Hatchet (2006)
Runtime: 84 minutes
Directed by: Adam Green
Starring: Joel Moore, Tamara Feldman, Deon Richmond, Kane Hodder
From: Ariescope Pictures
Here is another horror movie, but one that is vastly different from the last one I talked about. This one concerns a slasher movie released in 2007 that got quite a bit of hype behind it because at the time it stood out (and heck, still now) because it wasn’t a remake, a sequel, or an adaptation of an Asian property in the horror genre. I knew the basic plot and that this divided people, who either loved it or thought it was overrated. Well, I’ve come to realize there is also a large segment that hated the film. What did I think of it? I’ll get to that a little later.
This movie is about a hulking deformed human with obvious super-strength-as you would see from the kills that it does-named Victor Crowley (played by genre favorite Hodder, a former Jason himself) who lives in the swamps outside of New Orleans. Some youngsters who are there for Mardi Gras (Moore and Richmond; it was funny to catch this on cable late Friday night, notice Moore and then wonder where I had seen him; suddenly it hit me that he was Jake Sully’s buddy Norm in Avatar) end up going on a haunted swamp boat ride with caricatures; trust me, that’s the best way to describe those characters. Things go wrong and they end up meeting Crowley.
This tried to be an old-school slasher movie; that was a big part of its advertising, as a matter of fact. However, I don’t really remember any of them being a comedy like this was. That’s right, this was a horror-comedy like it was Shaun of the Dead or something instead of how it was actually billed. Way too much comedy for my tastes, but I wouldn’t have complained too much if it was humorous most of the time. Well, sorry to say, some of it was chuckle-worthy but the rest of it was groan-inducing painful. Nothing’s worse than an unfunny comedy, I’ve heard from other websites, and it’s the truth. I know that this was a parody and satire of those old films at times, but it didn’t work. And Lord, some of the characters are just fingernails on a blackboard awful. They’re so bad you don’t even want to see old Victor kill them off; you just wish they would’ve died within the first two minutes of meeting them, via them falling off the boat or something. As much of the first half of the movie is spent with the characters being allegedly funny and interacting with each other, that’s a problem! About the only highlight was the gore and kills. It is a REALLY graphic and violent film. The kills aren’t realistic, sure, but they are memorable due to how gory they are. Gallons of fake blood flies around, and it was impressive. If only the story wouldn’t have pissed me off by the time we got to see Victor Crowley take out most of the main cast. And the ending… the movie stops rather than ends. There is a big difference.
So, overall this still was a disappointment to me, despite lowered expectations. There will be a sequel to this movie that’s coming out in about a month’s time. AMC’s theatres in “the top 20 markets” will be showing the movie unrated; apparently that is the widest release an unrated movie will get in about 25 years. Don’t ask me what the last one was… if I had to guess it would have to be Romero’s Day of the Dead; just a guess, though. I think I’ll actually go see it in the hopes that I’ll enjoy it more than this one. Then again, the main thing I know about the sequel is that it will have much more blood and gore than the first one. That’s rather eye-opening considering how much carnage was in this movie. I really hope it’s not all just having gallons of blood and the most disgusting kills; the story should be better and please cut down on the humor, I say. I mean, if you want a movie with a LOT of viscera and gore and yet is pretty funny too in a real twisted way, Peter Jackson’s Dead Alive is the way to go. I don’t know if Hatchet II can be quite like that film.
At least I have a feeling that it’d be better in front of a crowd and Danielle Harris will be the star of this. Speaking of ladies I find to be rather attractive… but she’s also a god actress who’s more than familiar with the genre, so I’m sure she will deliver a performance that I’ll enjoy. If I’m able to see it on the big screen, I will and hopefully the review is more positive for that than it is for this movie.
I’ll be back Wednesday night with something new.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Burning Bright
Burning Bright (2010)
Runtime: 86 minutes
Directed by: Carlos Brooks
Starring: Briana Evigan, Garrett Dillahunt, Charlie Tahan, Meat Loaf
From: Sobini Films
I heard about this movie earlier in the year. I’m not quite sure how I stumbled across its IMDb page, but I did and found out that basically, it’s about a young lady who gets trapped in her boarded-up house during a hurricane with her young autistic brother and the tiger that her stepfather bought from Meat Loaf in order to start up a safari ranch in Florida escapes and they have to hide from it.
From reading THAT unusual of a plot synopsis, it definitely caught my interest. Not that having a different plot really means too much, except for originality points. After all, stuff like Orphan or the 80’s sleazy classic Sleepaway Camp (with its rather shocking plot twists) is good stuff in my eyes, while the entirely original I Know Who Killed Me-the Lindsay Lohan movie I actually saw on the big screen-was awful in many different ways.
Then, I heard some rave reviews for this movie (titled after poet William Blake's The Tyger; I'm not sure what else a movie like this could be titled unless it was something like Tiger in a House) and it made me want to check it out real soon. It came out this past Tuesday but the two copies at the local Blockbuster were rented out so I had to wait until last night to pick it up. Admittedly, the rather attractive Briana Evigan as the lead wasn’t a bad reason in of itself to see the movie. Her spending a lot of her screentime wearing either PJ shorts or (briefly) a pair of panties matched with a tight white tanktop was not something I complained about while watching the movie… or the random close-ups of her butt or her cleavage.*
When I saw the movie I saw that the reviews (crude comments about the lead aside) were correct in its praise for it. I’m not quite sure how myself but the movie works very well and it is much better than it may sound and is far from being a typical crap no-budget horror/thriller/chiller/whatever.
What I said about the plot above describes things pretty well, but to flesh out a bit, stepdad Johnny (Dillahunt) buys a tiger for the safari park that he wants to start up, the old house that he and his now deceased wife used to live in being where the guests would stay for the night. The dad isn’t a very nice person, to say the least. Through events that I won’t get into (but probably won’t be much of a surprise once you see it) the tiger ends up in a boarded up house with no escape with Kelly (Evigan) and her younger autistic brother Tom (Tahan) stuck inside while a hurricane takes place.
Like I said, this movie manages to work and you believe it, despite a plot that may sound stupid on first description. Once the action starts, it never lets up and it’s very tense and suspenseful, with some surprises and jump scares (but the good kind) thrown in too. The autistic brother seems to have a pretty intense case of it, so having to hide and run away is even more difficult with a young tyke who usually stares off into space or gets mad when his set routine gets disrupted. You’d be surprised at all the different situations that can happen with two young people, a large house, and a man-eating tiger. Also, Kelly isn’t a dumb heroine and she tries various things to try and escape, including one bit out of another recent film involving a tiger in some form, but unlike there it doesn’t work quite as well here, but at least she tried, right?
Two things help make this a gem and something that you should see. First off, actual tigers are used (3 of them portray Lucifer, the tiger on the loose, and you should expect trouble if an animal has that name) instead of the awful looking low-budget CGI that you see on channels like Sci Fi (I won’t call it by its new dumb name) which look SO fake it ruins the movie right then and there. Then again, most of the giant/killer animal movies they have on there are just terrible without the special effects with the most standard and predictable of stories. The script for this movie is far better than that, trust me.
Secondly, the acting job done by Briana Evigan. She ended up doing a great job here, and you actually believe that the scenario you see here could happen, and you also believe the relationship she has with her brother and how it’s a pain in the ass at times dealing with him but yet she still loves Tom. It’s definitely more than her just being eye candy and running around all sweaty and not wearing much in the way of clothing. It’s that good of a performance, I say.
Lord knows there are countless thousands of movies that get released every year and many of them slip through the cracks. Much of those movies are worth slipping through the cracks, but this one should not suffer the same fate. Give it a try from Netflix or Blockbuster or what have you. Hopefully you'll think the same way that I do.
• Lest you think I’m being a pig for noting this… if you find what I said to be rather crude, you’d better stay away from some of the other reviews that there have been for this movie, which has mainly been from “sites” which are actually fancier versions of the Blogger page I have here. Actual film critics who get their reviews published in newspapers, they are not. Some of the things that they said about Ms. Evigan included that “she should have been naked for the movie!” or “the only way I could hook up with her would involve rope and roofies!” I swear, it’s true. Yikes. Talk about creepy. I don’t seem like quite the pig in comparison.
I'll be back Sunday afternoon with a new review.
Runtime: 86 minutes
Directed by: Carlos Brooks
Starring: Briana Evigan, Garrett Dillahunt, Charlie Tahan, Meat Loaf
From: Sobini Films
I heard about this movie earlier in the year. I’m not quite sure how I stumbled across its IMDb page, but I did and found out that basically, it’s about a young lady who gets trapped in her boarded-up house during a hurricane with her young autistic brother and the tiger that her stepfather bought from Meat Loaf in order to start up a safari ranch in Florida escapes and they have to hide from it.
From reading THAT unusual of a plot synopsis, it definitely caught my interest. Not that having a different plot really means too much, except for originality points. After all, stuff like Orphan or the 80’s sleazy classic Sleepaway Camp (with its rather shocking plot twists) is good stuff in my eyes, while the entirely original I Know Who Killed Me-the Lindsay Lohan movie I actually saw on the big screen-was awful in many different ways.
Then, I heard some rave reviews for this movie (titled after poet William Blake's The Tyger; I'm not sure what else a movie like this could be titled unless it was something like Tiger in a House) and it made me want to check it out real soon. It came out this past Tuesday but the two copies at the local Blockbuster were rented out so I had to wait until last night to pick it up. Admittedly, the rather attractive Briana Evigan as the lead wasn’t a bad reason in of itself to see the movie. Her spending a lot of her screentime wearing either PJ shorts or (briefly) a pair of panties matched with a tight white tanktop was not something I complained about while watching the movie… or the random close-ups of her butt or her cleavage.*
When I saw the movie I saw that the reviews (crude comments about the lead aside) were correct in its praise for it. I’m not quite sure how myself but the movie works very well and it is much better than it may sound and is far from being a typical crap no-budget horror/thriller/chiller/whatever.
What I said about the plot above describes things pretty well, but to flesh out a bit, stepdad Johnny (Dillahunt) buys a tiger for the safari park that he wants to start up, the old house that he and his now deceased wife used to live in being where the guests would stay for the night. The dad isn’t a very nice person, to say the least. Through events that I won’t get into (but probably won’t be much of a surprise once you see it) the tiger ends up in a boarded up house with no escape with Kelly (Evigan) and her younger autistic brother Tom (Tahan) stuck inside while a hurricane takes place.
Like I said, this movie manages to work and you believe it, despite a plot that may sound stupid on first description. Once the action starts, it never lets up and it’s very tense and suspenseful, with some surprises and jump scares (but the good kind) thrown in too. The autistic brother seems to have a pretty intense case of it, so having to hide and run away is even more difficult with a young tyke who usually stares off into space or gets mad when his set routine gets disrupted. You’d be surprised at all the different situations that can happen with two young people, a large house, and a man-eating tiger. Also, Kelly isn’t a dumb heroine and she tries various things to try and escape, including one bit out of another recent film involving a tiger in some form, but unlike there it doesn’t work quite as well here, but at least she tried, right?
Two things help make this a gem and something that you should see. First off, actual tigers are used (3 of them portray Lucifer, the tiger on the loose, and you should expect trouble if an animal has that name) instead of the awful looking low-budget CGI that you see on channels like Sci Fi (I won’t call it by its new dumb name) which look SO fake it ruins the movie right then and there. Then again, most of the giant/killer animal movies they have on there are just terrible without the special effects with the most standard and predictable of stories. The script for this movie is far better than that, trust me.
Secondly, the acting job done by Briana Evigan. She ended up doing a great job here, and you actually believe that the scenario you see here could happen, and you also believe the relationship she has with her brother and how it’s a pain in the ass at times dealing with him but yet she still loves Tom. It’s definitely more than her just being eye candy and running around all sweaty and not wearing much in the way of clothing. It’s that good of a performance, I say.
Lord knows there are countless thousands of movies that get released every year and many of them slip through the cracks. Much of those movies are worth slipping through the cracks, but this one should not suffer the same fate. Give it a try from Netflix or Blockbuster or what have you. Hopefully you'll think the same way that I do.
• Lest you think I’m being a pig for noting this… if you find what I said to be rather crude, you’d better stay away from some of the other reviews that there have been for this movie, which has mainly been from “sites” which are actually fancier versions of the Blogger page I have here. Actual film critics who get their reviews published in newspapers, they are not. Some of the things that they said about Ms. Evigan included that “she should have been naked for the movie!” or “the only way I could hook up with her would involve rope and roofies!” I swear, it’s true. Yikes. Talk about creepy. I don’t seem like quite the pig in comparison.
I'll be back Sunday afternoon with a new review.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Piranha 3D
Piranha 3D (2010)
81% on Rotten Tomatoes (you read that right; it’s out of 54 reviews)
Runtime: 89 minutes
Directed by: Alexandre Aja
Starring: Steven R. McQueen (yes, his grandfather is exactly who you think it is), Elisabeth Shue, Jerry O’Connell, Ving Rhames, Christopher Lloyd, Richard Dreyfuss
From: Dimension Films
In my last review I reviewed the original Piranha; now, here is the remake, which was supposed to come out a few months ago but for whatever stupid reasons was pushed back to August. Given its unfortunate box office performance so far (finishing in 6th place at the box office in its debut; that’s pretty crappy and I wonder where the horror fans were) maybe it should have stayed where it was slated to open at originally.
I saw this at Downtown Disney and their AMC Pleasure Island 24 screen megaplex. That’s because one of their screens is their new ETX system. It’s a huge screen a few stories tall and it’s all pumped up like it’s a legit IMAX screen, but it’s not exactly the same. It looks and especially sounds great (I first experienced it when I saw Toy Story 3 for the second time) so I recommend it if you get the chance to. The movie and its frequent usage of “hip” dance music from the likes of Shwayze and LMFAO and whatnot sounded pretty great there. I was disappointed by the fact that there was hardly anyone there in that huge auditorium. There had to be less than 50 there. I know it was a 5:30 showing on an early Sunday evening when it was rainy outside, but it was opening weekend and on the grounds of THE theme park on planet Earth and I was hoping for many more there than what I got. Then again I can’t say I’m too surprised that the movie isn’t going to do as well as it should. It’s not for everyone’s tastes, it got bumped to this month for no real good reason, and the marketing campaign for it has been rather lousy, to say the least. At least the crowd I saw it with-while not doing much in the way of reacting to the movie-loudly buzzed about it afterwards, so that’s good.
With all of that said, if you like trashy movies where there’s no shortage of either female nudity or graphic gore (and believe me, it’s really gruesome and gross at times, almost as if Peter Jackson directed this right after he did the extremely graphic (yet awesome) Dead Alive), it’s fast paced, and it’s actually done well, then this is perfect for you.
This movie doesn’t have much in common with the original but there are some brief allusions to it that you’ll catch if you’re familiar with the original. Here, it’s set in Lake Havasu, Arizona (by the way, someone I know from the past lives there and works as a teacher. She remarked that more than a few of her students appear in the movie as extras!) and after an earthquake, a crack appears at the bottom of the lake and from there prehistoric piranha (ugly-looking mother…) come through and raise hell. That’s a huge problem as it’s spring break time in the area and thousands are doing their best to engage in as much debauchery as they possibly can. We focus on Jake (McQueen), who happens to have a sheriff as a mom (Shue, who looks great for being in her mid 40’s; one of her fellow cops is Rhames) and he tries to hook up with a galpal (the interesting-looking but still attractive Jessica Szohr) while getting attached to a Joe Francis-type douchebag in Jerry O’Connell.
Meanwhile, Lloyd appears as a pet shop owner who happens to know a lot about prehistoric fish (I know, it’s that kind of film) and Dreyfuss appears in this as Matt Hooper, the character he played in Jaws. OK, he plays fisherman Matthew Boyd, but it’s a parody and pretty much an exact copy of Hooper. Him appearing in that role-really a cameo-is pretty astounding to me, but also pretty awesome. As the original Piranha was a riff on Jaws, and the main poster for this movie being a riff on a famous Jaws poster, it’s a great in-joke.
This is a movie which starts out with some kills but it’s mainly following Jake and his adventures with his pretty lady pal and with a loathsome partyboy like Jerry’s Derrick Jones character. There’s much in the way of loud music, humor, and nudity… oh, plenty of female nudity and girls kissing each other… at times I was thinking that I was back at the wild nightclub in Orlando known as Mako’s! It’s a lot of fun (and no, not for pervert reasons… at least not mainly) at how trashy it is and how the characters get into it.
Then, the real long scene of carnage happens (similar to the long scene of carnage in the original)… here, it gets really graphic and gruesome and I actually looked away a few times. I’m surprised it got an R rating, but I won’t complain as it getting cut would have been a load of bunk. I’m just saying that as a word of warning to anyone who goes in and expects some carnage but based on the advertising would have no idea just how much graphic stuff you get to see. After that, stuff happens and you get a whole lot of drama, but I mean that in a good way. Oh, and there are definitely enough scares here too.
This movie is exactly what you’d expect it to be; totally trashy and goofy, yet really well-done and pretty awesome. It’s nice seeing some old veteran actors on the screen, too. It’s just a lot of fun like the old B/exploitation movies of the past and that and the quality you get is why many critics are actually giving it positive reviews.
Two things before I end this:
1. The guys who wrote this also wrote the Sorority Row remake I reviewed last fall. I know I didn’t say too much about it then, but while I was in the minority with my opinion I thought that was trashy fun too, although definitely not as good or as well-done as this movie was. SR was an inoffensive way to spend 100 minutes and you got some laughs, gore, and attractive leads (oh yes, they were all in all rather easy on the eyes). Piranha 3D, though, ups all of it to a much higher degree… in fact, almost to a preposterous degree, but it works.
2. Even though there was a low turn-out, four of the people there were a family. It wasn’t parents and two teenagers, though. Rather, it was parents and a boy and a girl who looked to be about 8 and 6, respectively. I mention that on my Facebook page and thought it was rather poor parenting. Someone I know on there commented and basically said that I was generalizing and that not all children should be barred from seeing horror movies with their parents or other responsible adults, and I agree with that. I didn’t mean to sound like I was generalizing or stereotyping there… even though I do that rather often. I explained why I thought what I did in this situation (the movie is rather graphic in terms of nudity and gore/violence) and things are fine now, but between seeing that and something like a 1 or 2 year old at Grindhouse or young kids at Punisher: War Zone and that’s not good parenting.
I’ll be back Wednesday night with a new review.
81% on Rotten Tomatoes (you read that right; it’s out of 54 reviews)
Runtime: 89 minutes
Directed by: Alexandre Aja
Starring: Steven R. McQueen (yes, his grandfather is exactly who you think it is), Elisabeth Shue, Jerry O’Connell, Ving Rhames, Christopher Lloyd, Richard Dreyfuss
From: Dimension Films
In my last review I reviewed the original Piranha; now, here is the remake, which was supposed to come out a few months ago but for whatever stupid reasons was pushed back to August. Given its unfortunate box office performance so far (finishing in 6th place at the box office in its debut; that’s pretty crappy and I wonder where the horror fans were) maybe it should have stayed where it was slated to open at originally.
I saw this at Downtown Disney and their AMC Pleasure Island 24 screen megaplex. That’s because one of their screens is their new ETX system. It’s a huge screen a few stories tall and it’s all pumped up like it’s a legit IMAX screen, but it’s not exactly the same. It looks and especially sounds great (I first experienced it when I saw Toy Story 3 for the second time) so I recommend it if you get the chance to. The movie and its frequent usage of “hip” dance music from the likes of Shwayze and LMFAO and whatnot sounded pretty great there. I was disappointed by the fact that there was hardly anyone there in that huge auditorium. There had to be less than 50 there. I know it was a 5:30 showing on an early Sunday evening when it was rainy outside, but it was opening weekend and on the grounds of THE theme park on planet Earth and I was hoping for many more there than what I got. Then again I can’t say I’m too surprised that the movie isn’t going to do as well as it should. It’s not for everyone’s tastes, it got bumped to this month for no real good reason, and the marketing campaign for it has been rather lousy, to say the least. At least the crowd I saw it with-while not doing much in the way of reacting to the movie-loudly buzzed about it afterwards, so that’s good.
With all of that said, if you like trashy movies where there’s no shortage of either female nudity or graphic gore (and believe me, it’s really gruesome and gross at times, almost as if Peter Jackson directed this right after he did the extremely graphic (yet awesome) Dead Alive), it’s fast paced, and it’s actually done well, then this is perfect for you.
This movie doesn’t have much in common with the original but there are some brief allusions to it that you’ll catch if you’re familiar with the original. Here, it’s set in Lake Havasu, Arizona (by the way, someone I know from the past lives there and works as a teacher. She remarked that more than a few of her students appear in the movie as extras!) and after an earthquake, a crack appears at the bottom of the lake and from there prehistoric piranha (ugly-looking mother…) come through and raise hell. That’s a huge problem as it’s spring break time in the area and thousands are doing their best to engage in as much debauchery as they possibly can. We focus on Jake (McQueen), who happens to have a sheriff as a mom (Shue, who looks great for being in her mid 40’s; one of her fellow cops is Rhames) and he tries to hook up with a galpal (the interesting-looking but still attractive Jessica Szohr) while getting attached to a Joe Francis-type douchebag in Jerry O’Connell.
Meanwhile, Lloyd appears as a pet shop owner who happens to know a lot about prehistoric fish (I know, it’s that kind of film) and Dreyfuss appears in this as Matt Hooper, the character he played in Jaws. OK, he plays fisherman Matthew Boyd, but it’s a parody and pretty much an exact copy of Hooper. Him appearing in that role-really a cameo-is pretty astounding to me, but also pretty awesome. As the original Piranha was a riff on Jaws, and the main poster for this movie being a riff on a famous Jaws poster, it’s a great in-joke.
This is a movie which starts out with some kills but it’s mainly following Jake and his adventures with his pretty lady pal and with a loathsome partyboy like Jerry’s Derrick Jones character. There’s much in the way of loud music, humor, and nudity… oh, plenty of female nudity and girls kissing each other… at times I was thinking that I was back at the wild nightclub in Orlando known as Mako’s! It’s a lot of fun (and no, not for pervert reasons… at least not mainly) at how trashy it is and how the characters get into it.
Then, the real long scene of carnage happens (similar to the long scene of carnage in the original)… here, it gets really graphic and gruesome and I actually looked away a few times. I’m surprised it got an R rating, but I won’t complain as it getting cut would have been a load of bunk. I’m just saying that as a word of warning to anyone who goes in and expects some carnage but based on the advertising would have no idea just how much graphic stuff you get to see. After that, stuff happens and you get a whole lot of drama, but I mean that in a good way. Oh, and there are definitely enough scares here too.
This movie is exactly what you’d expect it to be; totally trashy and goofy, yet really well-done and pretty awesome. It’s nice seeing some old veteran actors on the screen, too. It’s just a lot of fun like the old B/exploitation movies of the past and that and the quality you get is why many critics are actually giving it positive reviews.
Two things before I end this:
1. The guys who wrote this also wrote the Sorority Row remake I reviewed last fall. I know I didn’t say too much about it then, but while I was in the minority with my opinion I thought that was trashy fun too, although definitely not as good or as well-done as this movie was. SR was an inoffensive way to spend 100 minutes and you got some laughs, gore, and attractive leads (oh yes, they were all in all rather easy on the eyes). Piranha 3D, though, ups all of it to a much higher degree… in fact, almost to a preposterous degree, but it works.
2. Even though there was a low turn-out, four of the people there were a family. It wasn’t parents and two teenagers, though. Rather, it was parents and a boy and a girl who looked to be about 8 and 6, respectively. I mention that on my Facebook page and thought it was rather poor parenting. Someone I know on there commented and basically said that I was generalizing and that not all children should be barred from seeing horror movies with their parents or other responsible adults, and I agree with that. I didn’t mean to sound like I was generalizing or stereotyping there… even though I do that rather often. I explained why I thought what I did in this situation (the movie is rather graphic in terms of nudity and gore/violence) and things are fine now, but between seeing that and something like a 1 or 2 year old at Grindhouse or young kids at Punisher: War Zone and that’s not good parenting.
I’ll be back Wednesday night with a new review.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Piranha
Piranha (1978)
Runtime: 94 minutes
Directed by: Joe Dante
Starring: Bradford Dillman, Heather Menzies, Kevin McCarthy, Keenan Wynn, Dick Miller
From: New World Pictures
I was not expecting to review this movie at this time, especially a few days before I go and see the remake on the big screen in 3D. I went to the videostore on Thursday to look for something; it was out, but I noticed that new this week they offered the original Piranha movie, which I had never seen before. I changed my plans so I rented that for the night and watched it.
I’ll say that I don’t really care that this is getting the remake treatment. I mean, it’s not like it was a huge box office draw when it was released. It was a low-budget film from the low-budget master known as Roger Corman. Say what you will about the movies he directed/produced/whatever but many famous names got their start by being associated with him. From Jack Nicholson to Francis Ford Coppola, Martin Scorsese to Robert De Niro, a whole lot of huge names in Hollywood got their first big break by being associated with him. Hell, none other than James Cameron directed Piranha II, a badly regarded film that nonetheless was his feature film debut. Anyway, for the aforementioned reason I don’t mind this getting remade. Plus, the original (not to mention the remake, from what I hear) are goofy and tongue planted firmly in cheek, so no harm no foul, I say. It’s not exactly remaking Psycho here, or Friday the 13th or Hellraiser.
Note that this and the remake don’t have too much in common besides the fact that it’s about killer meat-eating fish that go on a rampage. The original here is about a scientist who creates an especially vicious and hard to kill strain of piranha that was to be used in the Vietnam War (no, I’m not joking). Things went awry but he kept on working on the fish. They manage to accidentally be released into the wild the same time that a skip tracer (someone who looks for missing people for the insurance company… or so the movie says) meets up with the town drunk living in a remote cabin (Menzies and Dillman, respectively) and they look for a pair of missing teens; in the opening we see the teens sneaking around the military institute and due to them being dumb teens they end up getting devoured by the piranhas. The fit hits the shan (so to speak) once the fish get let loose as they lay waste to whatever’s in their path in the local river, including reaching a kids campground and a new water-based theme park (ran by sleazy Miller).
The movie-a goofy riff on Jaws (Menzies even plays a Jaws arcade machine)-shouldn’t be taken seriously and if you shut your brain off you should have a good time with this. Lord knows the special effects look goofy and cheesy viewed in modern times. Yet, for the movie it works. It is not what I’d call a scary film. Still, you should be able to enjoy the carnage and all the fake blood and if you want to you can laugh at the low-budget effects. Plus, there is some female nudity for you horny males out there. I will admit that the movie is ruthless at times and I was surprised at some of the twists and turns. The cast of veterans of this genre do a great job That’s really all you need to know about the film and if it sounds appealing to you, it’s worth seeing. The new DVD print looks pretty great. Pretty soon I’ll see Piranha 3D so I’ll compare and contrast the two; I’m hoping it’s as fun and goofy as this movie was.
I’ll be back Monday night with some sort of review, hopefully for Piranha 3D, as a matter of fact.
Runtime: 94 minutes
Directed by: Joe Dante
Starring: Bradford Dillman, Heather Menzies, Kevin McCarthy, Keenan Wynn, Dick Miller
From: New World Pictures
I was not expecting to review this movie at this time, especially a few days before I go and see the remake on the big screen in 3D. I went to the videostore on Thursday to look for something; it was out, but I noticed that new this week they offered the original Piranha movie, which I had never seen before. I changed my plans so I rented that for the night and watched it.
I’ll say that I don’t really care that this is getting the remake treatment. I mean, it’s not like it was a huge box office draw when it was released. It was a low-budget film from the low-budget master known as Roger Corman. Say what you will about the movies he directed/produced/whatever but many famous names got their start by being associated with him. From Jack Nicholson to Francis Ford Coppola, Martin Scorsese to Robert De Niro, a whole lot of huge names in Hollywood got their first big break by being associated with him. Hell, none other than James Cameron directed Piranha II, a badly regarded film that nonetheless was his feature film debut. Anyway, for the aforementioned reason I don’t mind this getting remade. Plus, the original (not to mention the remake, from what I hear) are goofy and tongue planted firmly in cheek, so no harm no foul, I say. It’s not exactly remaking Psycho here, or Friday the 13th or Hellraiser.
Note that this and the remake don’t have too much in common besides the fact that it’s about killer meat-eating fish that go on a rampage. The original here is about a scientist who creates an especially vicious and hard to kill strain of piranha that was to be used in the Vietnam War (no, I’m not joking). Things went awry but he kept on working on the fish. They manage to accidentally be released into the wild the same time that a skip tracer (someone who looks for missing people for the insurance company… or so the movie says) meets up with the town drunk living in a remote cabin (Menzies and Dillman, respectively) and they look for a pair of missing teens; in the opening we see the teens sneaking around the military institute and due to them being dumb teens they end up getting devoured by the piranhas. The fit hits the shan (so to speak) once the fish get let loose as they lay waste to whatever’s in their path in the local river, including reaching a kids campground and a new water-based theme park (ran by sleazy Miller).
The movie-a goofy riff on Jaws (Menzies even plays a Jaws arcade machine)-shouldn’t be taken seriously and if you shut your brain off you should have a good time with this. Lord knows the special effects look goofy and cheesy viewed in modern times. Yet, for the movie it works. It is not what I’d call a scary film. Still, you should be able to enjoy the carnage and all the fake blood and if you want to you can laugh at the low-budget effects. Plus, there is some female nudity for you horny males out there. I will admit that the movie is ruthless at times and I was surprised at some of the twists and turns. The cast of veterans of this genre do a great job That’s really all you need to know about the film and if it sounds appealing to you, it’s worth seeing. The new DVD print looks pretty great. Pretty soon I’ll see Piranha 3D so I’ll compare and contrast the two; I’m hoping it’s as fun and goofy as this movie was.
I’ll be back Monday night with some sort of review, hopefully for Piranha 3D, as a matter of fact.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
The Rookie
The Rookie (1990)
Runtime: 120 minutes
Directed by: Clint Eastwood
Starring: Clint, Charlie Sheen, Raul Julia, Sonia Braga, Lara Flynn Boyle
From: Warner Brothers
OK, I know that I’m a few hours late here. I ended up having a busier Wednesday than I had originally planned.
Here is a movie that has been discussed on various messageboards in the past that I’ve seen (no kidding) and it has really divided a really small segment of the Internet and the general movie-going audience. Some mark out for it and others think it’s crap. When I saw that it was on one of the free Showtime channels Sunday night I had to go and watch it in order to weigh in on my opinion of this motion picture.
To give a brief synopsis, this is one of those buddy cop action/comedies. Clint is a grizzled bitter old veteran cop who gets involved in a case involving chop shops and car theft; it’s ran by a German couple (Julia, Braga). A shootout happens and Clint’s partner dies. He ends up getting partnered with a new cop (Sheen) who has his demons and doesn’t get along with his rich parents due to those demons. They’re an odd couple but as you’d expect they eventually get along and… well, you know.
To give my opinion, I’d say that this movie is more on the bad side than the good. Sure, there are some amusing moments and some decent action scenes and it’s bloody and all. But, the humor isn’t really mixed in well with the serious drama (it’s no Lethal Weapon), a lot of the humor isn’t all that humorous, the first half is a chore to get through (there seems to be entire scenes missing; things move from one spot to another in a rather illogical manner; plus, Sheen acts like such a boob you want Clint to make his day by blowing him away!) and then in the second half Charlie totally changes and suddenly becomes a badass mother… it’s rather preposterous.
Oh, and speaking of that, the movie’s most famous scene. I know it’s a spoiler but if you’re familiar with the film it has to be because of this scene. For reasons that I don’t know even after watching the movie, Clint is put in a compromising position by the villains. He’s tied up and Braga decides to… well, RAPE Clint! I’m not making this up, folks. R-A-P-E, rape. It’s just as uncomfortable seeing on screen as it is describing it here, and I don’t know what the point of it was, either in real life or in the movie’s story. I guess it’s to have a signature moment so that people will remember this 20 years later, but trust me it doesn’t make sense in the plot.
So, this wasn’t totally awful but I’m quite surprised that it has quite a few fervent fans on the Internet. Maybe if you’re a fan of buddy cop movies and/or action mixed with comedy this would appeal to you, but I say that there are many better examples of this to see and view rather than wasting your time with a film that many don’t remember any longer.
I’ll be back Saturday afternoon with a new review.
Runtime: 120 minutes
Directed by: Clint Eastwood
Starring: Clint, Charlie Sheen, Raul Julia, Sonia Braga, Lara Flynn Boyle
From: Warner Brothers
OK, I know that I’m a few hours late here. I ended up having a busier Wednesday than I had originally planned.
Here is a movie that has been discussed on various messageboards in the past that I’ve seen (no kidding) and it has really divided a really small segment of the Internet and the general movie-going audience. Some mark out for it and others think it’s crap. When I saw that it was on one of the free Showtime channels Sunday night I had to go and watch it in order to weigh in on my opinion of this motion picture.
To give a brief synopsis, this is one of those buddy cop action/comedies. Clint is a grizzled bitter old veteran cop who gets involved in a case involving chop shops and car theft; it’s ran by a German couple (Julia, Braga). A shootout happens and Clint’s partner dies. He ends up getting partnered with a new cop (Sheen) who has his demons and doesn’t get along with his rich parents due to those demons. They’re an odd couple but as you’d expect they eventually get along and… well, you know.
To give my opinion, I’d say that this movie is more on the bad side than the good. Sure, there are some amusing moments and some decent action scenes and it’s bloody and all. But, the humor isn’t really mixed in well with the serious drama (it’s no Lethal Weapon), a lot of the humor isn’t all that humorous, the first half is a chore to get through (there seems to be entire scenes missing; things move from one spot to another in a rather illogical manner; plus, Sheen acts like such a boob you want Clint to make his day by blowing him away!) and then in the second half Charlie totally changes and suddenly becomes a badass mother… it’s rather preposterous.
Oh, and speaking of that, the movie’s most famous scene. I know it’s a spoiler but if you’re familiar with the film it has to be because of this scene. For reasons that I don’t know even after watching the movie, Clint is put in a compromising position by the villains. He’s tied up and Braga decides to… well, RAPE Clint! I’m not making this up, folks. R-A-P-E, rape. It’s just as uncomfortable seeing on screen as it is describing it here, and I don’t know what the point of it was, either in real life or in the movie’s story. I guess it’s to have a signature moment so that people will remember this 20 years later, but trust me it doesn’t make sense in the plot.
So, this wasn’t totally awful but I’m quite surprised that it has quite a few fervent fans on the Internet. Maybe if you’re a fan of buddy cop movies and/or action mixed with comedy this would appeal to you, but I say that there are many better examples of this to see and view rather than wasting your time with a film that many don’t remember any longer.
I’ll be back Saturday afternoon with a new review.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Hellraiser
Hellraiser
Runtime: 94 minutes
Directed by: Clive Barker
Starring: Andrew Robinson, Clare Higgins, Ashley Laurence, Doug Bradley
From: New World Pictures
First off, I’ll like to apologize for railing against a certain movie in the past two reviews. I was just fed up for all the hype that was given to it when I think it looks terrible and stupid, that’s all. But enough about that.
Believe it or not, before last night I had never seen any of the movies in the Hellraiser series. Sure, I knew about Pinhead and the Cenobites and the magical box known as the Lament Configuration, but that was about it. I have seen some short clips of the original movie way back when and it was some of the freakiest stuff that could be shown on regular TV without much problem; after seeing that, I figured that was enough for me, as a movie full of that sort of thing wasn’t something I needed to see.
Last night I discovered that for the weekend the Showtime network of stations was being offered for free on my cable system. That made me happy. I looked around and besides watching some MMA on there, I also decided to finally watch the movie and it wasn’t quite what I expected but I did manage to enjoy it quite a bit and I discovered why this series (or at least the first movie) had a lot of fans.
Despite what you may think, the focus of this isn’t really on Pinhead or the rest of the Cenobites but rather it’s about a character escaping them… but let me start from the beginning. Frank is a lousy dude who is given a magical puzzle box (known as The Lament Configuration) by a mysterious person while in a foreign country with the promise that it’ll fulfill all of his desires. Back home (it isn’t clear where the movie is even set; some characters have a British accent and others American; it’s not something you’re supposed to think about) he gets the box open and he discovers that it’s the ultimate way to get both pleasure and pain; he vanishes. The abandoned house then gets occupied by a husband and wife duo of Larry and Julia (Robinson, Higgins) and also step-daughter Kirsty (the very attractive Laurence) who lives close by. I don’t mean to spoil too much here, but Frank ends up escaping from the clutches of the Cenobites via accident and comes back to this world via some nasty and visceral-yet great for the time-special effects, only he’s not quite like what he was before. Thing is, the usually frigid Julia had a torrid love affair with Frank. She discovers that Frank has returned in the state he’s in, and he needs her help with something… that’s all I’ll say about it. If you haven’t seen it before you’ll have to discover for yourself the macabre turn that Julia has to take in order to do this.
This movie certainly had some very grotesque and freaky images and visuals, not to mention that the story has a total sadomasochistic tone to it. It’s totally macabre too. But, it isn’t a total gorefest or blood everywhere the entire time. Rather, it tells a twisted yet entertaining story and it didn’t throw viscera at the screen the entire time to try and keep you entertained. The Cenobites don’t appear that often either, but their threat is present throughout the entire film and you can certainly understand why Frank wants to get far the F away from them.
Overall, this is definitely different (and better) than much of the horror films to come out of the 80’s which-while enjoyable at times-are pretty dopey and are filled with dumb teenagers who are there as cannon fodder and are for the most part pretty bad. It’s a dark and mature tale filled with some freaky stuff you’ll never forget. For the most part the special effects still are fine-enough for this day and age, although you can tell they ran out of money on the low budget they had by the end of the movie. If you haven’t seen this yet and you think this sounds interesting to you, you definitely should. I’m sure it’ll be better than the remake that’s been planned for years that now is supposed to come out in 2 years time. Of course, a damn remake. I’m sure it’ll look prettier but the spirit of the original will be totally screwed up. After all, Barker wrote the books on which this movie was based on, so I think he did the definitive job on writing and directing a movie based on his own work. The movie is certainly dated in some ways (Lord, some of the big hair and ugly clothing...); it's really minor, though, and doesn't make you not enjoy the film. So, I don’t have high hopes for the remake… although at least Platinum Dunes isn’t involved with this, thank goodness.
The sequels seem to be in general pretty bad compared to the first movie so that is probably what you should stick with, as is what I’m planning on doing.
I’ll be back Wednesday night with a new review.
Runtime: 94 minutes
Directed by: Clive Barker
Starring: Andrew Robinson, Clare Higgins, Ashley Laurence, Doug Bradley
From: New World Pictures
First off, I’ll like to apologize for railing against a certain movie in the past two reviews. I was just fed up for all the hype that was given to it when I think it looks terrible and stupid, that’s all. But enough about that.
Believe it or not, before last night I had never seen any of the movies in the Hellraiser series. Sure, I knew about Pinhead and the Cenobites and the magical box known as the Lament Configuration, but that was about it. I have seen some short clips of the original movie way back when and it was some of the freakiest stuff that could be shown on regular TV without much problem; after seeing that, I figured that was enough for me, as a movie full of that sort of thing wasn’t something I needed to see.
Last night I discovered that for the weekend the Showtime network of stations was being offered for free on my cable system. That made me happy. I looked around and besides watching some MMA on there, I also decided to finally watch the movie and it wasn’t quite what I expected but I did manage to enjoy it quite a bit and I discovered why this series (or at least the first movie) had a lot of fans.
Despite what you may think, the focus of this isn’t really on Pinhead or the rest of the Cenobites but rather it’s about a character escaping them… but let me start from the beginning. Frank is a lousy dude who is given a magical puzzle box (known as The Lament Configuration) by a mysterious person while in a foreign country with the promise that it’ll fulfill all of his desires. Back home (it isn’t clear where the movie is even set; some characters have a British accent and others American; it’s not something you’re supposed to think about) he gets the box open and he discovers that it’s the ultimate way to get both pleasure and pain; he vanishes. The abandoned house then gets occupied by a husband and wife duo of Larry and Julia (Robinson, Higgins) and also step-daughter Kirsty (the very attractive Laurence) who lives close by. I don’t mean to spoil too much here, but Frank ends up escaping from the clutches of the Cenobites via accident and comes back to this world via some nasty and visceral-yet great for the time-special effects, only he’s not quite like what he was before. Thing is, the usually frigid Julia had a torrid love affair with Frank. She discovers that Frank has returned in the state he’s in, and he needs her help with something… that’s all I’ll say about it. If you haven’t seen it before you’ll have to discover for yourself the macabre turn that Julia has to take in order to do this.
This movie certainly had some very grotesque and freaky images and visuals, not to mention that the story has a total sadomasochistic tone to it. It’s totally macabre too. But, it isn’t a total gorefest or blood everywhere the entire time. Rather, it tells a twisted yet entertaining story and it didn’t throw viscera at the screen the entire time to try and keep you entertained. The Cenobites don’t appear that often either, but their threat is present throughout the entire film and you can certainly understand why Frank wants to get far the F away from them.
Overall, this is definitely different (and better) than much of the horror films to come out of the 80’s which-while enjoyable at times-are pretty dopey and are filled with dumb teenagers who are there as cannon fodder and are for the most part pretty bad. It’s a dark and mature tale filled with some freaky stuff you’ll never forget. For the most part the special effects still are fine-enough for this day and age, although you can tell they ran out of money on the low budget they had by the end of the movie. If you haven’t seen this yet and you think this sounds interesting to you, you definitely should. I’m sure it’ll be better than the remake that’s been planned for years that now is supposed to come out in 2 years time. Of course, a damn remake. I’m sure it’ll look prettier but the spirit of the original will be totally screwed up. After all, Barker wrote the books on which this movie was based on, so I think he did the definitive job on writing and directing a movie based on his own work. The movie is certainly dated in some ways (Lord, some of the big hair and ugly clothing...); it's really minor, though, and doesn't make you not enjoy the film. So, I don’t have high hopes for the remake… although at least Platinum Dunes isn’t involved with this, thank goodness.
The sequels seem to be in general pretty bad compared to the first movie so that is probably what you should stick with, as is what I’m planning on doing.
I’ll be back Wednesday night with a new review.
Friday, August 13, 2010
The Expendables
The Expendables (2010)
42% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 69 reviews)
Runtime: 103 minutes
Directed by: Sly Stallone
Starring: Sly Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Terry Crews, Randy Couture, Eric Roberts, Steve Austin, etc.
From: Lionsgate/Millennium/Nu Image
Yep, I got back from this a little before 2 AM but I’ve been tied up with other stuff, including talking about this on various messageboards.
For about the past two years now I’ve been looking forward to this; back then was when this was announced as being a film that would be made, and as all the big-name action guys got cast, anticipation for this in certain places and messageboards grew and grew. Even as it got bumped from April to August for the wildly disappointing Kick-Ass, it didn’t damper anyone’s spirits and in fact they grew more and more excited for it. They were hoping it would be what was promised, and I’ll give my opinion on whether it did or not, without trying to spoil anything.
Overall, this was an 80’s action movie, warts and all. Lord knows they weren’t always perfect (but what movie that’s ever been made has been perfect?), with goofy dialogue, macho posturing, simplistic plotting and what have you. There are pompous hipster types out there who are bashing the movie for being this very thing. Talk about missing the mark entirely. They’d rather fellate themselves over a ridiculous movie based on a comic book-that I’ve never heard of-that’s total hipster garbage and has no basis in any sort of reality at all even though it tries to be. Not to stress on this again, but Scott Pilgrim looks totally awful and really stupid! I have no idea how that sort of style can be deemed as entertaining at all, and yet you have douchebag critics/bloggers out there who are gushing all over it and leveling ridiculous platitudes upon it, like it’s “a gamechanger” or “it totally tells the story of this generation” or “a milestone” or “it’s important for the film industry” or other things that just make me laugh due to how pompous and overwrought it is. No offense to any of my films who are eagerly anticipating that film… I just totally don’t get it. Don’t expect me to ever watch that film; instead I’ll stick to good old time films like this when I want to see quality action and a grand old time.
Anyhow… the film is about the title group in question, filled with the manliest of men. You see them in action at the beginning and you understand why they have such a great reputation. The main plot starts once Sly meets up with 80’s action icons Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger (the roles of the latter two are mere cameos, despite what the advertising wants you to think); Bruce makes it known that there’s a case in an island off the coast of South America where a local general there is ruling things and he’s backed by a rich American type (Roberts) and his bodyguard (Steve Austin). Sly and Statham go there to check things out… and I won’t spoil the rest of it. There’s some sidetracks but it goes along with the story very well and nothing felt shoehorned in or tacked on.
The story isn’t anything revolutionary but it works for this movie. The important things here are the performances (no complaints there), the action (a lot of stuff gets blowed up real good, plus there’s a variety of action in other ways-from weapons to hand to hand combat and other things-and there are many satisfying moments, some of which seem to be designed to get the audience to mark out, which is exactly what happened; also, the way the action is filmed has some people griping, and yeah it’s fast-paced but it’s not hard to follow at all and it’s far better than something like the Bourne films or Quantum of Solace, for example), and how satisfying it is… it is indeed something I enjoyed, as did the small but enthusiastic crowd I saw it with at midnight. They buzzed afterward and most of it seemed to be positive.
It’s gloriously violent at times, and I appreciated it. It captures the spirit of old-school action movies very well-even if it isn’t an exact copy; after all, where’s the nudity?-and if you enjoy those types of films and don’t really care for the wussified action movies we seem to be getting on the big screen in recent years, well this is the tonic and cure for what ails ya. Don’t listen to the mainstream critics who don’t like the genre anyhow or the pompous bloggers out there who are smug hipster idiots and you know will cry and bemoan “That Mayflower Movie” bombing at the box office while The Expendables kicks its ass not by trying to be anything new with a stupid-looking style and an awful combo of videogames and comic books, but rather by being testosterone-filled and being crowd pleasing with funny one-liners (some of which aren’t great, but that’s again the style of 80’s action movies) and quality action. I highly recommend you check this out.
I’ll be back by Saturday night with a new review.
42% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 69 reviews)
Runtime: 103 minutes
Directed by: Sly Stallone
Starring: Sly Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Terry Crews, Randy Couture, Eric Roberts, Steve Austin, etc.
From: Lionsgate/Millennium/Nu Image
Yep, I got back from this a little before 2 AM but I’ve been tied up with other stuff, including talking about this on various messageboards.
For about the past two years now I’ve been looking forward to this; back then was when this was announced as being a film that would be made, and as all the big-name action guys got cast, anticipation for this in certain places and messageboards grew and grew. Even as it got bumped from April to August for the wildly disappointing Kick-Ass, it didn’t damper anyone’s spirits and in fact they grew more and more excited for it. They were hoping it would be what was promised, and I’ll give my opinion on whether it did or not, without trying to spoil anything.
Overall, this was an 80’s action movie, warts and all. Lord knows they weren’t always perfect (but what movie that’s ever been made has been perfect?), with goofy dialogue, macho posturing, simplistic plotting and what have you. There are pompous hipster types out there who are bashing the movie for being this very thing. Talk about missing the mark entirely. They’d rather fellate themselves over a ridiculous movie based on a comic book-that I’ve never heard of-that’s total hipster garbage and has no basis in any sort of reality at all even though it tries to be. Not to stress on this again, but Scott Pilgrim looks totally awful and really stupid! I have no idea how that sort of style can be deemed as entertaining at all, and yet you have douchebag critics/bloggers out there who are gushing all over it and leveling ridiculous platitudes upon it, like it’s “a gamechanger” or “it totally tells the story of this generation” or “a milestone” or “it’s important for the film industry” or other things that just make me laugh due to how pompous and overwrought it is. No offense to any of my films who are eagerly anticipating that film… I just totally don’t get it. Don’t expect me to ever watch that film; instead I’ll stick to good old time films like this when I want to see quality action and a grand old time.
Anyhow… the film is about the title group in question, filled with the manliest of men. You see them in action at the beginning and you understand why they have such a great reputation. The main plot starts once Sly meets up with 80’s action icons Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger (the roles of the latter two are mere cameos, despite what the advertising wants you to think); Bruce makes it known that there’s a case in an island off the coast of South America where a local general there is ruling things and he’s backed by a rich American type (Roberts) and his bodyguard (Steve Austin). Sly and Statham go there to check things out… and I won’t spoil the rest of it. There’s some sidetracks but it goes along with the story very well and nothing felt shoehorned in or tacked on.
The story isn’t anything revolutionary but it works for this movie. The important things here are the performances (no complaints there), the action (a lot of stuff gets blowed up real good, plus there’s a variety of action in other ways-from weapons to hand to hand combat and other things-and there are many satisfying moments, some of which seem to be designed to get the audience to mark out, which is exactly what happened; also, the way the action is filmed has some people griping, and yeah it’s fast-paced but it’s not hard to follow at all and it’s far better than something like the Bourne films or Quantum of Solace, for example), and how satisfying it is… it is indeed something I enjoyed, as did the small but enthusiastic crowd I saw it with at midnight. They buzzed afterward and most of it seemed to be positive.
It’s gloriously violent at times, and I appreciated it. It captures the spirit of old-school action movies very well-even if it isn’t an exact copy; after all, where’s the nudity?-and if you enjoy those types of films and don’t really care for the wussified action movies we seem to be getting on the big screen in recent years, well this is the tonic and cure for what ails ya. Don’t listen to the mainstream critics who don’t like the genre anyhow or the pompous bloggers out there who are smug hipster idiots and you know will cry and bemoan “That Mayflower Movie” bombing at the box office while The Expendables kicks its ass not by trying to be anything new with a stupid-looking style and an awful combo of videogames and comic books, but rather by being testosterone-filled and being crowd pleasing with funny one-liners (some of which aren’t great, but that’s again the style of 80’s action movies) and quality action. I highly recommend you check this out.
I’ll be back by Saturday night with a new review.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
The Warriors
The Warriors (1979)
Runtime: 93 minutes
Directed by: Walter Hill
Starring: Michael Beck, James Remar, David Patrick Kelly, Lynne Thigpen
From: Paramount
I’ll be honest here; I don’t feel 100% right now and I’ve felt that way since about when I woke up on Tuesday. I’ve just about kicked a cold but it’s not completely gone yet. Still, I’ve been chillin’ today so right now I’m posting a review of something I’ve seen several times before and remember very well, then in like 7 hours or so I’ll post my review of The Expendables, as I’ll still be seeing it at midnight despite me being less than 100%. Then, sometime Saturday I’ll post a review of something I’ll watch later tonight before I go and see the movie. Got that?
This is a movie that I first saw only back in college when I got it from a videostore, but once I saw it, I dug the film and I understand why it has such a cult following. Now, I’ll briefly explain what the plot is about, as I just can’t assume this is a film that all you readers will know about. After all, I remember back in 2005 when the videogame came out (it’s pretty fantastic, by the way. One of my all-time favorites. It greatly expands on the colorful universe you see in the movie) and some people I knew on a local messageboard (at least knew at the time; I don’t really know them currently) stated that they had never heard of the motion picture until they saw ads for the game. No kidding. So…
This is about a gang in New York City that travels out of their area of rule in order to go to The Bronx and participate in a truce amongst all the gangs in the city; it’s led by the charismatic Cyrus. A troublemaker in another gang, Luther (Kelly) guns down Cyrus, and in the chaos, Luther blames The Warriors. They run away and they have to try and escape back to their home on Coney Island while all the other gangs in the city are looking to take them out, with the caveat that just about all of the gangs (including The Warriors) have no guns on them, as remember now, you can’t have guns around in a giant truce meeting when there’s thousands of gang members around… the rest of the movie is seeing if they can get back, mainly using the subway system, while dealing with arguing amongst each other and dealing with gang members having weapons like baseball bats. This is all done to a groovy soundtrack filled with good songs and catchy synthesizers.
On face value, the movie may seem rather ridiculous. I mean, it’s based off of a novel, and both the book and movie use elements of the Greek tale Anabasis, by Xenophon, which is also about a group of people travelling home and the adventures they experience along the way. Plus, all of the gangs are rather colorful and do not in any way represent any sort of actual gangs, even back in the day. From guys dressed up in baseball uniforms and facepaint (The Furies) to The Lizzies (a gang of lesbians!) to the rollerskate-riding The Punks and the striped-top wearing Jones Street Boys, it is rather preposterous… yet the movie is great as it’s awesome in the terms of simple storytelling and rewatchability. It moves along at a fast pace and it’s incredibly tough, with some great action/fight scenes. There are other quotable/memorable moments that have become famous in some segments of pop culture; thus, I recommend that you track this down, although there is one unfortunate thing to note.
The original DVD of the movie, which of course has the original cut, has been long out of print and now you can only find the Director’s Cut. That’s bad as the DC is little changed except for a pompous opening which says without actually spelling it out its Greek origins and adds some comic book panel switching between certain scenes. It’s what they originally wanted to do but had to forget about at the time due to production woes, but it’s just not needed; like I said it’s pompous and plus, due to that the great entrance of The Furies when they battle The Warriors is completely ruined, and it’s a Director’s Cut that is not as good as the original, yet of course the original cut isn’t included on the new DVD that has the Director’s Cut on it… or even the Blu-Ray of the movie; that’s right, a Blu-Ray had more than enough room to have both versions of the film on it, yet they didn’t; sigh… still, even if you can only see the DC, you should still check it out if it sounds appealing to you.
I do have to bring up one more thing… it sounds odd that I would approve of this film when other films that are based on comic books or videogames or have that sort of styling are ones that I don’t always care for. For example, my takes on the likes of Kick-Ass or Iron Man 2. It’s not that I’m necessarily against all of those types of movies. It just depends on how it’s stylized and if the story is any good and not totally ridiculous for what kind of movie it’s supposed to be.
I know that some people I’m pals with will get offended by this sort of statement, but Scott Pilgrim vs. The World looks downright awful to me! Sorry, but it looks dogshit terrible to me. The very style of how it’s filmed-not to mention what the story is about-just totally turns me off. It’s total nerd pompous wankery to me! It’s totally off-putting and I have no interest in ever watching it; reading reviews where stuck-up Internet reviewer types are gushing all over this, calling it “a game-changer” due to how ridiculous it is and how it’s ADD edited and “how it speaks to our generation” and all sorts of nonsense… I shake my head and wonder why I don’t “get it”. Oh well, the movie probably won’t do well at the box office anyhow.
Then again, I’m an oddball and who knows if I’ll ever see Inception. I know, sacrilege. The story just looks like crap to me, so even know everyone’s praising it to high heaven, I don’t plan on seeing it on the big screen. It’s not that I’m against “movies that make you think” or anything of that nature; it just doesn’t look like something I’d enjoy.
Anyway, I'll be back in a matter of hours.
Runtime: 93 minutes
Directed by: Walter Hill
Starring: Michael Beck, James Remar, David Patrick Kelly, Lynne Thigpen
From: Paramount
I’ll be honest here; I don’t feel 100% right now and I’ve felt that way since about when I woke up on Tuesday. I’ve just about kicked a cold but it’s not completely gone yet. Still, I’ve been chillin’ today so right now I’m posting a review of something I’ve seen several times before and remember very well, then in like 7 hours or so I’ll post my review of The Expendables, as I’ll still be seeing it at midnight despite me being less than 100%. Then, sometime Saturday I’ll post a review of something I’ll watch later tonight before I go and see the movie. Got that?
This is a movie that I first saw only back in college when I got it from a videostore, but once I saw it, I dug the film and I understand why it has such a cult following. Now, I’ll briefly explain what the plot is about, as I just can’t assume this is a film that all you readers will know about. After all, I remember back in 2005 when the videogame came out (it’s pretty fantastic, by the way. One of my all-time favorites. It greatly expands on the colorful universe you see in the movie) and some people I knew on a local messageboard (at least knew at the time; I don’t really know them currently) stated that they had never heard of the motion picture until they saw ads for the game. No kidding. So…
This is about a gang in New York City that travels out of their area of rule in order to go to The Bronx and participate in a truce amongst all the gangs in the city; it’s led by the charismatic Cyrus. A troublemaker in another gang, Luther (Kelly) guns down Cyrus, and in the chaos, Luther blames The Warriors. They run away and they have to try and escape back to their home on Coney Island while all the other gangs in the city are looking to take them out, with the caveat that just about all of the gangs (including The Warriors) have no guns on them, as remember now, you can’t have guns around in a giant truce meeting when there’s thousands of gang members around… the rest of the movie is seeing if they can get back, mainly using the subway system, while dealing with arguing amongst each other and dealing with gang members having weapons like baseball bats. This is all done to a groovy soundtrack filled with good songs and catchy synthesizers.
On face value, the movie may seem rather ridiculous. I mean, it’s based off of a novel, and both the book and movie use elements of the Greek tale Anabasis, by Xenophon, which is also about a group of people travelling home and the adventures they experience along the way. Plus, all of the gangs are rather colorful and do not in any way represent any sort of actual gangs, even back in the day. From guys dressed up in baseball uniforms and facepaint (The Furies) to The Lizzies (a gang of lesbians!) to the rollerskate-riding The Punks and the striped-top wearing Jones Street Boys, it is rather preposterous… yet the movie is great as it’s awesome in the terms of simple storytelling and rewatchability. It moves along at a fast pace and it’s incredibly tough, with some great action/fight scenes. There are other quotable/memorable moments that have become famous in some segments of pop culture; thus, I recommend that you track this down, although there is one unfortunate thing to note.
The original DVD of the movie, which of course has the original cut, has been long out of print and now you can only find the Director’s Cut. That’s bad as the DC is little changed except for a pompous opening which says without actually spelling it out its Greek origins and adds some comic book panel switching between certain scenes. It’s what they originally wanted to do but had to forget about at the time due to production woes, but it’s just not needed; like I said it’s pompous and plus, due to that the great entrance of The Furies when they battle The Warriors is completely ruined, and it’s a Director’s Cut that is not as good as the original, yet of course the original cut isn’t included on the new DVD that has the Director’s Cut on it… or even the Blu-Ray of the movie; that’s right, a Blu-Ray had more than enough room to have both versions of the film on it, yet they didn’t; sigh… still, even if you can only see the DC, you should still check it out if it sounds appealing to you.
I do have to bring up one more thing… it sounds odd that I would approve of this film when other films that are based on comic books or videogames or have that sort of styling are ones that I don’t always care for. For example, my takes on the likes of Kick-Ass or Iron Man 2. It’s not that I’m necessarily against all of those types of movies. It just depends on how it’s stylized and if the story is any good and not totally ridiculous for what kind of movie it’s supposed to be.
I know that some people I’m pals with will get offended by this sort of statement, but Scott Pilgrim vs. The World looks downright awful to me! Sorry, but it looks dogshit terrible to me. The very style of how it’s filmed-not to mention what the story is about-just totally turns me off. It’s total nerd pompous wankery to me! It’s totally off-putting and I have no interest in ever watching it; reading reviews where stuck-up Internet reviewer types are gushing all over this, calling it “a game-changer” due to how ridiculous it is and how it’s ADD edited and “how it speaks to our generation” and all sorts of nonsense… I shake my head and wonder why I don’t “get it”. Oh well, the movie probably won’t do well at the box office anyhow.
Then again, I’m an oddball and who knows if I’ll ever see Inception. I know, sacrilege. The story just looks like crap to me, so even know everyone’s praising it to high heaven, I don’t plan on seeing it on the big screen. It’s not that I’m against “movies that make you think” or anything of that nature; it just doesn’t look like something I’d enjoy.
Anyway, I'll be back in a matter of hours.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
More Major News
Well, I wish I could tell you guys how The Expendables was tonight. I really wish I could. Problem was, I had no idea in advance that Universal Studios was a bunch of assclowns and thought it would be a good idea to hand out many more passes than there would be seats at the theatre. I don’t even care if that’s how it is everywhere in the world… due to the many problems I’ve had at that movie theatre alone (let alone the separate problems I’ve had at Universal Studios in general) I’ll blame it on those bastards.
The way they handled the situation was how I would expect them to: treating the customers like shit. So, I highly recommend that you guys never go to Universal Studios Orlando at all for anything, no matter some of the nice things it does have. The way they treat their guests is deplorable and while it will be 48 hours until I’ll see it at its midnight debut (where I’ll see it in my town in front of an audience that’ll probably be better than tonight’s audience anyway) but the entire situation is a bunch of hogwash and tripe, I say. Hell, at the Burger King Whopper Grill they have nearby, they screwed up my order tonight! So, don’t expect me to be back there at Universal, at least anytime soon.
Don’t even get me started on the middle-aged father or the little boy (yes, a boy who looked to be around 10 or 11, seeing this movie under these circumstances) or how the little boy was a Stewart Sevenson in Beavis & Butthead level of annoying or how pops did a horrible job of managing his demon spawn from hell of a son. I don’t advocate violence against children; the father, though… I wish that he’d get a few Rocky Balboa bunches to the face!
To be more positive… after leaving Universal I did get some books at a discount bookstore and then a banana Slurpee at 7-11, so the day wasn’t a total loss. Plus, when I got the pass this past Friday night, it was a cherry on top of a (mostly) good sundae that was my time there, where I said goodbye-for maybe the final time-to someone I've peripherally known for 3 years now.
So, the new plan is that I'll review some sort of film on Thursday and then early Friday morning once I get back from the film I'll post my review on Expendables, as I plan on seeing it at its midnight debut.
The way they handled the situation was how I would expect them to: treating the customers like shit. So, I highly recommend that you guys never go to Universal Studios Orlando at all for anything, no matter some of the nice things it does have. The way they treat their guests is deplorable and while it will be 48 hours until I’ll see it at its midnight debut (where I’ll see it in my town in front of an audience that’ll probably be better than tonight’s audience anyway) but the entire situation is a bunch of hogwash and tripe, I say. Hell, at the Burger King Whopper Grill they have nearby, they screwed up my order tonight! So, don’t expect me to be back there at Universal, at least anytime soon.
Don’t even get me started on the middle-aged father or the little boy (yes, a boy who looked to be around 10 or 11, seeing this movie under these circumstances) or how the little boy was a Stewart Sevenson in Beavis & Butthead level of annoying or how pops did a horrible job of managing his demon spawn from hell of a son. I don’t advocate violence against children; the father, though… I wish that he’d get a few Rocky Balboa bunches to the face!
To be more positive… after leaving Universal I did get some books at a discount bookstore and then a banana Slurpee at 7-11, so the day wasn’t a total loss. Plus, when I got the pass this past Friday night, it was a cherry on top of a (mostly) good sundae that was my time there, where I said goodbye-for maybe the final time-to someone I've peripherally known for 3 years now.
So, the new plan is that I'll review some sort of film on Thursday and then early Friday morning once I get back from the film I'll post my review on Expendables, as I plan on seeing it at its midnight debut.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Major News
I'll be back tomorrow night with a major scoop. This past Friday night I went to the nightclub in Orlando known as Mako's. It was to see an employee there who I found out was quitting the job the next day. It just so happens that it was The Expendables night there (with everyone wearing combat fatigues) as a website known as ICPlaces was giving out free passes for a special Tuesday night screening of The Expendables; it's at Universal Studios, which is a place I've had many troubles at when I've been at their movie theatre, but anyhow... I was able to snag a pass, so tomorrow night I'll get to see early a movie that I've been waiting almost two years for, and I know many action fans feel the same way.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Cocaine Cowboys
Cocaine Cowboys (2006)
69% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 49 reviews)
Runtime: 118 minutes
Directed by: Billy Corben
Starring: A bunch of people who were a part of the Miami cocaine scene in the 80’s
From: Rakontur
Here’s another documentary (not that I plan on having most of August be documentary month here) and one that I found out on a messageboard back in the day and once I saw it, I was hooked (pun pretty much intended, given its subject matter) and I’m surprised it isn’t a much bigger film in certain cultures.
This is a fast-paced movie-appropriate given the subject matter-that is about how Miami, Florida ended up becoming a HUGE city in the 70’s and 80’s for the cocaine scene and how that resulted in it being like the wild west with an appalling number of murders and shootings and all that. Various people involved in the scene-both good and bad-are interviewed and explain how it was back then. Some of the bad guys are pretty charming… then you remember that at least one of them has murdered many people! Many archive pictures are shown to aid the stories being told. You get to hear from the likes of drug runners, police officers, reporters, and yep, murderers. It’s all told in a slick and frantic pace, which is rather strange for a documentary. Usually I can be turned off by stuff that’s so slick and quickly edited. However, it works very well here, and it goes along with all the stories told of just how bad it was in Miami at the time.
One lady who stands out in particular (yes, a lady) is Griselda Blanco, who is only seen via pictures and is told about by many of the participants. She’s one scary lady. In fact, “sociopath” is probably the best term to use. She will shock you with how bloodthirsty brutal she was. She apparently was a big reason why things got so crazy down there. Not to spoil anything, but eventually she got deported back to Columbia and amazingly, she wasn’t killed right away and as of a few years ago and as far as anyone for certain knows, she’s still alive. That’s pretty astounding once you read about all the stuff she did and how she ended up pissing off the drug lords in Columbia.
Then again, one of her sons is still alive. Michael Corleone Blanco-believe it or not, that’s the name he was given at birth-ended up appearing on an episode of Deadliest Warrior, representing the Medellin Cartel against the Somali Pirates. I was stunned to see him on there, mainly because he’s still alive and from what I hear lives in Miami and runs a record label, of all things.
By the way, if you do track down the DVD and watch it, I highly recommend watching all of the special features, including the commentary track. That way, you get to hear much more information and many more stories about the characters and the time period. It's something you MUST listen and watch if you enjoy the movie.
I'll be back Tuesday with another review.
69% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 49 reviews)
Runtime: 118 minutes
Directed by: Billy Corben
Starring: A bunch of people who were a part of the Miami cocaine scene in the 80’s
From: Rakontur
Here’s another documentary (not that I plan on having most of August be documentary month here) and one that I found out on a messageboard back in the day and once I saw it, I was hooked (pun pretty much intended, given its subject matter) and I’m surprised it isn’t a much bigger film in certain cultures.
This is a fast-paced movie-appropriate given the subject matter-that is about how Miami, Florida ended up becoming a HUGE city in the 70’s and 80’s for the cocaine scene and how that resulted in it being like the wild west with an appalling number of murders and shootings and all that. Various people involved in the scene-both good and bad-are interviewed and explain how it was back then. Some of the bad guys are pretty charming… then you remember that at least one of them has murdered many people! Many archive pictures are shown to aid the stories being told. You get to hear from the likes of drug runners, police officers, reporters, and yep, murderers. It’s all told in a slick and frantic pace, which is rather strange for a documentary. Usually I can be turned off by stuff that’s so slick and quickly edited. However, it works very well here, and it goes along with all the stories told of just how bad it was in Miami at the time.
One lady who stands out in particular (yes, a lady) is Griselda Blanco, who is only seen via pictures and is told about by many of the participants. She’s one scary lady. In fact, “sociopath” is probably the best term to use. She will shock you with how bloodthirsty brutal she was. She apparently was a big reason why things got so crazy down there. Not to spoil anything, but eventually she got deported back to Columbia and amazingly, she wasn’t killed right away and as of a few years ago and as far as anyone for certain knows, she’s still alive. That’s pretty astounding once you read about all the stuff she did and how she ended up pissing off the drug lords in Columbia.
Then again, one of her sons is still alive. Michael Corleone Blanco-believe it or not, that’s the name he was given at birth-ended up appearing on an episode of Deadliest Warrior, representing the Medellin Cartel against the Somali Pirates. I was stunned to see him on there, mainly because he’s still alive and from what I hear lives in Miami and runs a record label, of all things.
By the way, if you do track down the DVD and watch it, I highly recommend watching all of the special features, including the commentary track. That way, you get to hear much more information and many more stories about the characters and the time period. It's something you MUST listen and watch if you enjoy the movie.
I'll be back Tuesday with another review.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Hoop Dreams
Hoop Dreams (1994)
98% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 44 reviews)
Runtime: 171 minutes
Directed by: Steve James
Starring: William Gates, Arthur Agee
From: Kartemquin Films
Here is a movie that’s different from what I’ve been reviewing as of late. It’s a famous documentary that literally changed the Academy Awards when for stupid reasons it wasn’t nominated for Best Documentary. But, the movie is pretty great and it’s more than just about basketball. Rather, it’s about inner-city life, the stress of going to school if you’re in a lower income family, drug abuse, family drama, and many other things. It’s great drama and much more engrossing than most dramatic movies made by Hollywood.
In short, if you have no knowledge of the film, it is about a pair of young talented inner-city Chicago basketball players, Arthur Agee and William Gates, who get a lot of attention for their great skills and they get picked to go to a private school that is vastly different from their old schools. Their families are hoping that they make it big and earn a lot of money in pro basketball, but things become complicated and I won’t give much away as it’d ruin the surprise. If you have seen the movie, though, you can go here to read about how the two now adult males are doing. To paraphrase for everyone else, Gates is now a pastor and Agee travels across the country and teaches students about the importance of education; both are trying to help others and that is always a good thing to hear.
I mean, it’s certainly better to hear than all the stories about pro athletes in recent years. Sure, many of them are fine and cause no problems, as least that the general public gets to hear about. Many of them also do nice things for their communities and help others. Yet, you have many cases of greedy players holding out for more money (as if the millions of dollars they get per year isn’t enough), troubles with the law, them loafing and not playing to the best of their ability, being attention whores, etc. Just look at what happened in the NBA this summer with free agency and some of the biggest stars in the game acting rather horribly and being the worst type of role models for young children who wish to be NBA stars like they are. That whole dog and pony show with LeBron… simply pitiful and one of a million reasons why I loathe ESPN with a passion; hell, they encourage this kind of disgraceful behavior from athletes! It’s rather disappointing and it almost makes me not want to watch sports in general if these actions are actually supported by so many and it makes me shake my head as it’s incomprehensible to me.
Anyhow… I’ll say that Agee and Gates ended up being fine and in fact are better off than if they had made it into the NBA. If you haven’t seen this movie you’ve done yourself a great disservice; it is as great as everyone says it is.
I'll be back Friday night with a new review.
98% on Rotten Tomatoes (out of 44 reviews)
Runtime: 171 minutes
Directed by: Steve James
Starring: William Gates, Arthur Agee
From: Kartemquin Films
Here is a movie that’s different from what I’ve been reviewing as of late. It’s a famous documentary that literally changed the Academy Awards when for stupid reasons it wasn’t nominated for Best Documentary. But, the movie is pretty great and it’s more than just about basketball. Rather, it’s about inner-city life, the stress of going to school if you’re in a lower income family, drug abuse, family drama, and many other things. It’s great drama and much more engrossing than most dramatic movies made by Hollywood.
In short, if you have no knowledge of the film, it is about a pair of young talented inner-city Chicago basketball players, Arthur Agee and William Gates, who get a lot of attention for their great skills and they get picked to go to a private school that is vastly different from their old schools. Their families are hoping that they make it big and earn a lot of money in pro basketball, but things become complicated and I won’t give much away as it’d ruin the surprise. If you have seen the movie, though, you can go here to read about how the two now adult males are doing. To paraphrase for everyone else, Gates is now a pastor and Agee travels across the country and teaches students about the importance of education; both are trying to help others and that is always a good thing to hear.
I mean, it’s certainly better to hear than all the stories about pro athletes in recent years. Sure, many of them are fine and cause no problems, as least that the general public gets to hear about. Many of them also do nice things for their communities and help others. Yet, you have many cases of greedy players holding out for more money (as if the millions of dollars they get per year isn’t enough), troubles with the law, them loafing and not playing to the best of their ability, being attention whores, etc. Just look at what happened in the NBA this summer with free agency and some of the biggest stars in the game acting rather horribly and being the worst type of role models for young children who wish to be NBA stars like they are. That whole dog and pony show with LeBron… simply pitiful and one of a million reasons why I loathe ESPN with a passion; hell, they encourage this kind of disgraceful behavior from athletes! It’s rather disappointing and it almost makes me not want to watch sports in general if these actions are actually supported by so many and it makes me shake my head as it’s incomprehensible to me.
Anyhow… I’ll say that Agee and Gates ended up being fine and in fact are better off than if they had made it into the NBA. If you haven’t seen this movie you’ve done yourself a great disservice; it is as great as everyone says it is.
I'll be back Friday night with a new review.
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