heavy breathing… not good.

• The movie couldn’t even make their setting of a labyrinth right by their house interesting. Now, if they would have had long blonde-haired David Bowie as Jareth The Goblin King playing the villain, then you’d have something.

There’s also a twist ending that’s confused and doesn’t make too much sense. So, what a disappointment this was. The crowd I saw it with didn’t help out matters, but even if they would have been good, my opinion likely wouldn’t be different. I sure as heck hope the other movies in the series are better than this one.

Wednesday night I'll be back with the sort of movie that they SHOULD have released but it got picked up by someone else. I'll tell you now to check out Attack The Block as it's a great twist on the standard alien invasion film.

The Devil's Double

2011-08-19T20:07:00.000-04:00

The Devil’s Double (2011)

56% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 85 reviews)

Runtime: 109 minutes

Directed by: Lee Tamahori

Starring: Dominic Cooper, Ludivine Sagnier, Raad Rawi, Philip Quast

From: Corsan

Here’s a movie in limited release that I’ve seen on the big screen (the first one I’ve seen on the big screen that wasn’t a one-off screening since The Hangover Part II; yes, it’s been that long for me, as not much this summer has interested a strange character like me; I plan on seeing more films on the big screen the rest of 2011) that also happens to be a foreign one, from Belgium of all places.

This is a true story (well, it actually happened in real life; how true the storyteller was and how much of his story made it to the screen will be less than 100%; how much so, who knows) about how Uday Hussein found a near-identical person, Latif, (both played by Cooper; he does a great job of making the two characters vastly different) and forced him to be his “double”, meaning that he impersonated Uday during dangerous situations where Uday thought he could be a target for assassination. Otherwise, he claimed that Latif was his brother. As Uday was a drug-crazed maniac who did things like snatch underaged schoolgirls from the street and rape them, Latif did not enjoy this arrangement too much, understandably. Meanwhile, he and Uday’s lady, Sarrab (Sagnier) begin to fall for each other…

While I can understand why some critics would be turned off by how trashy and violent this movie ended up being, I managed to enjoy it for those aspects (except for the more extreme stuff, like the whippings and torture you see) and as I didn’t know anything about the true story I was genuinely interested in how it turned out and how Latif could escape such a horrible situation. As I’ve heard elsewhere, this seemed to be modeled on the 80’s Scarface in how Uday acted like a madman out of control-him sniffing large amounts of coke was not the only clue that led people to think this-but his actions also reminded people of Caligula, and as someone who’s seen that wacked-out movie before, that’s an understandable comparison, especially with one scene in both movies involving a new bride. In fact, I’m liable to think that director Tamahori took some aspects from both movies and added them here as a homage; at least I’ll say “homage” instead of “rip-off”. I mean, I’m pretty sure that there aren’t too many trannies in Baghdad and he added them to the story due to the director’s own issues with transsexuality, which I’m sure also explains why he’s making movies in Belgium instead of Hollywood.

By the way, I don’t know if the discotheques of Baghdad had people mainly dress in the same 80’s clothes that most of the club-goers at U.S. digs did while You Spin Me Round (Like A Record) and Relax blasted through the sound systems, but indeed in this movie you had two scenes involving those songs and those tunes worked well for the scenes, even if it was total BS from Tamahori when it comes to historical accuracy. But anyway, this story makes Saddam (Quast) almost look good in comparison!

If you don’t care too much about 100% historical accuracy and you want to watch a gaudy yet still interesting story concerning some loathsome subjects, then you should check out this tale.

I’ll be back Monday night.

Snake Eater

2011-08-13T22:45:00.001-04:00

Snake Eater (1989)

Runtime: 91 minutes

Directed by: George Erschbamer

Starring: Lorenzo Lamas, Josie Scott, Ronnie Hawkins, Larry Csonka, Ron Palillo (yes, Horshack from Welcome Back Kotter)

From: Carota

Before last night I really had no clue what I was going to watch and review next. Then, I took a spin around the dial to see what was on the pay cable channels. I then noticed this film playing; I quickly got a VHS tape; I know, I know… I then taped it and watched it this afternoon. This was something I saw a long time ago when I was young. I didn’t remember too much about it besides one dude sort of resembling 80’s wrestler Jimmy Jam Garvin and of course, the presence of a decent amount of nudity.

So, after watching this Canadian movie, I can tell you that it’s definitely low-budget and boy, is it not good, and yet I was able to laugh at it and have a good time. By the way, I don't know if "Snake Eaters" is a real term to describe a certain segment of the Marines as this movie says. If Metal Gear Solid took the name of one of its sequels from this movie... wow.

Basically, Lorenzo Lamas (i.e. "Soldier"; that's all that he's called, even by his sister) is on the hunt for the Rob Zombie redneck characters who kidnapped his sister and murdered their parents. Here's the "highlights":

The movie starts off with a drug bust, and former pro football star Larry Csonka and another dude are listening in via wire. Soldier gets a chick to strip, and we get to see her jugs. They look nice, but the chick had a big scar in the middle of her chest. Did she have open heart surgery? Anyway, two bad guys come in and they end up getting nailed (literally) by nails that shoot up through the wooden floor. Oh, and Csonka pisses in a styrofoam cup filled with coffee and hands it to a bum walking by.

An old guy on a pier flies off it on his bike... and this serves as a distraction for Soldier, which he needs in a fist-fight. That's right, the distraction an old guy comes up with to help his pal is to ride his bike into a river.

Soldier's own bike gets turned into a hybrid with a jet ski. Don't ask. Really, just don't ask.

One of the bad guys dresses up like a bear to kill people. Again...

Another bad guy looks like a buffed version of either King Kong Bundy or Curly from The Three Stooges. I can't decide which is the best description.

The sister in the redneck family looks like an even worse version of Sandra Bernhardt.

Everything about it is so low-rent and rinky-dink, and yet I can't help but enjoy it for those reasons. It's not boring, I'll give you that. It's just crappy, that's all. You don't need to know that he meets up with those Rob Zombie characters and gets his revenge, do you?

The movie actually ends with another sting that isn't related to the main story. It's just to show off that Soldier hasn't changed. It features Horshack from Welcome Back Kotter as an arsonist nicknamed Torchy! What a movie this was.

I'll be back Friday night with a new review.

Scarface (The Original)

2011-08-09T22:14:00.000-04:00

Scarface (1932)

Runtime: 93 minutes

Directed by: Howard Hawks

Starring: Paul Muni, Ann Dvorak, Karen Morley, George Raft, Boris Karloff

From: United Artists

Yes, this is the original Scarface, not the greatly entertaining-but lengthy-version from the 80’s with Tony Montana and all those coked-up excesses. Instead, this one (the earliest movie I have reviewed so far) I’ve seen before and I caught it again earlier tonight when Turner Classic Movies showed it. It turns out that I enjoy watching those sorts of gangster movies from the 30’s… I just haven’t seen too many of them yet in my life.

Once seeing it again, I realize I did not remember much from my first viewing. Also, the 80’s version takes quite a bit from this. Here, the story concerns Tony Camonte (Muni), an Italian who moves to Chicago and with his big mind and brash attitude, he takes over the Chicago gangland and the bootlegging business-back in the horrible days when alcohol was illegal in the United States-but a lot of elements will seem familiar with those who have seen the 80’s movie plenty of times.

For example, Tony has a scar on his face too… it wasn’t from eating “pineapple” but rather it came from some lady in a speakeasy, or so a character stated. Tony battles with the boss who hired him… including his lady (Morley); Tony has a sister who he’s overprotective of (Dvorak) for creepy reasons, Tony’s pal is fond of the sister… and that’s not all, but I won’t reveal more, except that there's even a "The World Is Yours" reference. So, I say that if you enjoy Tony Montana and his adventures, then you just might enjoy this too. After all, some moments in the script were taken from Al Capone’s life.

There’s your fair share of violence, usually either heard and not shown or done in shadows, but there’s still a lot of it and while some things were definitely dated (such as the odd humor at a few points or the hammy acting or the oh so stereotypical Italian accents) it overall is an entertaining and fun yarn to watch. As it was in the “pre-Code” era, it meant there was no censorship so that’s why you had a lot of shootings with Tommy Guns and a brother with an unhealthy relationship with his sister.

I'll be back Saturday night with a new review.

Tales from the Hood

2011-08-05T22:09:00.000-04:00

Tales from the Hood (1995)

Runtime: 98 minutes

Directed by: Rusty Cundieff

Starring: Wings Hauser, David Alan Grier, Corbin Bernsen, Clarence Williams III

From: Savoy Pictures

Here’s another movie I saw in my childhood but I hadn’t watched since then, meaning many years. It’s not only a horror anthology-something you don’t see nearly enough-but it’s African-American centered, which is also something you don’t see often enough… at least done well. Last October I reviewed basically a student horror flick involving African-Americans, and that is one of the worst movies you’ll ever see. Thankfully, this movie (produced by Spike Lee; I’m someone who usually isn’t a fan of him or how he acts, but…) is not bad and in fact is an entertaining motion picture.

The story is that some gangbangers end up in the funeral home of a real spooky guy (Williams III) for a drug shipment and he tells them a quartet of stories: some racist cops end up getting their comeuppance in a memorable way, a teacher helps his boy student deal with a “monster” who in real life attacks him, a little doll comes to life, and some “behavior modifications” take place. I don’t want to give away more than that as there are some surprises in the stories. There’s even a shocker at the very end.

This isn’t what you’d call hardcore horror a la Texas Chain Saw Massacre or The Exorcist and you don’t have blood and guts all over the place (although what carnage you get to see is fine-enough); rather, it’s 4 entertaining tales that never become boring and happen to feature real-life themes important to African-Americans, such as racism, various sorts of abuse-including drugs-and black on black crime. It's interesting, and you can be any creed/color and enjoy it. There's some black humor, too (pun not intended), which livens up things. The script is entertaining and the performances are fine all around. It's especially interesting seeing Grier in a rare non-comedic role.

So, even though this at times does scream "90's", if you enjoy horror films and especially if you saw this around the time it came out, it's worth watching it again.

I'll be back to make a rare Tuesday night posting.

Rapid Fire

2011-08-03T21:54:00.000-04:00

Rapid Fire (1992)

Runtime: 95 minutes

Directed by: Dwight H. Little

Starring: Brandon Lee, Powers Boothe, Nick Mancuso, Tzi Ma, Kate Hodge

From: 20th Century Fox

Here is a review that won’t be too lengthy, but I wanted to say a few things about this motion picture. I taped it a long while ago on VHS from a Fox Movie Channel broadcast and I watched it shortly thereafter, then I decided to watch it one more time before I taped something else over it.

This is a low-budget action film and you should keep your expectations in check; that said, it’s still pretty entertaining for what it is. The plot is about a half-Chinese dude (Lee) who manages to witness a shooting at a party; as it involves drug dealers and the Mob in Chicago, he ends up in hot water and he meets up with a cop on the edge (Boothe) and his cute colleague (Hodge). Along the way there’s double-crosses and swerves and surprises on the way as they deal with quite a few unsavory characters and you have shootouts and Lee has to use his martial arts skills on more than one or two occasions.

In this movie, you have everything from a scene at a nude modeling class to a subplot involving Tiananmen Square, a hideout at an old bowling alley, Chinese stick fighting, and more. There’s also the required love scene, yet to a greatly cheesy early 90’s rock ballad. It’s fast-moving so you don’t want to think about things too much. If you are able to shut your brain off, you should enjoy the martial arts, shootouts, and other forms of action. Some of it is prop-filled a la a fight scene with Jackie Chan, which was a nice change of pace. Would Brandon Lee have become as popular as Chan-or heck, even his own dad-if not for the accident that claimed his life while filming The Crow? Who knows for certain, but it’s a shame such a freak and fluke thing happened to both father and son there.

Anyhow, if you want yet another time-waster that you should enjoy watching if you like low-budget action movies and you have an hour and a half with nothing else to do, give this a shot… wait, REALLY bad choice of words there. I mean, give this a try.

I’ll be back Friday night with something that will give me more to write about.

A Little Late, At Long Last Love

2011-07-29T22:09:00.000-04:00

At Long Last Love (1975)

Runtime: 118 minutes

Directed by: Peter Bogdanovich

Starring: Burt Reynolds, Cybill Shepherd, Madeline Kahn, Eileen Brennan, John Hillerman

From: 20th Century Fox

Imagine my surprise when Tuesday night I was looking through my cable guide and this film came up as being played at midnight on Fox Movie Channel. After all, this is a movie that got such a bad reception when it was released, it was never put out on VHS tape, let alone DVD. That’s it despite it being directed by a famous name and starring some famous people. Maybe it being a musical (yep, Burt and Cybill sing), it being a very “white” environment-I’m not talking about race; rather, most of the sets are that color-and the actors sing “live” on stage rather than lip-synching has something to do with that reputation, but I was glad to finally see this movie. I understand it was on Netflix earlier in the year, but I don’t use that crap.

This movie is just like one of those musicals from the 1930’s. The plot… well, it isn’t too important, believe me. It’s stringed together from a bunch of old Cole Porter songs, and it’s couples falling in and out of love, couple-swapping, and so on and so forth. It’s a lot of arguing going on too amongst all the singing, which you get a LOT of. As I heard someone once say, musicals would be a lot better if they didn’t have all that damn singing. I tend to agree with that; most things in that genre I don’t really care for. That sort of taints this review, but that’s just my opinion.

As for the movie, I didn’t care for any of the characters or their machinations, the songs weren’t terrible but it was clear as day Kahn was the only trained singer (hearing old Burt try to sing was pretty surreal, although I’ve heard the likes of Lee Marvin and Clint Eastwood try to warble a tune also), and I just thought the movie didn’t work. I wouldn’t say it was awful and deserving of getting pulled from its theatrical run and the director doing the rare thing and apologizing for his own movie; however, it’s not all that good and it’s best as a strange curio, a failed experiment from a famous director. I mean, casting the two leads to both sing AND dance when they aren’t too good at either task is asking for problems.

At least I can say that the film looks nice, from the sets to the photography (by famed cinematographer Laszlo Kovacs) and everything else. Hillerman (yeah, Higgins from Magnum P.I.) sings and romances Brennan, which is an interesting sight. It’s just that the too-long film has a threadbare plot and you don’t care about what happens; if you enjoy musicals you may enjoy it more, though. If you want to, you can watch it on YouTube.

I'll be back Wednesday night.

I'll Be Back Friday Afternoon

2011-07-28T00:22:00.000-04:00

Well, things happened and I did something on Wednesday night and plus I taped a movie Tuesday night that's so obscure, it never got a VHS release, let alone DVD; that is good enough for me to do a review, me thinks. I'll be back Friday afternoon, I promise.

Severance

2011-07-25T00:08:00.000-04:00

Severance (2006)

Runtime: 96 minutes

Directed by: Christopher Smith

Starring: Laura Harris, Danny Dyer, Toby Stephens, Andy Nyman

From: HanWay Films

Here’s another horror film from Europe, which seems to be one of the few places where you can actually get at least a halfway decent film in the genre in recent years. This is also a movie that mixes scares and laughs pretty well, and isn’t grating or drags on forever; yes, I’m directing that potshot towards the movie known as Hatchet.

As for this movie, it seems to be quite a bit inspired by the few minute segment in the sixth Friday the 13th movie where Jason hacks up that company that is doing a team-building exercise in the woods and there’s a lot of humor involved. Here, it’s an English weapons company that is out in the woods on a team-building exercise, only it’s in Hungary (by the borders of both Serbia and Romania, according to a line of dialogue in the movie) and it’s a wacky group of people, from an American to a drug-using clown, a brown-noser type and an out of touch boss. They are on a bus off to a cabin when there’s arguing with the bus driver and they have to do a bit of walking to what they believe is their cabin. That’s when the fit hits the shan, so to speak, and they have to deal with a killer.

Much of the horror and carnage doesn’t come in the first half of the movie. Rather, it’s getting to know the characters and their various personalities. It’s done in a smart and entertaining way, for the most part. The laughs are actually worthy of giggle and it doesn’t drag. Once the second half starts up, you get to see some pretty dark humor, along with enough gruesome moments for the gorehounds. It also moves fast so it isn’t boring either. Oh, and whenever I hear the song Itchycoo Park (by The Small Faces) I’ll forever be reminded of this film.

I don’t want to give too much else away-as there are some surprises-but if you enjoy horror-comedy and want to see something that you haven’t checked out yet, you should track this down.

I'll be back Wednesday night with a new review.

Ticked-Off Trannies With Knives

2011-07-21T23:02:00.000-04:00

Ticked-Off Trannies With Knives (2010)

Runtime: 90 minutes

Directed by: Israel Luna

Starring: Krystal Summers, Kelexis Davenport, William Belli, Tom Zembrod

From: La Luna Entertainment

Yes folks, this is a legit movie, and I legit watched this late Tuesday night on Showtime Beyond, not because I’m a fan of transsexuals or anything (I’m not!) but rather because the movie just sounds SO bizarre and out there someone has to recap it. It’s not any sort of porno but rather a revenge exploitation flick (a la Death Wish), except that this one happens to have a fantastic title and the heroes happen to be transsexuals.

Now, I’ve come across some recent movies with wacky titles, such as Run! Bitch! Run! or Nude Nuns With Big Guns. I haven’t seen those films but I understand they’re more about the great title than the actual film. With this, I will say that is not the case.

The plot is rather straightforward: a group of trannies meet up with some guys who turn out to be gay bashers, and they literally bash them, resulting in death. The “girls” (I’ll refer to them as girls, to make it simple) regroup and they get their revenge. But it’s more than that. I’ll provide some highlights:

* The opening part has a lot of dialogue, but to sum it up, a girl named Bubbles arrives at the club everyone works at with a black eye, due to being attacked by a redneck with long hair named Boner. Yes, that's the only name he gets called by. Bubbles also happens to be the tranny who looks most like a lady. The others... it's rather obvious they're dudes. Sassy and mouthy dudes, but dudes nonetheless.
* By the way, the characters in this movie have named like Pinky L'Trimm (a huge black person; think Divine), Rachel Slurr, Emma Grashun, Tipper Sommore, Doctor Laccio, Connie Lingus, and my favorite, Helluva Bottom-Carter.
* Two of the ladies get invited to hang out with a pair of Mexicans. Bubbles is asked to go, and after some arguing, she does. It turns out to be a warehouse. The two Mexicans and Boner set them up, as Boner hooked up with Bubbles, not knowing the obvious. He then raped her, as he said "a hole's a hole". I never thought of it that way.
* There's a fight scene and besides a baseball bat getting used, one of the Mexicans gets a high heel in the eye. In terms of weapons, a broken CD also gets used to slash someone.
* Anyhow, Bubbles ends up in a coma due to a baseball bat shot to the head. She loses her voice, only to regain it, but with a lisp. I don't know why either. Some of the humor and gags were just strange more than anything else. Speaking of that, there was also a strange scene involving Doctor Laccio (an actual dude) and Connie Lingus (another tranny) which doesn't need to be talked about.
* The girls get trained to fight back by a strange dude who was supposed to be Asian but really wasn't, named Fergus. They get led by horseback (and wearing geisha-esque outfits) to the middle of nowhere. Then, the missing reel comes in.
That’s right, missing reel. It tries to be like Grindhouse with that gag, the print sometimes looking haggard, and the overall vibe in general. After that… well, I won’t spoil it for you, but you’ll get to see some violence there, that’s for sure; the movie was apparently made for only 300,000 bucks and usually you can tell that’s the case; with that said, most of the special effects and whatnot are fine for the price.

So, the movie is pretty wacky and despite (or maybe because) of its balls-out gimmick (pun not intended… or is it?) I managed to enjoy this low-budget trash that is just fun to watch; there’s some points where it does drag, but that’s typical for the Grindhouse genre, whether legit or the faux ones made in the past few years.

I'll be back Sunday evening, and it should be a more "normal" movie than this one.

Bullitt

2011-07-18T22:51:00.000-04:00

Bullitt (1968)

Runtime: 114 minutes

Directed by: Peter Yates

Starring: The Great Steve McQueen, Robert Vaughn, Jacqueline Bisset, Don Gordon

From: Warner Brothers

Here is something I referenced in the past that I’m finally getting around to reviewing here. Way back in April of ’10 I watched a documentary on the Blu-Ray disc of this movie and I reviewed it. I enjoyed that docu., by the way. Well, I figured it was about damn time I watch the main attraction on that disc; sure, I’ve seen the movie before, but that was only on DVD.

Sure, this movie is best known for its all-time classic car chase scene, but it’s more than just that. In particular, knowing the context of that scene makes it all the better. The plot of the movie is that San Francisco police lieutenant Frank Bullitt is asked by an important person (Vaughn) to guard a guy who is being hunted by “The Organization” (i.e. The Mob, let’s be honest here); problems arise when the guy gets attacked anyhow and Bullitt has to try and get to solving this case. There’s some twists and turns which I won’t give away; the overall mystery isn’t too complex but it’s still a lot of fun to watch things unfurl as Bullitt deals with all that along with his fine-looking lady friend (Bisset) gets worried about his job as she’s the complete opposite as an artist.

There’s not only the car chase; many other things are done in a quality fashion, from the groovy score by Lalo Schifrin to the great opening credits to all the nice scenery you get to see of San Francisco, to even the ending sequence that is entertaining, if it isn’t as memorable as Bullitt racing his green Mustang to chase down the Charger R/T.

This movie is just a fun ride (pun both intended and unintended) and it’s not slam-bang ADD-riddled like too many movies are these days. Things are relaxed and the movie takes its time. You get to see police and hospital procedure, for example. Yet I enjoyed all of it and never got bored with the film. As long as you realize that, then you should enjoy your first viewing of this famed film, if you haven't viewed it yet.

I'll be back Thursday night with a new review.

Navy Seals

2011-07-16T01:20:00.001-04:00

Navy Seals (1990)

Runtime: 113 minutes

Directed by: Lewis Teague

Starring: (Unfortunately, these days) Charlie Sheen, Michael Biehn, Joanne Whalley, Bill Paxton

From: Orion

Here’s a movie best known these days for being scorned in Clerks as being “intellectually devoid” and starring a guy best known these days for… well, being a warlock, I suppose. Remember back in March where his loony act was actually popular? That certainly died down after his first-ever stage show bombed and now I’m sure most people don’t give a damn about it or his persona.

As for this movie, it’s pretty much average in every which way. It’s not awful, but it’s definitely no The Expendables, for example. It’s a standard tale where you get to see the title characters go through some missions that deal with some damn extremists Lebanese religious zealots going wild with some Stinger missiles that they illegally acquired. A female reporter (Whalley) gets involved too. Various machinations go on, stuff happens, and of course there are moments where members of the team argue with each other. Trust me, the plot isn’t really worth discussing in detail.

Instead, I’ll mention that the movie is what you’d call “intellectually devoid”… although, you could also say the same about some of the films that Kevin Smith has made, but that’s another topic for another day. There are some stupid moments, where some characters really should have died, but somehow they avoid death. It’s intelligence-insulting, yet I laughed at the same time, so there’s that.

Speaking of laugh, there's this scene, which comes dangerously close to being like that beach volleyball scene from Top Gun. It's the guys golfing, mainly either shirtless or wearing short bright shorts in colors like pink and purple! Talk about homoerotic. And yeah, the Bon Jovi-esque band doing that horrible cover... it's actually Bon Jovi! Not their best song, that's for sure.

As for the lead star, he’s childish and immature, a hothead, wakes up from a bender face-down on the beach, runs after his towed car while riding a bicycle (!) and catches up to it (!!), shoots his mouth off, jumps from a Jeep off of a bridge into the water to avoid a wedding… so in other words, just like real life for The Warlock!

So, sorry for not saying much about this movie, but it’s not really worthy of a prolonged discussion unless you want to rip on all of the dumb moments. It's just a movie you shouldn't take seriously; at least you get to see some of what the SEALs apparently do. It's nice they get some props (especially considering that some of them were the ones that took out bin Laden) but I'm sure a documentary would do a better job of showing what they're all about.

I'll be back on Monday night with a new review.

A Rant & A Mini Review

2011-07-13T22:43:00.001-04:00

So, this month hasn’t been the greatest so far. I won’t get into it, but there’s been a number of little annoyances that add up. The fact that I’ve tried to watch some movies I have in my collection in the past few days (legal or otherwise) and all of them I got annoyed pretty quickly with something, whether it be characters I can’t stand, a plot that takes forever to get going, stupid moments, or a combination of all of them, and with all of them I gave up and did not watch the films in full; why waste my time and get more and more angry? I give up on movies more often than I’d normally like to admit, as again, why waste my precious time?

One thing I did at least see on TV (ESPN Classic, so I don’t know how much got edited out for time or content) was a random small documentary that was interesting due to its setting. It’s The Lost Son of Havana, about Luis Tiant, a famous Major League Baseball pitcher back in the day who is Cuban; he went to the U.S. to become a star player and as that happened the same time the U.S. and Cuba started having their problems that exist to this day, he hasn’t been to his homeland since 1961until he went back there 46 years later in 2007 to visit and see how things had changed. Talk of his father-a pitcher himself who was in the Negro Leagues-also comes up. Along with seeing his experiences in Cuba there’s also time devoted to talking about his career and how for someone that you may not have heard of before, he had one heck of a career.

I won’t get into the whole deal about the U.S. and their relationship with Cuba and whether it’s right or not; you do see, though, that Cuba appears to be not the best place to live, to say the least. Not a great endorsement for Communism! You get your share of emotions, from happiness to sadness, and at least for me it was interesting throughout.

You can find it on YouTube… problem is, for some bizarre reason, that version of it has no subtitles for when the dialogue is in Spanish! Needless to say, a good amount of it is in Spanish, so you’re SOL there unless you are fluent in that language.

I'll be back Friday night, and this time it'll be the usual from me.

Action Jackson

2011-07-10T23:53:00.000-04:00

Action Jackson (1988)

Runtime: 96 minutes

Directed by: Craig R. Baxley

Starring: Carl Weathers, Craig T. Nelson, Vanity, Sharon Stone

From: Lorimar

Well, I spent some time thinking this weekend which movie I would check out and see. I decided ultimately to go with a slice of 80’s cheese I’ve seen before but decided to watch again. Sure, it’s technically not a smart or great movie; that said, it’s still a lot of fun to watch.

The story of this movie is rather simple. Jericho “Action” Jackson (Weathers) works for the Detroit Police Department. He had a run-in in the past with the son of Peter Dellaplane (Nelson), the head of Dellaplane Autos in the city. It turns out that Peter is not a nice guy; it’s certainly not the Nelson you’re used to seeing in Coach or Poltergeist. He has a mistress (Vanity) to go along with his wife (Stone). It turns out that he is behind the murder of various people involved with the auto worker’s union, for reasons that you find out while watching the movie. Jackson finds out, and the war is on.

It’s definitely a product of its time. Vanity sings, and in a move that should shock no one who has seen any of her other films during the decade, she shows off her bare breasts (so does Stone!) The music is synthesizer-heavy and yet one of the composers is the first signer of the Declaration of Independence, Herbie Hancock. There’s a lot of goofy (yet entertaining) one-liners and jokes you hear throughout, similar to Tango & Cash, for example. You don’t want to look at the plot too closely in terms of logic; you get to see some goofy and implausible things. Would you believe Weathers could leap and backflip over a moving car and land on his feet behind it? That’s not even the most laughable thing involving an automobile you get to see. Still, at least the movie is a good time; there are worse ways to spend 96 minutes, I say, where you can laugh at the goofy/funny stuff while enjoying all the shootings and fighting, and where you can watch Craig T. Nelson use martial arts!

The movie has many familiar faces if you’ve seen enough 80’s action flicks; even if you don’t recognize the names, you’ll recognize the faces. In small roles there are the likes of Al Leong, Robert Davi, Bill Duke, Ed O’Ross, De’voreaux White (Argyle in Die Hard), Branscombe Richmond, and Sonny Landham. It’s nice seeing all of them together. You even get Thomas F. Wilson-Biff Tannen himself-in a bit part.

What I like about the movie the most is that it’s not dour or mean-spirited or nasty or anything of that sort, which seems to be a too-common theme in the action genre in recent years. Like I said, it’s just an entertaining and fun mindless movie to watch on a rainy afternoon or what have you.

I’ll be back on Wednesday night with a new review.

More Randomness

2011-07-06T22:28:00.001-04:00

Well, tonight I don't feel like doing a review of a full movie. I'm still bummed about that jury verdict yesterday, among other things. I'll be back Sunday night with a proper review.

So, as of late I haven't seen too many horror films. However, I can mention that when it was shown recently on TCM Underground, I tried watching The Beyond for the first time. I know some won't like hearing this, but I didn't even watch it all the way through. The bad/bizarre acting started to turn me off, but one moment made me change the channel. So, if you're driving on the 24 mile long Lake Pontchartrain Causeway in Louisiana and out of nowhere a woman appears in the middle of the road and you discover she has strange colored pupil-less eyes and she wants you to take her to the old hotel you just inherited... and you take her there no questions asked? That just insulted me. Sorry Fulci fans, but maybe he's not for me. That sort of "dream logic" filmmaking isn't for me... guys like David Lynch, no thanks. Ironic I say that, considering that there are some Freddy Krueger movies I enjoy.

Speaking of that, I randomly rented A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2. Oh no, I've seen it before (although that was years ago; when I saw it then, of course I noticed the blatant homoerotic overtones then; however, since then and the infamy it's gotten for being SO homoerotic...), but watching it a second time and it's amazing I didn't notice all the clues the first time. It's so blatant!

I can't say that the movie is really any good (especially compared to the original) but at least there were some interesting touches throughout and it was definitely fascinating viewing it as an allegory involving the main character dealing with his homosexual feelings and possibly coming out. I'm not sure how that parakeet scene fits into the allegory, but it at least makes me laugh.

This review delves more into the rampant homosexual overtones (rather than undertones) of the film.

Partners

2011-06-29T22:41:00.001-04:00

Partners (1982)

Runtime: 93 minutes

Directed by: James Burrows

Starring: Ryan O’Neal, John Hurt, Robyn Douglass, Kenneth McMillan

From: Paramount

Here is a movie I’ve heard about for a long time now and Monday night I was channel-surfing when I came upon the FLIX channel (yeah, I still get the Showtime channels for free, as I have for the past year, even though they’ve never been paid for and the house has been getting it for free for that long… hey, it’s the cable company’s fault!) and noticed that this movie was on, so I checked it out.

The main thing about the movie is that it’s a comedy/murder mystery with an emphasis on the former; oh yeah, and the gimmick is that the two cops (O’Neal and Hurt) have to go undercover to try and solve the case… and as the case involves the murder of homosexuals, they have to disguise themselves as a gay couple; that isn’t a problem for Hurt’s character, who IS a homosexual. Let me tell you, Hollywood’s views on homosexuals in ’82… yikes in hindsight.

Before I get to that, though, I have to mention the film Cruising. It’s a 1980 film starring Al Pacino as a cop who gets asked to go undercover to investigate a series of homosexual murders and he has to dive deep into the S&M homosexual world. Sound familiar? I’ve seen the movie before and it’s just way too ambiguous rather than straightforward for my tastes. It’s not awful, but… at least it’s rather unique. I understand that the movie got a LOT of bad press. It didn’t make a lot of people happy on either side.

With Partners, it’s like a comedy parody of Cruising, as peculiar as it sounds to do a comedy version of a dark and moody film. Overall, the movie is just strange more than anything else. Like I said, the views on homosexuality back then aren’t like it is today, where you have states that have legalized gay marriage. The stereotypes you get to see here... yikes. The F-word gets used often, and I do not mean the four letter word. I mean the slur against homosexuals.

Most of the homosexuals you get to see are lisping prancing sissies (hey, that’s the portrayal they were given) who were pink or purple and are happy to do such things as feel up guys they just meet, wear short-shorts, run naked on the beach (!) or other similar actions. Sure, the movie makes Hurt the guy who gets the most done on solving the case, but... hell, it's implied (or rather, it's more explicit than implicit) that Hurt's character falls in love with Ryan O'Neal! Then again, who can resist him wearing a leather jacket and headband, which I guess is his idea of dressing up like a gay guy.

The film wasn't all that funny, unfortunately. Sure, I chuckled a few times but most of the humor is rather dated. It's more interesting than anything else. Like I said, it's strange more than anything else. As for the murder mystery part, it's not too much. I won't reveal what it is, but it's just as wacky and odd as the entire movie, and that's about all that needs to be said about this motion picture.

I'll be back a week from today with a new review.

Yojimbo

2011-06-25T01:27:00.000-04:00

Yojimbo (1961)

Runtime: 110 minutes

Directed by: Akira Kurosawa

Starring: Toshiro Mifune, Tatsuya Nakadai, Yoko Tsukasa, Isuzu Yamada

From: Toho

Here’s a classic film from the Criterion collection, but this time it was something I bought on Blu-Ray when it was on sale at Barnes & Noble awhile back. I finally watched the movie this week and…

In short, the movie is about the title samurai (Mifune) who ends up in an almost constantly windy and dusty town in the Land of the Rising Sun in the early 1860’s-at least according to the small part of the commentary I listened to-and discovers that the small burgh is ridden with a pair of gangs who are aligned with either a sake or a silk merchant and a pair of wacky characters (who are his only allies in the town) tells him that the city has been ruined by these feuding gangs. So, he concocts a plot where he plays the two sides against each other to his advantage in hopes of getting rid of those guys, whether by them killing each other or just leaving the area.

If you’ve ever seen the movie A Fistful of Dollars, you’ll recognize the plot of this, as it’s an unofficial remake by Sergio Leone of this film, and that launched Clint Eastwood’s career. Now that I’ve seen both… it’s difficult to say which one is “better”. Both are classics and should be seen. But one of these days I’ll talk about The Man With No Name Trilogy. Here, this movie was pretty great. It’s an endlessly entertaining darkly comic tale where I was always interested in Yojimbo’s plan and how it would turn out, and while it definitely wasn’t subtle in portraying the bad guys as just that, who cares when it’s so much fun to watch. Mifune in the title role was classic.

As for further thoughts… I was surprised at how violent and bloody it was. When you did see violence, there was usually blood spurting about and you even get to see arms get hacked off and a torrent of claret gush out. I wasn’t expecting that. There was even a great gag involving a hand that I won’t dare reveal. I also was surprised to see a huge dude in one of the gangs who reminded me of Japanese pro wrestler Giant Baba. His name was Namigoro Rashomon and not too surprisingly, this 6 foot 10 man was also a pro wrestler, or so I hear. I also hear that I’m not the only one who has compared the two. In this movie, he was quite the menacing figure and he actually whupped Yojimbo’s ass in hand to hand combat. This was his only movie, though.

Anyhow, if you’ve never seen this, you should check it out, especially if you’re a fan of The Man With No Name Trilogy. I’ll be back Wednesday night with a new review.

Surviving Edged Weapons

2011-06-21T00:42:00.000-04:00

Surviving Edged Weapons (198?)

Runtime: 85 minutes

Directed by: Dennis Anderson

From: Calibre Press

I can’t give any further info on this, as it’s a video made for law enforcement (made in Illinois/Wisconsin but they must have used only Canadian “actors”, given that many have Canadian accents that are REALLY strong) that got uploaded to a forum I won’t name as it’s a place to download obscure movies (including some that I’ve reviewed already), so “shhh” there. This won’t count as a regular movie review as it’s not even listed in IMDb. It’s just something different for me to write about.

Like I said, it was made for law enforcement to learn how to avoid attacks by edged weapons such as broken beer bottles, knives, swords, shurikens (!), and other wacky weapons. You get interviews with cops about getting hurt on the job, along with reenactments (if they didn’t make up this shit, which wouldn’t surprise me) that are the highlight of it for me. It’s unintentionally funny to watch them. A lot of it looks fine considering what had to be a low-budget shoot, but it still has an air of campiness to it, especially when watching it now compared to the 80’s when it was filmed, and yeah, some of the acting IS howlingly bad.

Not too surprisingly, clips from the video (but not the full video itself) can be found online. For example, there is this 90 second deal which includes my favorite part-a guy who looks like vintage-era Van Damme but with a unibrow getting stabbed in the face; no way would that happen to the real life JCVD-and then there is this video, which is more of a parody but still amusing and you see plenty of the reenactments to whet your appetite.

Sure, you could get it on Amazon, but you’d have to pay 140 bucks (!) for the VHS tape. Eh, no thanks there. I’m glad I illegally got it, and I have no shame in saying that. From unibrow Van Damme to the opening involving cavemen attacking each other (?) to all the blood and viscera that is shown, to the droll narration to even a pair of cops busting a woman worshipping Satan in a barren room but with a giant poster of Iron Maiden advertising The Trooper (!!!)… it’s all great.

I know I shouldn’t laugh at something meant to be serious to an important part of our society such as law enforcement, but me and other people just can’t help themselves. I’ll be back on Friday night, and this time it’ll be my usual review concerning an actual motion picture.

Harlan County USA

2011-06-19T23:21:00.001-04:00

Harlan County USA (1976)

Runtime: 104 minutes

Directed by: Barbara Koppel

Starring: This is a documentary

From: Cabin Creek

Here’s another documentary (I’m a non-fiction fan, remember) and this one I got to see on Hulu via Criterion having it up on there. Yeah, I paid for a month more of it, just so I can check out a few more movies on Hulu Plus.

This one is an Academy Award winning documentary about a bitter coal miner’s strike down in Harlan, Kentucky. That is one rural area, if you just look at it on a map. The workers of the Brookside Mine in that town decided to join the union. The people who own the mine, the Duke Power Company, refused to agree to that deal. So, the workers went on strike. They got some help from the union, but not a lot.

So, those workers had to find other jobs along with pickets and other things to get attention to their plight as “scabs” took their jobs, and the war between the two sides got very serious. You get to see a surprising amount of time spent with the wives of the miners… not a bad thing, as they are “real” characters, as earthy as you can imagine.

The filmmakers were there originally to film something else related to the coal miner’s union; however, once the strike started, they shifted focus. So, not only do you see the strike and its effects on that poor town in Kentucky, but you also see the drama involved with the union itself; it’s quite shocking, actually, what went on with the union. I’m sure you won’t be shocked, though, to learn that coal mining is a real bitch, between black lung’s disease, how dangerous and back-breaking the work is, and all that.

I won’t real too much more as it’d spoil things, but it’s real life drama with a lot of difficult issues presented, and you get to see many rural bucolic people get interviewed and have their side of the story presented, and for that and other reasons, this documentary is sad and yet endlessly captivating at the same time. You should check it out if you love documentaries.

I’ll be back tomorrow night.

The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring

2011-06-15T23:05:00.001-04:00

The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

Runtime: 208 minuets (Extended Edition)

Directed by: Peter Jackson

Starring: Elijah Wood, Sean Astin, Viggo Mortensen, Ian McKellen

From: New Line Cinema

Would you believe that I had never seen this film before… or any of the Lord of the Rings movies? I haven’t read the book either. I just had never given a damn. And that’s with hearing about how good the book was from some older people I knew and hung out with at the time (back before the films came out) and I had seen clips from all three movies before. It still never interested me. Then, recently I found out that on the 14th, 21st, and 28th of this month, some AMC Theatres across the country are doing a special deal where on those days, they’d screen a LOTR movie, with this one being first, the second on the 21st, and the last on the 28th. I figured I would roll the dice and give the first one a shot, despite its length.

The only unique thing I saw about this screening (I bounced after the end credits began) was that it opened with a short introduction from the director, who thanked everyone for coming out, mentioned that he was shocked he was able to make the movies in the first place, and despite how long it took to make the three movies, he was proud of how they turned out. I don’t think I need to mention what the series of movies is about (I mean, even I generally knew what it was about), so I’ll get to my thoughts on this movie itself.

Me… it’s not for me. I know, some people will get mad at that statement, and people will think I’m being “different”, a “contrarian”, or what have you. That’s not the case; I just wasn’t convinced that I was wrong in ignoring this whole franchise. Sure, that film looked and sounded great, and what an expansive world it was (I enjoyed the New Zealand scenery). I just thought that everything was overblown, overwrought (especially the score at times), confused, and just too damn long. It’s the longest movie I’ve ever seen on the big screen, so there’s that, but I couldn’t understand what powers the “all-powerful” wizards had or didn’t have and when they do or don’t use those powers, and trying to understand what the characters do and don’t at certain times… I guess I just don’t care for the novel and its plot then.

I’m not saying this is a terrible movie by any means; it’s just not my thing. Besides the praise I’ve already given to how it looked and sounded, there were definitely some interesting creatures and the action is entertaining-enough. It’s just that if I do decide to ever see the other two films, it’ll be on disk instead of the big screen… or maybe I’ll just read the synopsis of those movies on Wikipedia. It’d save a lot of time.

I’ll be back Sunday night and what I do then will definitely be less controversial than this.

Charley Varrick

2011-06-13T23:58:00.001-04:00

Charley Varrick (1973)

Runtime: 111 minutes

Directed by: Don Siegel

Starring: Walter Matthau, Felicia Farr, Andrew Robinson, Joe Don Baker

From: Universal

Here’s a movie from the 70’s that you may not have heard of before, but it’s quite entertaining. Despite Matthau in the lead it’s more like his work in The Taking of Pelham One Two Three as it’s a drama rather than a comedy, although there is some humor involved.

The plot is rather interesting; a heist is involved as the title character (Walter) leads a gang who robs a bank. It’s in a small town so they expect a small payoff but they’re shocked when they get a large chunk of change. The reason why… the bank is owned by the Mob! They realized their error and the story is that they have to get the money back to them, while dealing with such things as in-fighting, double-crosses, having to resort to crafty plans to get out of the jam they’re in, and a visit to the Mustang Ranch (the real original one in Nevada).

Some of the bad guys that they have to deal with include Maynard Boyle (John Vernon) and a hired killer known as Molly (Baker, who back in those days was more than the title character in Mitchell, as torn apart brutally by Mystery Science Theater 3000 that one time. He’s more than just a boozy cop character in a movie destined for obscurity. Here, it was a quality performance as he played one evil dude rather well.

The movie as a whole is just entertaining to watch. The characters are entertaining, the action you get to see is fun (which includes an escape via car from the bank), and the ending is an obvious allusion to a famous moment in a Hitchcock movie-I won’t mention which one, as it’d probably give it away-and it’s directly nicely by the dude who helmed the first Dirty Harry motion picture. The score by the legendary Lalo Schifrin comes together nicely with what you see on the screen.

I don’t want to give anything else away concerning the plot as I don’t want to give away any surprises. I will close this out by saying that Tarantino was obviously a fan of this too. He almost lifted completely a line of dialogue that Marsellus Wallace ended up saying in Pulp Fiction, and an idea or two was also used for Reservoir Dogs. If you think that his endorsement is worth anything, then you should try and track this down, even though the only DVD in the states of this movie is in full-screen. Likely, you’ll have to be “not so ethical” to find a widescreen version.

I’ll be back Wednesday night.

Hobo With A Shotgun

2011-06-11T15:17:00.000-04:00

Hobo With A Shotgun (2011)

75% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 69 reviews)

Runtime: 86 minutes

Directed by: Jason Eisenser

Starring: Rutger Hauer, Molly Dunsworth, Brian Downey, Nick Bateman

From: Alliance

Here’s a movie that I’ve known about for awhile and while you can likely find it via on demand services and watch it at home, I was glad I waited out and saw it on the big screen via the Enzian Theater. I am also glad that Magnet released it on the U.S. so that people like me can watch something this f***** up on the big screen.

So, a fan-made trailer entitled Hobo With A Shotgun added to some screenings up in Canada to the big screen showings of Grindhouse via a contest that was won by the filmmakers. You can watch said trailer here. A lot of the ideas there ended up in the motion picture that was released earlier this year.

As an aside, Thursday night I had a rather horrifying night which involved talking to some young lady I barely know via a forum and trying to tell her that she shouldn’t go with her threats to KILL HERSELF; I swear, this is true. She even posted a photo to everyone on the forum of her just-bandaged wrists, which were just slit. Wow. The last I knew, she’s still alive and I hope she’s getting help for her personal demons. You can read more about it here in my usual blogs I post on Facebook and now Blogger on a weekly basis.

I bring that up as after that sort of night, I needed to have some time set aside where I can watch what I know is a depraved and really wacked-out and yet entertaining at the same time if you enjoy that sort of thing motion picture. Thus, me going out Friday night to see this. The crowd I saw it with was smaller than I expected, and from what I could tell the movie got a mixed reaction, but me, I was flabbergasted by what I saw on screen… in a good way. From the 70’s opening credits to the apparent 80’s setting all the way to the LOL-worthy end credits song, which is preposterous-sounding 80’s song that sounded like something made up from the film but actually is a song from the 80’s that was for the opening of some 80’s Canadian kids show about raccoons (!?)*, it was quite the experience.

• I swear, it’s true. Just check out this link.

The plot of this movie… an unnamed hobo (Hauer) ends up in a city known as Hope Town (but commonly known as something far more vulgar) and discovers it’s a wasteland of crime and it’s controlled by a slimy guy known as Drake (Downey) who has his two sons run roughshod over everything. He meets up with a whore with a heart of gold (Dunsworth) and he saves up enough money to buy a lawnmower. Really! That would be his new job… but one day, something happens and he decides to live up to the title of the film and he gets his revenge.

I’ll tell you right away that this film is unrated for a good reason. If you’ve seen Peter Jackson’s early movies-like Dead Alive-then you have an idea as to the level of violence, gore, and downright depravity you get to see. Beheadings, disembowelings, a pedophile Santa, and many shotgun wounds are seen. There’s a lot of fake blood you get to see.

There’s a section on IMDB’s website-Parents Guide-which lists all the things in a movie that parents would be objectionable if their kids watched that film. For this movie… it’s rather long. Here’s a bit I got from there, and if it’s your thing, then you should check out the movie. If not, then you can skip it:

A man is placed in a manhole, has a barb wire noose placed around his neck which is attached to a car, and is decapitated. Blood fountains from his head and hookers grind while the blood coats them.

The movie isn’t good technically, but it’s SO outrageous and over the top it becomes captivating, and it helps that they have a legit actor in the lead. Hauer’s not a bad thespian at all but for whatever reasons he’s ended up in a lot of films that are not too good. Here, he delivers a performance that isn’t phoned in, and it stands out among the rest of the cast, which I’ll say is inexperienced.

I understand you can still find it on demand in some spots, but it’s coming out on DVD/Blu-Ray in a few weeks. At least see it that way if this is up your alley. I'll be back Monday night.

Come Back Saturday Afternoon

2011-06-10T17:56:00.000-04:00

Well, the past few days have been more hectic than expected, to say the least, so what I wanted to see will be watched late tonight and the review will come Saturday afternoon.

The Hangover Part II

2011-06-06T21:37:00.000-04:00

The Hangover Part II (2011)

35% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 207 reviews)

Runtime: 102 minutes

Directed by: Todd Phillips

Starring: Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Zach Galifiankis, Ken Jeong

From: Warner Brothers

So, I finally went out and saw this movie despite knowing that it was as much of a carbon copy of the first as Home Alone 2 is to the first Home Alone. I enjoyed the first, so yesterday at the local Cineplex I watched this film. And…

But, first I should mention that with the first Hangover, it was a movie I ended up liking, despite it being hit or miss at times and some of the things that Alan (Zach G.) says and does is more strange than funny. It’s more of the same here. I mean, this won’t be a long review.

Just like in the first movie, you have the main characters together to celebrate a bachelor party-this time, in Bangkok-a blackout happens, they have to try and find someone, they meet wacky characters, and a misunderstanding happens. Honestly, that all happens for a second time, and none of that should be a spoiler if you’ve seen the trailers and commercials. It’s just that the setting is different and you get to see some stereotypes that you may think of when it comes to the topic of Thailand.

Sure, it’s ridiculous that all the same things happen for a second time (even to the point that Mr. Chow (Jeong) shows up again; he’s not the only bit player from the original to also appear here; I’m not counting either one actor playing a character in the first and playing a different character this time) and again, some the things that Alan says and does can be off-putting. Even then, I laughed at the situation happening again along with the new gags they came up with. The cute little monkey you get to see was also amusing. One thing I do have to mention is that the film is more mean-spirited and dark in comparison. And not just because the setting is more mysterious and odd to Westerners than Las Vegas is. As someone I know online said, it’s like Die Hard 2 compared to Die Hard.

Because I knew how carbon-copy it was, I wasn’t too upset with the concept when I watched it and the movie was actually funny. Although, you know they’ll do a third one and they better not go to the same well again, lest they find that it dried up…

They can keep on doing the gimmick of funny photos during the end credits, though.

I also have to mention that I was amused early on to get a peek into Alan's room and seeing that he's a wrestling fan (among other things), with action figures all over and posters of 80's WWF wrestlers, including Hillbilly Jim and... Macho Man Randy Savage. That's melancholy after what happened a few weeks ago.

I'll be back on Friday night with a new review.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

2011-06-03T21:41:00.001-04:00

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011)

33% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 225 reviews)

Runtime: 136 minutes

Directed by: Rob Marshall

Starring: Johnny Depp, Geoffrey Rush, Penelope Cruz, Ian McShane

From: Walt Disney

Well, this would have been better if I would have manned up and watched the first three movies in this franchise again, as I was thinking about doing last month. It didn’t come together, although sometime later this summer I may do just that. I could do a lot of ranting about the second and especially the third. I can’t believe how badly the franchise got botched considering that the original film is a blast and a lot of fun to watch… if having a plot twist or two too many. The second movie started the whole deal of it being way too convoluted and bloated, and the third movie was nothing but it being convoluted and bloated, and also with them destroying the character of Captain Jack Sparrow, who saw multiple versions of himself and in a scene that almost made me walk out of the auditorium back in ’07, that scene in “white space” with him moving stones around. I haven’t even seen that movie since I watched it on a big screen-and got enraged-so now I wish I would have watched all three last month so that I’d have a more accurate (and maybe changed) opinion on the entire franchise.

Despite my feelings on the previous two films, I was a dope so I went to Downtown Disney to watch this movie in 3D on their giant screen and fancy sound system. The movie at least looked and sounded nice with it being filmed in Hawaii, but overall… it was sure as hell better than the third-At World’s End-as it wasn’t so damn long, long-winded, complex, poorly told, or aggravating, but it still doesn’t hold a candle to the first movie.

In short (even though I’m sure most know the plot by now) Captain Jack Sparrow ends up being involved with former (or current… actually, their relationship changes on a whim like 50 times during this flick) love Angelica (Cruz) as they search for the Fountain of Youth, which is also the target for the likes of Blackbeard (McShane), now Privateer Barbossa (Rush), and even some Spaniards. Along the way, the likes of mermaids and zombies (!) get involved, only it’s not as exciting as it may sound, and in fact is rather stupid at times.

My problems were that it was just too stupid and while the plot is a lot less confused than the previous two motion pictures, it doesn’t mean it is a GOOD plot. Let’s start from the beginning, where you find out that not only does a major London court not know what Captain Jack Sparrow looks like, but the real Sparrow can disguise himself as the judge, even though he was as convincing as a judge as Bugs Bunny is in camouflage. That turned me off right away, and you see stupid things like that throughout up to the very end. There’s enough action, but it can be hard to follow at times as it wasn’t filmed too spectacularly. You can’t tell where the various factions are in their trip to the Fountain in relation to each other and their positions throughout don’t make a lot of logical sense… there’s even a pair of new characters who are supposed to be romantic like Elizabeth Swan and Will Turner were before… it doesn’t quite work out that way. I really shouldn’t be surprised that I’ve seen some rave reviews for this, even on messageboards where I figured people would know better. I think the plot stupidity annoyed me just as much as it did in TRON: Legacy.

So yeah, while I didn’t hate this as much as I did At World’s End, it’s not a good movie and it’s starting to become amazing to me that the series ran around so badly after such a memorable original flick. I guess that they’ll never make another good Captain Jack Sparrow movie. Figures.

I'll be back Monday night with a new review.

Grunt! The Wrestling Movie

2011-05-30T21:50:00.000-04:00

Grunt! The Wrestling Movie (1985)

Runtime: 90 minutes

Directed by: Allan Holzman

Starring: Greg “Magic” Schwarz (yes, that’s his name), Steven Cepello, Marilyn Dodds Frank, Jeff Dial

From: New World Pictures

Now, here’s something interesting for Memorial Day. It’s a movie that I got on VHS tape when I was a kid. My dad got it for a dollar (he over-paid) at a store as he knew I was a huge pro wrestling fan at the time. I watched it, and even back in those days when I enjoyed watching feces, I thought this was awful. I then didn’t watch it again for many years, until finally today. I wanted to see if it was as bad as I remembered it being.

So, here’s how this lame cash-in on the then-popular WWF turned out. It’s a faux-documentary about an old wrestler named Mad Dog who wrestled for the title in ’79 but ran into trouble when he accidentally decapitated his World Champion opponent (!). He gets into trouble for that, falls into a depression, then allegedly kills himself. But, six years later, the title is finally stripped from the dead champion (yes, that’s the type of “humor” you have in this movie) and it’s going to be up for stakes in a battle royal. A new wrestler creatively called The Mask arrives on the scene, and the director (Dial) and a weasel fan club president-really-want to find out if The Mask is Mad Dog or not.

Who cares?!

That’s my reaction to the whole thing. It’s like Spinal Tap, only the complete opposite in terms of droll humor. Here, “jokes” are made about arm transplants to get rid of tattoos, or the director being named Leslie Uggams… no, not that Leslie Uggams, he says often. The real Uggams is an African-American singer/actress from back in the day. Like I said, that’s the type of comedy you get in this movie. It’s an idea for a short that is brutally stretched out to an hour and a half. You get to see some old wrestlers that hardcore fans would know, like Dick Murdoch, Adrian Street, Dan Spivey, John Tolos, and some local wrestlers from the dying days of the Los Angeles wrestling scene. Plus…

The movie has Wally George appearing as himself briefly. Think Rush Limbaugh… or maybe better yet, Glenn Beck in terms of schtick. He apparently had plants on and he’d rant and rave about liberals and Soviets and all that. See what I mean about Glenn Beck? The studio audience was Springer-ish, too. Bizarrely, he was the father of Rebecca De Mornay! True story. If Fox News would have been around back then… he’d be a big star. I guess we should be happy then that it wasn’t. And yet he was the best actor in this film! Trust me, much of the “acting” you see is rather poor.

So, the wrestling action you get to see (to pad out the run time) is fine, I suppose for the time period, but the stuff besides that is mainly awful and a total fail when it comes to being funny, so it’s not worth watching unless you are a hardcore fan and you wish to see those old faces or laugh ironically at it 26 years after it came out, especially at the 80’s-riffing tunes you get to hear throughout. If you do that, I’ll presume you won’t enjoy how you often get the message from the movie that pro wrestling sucks and that some of the people involved with it hate pro wrestling. What a message pro wrestling fans want to receive, right?

I'll be back Friday night.

The Nomi Song

2011-05-26T23:49:00.000-04:00

The Nomi Song (2004)

Runtime: 98 minutes

Directed by: Andrew Horn

Starring: Klaus Nomi

From: Arte

Here’s a documentary that while not a part of The Criterion Collection I still was able to watch via Hulu Plus. It’s all about a rather strange yet intriguing character from the late 70’s and early 80’s, but before I get to talking about Klaus Nomi and the film, I have to mention that I first heard about it in ’04 when I went to a now defunct small-time theatre in Orlando (really, a room attached to a bar that had a projection screen) to see something else and I overheard the bartender there talking to another customer about this movie. But, I had never heard of Nomi before and as this was back before YouTube, I didn’t bother trying to find out more about him.

Then, a few years later, back when I had HDNet, I watched Urgh! A Music War, a cult music film filled with performances by many punk, reggae, and new wave bands of the time. Nomi performed there and I was captivated by the sight of a man wearing a black and white quasi tuxedo outfit with strange hair and white makeup with black lips. Besides his rather strange look, he happened to have a wide vocal range and could sing high-pitched like an opera singer. After watching that, I now wish I had seen that documentary. Now, thanks to Hulu, I finally was able to.

The film explained how the guy born as Klaus Sperber immigrated to New York and did various things there while starting up a musical career. He sang backup to David Bowie when he appeared on Saturday Night Live in ’79 and he did rather elaborate performances around New York after that until he became one of the first people of some renown to acquire AIDS and die due to complications of it back in ’83. When he did perform the songs were quite the odd blend of opera songs that matched his range, some original tunes, and covers that ranged from 60’s pop to Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead. As you can see, a one of a kind character.

As an aside, if you watch some videos of his songs on YouTube, you’ll see people comparing him to Lady Gaga, of all people. Me, I’ve always thought that some of her tunes were cool (especially considering that otherwise, a lot of Top 40 the past oh, 5 or 6 years, is pretty rancid; however, her last few singles sounding like rip-offs of earlier pop songs… not cool) but her entire persona… God-awful! Talk about forcing it and trying way too hard. Yet, of course a lot of people find it “fascinating” and “awesome” when I just roll my eyes at her stupid attempts at getting controversy, from meat dresses to whatever else she does that’s pure nonsense. In contrast, what Nomi did never came across as forced or trying too hard. Strange, yeah, but not attention-whore sort of fame-grabbing that you always get from the girl who lovingly calls her fans “little monsters”. Between the two, I’m choosing the German, for sure.

Anyhow, the documentary does a real nice job of explaining his life story and show how he went from a young German in Germany to a cult figure in the underground New York scene through interviews with people he knew, archival interviews with Klaus himself, and archival interviews with his family. And of course, there's old performances of him in the small clubs that you can watch. He didn’t hit it big right after he made it to New York, but once he did, he became a bizarre and memorable figure that even today is a well-known cult figure.

If the character and the movie sounds interesting to you, I recommend tracking it down. I'll be back on Memorial Day night, where I may review a movie that recently was released on the big screen.

House

2011-05-23T23:31:00.000-04:00

House (Hausu) (1977)

Runtime: 88 minutes

Directed by: Nobuhiko Obayashi

Starring: Kimiko Ikegami, Miki Jinbo, Kumiko Oba, Ai Matubara

From: Toho

So, I finally watched a movie on Hulu Plus and saw a movie put up by Criterion, which you can buy on DVD and Blu-Ray as it was a release by them last fall. I was looking around for stuff to watch and there’s some titles by them that I wish they would put up on Hulu (mainly some foreign crime dramas) but they haven’t yet. So, I went with this film, which I’ve wanted to see for awhile now, as from clips I’ve seen online it looked like one of the strangest movies of all time, no lie. I know I’ve mentioned it before, but there’s a great videostore in my old college town of Normal, Illinois known as The Movie Fan where you could get an incredible-and liberal-selection of films and I saw some odd ones there, either by myself or with a group of several people in various combinations. In fact, some people and I used to call the strangest movies as “Movie Fan Movies”, something I’ll never forget.

Well, after I saw this film, this is definitely a Movie Fan Movie.

It’s hard to describe this movie as not only is it hard to do, but it’d spoil a lot of just what is so damn strange about this. But, in short, it revolves around a group of seven young Japanese women (with names such as Gorgeous, Kung-Fu, and Melody) who go to the house of the aunt of Gorgeous, due to reasons I won’t get into. It’s a big old mansion and soon after they arrive, strange things start happening…

Well, I’ve seen clips of this before online and it’s total WTF stuff. I then saw the whole movie and really, everything about it is strange! Really, from the very beginning it's so avant-garde and not a minute goes by where you won't see something that is just out of the ordinary.

From the way it was filmed to the sets, the music and the special effects and the rest, it is just bizarre all the way through and it’s definitely watchable, just to see what happens next, as likely you won’t be able to predict most of what happens. I figuratively sat there, mouth a-gape at all the peculiar sights I was seeing. It’s thus rather difficult for me to review but I’ll say that if you want to watch something that will be unlike most movies you’ve ever seen, then it’s worth tracking down, even if to laugh in disbelief at all the deliberately cartoony effects and shots, or wondering why and how this film ever got made by a major Japanese studio. It’s perfect to watch if you do drugs, are on drugs… or want to know what it’s like to ingest something like shrooms or acid. I’ve never done that sort of thing before, so now I know what it’s like to see killer pianos or dangerous bananas.

I’ll be back Thursday night.

It’s Still Friday Night In Hawaii…

2011-05-21T04:37:00.000-04:00

Well, today has been even more hectic than I expected. I’ve been catching up on Twitter and of course I am super-bummed about the news concerning Macho Man Randy Savage, so this was placed on the back-burner until now. I’ll quickly mention a few movies I saw, and that’s about all I feel like doing right now. It is the movies I watched on Sunday and Monday that I haven’t discussed yet.

The first one I saw was Rolling Thunder, a film beloved by people as diverse as Gene Siskel and Tarantino, and yet for reasons unknown by me, it’s never officially come out on DVD. Sure, you can order it on demand from MGM, but it’s just not the same as buying a big special edition of the film in a brick and mortar store. It’s quite the entertaining yet still heartbreaking tale of an obviously damaged Vietnam vet who goes on the warpath against an exceptionally sweaty James Best-far away from his Dukes of Hazzard character-and his buddies for their killing of his family. It’s worth seeing and when you do see violence… it’s quality. Seeing it on MGMHD is the best way to see it.

The second movie was Foxy Brown. It’s similar to Coffy, although I prefer Coffy to this by a small margin. It’s still a fun movie that has such oddities as some of the acting from Antonio Fargas, a tremendous fight scene involving the denizens of a lesbian bar (!) and the main villain being a woman. And, not too surprisingly, it is filled with nudity.

Finally, there’s Leviathan, one of the many underwater movies from ’89 with a quality cast (including Richard Crenna, Daniel Stern, Peter Weller, Amanda Pays, and Ernie Hudson) and a story that is quite derivative of such films as The Thing and (quite clearly) Alien anhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifd yet it’s enjoyable to watch. If yhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifou want a detailed recap (including spoilers) of the film that’s better than anything I can punch up, read the second half of this column. Hey, it's a film where tainted vodka plays an important part in the plot!

I’ll be back Monday night.

Original Gangstas

2011-05-18T23:55:00.001-04:00

Original Gangstas (1996)

Runtime: 99 minutes

Directed by: Larry Cohen

Starring: Fred Williamson, Jim Brown, Pam Grier, Ron O’Neal, Richard Roundtree

From: Orion

Here is a movie that I’ve known about since it originally came out in ’96 (I actually remember advertisements for it on TV) but I only got to see it on Sunday night during the long day of movie-watching I had. It sounded interesting (a bunch of old blaxploitation vets get together to kick ass again against some young punks) but while it is watchable, it’s not like a blaxploitation version of The Expendables. Now, THAT would have been great for the 90’s to see these old favorites and young guys like, say, Ice T., Wesley Snipes, or Mario Van Peebles kicking ass against each other or together. It just wasn’t meant to be, though, and that makes me sad.

But, as for this movie, it’s a low-budget affair and while I would say it’s not like the best movies from the “soul cinema” of the 70’s, it still manages to be entertaining. You can tell that Williamson was one of the guys who produced this as he was the focus throughout. He plays a former pro football player (of course, something he was in real life) who returns to his hometown of Gary, Indiana-a rather nasty place, at least from the times I’ve driven by it on the Interstate in the past-to tend to his father, who was shot by a young punk. It deals with a gang in his old neighborhood, and ironically he was one of the original founders of that gang, but in those days it didn’t involve shooting people. Some other people get involved, such as the Brown and Grier characters, as their son manages to get murdered by the gang too. They try to stop the gang from terrorizing the neighborhood but the politicians in the city act like politicians and despite the efforts of people such as the Reverend played by Paul Winfield, the trio have to resort to violence to get their message across…

It’s interesting that I mention The Expendables earlier, as with that movie, here you have some characters be the main focus and much less focus is on the other ass-kickers in the film. Meaning, the roles of O’Neal and Roundtree are rather small. That’s fine, I suppose, but I wouldn’t have minded seeing more from them. I mean, all of the veteran actors* were more interesting than the young punkhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifs who played the young punks.

• Besides the people already mentioned, there are small roles from the likes of Charles Napier, Wings Hauser, and Robert Forster.

Along with the violence you get to see-which was fun to watch-there’s also drama involving people abandoning their city, said city falling into disrepair, and those sorts of themes. Dramatically, it was fine. It’s just that you can complain about the story at time. For example, the plan that Williamson comes up with to deal with the gang… it involves quite a bit of collateral damage. Good going there. Speaking of Fred, I’ve come to understand that he was friends with Larry Cohen (a famous helm of many B-movies) so that’s why he directed this, but they aren’t pals anymore and since then he’s badmouthed Cohen for the job he did here. You could argue either way of it’s warranted or not but that’s unfortunate to hear.

Anyhow, I say that if you make sure to keep your expectations in check, then you might end up enjoying this as a 100 minute time-waster, if not much else than that.

I’ll be back Friday night with something new.

Slaughter

2011-05-17T01:11:00.002-04:00

Slaughter (1972)

Runtime: 91 minutes

Directed by: Jack Starrett

Starring: Jim Brown, Stella Stevens, Rip Torn, Cameron Mitchell, Don Gordon

From: AIP

So, apologies for this going up a little later than I had planned, but I had to take care of something else first. It was minor, but it still had to be done. Now, the past few days have been even busier than anticipated when it comes to watching movies, as I’ve watched quite a few the past few days. Most of them I think I’ll talk about in one big post where I say a few brief things about each one, but I picked this one out to talk about as there’s some enough material for me to talk about. First off, it’s nice to watch another blaxploitation film as I haven’t seen as many as I’d like to.

Now, this one is a little different, as much of it takes place in Mexico (where it in fact was filmed) but it’s still a very entertaining entry into that genre due to the amount of exciting action it has and frequent humor, both intentional and unintentional. First off, I have to mention that if you’ve seen Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds film and remember the awesome guitar riff that introduced the montage to Hugo Stiglitz, you should know that it wasn’t a modern guitar riff but rather one that began the title song for this film, done by the great Billy Preston. It also made for great opening credits for the movie. Besides the great guitar opening, the entire song is pretty awesome in that funky 70’s way.

The first 10 or 15 minutes are pretty wild, with the parents of former Green Beret Slaughter (Brown; but of course he’d have a character surname like that) getting blown up via a car bomb, Slaughter going to his apartment, shoots up the bathroom after hearing someone in there, only to discover it’s a girl who at the time claimed was a groupie. He calls her a bitch and throws her out naked! Then, he finds some of the people involved for killing his parents and he engages in a car vs. personal airplane contest. He gets in trouble with the Feds (led by Mitchell) and he ends up working for them in order to help them get “The Syndicate” in Mexico.

Yes, that was all in the beginning of the movie.

After that, things calm down, but he is (reluctantly) partnered up with Harry (Gordon) as they try to get to the bottom of the Mob’s usage of… a computer. Of course, at that time, a giant machine, but still progressive for ’72. But that’s secondary to his interaction with two characters, Dominic (Torn; he proves that even back this far, he still had bad hair) and his reluctant lady pal, Ann (Stevens; much to my surprise, she looked rather nice in a bikini back in this time period). From there, you have a lot of fist fights, gunplay, intrigue, and even a nice car chase. It’s all great entertainment and it’s never boring. I am glad I was able to see it on MGMHD on Sunday. If you enjoy this genre and haven’t seen this, I would say it’s a must to track down.

I haven’t seen its sequel, Slaughter’s Big Rip-Off, but I understand it’s lesser than this. Still, I’d like to see it, as the villain is… Ed McMahon. Yes, THAT Ed McMahon, Johnny Carson’s sidekick, who I understand plays a “tail-chasing crack hustler”, and I *have* to see the host of Star Search and pitchman for American Family Publishers playing a lecherous drug dealer!

I’ll be back Wednesday night and I’ll hopefully be more punctual.

Baraka

2011-05-14T15:38:00.001-04:00

Baraka (1992)

Runtime: 96 minutes

Directed by: Ron Fricke

Starring: Well, this is a documentary

From: Magidson Films

Here’s something out of the ordinary: a wordless documentary filled with beautiful images filmed across the world. This is of course not a new thing in films, with previous films like Koyaanisqatsi and Powaqqatsi being much of the same thing… or so I understand, considering that I haven’t seen either 80’s film before.

It’s difficult to describe such a film, as it could really be interpreted in any way, but I can tell you that you get to see such things as people praying across the world, various cultures and their unique dancing/ceremonies they do, horrific images from such places as Auschwitz in current (re, early 90’s) times, how chaotic urban life is, and beautiful buildings and scenery from all around the Earth. What I got is that while people from across the world are all different and some have much more hectic lifestyles than others, we’re all human beings on this planet and we have that basic aspect in common, but we also have such natural things in common as praying to whatever deity you believe in, ritualistic ceremonies, the capability to hurt one another and do damage to this planet, and you should appreciate this planet and everyone on it, no matter their skin color. It reminds me of how Edward James Olmos said in the Q&A I saw him at last month that he also believes that there should be no such thing as “race” as we’re all the same in essence.

What works perfectly with the images is the musical score by Michael Sterns, as it fits the different images like a glove, ranging from intense and moody to ethereal and peaceful. One can’t work without the other. I am happy that the director plan on releasing a sequel to this sometime later this year, called Sansara. That should hopefully be as great.

I do have to spend some time talking about the Blu-Ray of this movie, which is how I got to watch it for the first time. I doubt you’ll find a Blu-Ray with better sound or picture. No hyperbole. The case spent time pimping the meticulous work formatting this from its original 70mm print to Blu-Ray, and for good reason. I’ve never come close to seeing a better and clearer picture, and the sound was also of the same high quality. “Astonishing” is the best word to use to describe my first impressions. It’s something you NEED to get if you want to show off the highest capabilities of your home theatre system to your pals or what have you.

I'll be back Monday night with a new review.

Friday The 13th (The Remake, Unfortunately)

2011-05-13T15:18:00.001-04:00

Friday the 13th (2009)

25% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 161 reviews)

Runtime: 106 minutes (extended version)

Directed by: Marcus Nispel

Starring: Jared Padalecki, Danielle Panabaker, Amanda Righetti, Travis Van Winkle, Derek Mears

From: New Line Cinema/Paramount

Yep, the perfect movie to review for today. Well, actually, it’d be best if I would have chosen a FUN Jason Voorhees movie to watch, but a reason to see this again is to tell an interesting story. Way back in ’09 I saw this movie at its midnight debut, which happened to also be on a Friday the 13th. It was a crowded screening and it was THE perfect audience to see a horror movie with. They went monkeyshit crazy for everything and loved this to death. Some ladies around me seemingly soiled their pants each time something even a tiny bit scary could happen, which made things a lot of fun. I realized then the movie wasn’t so good, but solely due to the crowd I loved the experience.

In the next few days, when I heard outrage from the horror community in general about how bad the movie was and how it wasn’t really a Jason film (what a shocker, given it came from Platinum Dunes, a bunch of clueless putzes who don’t know Jack about how to make a proper scary horror film; you shouldn’t expect anything more or less from such an awful person like Michael Bay) so I figured I shouldn’t see this movie again as it would ruin the good memories I had of it.

Well, unfortunately, I went against that promise.

This movie was a reboot of the series and the opening was the end of the original film, where Jason’s mom gets killed and he sees it. Then, the film turns into Parts 2 and 3, where you see Mr. Voorhees both with the sack on his head and the iconic hockey mask look. The plot is first a bunch of kids looking for a weed stash, only for Jason to take them out for taking his stash… at least that’s what I assumed. Then, six weeks pass by and you see some new kids go to a cabin, while the brother of one of the missing ladies from the opening segment is on the hunt for her.

So, the reason why this movie turned off many people is that it’s just another crappy slasher from Platinum Dunes instead of something that feels like a Jason Voorhees film. Jason does things like kidnapping, keeping a captive alive (and for stupid and ridiculous reasons too), and apparently being as good at ARCHERY as Rambo. Pretty dumb, I know… I mean, for the filmmakers to have Jason do such things. Then, most of the characters are just annoying and dumb, and not in a fun way like in the 80’s films. And speaking of that, they happened to have nudity and drug use and it’s presented casually. Here, there’s a lot of it and it’s shoved down your throat. Talk about missing the point.

But, worst of all is that most of the kills aren’t even that good/inventive. That’s a lot of the fun of the movie is seeing how Voorhees offed victims or at the end, seeing the hero stop him. Instead of having unique kills, most of them are just lame and sometimes, it seems like they tease you by showing objects that *would* make great weapons for destruction, but they never get used. What a fail. I guess we should be thankful that Platinum Dunes hasn’t done a sequel to this, and hopefully the next Jason film that gets made, some people with brains are behind it, and actual fans can make something that fits in the spirit of those cheesy and awful and yet still fun 80’s flicks. Not too much is fun about this; there’s definitely nothing like Crispin Glover dancing weirdly to an ubercheesy hair metal tune.

Oh well… at least Aaron Yoo as the goofy Asian stoner was amusing, and Mears as Jason did a great job considering what he was given to work with.

I'll be back tomorrow afternoon-that's right-with a new review.

Damn Food Poisoning

2011-05-09T23:11:00.000-04:00

Well, due to me eating something bad yesterday and suffering the effects of it last night and recovering from it today, no new reviews. I'll be back on Friday. Apologies for another delay, but I think I'll be a posting machine for the second half of this month.

Another Post Of Randomness

2011-05-08T22:07:00.000-04:00

So, I will mention a pair of movies and then mention a service I signed up a few days ago for free that I’ll get to experience for a month.

I saw Undisputed III: Redemption. It follows the end of Undisputed II. Not to give spoilers from Undisputed II, but the villain of that, Boyka, gets hurt in the big fight and in III, he’s injured and now the de facto good guy. He becomes a big part of a tournament of the best prison fighters from across the world, held in Georgia (and I don’t mean the state where Atlanta’s the capital). Truth be told, I preferred the second movie overall. Sure, there’s also great action here (and actor Marko Zaror may become another well-known B-level martial arts movie star if he gets more work outside of his native Chile) but the problem is, I didn’t really care for the story here. Some dumb/aggravating things, and then there’s the character of Turbo, who reached about a Jar Jar Binks-level of annoyance with me, and of course he turns out to have one of the biggest parts in the film. You may feel differently and you may enjoy it more-which is apparently the general consensus-but for me…

Also, I recently watched Centurion, the latest film from Neil Marshall, the director of The Descent and Doomsday. Here’s another movie I’ve heard rave reviews about, but I was mostly eh about. It was little things, like the text you see on the screen being either impossible or really hard to read, or the blood you see splattered on the screen looking REALLY fake to the point of distraction and yeah, I was hoping I’d like this more than I did, despite the entertaining action scenes I did see at times in the film.

Anyhow, on a lighter note I can say that I used an old college e-mail address to sign up for Hulu Plus for a month's time. Up to early June I'll check out (and review) some stuff on there. Likely it will mainly be Criterion films. I'll be classin' it up around here for the next few weeks, I'm predicting.

I'll be back tomorrow night with a new review.

Undisputed II: Last Man Standing

2011-05-06T21:38:00.000-04:00

Undisputed II: Last Man Standing (2006)

Runtime: 98 minutes

Directed by: Isaac Florentine

Starring: Michael Jai White, Scott Adkins, Ben Cross, Eli Danker, Mark Ivanir

From: Nu Image

So, here’s yet another low-budget direct to DVD action film that is well-worth tracking down and for me (at least) delivers far better on the entertainment and action folds than many of the big screen action films in recent years. From the likes of Universal Soldier: Regeneration to Ninja (by the same director as this film), to Blood & Bone, they all get high marks from me. Well, this movie belongs in the same discussion.

This is a sequel to a Walter Hill movie about boxing in prison starring Wesley Snipes and Ving Rhames; you don’t need to see that one. I mean, I haven’t seen it and it means nothing here. So, former Heavyweight Champion George “Iceman” Chambers (White, playing the Rhames character in the first film) is in Russia in order to try and earn money, as hey, he’s a now-broke athlete who still has an attitude problem… so, the typical retired athlete. He gets set up in order to get arrested and sent to a nasty prison. This happens because in that prison, there’s a secret MMA-style fight thing going on where various criminal fighters from Russia go against the champ in that prison, Uri Boyka (Adkins). It’s a set-up where people on the outside bet on the fights and it’s broadcast via closed circuit to various locations, and it’s done between the warden inside and mob types outside. Chambers is defiant at first but he’s forced to change his tune. Meanwhile, he starts to get to know some of his fellow prisoners there.

Well, the plot is what it is. Nothing too revolutionary. But, as you’d expect it’s all about the action and fights, and they do deliver. You get to see plenty of fights, and not just battles in the ring either. It’s spread out enough to where you’re never bored. There’s also the aspect that Iceman gets to know some of the people there and that helps in changing his bad attitude. It’s cliché stuff (some cheesy drama at times, especially in the very last scene) but still entertaining. You also get to see a Russian version of both John Hurt and Sam Elliott. Wacky. Then again, this is a movie directed by a Brit, starring a Brit playing a Russian and American, and set in Russia but filmed in Bulgaria.

I mean, there is the aspect of the ex-boxer having to become more of an MMA fighter to stand a chance against Boyka. That’s fine by me, as I think boxing is boring hug-filled stuff compared to something like mixed martial arts. I’m not interested in that “big” boxing fight tomorrow night, that’s for damn sure.

I’ll be back Monday night with a new review, but the night before that I’ll post something pretty short.

The Living Daylights

2011-05-03T00:44:00.000-04:00

The Living Daylights (1987)

Runtime: 130 minutes

Directed by: John Glen

Starring: Timothy Dalton, Maryam D’Abo, Joe Don Baker, Jeroen Krabbe

From: United Artists

Here’s something that’s out of order when it comes to me wanting to review all the Bond movies in order… besides me not having been doing that for months now, due to what was announced on Sunday night and its relation to this movie, it was only appropriate to talk about this film; I haven’t seen it in months but I remember it well-enough. Unfortunately, one aspect of the movie has it real dated, and of course it’s the fact that just like in Rambo 3, a beloved action figure helps out the Mujahideen in Afghanistan against those damn Commie Soviets that invaded their country, as hey, the U.S. really did help out that rebel group to prevent the Russians from controlling the country. Well, problem is, Osama bin Laden was a real-life member of the Mujahideen before forming Al-Qaeda, and we know what happened with Afghanistan in the past 20 years… despite that “whoops” moment, you can still enjoy Rambo 3 or this movie and not think about what happened in real life after those films got released.

This was the first of only two movies that Dalton did as Bond. He didn’t get a fair shake due to circumstances beyond his control. It’s a shame, as he made a fine Bond.

This movie is a typical Bond movie, with many surprises and twits & turns, notable action scenes, and some goofy humor; as Dalton wasn’t exactly like Roger Moore, he probably gritted his teeth while delivering those cornball lines. Anyhow, the plot revolves around Bond getting a Soviet defector to the West, the Commies seemingly getting him back, and the people who are behind the plot for their own gain.

It’s tough to say how this movie ranks among Bond fans, as I swear everyone has their own unique list for the ranking of Bond film from best to worst, and no two lists are the same. Personally, I say it’s underrated. There are many different locales, from London to Slovakia, from Vienna to Tangier, and finally Afghanistan. Classic espionage stuff, especially the fact that the plot also involves such things as a weapons heist and opium smuggling. There’s the usual romance with Bond and a lovely lady, this time with cello player Kara (D’Abo). That leads to a wacky action scene involving a cello case. Speaking of action scenes, there’s a lot of entertaining ones here, from another wacky one (this time involving a milkman and a Walkman!) to automatic doors being used in a deadly manner; there’s a great scene involving a cargo plane and people hanging from it via a net, and those stunt people must have been insane to have done some of the things they did.

The movie isn’t perfect, as admittedly the villains aren’t the best and there isn’t enough time to make them memorable or too dangerous. Even with that, though, the movie is worth seeing if you like the more well-known Bond flicks and haven’t seen this yet. You may enjoy it more than you’d think.

I do have to mention the very interesting opening. There’s a training exercise that three 00 agents go on at Gibraltar. Well, it goes wrong and a killer is actually on the loose there. Besides 007, there’s two other agents who happen to look like Roger Moore and George Lazenby. It should be no surprise that of the two, the dude that resembled Lazenby was the one who got a violent death. You know that wasn’t by coincidence either! That was a middle finger to the guy who thumbed his nose at the franchise by quitting even before On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (which I promise I’ll review later this month) premiered.

I’ll be back Friday night with a new review.

So

2011-04-29T21:17:00.001-04:00

The past few days have been too hectic for me, between the NFL draft going on and the UFC show going on tomorrow, my next review isn't going up tonight, but rather on Monday.

Gordon's War

2011-04-25T21:46:00.000-04:00

Gordon’s War (1973)

Runtime: 90 minutes

Directed by: Ossie Davis

Starring: Paul Winfield, Carl Lee, David Downing, Tony King, Grace Jones

From: 20th Century Fox

So, how did I spend my Easter? It wasn’t too exciting, but I had a traditional ham dinner… and I also watched an obscure blaxploitation film starring the late character actor Paul Winfield and directed by the late actor Ossie Davis from a VHS tape as I taped it off of Fox Movie Channel quite a few months ago. Only I would do such a thing, I know. Anyhow, it has never been on DVD but will finally come out on June 14th via Shout Factory in a double-bill with a late 80’s movie known as Off Limits.

Although, if you want to see it and don’t want to wait for DVD or it appearing once in a blue moon on Fox Movie Channel, you can always use YouTube… don’t tell anyone I sent you there, though.

Anyhow, the plot is quite simple yet effective. Gordon (Winfield, clean-shaven and not as heavy-set) returns from a tour of duty in Vietnam. He finds out his wife passes away due to a heroin overdose. He’s upset that his Harlem neighborhood has been ravaged by drugs, so he and three pals get together to try and rid the area of drugs and crime. That’s about it for the plot.

But, despite the simple plot, the movie is a lot of fun. The cast does a nice job, there’s a variety of action from shootouts to a nice bit where a motorcycle gets chased throughout Harlem by a car, and some LOL moments, including a creative usage of a can of deodorant spray as a weapon, and the gimmick of soldiers at work is displayed in the systematic way they take out the bad guys (and you get to see that the drug dealers aren’t the top villains). There are also familiar blaxploitation trappings, from the funky music to the laughable in 2011 clothing to the hairdos and all the slang.

By the way, Grace Jones’ role in the movie only lasts for seconds but I mention it as you get to see her nude (if you ever had the desire to see her topless, you’re in luck) and Gordon calls her a bitch. That made me laugh for some reason.

I’ll be back Friday night with a new review.

Serpico

2011-04-22T17:20:00.000-04:00

Serpico (1973)

Runtime: 129 minutes

Directed by: Sidney Lumet (RIP)

Starring: Al Pacino, Tony Roberts, Barbara Eda-Young, Allan Rich

From: Paramount

Now, here’s some more classic fare. This is something I recorded off of TCM when they aired it one night. I stumbled upon it this week and it was perfect, as director Lumet of course passed away just two weeks ago, and up to this point, I had only seen one of his movies before-Before The Devil Knows You’re Dead-so this would be a nice second film. Plus, the movie came from producer Dino De Laurentiis, who also recently passed away, so it serves in that fashion too.

So, now that I’ve seen it, I can agree with the consensus that it’s great. This true story was based on the story of Frank Serpico (Pacino), who was a cop in New York City who was best described as a nonconformist and he ended up in undercover, so that he can dress up in hippie clothing and sport some great hair, facial and otherwise. He soon discovers that corruption is rampant and he always refuses to take money even though he gets asked to take it often. That labels him as someone who is untrustworthy so that causes much stress and trouble with his personal life and his lady friends. He tries to go to higher authorities to stop the corruption, but he runs into trouble there. I won’t reveal more, but you can always just look up his life story if you don’t know it and haven’t seen the film.

As I said, the movie’s pretty great and it’s no wonder it’s become a classic. Everything about it is quality, from the direction to (I presume, anyway) the telling of the true story, and I’ll guess what was on the screen was mostly factual. I can’t gripe about any of the performances, and the Mikis Theodorakis score works. But, the highlight in this naturally dramatic story is Pacino in the lead. He’s not like current day Al (or even recent Al either) where he’s at 11 most of the team and spends a lot of time SHOUTING and over-acting. While he does do some SHOUTING, it’s definitely a nuanced performance where he goes through a range of emotions while dealing with an extraordinarily difficult situation. This is quality filmmaking.

I do have to mention that there is some comedy involved. What got a huge laugh out of me was one scene involving Serpico and another cop playing Peeping Tom in the bathroom; they had the lights off to do this. Their Lieutenant (James Tolkan; yep, the bald guy who was the principal in the Back to the Future movies, along with being in the likes of Top Gun and Masters of the Universe; he looked pretty much the same back then as he did in the 80’s) walks in and accuses Serpico-in a profane manner-of being a homosexual. I won’t repeat the dialogue but I found it to be hilarious, as it was Tolkan who was saying those profane things. So yeah, if you haven’t seen this movie, you should.

I’ll be back Monday night.

Up In Smoke

2011-04-20T13:11:00.002-04:00

Up In Smoke (1978)

Runtime: 85 minutes

Directed by: Lou Adler

Starring: Cheech Marin, Tommy Chong, Stacy Keach, Tom Skerritt

From: Paramount

Well, because today is 4:20-I presume everyone knows what the significance of today is in terms of one aspect of the counterculture-I figured it would only be appropriate to review a movie revolving around marijuana and its consumption, and this is the most appropriate movie I have in my DVD collection. Hey, I’m not a pot user; I have it as it’s a funny film that you can enjoy sober. Although, if you know people who like to smoke up (as I do; the number of people in that category will remain a secret) it does make things more amusing. I watched this last night instead of today as I have things planned for today.

The thing is, there isn’t too much to say about the movie. The storyline is pretty threadbare and it’s really a series of sketches strung together, but like I said it’s usually pretty amusing. You can tell that Cheech and Chong had been a comedy team together for years before they made this flick; the repartee is pretty clear. In the movie, you get to see how they meet up and become pals (Chong moves away from his rich parents; from the dad you get the now-classic line “Finkelstein-shit-kid”, so there’s that) and their frequent run-ins with the cops.

They meet up with a wacky variety of people, including Strawberry (Skerritt) with a giant birthmark on his face and a victim of Vietnam War trauma. But the main story ends up being Cheech & Chong accidentally being deported to Mexico and coming back to L.A. in order to compete in a band competition and unbeknownst to them, the van they’re using is entirely made out of pot. This causes them to get followed by the wacky Sgt. Stedenko (Keach), leading to a finale that’s odd at times, but still funny.

So, this movie filled with goofy (yet entertaining) humor-not to mention some catchy music-is perfect for this day, although you don’t have to be a stoner to enjoy this. If you don’t have that around-the movie that is, not marijuana-Cheech & Chong’s Next Movie isn’t a bad substitute, in my eyes. The other movies… I’ve seen clips of, and that was enough to tell me not to watch them in full.

I’ll be back Friday night.

An Evening With Edward James Olmos & Stand And Deliver

2011-04-17T19:40:00.000-04:00

Stand and Deliver (1988)

Runtime: 103 minutes

Directed by: Ramon Menendez

Starring: Edward James Olmos, Lou Diamond Phillips, Andy Garcia, Rosanna DeSoto

From: Warner Brothers

Here’s a movie that I got to see on the big screen due to the Florida Film Festival. They were showing this film on the big screen, AND the star of the film, Mr. Olmos, would be there in person and afterwards he would do a Q&A. It sounded so interesting that I figured I would go and see it, and after that I’ll see another movie (the review of which I’ll post the next night)* in order to show some love to the FFF. Before that, though, this movie, which I hadn’t seen before but I knew was based on the true story of Bolivian-born teacher Jaime Escalante, who used innovative techniques to help students in an inner-city school in learn such things as algebra and calculus. Mr. Escalante ended up passing away about a year ago.

• At least that was the initial plan. It turns out, I only saw this movie on Friday night, as the Q&A afterwards went way longer than expected. Mr. Olmos is quite loquacious, to say the least. So, it turns out I’ll be back on Wednesday night with a new review.

As for this film, it’s quality stuff. It’s quite inspiring to see this true story be told. It does sound incredible that Mr. Escalante was able to do so well in teaching something complex to high school kids with troubled backgrounds, but it’s all true… technically, I’ve heard that the movie is “90% true”, but in Hollywood that might as well be 100%. It was done through a lot of extra hours being put in and it caused stress for the students and for the teacher, but through that it was done. I’ll admit that at times the teacher came across as kind of an ass, but I guess that many professors/teachers can seem that way, and the students could be asses too.

The definite highlight of the movie was the performance of Edward James Olmos in the lead. As he said in the Q&A afterwards, he did perfect mimicry of Escalante… even putting his hands down his pants often as if he was Al Bundy. There’s definitely humor to go along with all of the drama too. I do have to personally laugh that Phillips’ character always had the phrase “F*CK YOU” written on his knuckles and you saw it often enough, and yet the movie was still rated PG. Go figure.

Well, I don’t want to give too much away if you don’t know the story, so it’s a movie worth seeing, I say.

As for the Q&A afterwards, which went over an hour and a half (!):

He talked about a variety of things, from more info about Stand and Deliver to his background and life in L.A. to his social activism and he stated that, among other things:

* Selena was the most difficult film he worked on. Not just because it was done soon after she died, but because her father was on set for most of the filming (and that was the role Olmos played) and after every scene he saw he would break down crying due to the memories of the past.
* He really enjoyed Zoot Suit, a movie I remember being pimped hard on some sort of messageboard
* His Blade Runner talk mainly was about his character and the language he spoke. According to him, one of the phrases he stated in the movie was Hungarian for "big horse dick!"
* He ended it by talking about Battlestar Galactica. That's a show I've never watched, but I know it has many hardcore fans. He was proud of the show and how it was intelligent instead of being all about creatures.
* One of the questions asked from the crowd was rather interesting. The lady sitting next to me (no, it wasn't anyone I knew) got on her iPhone during the Q&A and asked Lou Diamond Phillips on Twitter a question to ask. No kidding. It turns out that the two recently did another film together, a low-budget movie still in post-production called Filly Brown.

Oh yeah, and the best for last... his experience with Miami Vice. He mentioned how it took a lot of effort from Michael Mann to even get him on the show, as he wanted creative control over his character and he wanted to take off time whenever to work on various projects. Finally, Mann agreed to those terms. He mentioned that recently he met up Philip Michael Thomas for the first time since the show ended. No kidding. Then, he finished by talking about how in his first day on set, he and Don Johnson had a big blowup over their first scene together over a minor thing. Also, I'm sure it's been noted before somewhere but in the first ten episodes he appeared on, he never looked Crockett or Tubbs in the eye. That's a thing to look out for.

So yep, Friday night was a blast. Like I said, I'll be back Wednesday night.